Nothing Ever Happens in the Refugee Autonomous District! (2)
"Wow!!"
"Amazing!"
The market folk must have really suffered under these guys. They're celebrating like it's a festival.
"Hahaha. My thanks. I'll be taking this sword so you can't pull anything like that again."
Clang.
She picks up the sword like it's the most natural thing in the world? A blade that size has to be worth a fortune... wait a minute. Are you a bandit, lady?
Actually, isn't this perfect? Legal extortion—robbing from bad guys.
A righteous bandit? A righteous bandit, huh... That... sounds kind of fun, actually?
"I live at the martial hall by the crossroads just ahead. Should trouble ever find you, do stop by."
"Thank you!"
Huh? Was that an advertisement? A private martial hall... that's basically an organized gang when you think about it, isn't it?
I mean, isn't that what all those wuxia novels really are? Glorified turf wars between street thugs?
Shing.
"Young lady, the villains have all been dealt with, so worry no longer."
Huh? A fist-in-palm salute? That thing—you know, the Chinese bow where you cup your hands in front of you.
But why? At me? I was just planning to watch and be on my way?
"Perhaps you'd care to join me for a cup of tea?"
"Um... well...?"
What is this gigolo-faced creep going on about?
"Oh dear. Stuttering and all—you must be terribly shaken. It isn't far. Rest a moment before you go."
Swish.
Excuse me? I stuttered because you left me speechless! And now he's got the hem of my clothes and is dragging me along? You're going to rip my clothes off, you brat!
"Ooh..."
"Whoa..."
"That skin..."
My side is showing, so of course the gawkers are getting all excited!
"Let go of my clothes, please!"
"Ah! Forgive me."
Now what to do with this one.
Option one. Slap him across the ear, then deliver the eunuch-kick.
Option two. Strike the solar plexus, then the eunuch-kick.
Option three. Strike the Adam's apple, then the eunuch-kick.
Which one to pick?
"I am truly sorry. Please, I beg your forgiveness."
Hmm. The instinct for propagating the species must make him sharp-eyed. He'd rather not end up a eunuch, it seems?
"Phew... Then I'll take my leave."
"I truly am sorry..."
I'll let this one slide. Hehe. He's mellowed out quite a bit, hasn't he.
Wandering back through the market, there was all manner of goods on display. Most of it made in Daehan, and the glassware and jewelry were shockingly expensive.
I'd worried about things being sold out on the street, but the stalls dealing in pricier wares had hired guards with blades at their hips.
"Truly lovely, isn't it? Interested?"
Damn it all... but why does he keep following me? He's been trailing me since the market like a pack mule.
"Sir! How about buying one for your lovely wife? It would suit her beautifully!"
"Ahaha! I'll take one!"
Is this guy an idiot? He just buys it like that? Completely fallen for the merchant's pitch.
Is China bad luck for me or something? Every time I come here I run into nothing but weirdos.
Just leave him be and keep walking.
I wanted to try the local food, but there's not a trace of it anywhere?
"Excuse me, sorry—is there anywhere around here I could buy something to eat?"
"Hm? Hmm... It's a bit pricey, but try the inn over by that crossroads there."
"Thank you."
Oho. An inn? That hallowed place where trouble never stops brewing in every wuxia novel!
Clatter, clatter.
"Miss! So here you are?"
"Ah..."
I'd left her distracted at the jewelry stall and slipped away, and apparently she's been hunting for me ever since. She finally showed up.
That persistence is not even remotely normal.
"..."
Just ignore her... hurry into the restaurant.
"Hahaha. Even that cold face of yours is truly beautiful. Come, let's go together!"
She kept chattering and trailing after me, and in the end she waltzed right into the restaurant and sat herself down across from me.
Is there simply no such thing as manners in this era? Where did all the etiquette I drilled into people go?
She followed me in and proceeded to order a mountain of dishes all on her own. Well, it saves me the trouble, so I'll allow it.
After all, a local would know which things taste good, wouldn't she?
"Where do you live, miss?"
"Across the sea."
"Oh. You must be from Joseon, then?"
Out of nowhere? I'm wearing Daehan clothes! Don't tell me—she's pegging me as Joseon because I'm short?
"I've seen Joseon merchants now and then, but never a woman. Are they all as pretty as you?"
"I really couldn't say."
"Ah. You must rarely leave the inner quarters? No wonder your skin is so lovely, then."
God. She talks so much...
"Oh? Are you tired?"
Yes. Because of you. I'm so tired my ears feel like they're bleeding, you know.
"The journey across the sea must have been exhausting. You've been through a lot."
Thud.
"Here is the wine you ordered."
She ordered wine too? Whose drink is this?
"Come, let's have a cup. It's brewed the Daehan way—a bit on the strong side."
Glug, glug, glug.
Hmm, is this something like cheongju, that clear rice wine?
"To our meeting!"
"Yes..."
No proper toast, I see. Just a word and down it goes? But she's wincing—either it tastes terrible, or she can't hold her liquor.
Excellent. Time to send her to the grave.
"Your cup is so tiny. Drink from a bowl instead."
"Wh... Ah. Very well."
Did the notion that men must never lose to women already exist in this era? Why has she gone so deathly serious?
"This wine is far too little. I'll pay—ask them to bring the whole jar."
"The... whole jar?"
You're dead today. I'm going to show you what "out cold" truly means.
Thud.
Knee height, give or take? A jar of wine was set down beside us.
"Are you certain? This wine is stronger than it looks."
"Yep~"
"Goodness..."
Well, true—she'd be too full from water to manage even this much.
Splash. Splash.
"Ghk."
I boldly dunked my bowl straight into the jar and scooped out cup after cup. Her face was already turning a delicate shade of blue.
"Take it slow if it's too much~"
"I... shall..."
And then, down mine goes in one! Hmm, it's a bit bland, tastes vaguely of dirt—honestly not a great wine.
Heehee. Look at her, trembling like a leaf as she drinks. It's almost cute, really.
"Hurk."
Hey, hey. It's been one cup—are you trying to die? Maybe it's because there's no food yet?
Hold out just a little; that man over there is bringing the food.
Simple stir-fried vegetables, and the meat looks braised? Or something like a stew...
Can't anyone get soy sauce around here? With just that, this food would taste a hundred times better!
"Food's here. Eat up and drink slowly."
"Understood..."
And as she speaks, I take another sip!
Clink.
Gulp, gulp.
"Gulp."
Oh, some spilled. It trickled down from her mouth. So the wine had color! It's gone and stained my clothes?
But what exactly are you eating with that "gulp"? Oh, I see—you've been feasting on my face this whole time!
"Eat your meal~"
"Yes. Yes."
One cup in and her face has gone scarlet. She is not in good shape at all.
Clink.
"Shall we have another?"
Best to feed her quick and send her home.
"Yes..."
Clink.
Hey. You sneaky little thing? She only poured half a cup? I wonder—would three in a row put her down?
"Come on! Drink!"
"Yes..."
Fifth cup. The woman's gone dead-fish-eyed. Puhaha. What is wrong with human eyes!
"Are you alright? Go home if it's too much for you."
"You drink that much and your stomach doesn't fill up?"
And as she says it, she's sneaking glances over my body—is that the wine talking, or has she just lost all control of her eyes? She's staring at nothing but my chest?
"Hahahaha. Daehyung, let's head in!"
"Dammit! Just wait till I get my hands on that bastard!"
Is there some neighborhood company dinner going on? They're making a racket. Must be a good ten of them?
Why are they all staring this way? Did you come to see me too?
"Hey! You bastard, just who I was looking for!"
He does look a little familiar, actually?
Stomp, stomp, stomp!
Thwack!
Crash!
He came sprinting over and plopped himself down right in front of me with that insolent smirk, so I kicked him. What even is this situation?
"Ugh."
He rolls head over heels across the floor, scattering pork and wine and vegetables in every direction. We ate not long ago, so it's all still fresh, too.
This is disgusting beyond words.
"Kgh! What the—!"
Perhaps purging all that wine sobered him up a little. But wobbling upright like that, what does he think he can do?
"You there! Where'sh my shword!"
Oh? He's the guy who got his sword stolen earlier, isn't he? Well, right—where did she dump his sword? Sold it off in the meantime, probably...
"Heeheehee. Daehyung, there's something better than a sword here."
"Whoa~ look at that girl, will you."
"Soft enough to eat raw, she is."
"Ooh~"
Tiring... They're all dead.
"Hohoho."
Give them one sweet, melting little laugh~
"I'll take every last one of you on."
"Ghk!"
"All of them?"
"No matter how much she loves men, all ten?"
"Hehe. She must have fine technique."
Huh? You spectators? That is not what I mean!
"Everyone, have a drink with me. Outdrink me, and maybe something good will come of it?"
"Puhaha."
"Do you have any idea who we are?"
"Kheheh. You won't be leaving here on your own two feet!"
You're the ones who'll be crawling home!
"Mister innkeeper! Bring me every wine jar you've got!"
The innkeeper hauled out more jars, and since sitting down to eat was no longer an option, everyone resolved to drink standing up.
"Ugh. These wine cups are so tiny. We should be using these, shouldn't we?"
"Gah!"
"Huh?"
These guys are also trying to drink out of tiny saucer-like cups? Where's the fun in that.
Hm. That's strange? Why am I in such a good mood?
"So, who's first?"
"Says she'll take us one at a time?"
"Yep. Yep~ anyone, come on out~"
How strange~ I really shouldn't be getting drunk at all~
"I'll go first!"
"Come then, have a drink!"
Clink.
The sound of bowls being dipped into the wine jars is simply delightful~
"Oh! Whoever steps up, take out your purse first. Somebody's got to pay for the wine, after all?"
"Deal!"
Thud.
Doesn't look like it holds much, but if he goes down, I can just take the sword and everything else he's got.
"Cheers!"
"Cheers?"
Thwack!
Ugh, is it because these are bowls? There's no satisfying clang to it. Glass cups would ring so much prettier.
"You clink like this, and then you drink. But if you clink like this—you have to down it all in one!"
"Haha! I like that!"
Gulp, gulp.
Ooh, that went down nicely~ Hmm, he keeps dribbling a little at a time? What's the matter with him?
"Ooo..."
"Gulp..."
"Ha~ I wish I were that wine."
"Me too."
The local broadcast is coming through loud and clear, I see? It tasted pretty mediocre earlier, but the more I drink... Sweet. So sweet!
"You can really hold your liquor, can't you?"
"Come on, you drank one—another round!"
"Oh. No? Right now?"
Splash.
Thud.
Ahahaha! Bullseye~ Sir! The wine's going straight up your nose~
"Grrrgle."
Thud.
Aww, you're already down?
"Next~"
"Wh. Who's going?"
About ten of you showed up, and only four of those men are left!
"Right, after drinking this much they should all collapse soon enough. Then! Heeheehee!"
"Eh~ such a chatterbox! Come on, cups up!"
Splash, splash.
Thud.
One cup, two cups, .....
"Ooh~ you can really put it away~ Ten cups, incredible!"
"Urrp... I. can drink!"
Crash.
Aww~ another one bites the dust~ Only three left? That makes me so sad.
"Is that even possible for a person?"
"She's drunk more wine than her own body weight, hasn't she?"
Has she, though? The jars? When did there get to be so many? There must be thirty of them by now?
"And she's still standing there like nothing happened!"
"She does look a little tipsy, though?"
Oh please! Tipsy! I am not drunk at all!
...
...
Hing. Only one left?
"Mister~ have a drink with me~"
"..."
I told you, I'm not going to eat you!
Clink.
"There~ down it goes, down it goes~ That's right, good boy, drink up~"
But why is this mister all silent and slumped over like that?
Gulp, gulp.
"Kya~"
I'll have one too!
"Hm? Why aren't you getting up? No strength left in you? That's fine! I'll feed you myself!"
Clink.
Trickle, trickle.
I'm feeding you personally—you should consider it an honor~
"Ghk. How cruel..."
"Feeding wine to an unconscious man..."
"The end times, truly. The end times."
Oh? The mister was asleep this whole time?
"Where on earth could she be from? How can anyone drink like that?"
"They do say the people of Daehan drink like that, they do."
"But isn't she awfully small and delicate for it, though?"
Hmmm? I do believe I just heard something about being short, but I'm feeling too gooood! I'll let it slide this once!
"Seriously, though—where did all that wine even go?"
"She never once went to the privy, did she?"
Hmmm. Aww, and now they've all collapsed. Pouches, swords—it's all mine now!
"Mister innkeeper! The bill, please!"
"You're alright, miss?"
"Of course! And a room too, please. A nice comfortable one for a good long sleep!"