Everyday Life (3)
Well, China was still China.
Han, the dynasty we'd thoroughly trounced, had wobbled around on the verge of splitting apart for a good while — but it finally pulled itself back together. Even while it was down, when the Xiongnu got cocky and came attacking again, it had gritted its teeth, held the line, and eventually pushed them back north once more.
Before anyone knew it, they were making money off the Silk Road again and their population was recovering nicely.
Then, in the year 2434, a piece of unsettling news arrived.
"Rome?"
"Yes. Apparently the Egypt they'd been trading with is gone, and Rome has taken its place."
"Did they have another war?"
Of course they did, right? That's all you people ever do. Sigh...
"No?"
"What? Really?"
"They say trade went along smoothly."
Then what's the problem?
"Well, how should I put it — someone who might be a merchant representative or a diplomat, we're not sure which, is apparently leading a fleet this way."
"From there to here?"
"Yes."
"What for?"
It's far too long a distance for anything like establishing diplomatic relations, isn't it? For trade, it'd be far more convenient for us to just carry goods to them and back.
"Neither the Ministry of War nor the Ministry of Foreign Affairs has the slightest idea what to make of it."
"What are they up to, then?"
Whatever it is, we're way too far away to be worth the trouble. Just a merchant coming to trade?
"Let's leave it for now. We should build some impressive-looking fortress at Daedo. It needs to look the part if people are going to fall for it."
Let's use Daedo as a provisional capital.
"Even now it's better than other nations' capitals, you know?"
"Excuse me?"
I did notice a fortress there when I visited before, but how much more have they added?
"It may be small, but they've built sewers and laid water pipes."
"Water pipes?"
Water pipes — the same kind I actually know about, right?
"Yes. Copper turned out to be the easiest to work with, so they made pipes out of it and laid them to the important buildings."
"Huh? They've gotten clever, haven't they?"
Then how are they pumping water up?
"How does it get up to the upper floors?"
"They put a big cistern on the roof, and when you crank this snail-shaped thing the artisan bureau made, the water rises up into it?"
Oh? They invented a pump too?
"We have one here as well — I suppose you haven't seen it?"
"Er... no, no I haven't..."
Hey? Do you have any idea how enormous this place is? You expect me to wander all of it? Even my own chambers are huge.
So they've been left alone and just figured out how to invent things on their own, have they? Then why has no one put one in my chambers?
"Why don't I have one in my room?"
"Do you really need one there, Your Excellency?"
"...I suppose not?"
It's not as if I ever wash anything with my own hands, is it?
"They're uglier than they look, you see. In a new building they can be hidden, but adding one to an existing structure leaves it all out in the open."
Still, that's impressive of them. I thought all they ever did was laze around, but it turns out they do what needs doing after all.
How fascinating. The moment a steam engine appears, wouldn't all sorts of automation start popping up one after another?
And so, in disguise, I went to observe the artisan bureau.
The moment I stepped inside, there it was — the very pump I'd been curious about, sitting right off to one side.
"Oh, so this is the thing?"
"First time seeing a water pump?"
Was this some kind of newbie welcome party? Why was everyone crowding around like this?
"Yes, it's my first time."
"Hm? What's wrong with your voice?"
"I took the wrong medicine as a child... cough, cough."
This was a genuine cough. I was doing my best to produce a suitably gravelly voice, but my throat was killing me.
"Strange fellow, aren't you?"
"Yes, I hear that a lot."
"Well then, let me tell you about this snail pump!"
Was this the man who made it? He was positively bursting with pride.
"I invented it back at a work dinner, while shucking sea snails."
"How are those two things connected?"
I couldn't see any connection at all.
"There is one!"
"Yes?"
"While eating the snail, I was idly spinning the empty shell like a top — and wouldn't you know it, the sand around that cracked, chipped shell started flying!"
How hard would you have to spin something for it to kick up sand like that? Well, the man's arms did look anything but ordinary.
"So I spun the snail shell even faster, trying to make a bellows out of it."
"That didn't work out, I take it."
"Oh! How did you know?"
It would work, technically — but the bellows they use now is just about perfect as it is?
"Anyway, just as I was about to throw the thing away, I tried it in water."
Even before that, hadn't they had something like a pump? Some wheel-shaped contraption that scooped water up.
"When I saw the water trickling up, little by little, I figured all it needed was refinement — and so the thing I made is being put to work like this. Mwahahaha!"
God, he's loud.
So that's why it's shaped like a funnel? Wide where the water goes in, narrow where it comes out.
Wait — but why is the handle mounted on the side? Judging by these people's level of skill, shouldn't it be on the front face?
"Oh? Now you? You know a thing or two, don't you?"
"Why is the handle on the side like that?"
"Hwahahaha! Gears, my friend! Behold!"
Ha! Would you look at that? They're using bevel gears. Well, teeth and gears do tend to blur together in my head, but who cares about the details.
Hook that up to a waterwheel, or have someone crank away at it diligently, and up goes the water.
It may be late in coming, but leave people be, and they really do accomplish things.
SqueeEEAL
"Wahahaha! This is a blast!"
What was that noise from above?
Creeeak
"Uh oh. Uh-oh!"
What is that? A glider? But what was with all those ominous noises?
CRACK!
"AAAAAH!"
A person was falling from the sky, waving broken pieces of wood and scraps of cloth.
WHUMP!
"Oof, ow ow ow..."
Dreaming of flight already? And more to the point — didn't he just fall from a terrifying height? And he's alive?
So this country can just patch everything up with sheer flesh and bone?
Squeak, squeak
"Hah... hah..."
Whoa, more scary noises? Wait, isn't that a bicycle?
Whoa — looks like it's one hundred percent iron. Only the saddle seems to be wood.
No chain in sight yet — just gears connected directly, turning as he pedals.
That old man seems to be doing it as exercise. He looks like he must weigh a good eighty kilograms.
"Gahh... I have to shed some weight! Dammit."
He was wheezing on the edge of collapse, but apparently this was a deliberate experiment of his. The fact that the thing rolls at all is impressive.
I doubt I could even lift it.
So while I wasn't watching, everyone was out here living so hard, huh?
The future of this country is bright.
"AAAAAGH!"
But what was with all the screaming? It just wouldn't stop.
WHUMP, crash
"ARGH!"
I couldn't see what was happening, but the sounds of things shattering and breaking were no joke! Could this be why the population never grew as fast as expected?
"My, they even have clocks. Everyone lives so busily."
Clocks?
Tick-tick-tick-tick
What — it really is a clock?
There it was, right before my eyes: a clock that looked ready to make a cuckoo pop out at any moment.
"Huh? Is the time accurate?"
"Not even a little."
"Huh?"
Was this the clockmaker? What was with all these old men popping up?
"The truly remarkable thing is that the time it takes the pendulum to swing back and forth is always exactly the same. So I'm trying to build a clock around it — but first I need to figure out why it keeps stopping."
Ooh... he's worked out the isochronism of the pendulum. Hmm. The trouble is friction and resistance...
He needs to add just enough motive force to make up for the energy it loses, that's all.
Mm. There's really nothing to do but leave this one alone. It'll take machining techniques and a whole pile of other things falling into place first.
"Something must be interfering with it, I'd guess?"
"What on earth could it be..."
"Look carefully enough and you'll find it. Probably. Ha, ha."
"..."
Oh? He's cursing me with his eyes. I'm about to get punched, aren't I? Time to cut the tour short and leave. Scary, scary.
And where was this, now?
"You've come, Your Excellency?"
"The things I mentioned — are these them?"
"I'm not certain if these are the right ones?"
A yellowish lump giving off a foul odor, and beside it, a black liquid.
"Looks right to me."
"But the smell—?"
Heh heh. Would you look at this cheeky rascal? The refining isn't quite finished, sure, so it reeks a bit — but daring to complain about something this magnificent!
Go on, just try tasting it and asking for more. I'll snap your legs clean in two.
"Just stand there and watch!"
"Yes, sir!"
First, the cast-iron pot lid goes over the fire! Ooh-hoo-hoo.
The flames roared up, fierce and satisfying. Perfect!
SSSSSIZZLE!
Pork, pre-sliced into bite-sized pieces!
Though I'm not sure "pork" is quite the right word — our pigs still make wild boars look like runts. Compared to the pigs I saw in China, ours are almost embarrassingly superior.
SPLASH
And a dash of that vicious soju!
FWOOSH!
"Hwaack!"
The cook beside me looked mildly startled? From where I stood, my singed hair smelled a little worse.
No, wait — the meat is cooking, isn't it? But there was no time to spare for such concerns!
Sizzle, sizzle
Was the fire too strong? It was cooking in no time! The outside had seared nicely, so now — soy sauce, pepper, brown sugar, a pinch of salt, and garlic!
Our brown sugar — so rustic you'd want to call it "dirt sugar"!
Crash of the chopping board
As for vegetables, I'd gone rummaging but there wasn't much — just onions and scallions — so I dumped heaping mounds of both in.
Hisssss, sizzle sizzle
Behold, the harmony of pork fat and bean oil!
"Gasp? What is that aroma? How do you do this!?"
Not telling, you rascal.
Toss, sizzle, toss, sizzle
And then — pull it off the fire before the onions go too soft!
Steaming-hot meat and onion together, gathered up and into my mouth in one bite!
Chomp
"Hoth! Hothoth!"
Hot, but mercifully not scalding.
Chew, chew
"Mmm..."
Needs more sugar. The brown sugar isn't nearly as sweet as I remembered.
Yet another food craze was sweeping through Daehan.
The first was the pepper revolution. The second, the sugar revolution. And now this — the third: soy sauce and doenjang!
And I led every single one of them!
Everywhere you looked, dishes made with soy sauce and doenjang were multiplying!
Just one thing missing — chili peppers! Wherever this one is hiding, our children can't seem to find it.
All that's left is spiciness. When will it finally show up~?
And as soy sauce spread, Moda found itself with plenty of new work: making new cooking implements.
Bubble, bubble
Pots, first and foremost. Once soy sauce spread around, hotpot dishes practically invented themselves!
Today was a dining-out day. I'd come to a restaurant on the four-way crossing with my Secretary.
"This is soy-braised beef?"
"Yes! It's so sweet and savory and delicious!"
It was just a beef hotpot, wasn't it? Thinly sliced beef, soy sauce, and a whole pile of cabbage and mushrooms thrown in?
Eh, call it whatever you like. As long as it's delicious, who cares?
"Here you go!"
"Thanks."
It's not bad with potatoes either, but it really sings with a bowl of rice!
Nom nom, munch munch
"Ahhh~ so good~"
That's right — eating well is the whole point of living.
We finished up and stepped outside to find people clustered in a noisy commotion, working on some kind of construction.
"What's this construction about?"
"Ah, water pipe work!"
"Do they really produce that much copper?"
"No, I hear it's something else?"
There's hardly any other metal fit for making pipes. A faint sense of dread began creeping up on me.
I had to go see it, right now.
Clang, clang
Iron? The color looked strangely dull. And they were hammering it flat to join it together?
"Oh."
"What is it?"
"Oh no. NO! Absolutely not!"
"I'm sorry?"
"We need to get back. Now!"
That's lead, you fools!
And so I hurried back. Summoning the Chancellor was a given — this was an emergency!
Da-da-dum
"Huff, huff. You called for me!"
"Yeah! Emergency!"
"What has happened!"
"People are about to start dying!"
Of lead poisoning!
"Wh-what?!"
"I was outside today — you know that stuff they're using for the water pipe work?"
"Er... the soft iron?"
"Yes, whatever its name is — do NOT let them use that for drinking water!"
Rome is going to look like an absolute fool because of this!
"Is it... harmful?"
"Yes! Something bad for the body leaches out of it. Ban it, now!"
"Then what should the pipes be made of..."
This guy? Since when was the pipe material the pressing issue? I couldn't exactly stop and explain lead poisoning!
"If copper runs short, it's better to use nothing at all — and what they're laying right now is absolutely forbidden!"
"Understood. I'll order them to find an alternative."
"Quickly!"
"Yes, sir..."
Whew. If I hadn't gone out to eat downtown today, this could have been a disaster. Old Rome must have killed off masses of its own people with lead poisoning — and we nearly did the same.
Wait — no. Is this now? Rome is around right this moment, isn't it...