The Great Wall of Daehan
Bandits? Seriously?
Our kids were running a slave-trade racket. Then they moved on from highway robbery to black-market smuggling, and now they've graduated to full-blown marauding.
All I told them was to get some war practice, and they keep hauling back loot. No, wait—is "hauling back" even the right word? Are they just taking it by force?
Crash-clatter!
"We only sorted out the pieces that looked worth keeping."
Gold and jade ornaments came tumbling out of the sack by the armful.
And there was the Chancellor, proudly showing off the plunder like it was show-and-tell. What are you, the head of a bandit gang now?
This worries me a little. Are we going to be too ashamed to show our faces someday? Actually, we're probably already past that point...
"Doesn't this get us caught? Getting too close is bound to give us away."
"We do receive quite a few formal protests from the Zhou."
"And... so? What about it?"
Did we get caught? Am I supposed to be embarrassed here?
"We simply tell them that we're suffering from the Mongols too."
All this time I thought "Mongol" was a country's name, but it turns out it's a tribe's name. A tribe that happens to be friendly with us, no less.
"Would you believe that?"
"What would you do if I didn't? Hahaha."
Wait, are you egging the kids on even more? But seriously, do the Mongols just stay quiet about this? They're the ones getting blamed!
"What about the Mongols?"
"Oh! Right! The Mongols!"
See? What do they have to say over there?
"They asked to join in, saying it looked like fun. Apparently they've been traveling around with our kids these days."
They're all absolutely insane...
"The kids drag them around like underlings."
"Heh heh heh."
"Their numbers have grown so much that they've started smashing open city gates and raiding whole towns. Hahaha."
"WAHAHAHA!"
Wow! The age of barbarism. You guys are the best! I concede. I lost! Do whatever you want—I just want to see how far you'll take this.
"Also, we've received a proposal from the Mongols. How should we handle it?"
"Which is?"
Nothing could be worse than this, surely.
"They say there's plenty to plunder out west too, so should we send the kids over? Heh heh heh."
That laugh. It's decided. The kids are already gone, aren't they. I thought there was nothing left to escalate, but here we are.
"Hahaha. You guys are the best!"
"See? Hehehah!"
Should I kill him or let him live? Maybe half-kill him and then patch him up? It would be awkward if the Chancellor died in my office, after all.
* * *
Did we plunder a little too much? The Zhou was already staggering. How many years has it even been?
"Why so soon?"
"I couldn't really say..."
Shouldn't you know? You, of all people? A nation wobbling in less than ten years?
"Well, what can we do about it at this point? If it falls, it falls..."
"Yes..."
Which is exactly why you should show some restraint. What's with putting your lives on the line? I said get real combat experience, and all you do is banditry.
Is the land just bad for nations here? No—Gojoseon stood fine... Could it be me? Am I the problem? Or is it the kids?
"By the way, what are they doing all the way out west?"
"Oh, they're bringing back sculptures. And women."
"Huh?"
What? Bringing back women? That's a first.
"Apparently the women out there are more to their taste."
"It's still kidnapping, though?"
"No, they say the women come along willingly?"
Hmm... what exactly are they getting up to out there? I thought Western girls didn't fall for Eastern boys?
"You really are full of surprises..."
"Sorry?"
"Nothing..."
"Anyway, there wasn't much else to take, so they've been stealing books too."
"What books? Can anyone even read the writing?"
"The young ladies teach them."
Oh right—the ones they charmed into coming along.
"Though most of them turn out to be some kind of stone tablets. It doesn't even cover the labor costs."
"Tell them to take it easy."
Everything you do like this becomes my reputation. My infamy, sure, but still.
"Any books worth keeping?"
"Not really. Most of it just goes straight to the warehouse. Duplicates get laid down as flooring."
European scholars aren't going to have a collective meltdown someday when they find priceless cultural treasures paving the gutters... right?
I'd better make sure the warehouse gets managed properly. Kept carefully, this place could become a world-class museum.
The provenance would be an issue, but there won't be a living soul around to complain, so it should be fine.
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Time passed. The Zhou did eventually fall—and yet the Zhou still exists.
The Zhou had many vassal states. The western ones collapsed, while a different vassal in the east simply carried on the name.
Looking at it all, I have to say—China really can't catch a break.
Lots of people means lots to pick at, I suppose? Everyone comes gnawing from every direction. These days even Joseon, now hitting its stride, has joined the feast.
They sail up and raid the coastlines. They've pushed into Kyushu too, and they've started calling the whole territory "Joseon Territory."
"Haaah..."
"We're sorry..."
"What can you do..."
They didn't mean to, but they accidentally burned down an entire castle. No—actually, it wasn't us who set the fire. Apparently someone fleeing knocked over some kind of hearth, and that's what started it.
"Nothing to be done. It's not like we can go around putting out everyone's fires."
"Still, I think they'll have to stop before long."
"Huh? Why?"
These aren't exactly the type to quit on their own.
"The Zhou has been reinforcing and raising their walls, pouring men into the work like water. The soldiers say it'll soon be too hard to climb over, and their numbers keep growing."
Well. The Great Wall was built to keep nomadic raiders out, after all...
Though the length has shrunk considerably. What do I even call it? A mere Thousand-Li Wall?
But wait—how are they pulling this off? Wasn't this supposed to be a feudal system stacked with vassal states? The vassals shouldn't be cooperating this obediently...
The wall is truly my fault. Seven, eight hundred years of construction, just for this...
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.
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Good grief...
More than a thousand years since Daehan was founded, and the only real nations nearby are Joseon and the Zhou.
"Really?"
"Yes. Hard to believe, I know..."
"They're still grinding stone tools?"
Apparently Japan is still full of primitive peoples chipping away at flint.
The Zhou finally finished their great wall—but since our kids travel by sea, what's the point?
With the coasts emptied of people, they've taken to loading horses onto their ships. I hear they've built bases at nearly every landing point.
Astonishing. What kind of land pirates sail ships across the open water to raid? Are they pirates now?
"So the ships were too small, and they built bigger ones?"
"Yes. A bit bigger."
I know you people. "A bit" is never a bit.
"So how big?"
"About fifteen jang?"
The old slave-trading ships were ten jang. Even measuring my height at a conservative 1.6 meters, that's twenty-four meters! You people—
They've already got proper sailing ships! These things are built to be sailed across the sea and dumped onto other nations...
Still, with no compass, they can only hug the coastline. They can't stray too far. Probably.
"Bigger ships mean a lot more timber. You know you have to thin the forests properly when you cut, right? Watch out for landslides."
"We do have to cut a fair amount. It's almost to the point where we ought to set the mountains on fire!"
Are they insane? Set fires? Are they trying to bring back the Great Calamity? Wait—didn't the Great Calamity happen to the Xia?
Even so, deliberately starting fires is a step too far...
"Forest fires? Really?"
"There are so many trees on the mountains that the animals have overrun everything! And plenty of trees just die and fall over on their own anyway."
What? Don't we consume a colossal amount of timber? Moda alone must burn through an absurd amount?
"Why are there so many trees?"
"They grow fast! The forest is so tangled that nobody even dreams of cutting new trails through it anymore."
This is... hopeless. It's not like the trees come with an off switch, and if we stopped using wood now, everyone would starve!
"Nothing for it, then. That's just your lot in life."
"Then we should widen the roads, so that even when trees fall, they don't block the way."
Ah, right. Roads get blocked too, of course.
"Try paving them with stone or something. As long as nothing grows through, you're fine, aren't you?"
"We'll need a thick layer of hwanghoe, or the roots come up through every crack."
Hmm. The Yellow River might actually run clear at this rate? Is there even any loess left floating in it?
"Do you have the materials?"
"Yes. We go up the rivers and there's an enormous amount, so we have the locals in those regions bring it down on rafts."
We've even got day laborers now? Convenient, I suppose, since they just scoop it out of the river. They could haul it out to sea, too.
Now that we've established departments and trained specialists, the kids really do seem sharper. It's wonderful!
So convenient! I can step away and everything just gets done. I love it!
"You're doing great! Excellent work."
"Now, of all times, you say this?"
Yes, it seems the time has come to hand over the reins and rest easy!
"From now on, I leave everything to you. I shall retire."
"..."
What? Why are you all staring at me like that?
"Then I suppose I must resign as well."
"What? No! You're doing fine!"
"I don't want to work either, you know?"
The most powerful man in this nation is seriously telling me that!?
"No, forgive me, but you can at least go on leisurely retreats, Haneul-nim—I can't even leave my desk. This isn't slavery, so how is a person supposed to do nothing but work, day after day? Hm? And it's not just me—everyone feels this way. Listen, nobody's doing this because they want to! There's no one left to take the work. The rumor's already spreading!"
Oh, child. Breathe. Breathe. You could have a career in rap, you know that?
"Are you planning to rest easy all by yourself, Haneul-nim? Because if so, I quit too."
"Whoa, no! Forget I said anything."
So that's how it is. I suppose even I would want to slip away, farm a little plot, run a little shop, and live comfortably.
In this country, the only ones starving are the lazy. Work a little, and you can have anything you want.
"Let's all just work hard, then."
"Please never say those words again..."
You're struggling too, aren't you? Why are you about to cry? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Things will get better once we become a democracy and start electing presidents. Right?
"Also, people keep asking for jobs. What should we do?"
"Hm? Aren't the road works and flood-control projects enough?"
We pay daily wages for civil construction, and the pay is good enough that the between-seasons farm laborers come out in droves.
What I want to know is where these people are hoarding all that money...
"Should we build castles too?"
"Castles?"
"More nations will be springing up around us, so we'd be raising our border lines, in effect."
A modest wall with watchtowers spaced along it should do, no?
"Hmm. That would take quite a lot of manpower, wouldn't it?"
"Figure on a few hundred years."
Even a modest wall has to cross mountains and rivers, so surely nobody will complain about a shortage of work now.
"I should speak with the peoples around us. This is as good a time as any to draw the lines clearly, don't you think?"
"Yeah. Good idea."
There are still heaps of tribes straddling the fence, after all. They wander over whenever they please and settle wherever they like.
Better to sort out the traffic in advance.
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A few decades later, I went to inspect a mountain fortress and realized I had badly underestimated our kids.
Just when I thought China's Great Wall was a thing of the past, it turns out we're the ones building a Great Wall. And the width—it's practically a highway.
"What is this?"
"The wall that will mark our border?"
"Isn't it a little wide?"
"It's only five jang. You need at least this much for two carriages to pass each other freely, no?"
This really is a highway? You built it with carriages in mind?
"And this is just the foundation. It still has a long way to go up."
"You're stacking it higher?"
"We figure ten jang should keep things out."
Ten times my height?
"Do you actually have that much stone and hwanghoe to spare?"
"We've arranged a supply from 'Hu,' west of that mountain range there."
Once we decided to draw firm borders and tidy up the region, a nation called "Hu" took shape in northwestern China. Our nomad friends founded a country of their own, too—they call it Mongol.
"I hear the loess over there is practically bottomless?"
"It is. Don't worry—we'll only build as far as the materials hold out."
"Right, sure~"
The border is absurdly long, though. How on earth do you haul stone and cement across all of that?
Maybe this was a touch excessive.
But wait—if the materials keep flowing, they're just going to keep stacking it higher, aren't they?
"Build it moderately. Please."
Once cannons show up, the whole thing could come crumbling down...
"Of course. Have we ever failed to be moderate? Hahaha!"
"No, that's—"
That's exactly what worries me! Could you at least be as moderate as everyone else's moderate?