Gambling Is Dangerous!
Scritch, scritch.
"Heh heh heh."
The magnum opus of my life, crafted with every ounce of care I possessed. Sturdy wood, properly dried—wait, no. I didn't dry it myself; I just picked up wood someone else had already set out to dry. Same thing.
Anyway. Forty-eight works of art, carved painstakingly, stroke by stroke—twelve designs symbolizing the numbers one through twelve, four of each!
"Behold! Hwatu—the flower cards!"
"Oh my, how pretty. Are they decorations?"
Typical of these ignorant mortals.
"They're toys!"
"What do you do with them?"
Hm? Gambling means you have to bet something. Money doesn't hold much meaning here, though. Should it be a flick to the forehead, then?
"You just wager whatever you like."
"Like what? What would I even wager?"
"Good point. What should we bet?"
Hmm. This is a genuine obstacle. What stakes could we play for?
"Maybe just forehead flicks?"
"People actually do that?"
Truly, nothing else comes to mind.
"Sit down for now. I'll teach you how to play."
"Yes~"
"Now, see—these designs stand for numbers one through twelve."
"Oh my, they're lovely. Can't we just hang them on the wall?"
She isn't paying attention at all. Someone's about to get smacked into consciousness, I can tell.
"Quit the chatter and focus!"
"Tch."
"You've got your Brights, your Ribbons, your Junk cards, the Plain Ribbon set, the Red Ribbon set, the Blue Ribbon set... and so on. The points add up like that, and whoever scores more wins."
Did she understand? Eh, that's how it works anyway—you learn by getting smacked!
"Wow, that's simple. The more you collect, the higher your score."
"Right?"
No idea what she actually understands, but fine.
"Shall we try a game?"
"Yes~"
Cha-ra-rak! Tak, tak!
Ha. Wooden cards are a bit thick. My hands are too small to shuffle them properly, so I have no choice but to borrow the power of telekinesis.
Couldn't I make them thinner? Too thin and they'd snap—they are wood, after all. The material leaves something to be desired.
"Four on the floor. Five for you, five for me. Four on the floor. Five for you, five for me."
"Oh dear? Your hands are too small to hold them all? My, my. How adorable you are."
"Hmph!"
This little vixen. Crack a joke every five seconds, will she? I'll collect on every single one, with interest!
Ooh, lots of Brights in my hand? Shall we settle this the simple way?
Tak.
"Hm. I'll take this one."
Tak.
Sorry, but I'm going to win this with hardly any effort.
Tak.Snap.Snap.
...
"There. Four Brights and twelve Junk cards—that's seven points. I win."
"Ahh, so that's how it works."
Only now she gets it? Losing with such a sunny smile just rubs me the wrong way. Guess that's what a flick on the forehead does to a person.
"Now, the penalty. Give me your forehead. Like this—thumb pressed under the middle finger, and thwip, right on the spot."
"Oh, Haneul-nim, your hands are way too small. It won't hurt one bit."
"..."
This little vixen? Hey! You have no idea how much worse you're making this for yourself! Full power it is!
PYAK!
"Wha—?"
Gah! You! You little...! Calm down. Yes. Enduring the pain while pretending it doesn't hurt—that's the code of the gambler. Do not let emotion bury your reason.
Pak.Pak.Pak.
"Hmmmm."
Kekeke. Deny it all you want—your forehead is already turning red!
Pak.Pak.Pak.
"Th-that does sting a little?"
"Hm? I barely tapped you and it hurts? Sorry."
"No, it doesn't hurt at all. Don't worry about it~ Hurry up and keep going."
I deliberately aimed every strike at the same spot, but she's holding up admirably.
...
"Well, well? Won again!"
"You're quite good at this, Haneul-nim~"
"A win's a win. Come here~"
"Getting hit in the same spot is too much! Aim somewhere else next time, please~"
"Okay, okay~ Whatever you say."
Yeah, no. I'm hitting the same spot. Muhahahaha!
"..."
"Oh? Does it hurt that much? Are you crying? Fine, we'll stop. We can play again next time."
"No? A speck of dust got in my eye. Don't worry about it~"
Hmm... maybe I really should stop? Her eyes are full of killing intent, and it's scary. I mean, I did just deliver fifty-two flicks. Did I go too far?
"Sorry. Let's call it here, okay?"
"Just one more round then~"
"Oh, will you look at that."
I'll wrap this one up fast with seven points. Thank goodness there are no joker-like double cards in this deck.
...
Snap.Snap.
"Oh my, that's quite a few double Junk cards~"
Uh oh. Not great. What's with her all of a sudden? Where did this late-game winning streak come from?
Snap.Snap.
"Oh dear? Take a Bright quickly, or you'll be hit with a Bright penalty~"
"Uh... uhh."
This is bad. I've got no Brights to take. Surely one of them isn't hiding in the draw pile? Come on, come on...
Snap.Snap.
"Oh my! A Bright penalty and a Junk penalty? That's a double penalty—four times the points! Too bad for you! If you'd managed a third Go, it would've been eight times!"
ZOOM!
Time to run!
GRAB.
Three steps. I made it exactly three steps before getting caught.
"Where are you rushing off to?"
"Ah—the bathroom! Sudden emergency! Off to take care of some business!"
"You don't have any business to take care of, do you?"
That just slipped out. She won't actually deliver all forty-four flicks, will she? Eh! I'll take it like a man!
"Ha! Fine! Bring it!"
"Yes~ Forehead, please~"
Krrrrunch...
Damn it. Why is her hand making that sound? Is this even okay? Her finger getting closer and closer is absolutely terrifying?
Whew... Fine. Do as you please! Eyes closed. Pain is fleeting. At least I won't bruise up like you will.
POW!
"Gahk!"
Stars! I saw stars! Eyes shut tight and I still saw stars! Stars, in broad daylight!
"Hey! What the—! You hit me with a cudgel! That's cheating!"
"It was my finger? Now hold still."
"Invalid! Nobody swings weapons in a flicking match! Good grief!"
"You're the one who closed his eyes. Hold still. Forty-three to go."
You sneaky little—! I bet she pulled a "tool" out of her pocket and smacked me with it while my eyes were shut! Fine then, I'll open my eyes and watch properly!
POW!
"Kyaak!"
It was her finger. Is this really not cheating? If I flicked someone a hundred times, it wouldn't hurt as much as that one blow.
Kept winning, won once, and this is what it costs me. What a terrible deal...
POW!POW!
...
POW!
She's relentless. She actually delivered all forty-four. I had no idea it would hurt like this. Not a scratch left on me, but my heart is scarred forever.
"..."
"..."
Is she... smiling?
"Right! One more round."
"..."
"Really the last one."
"Heheh. Of course."
Hm... should I even play? This is irritating. It did hurt, but honestly, I don't have a scratch on me while she's got a bruise blooming on her forehead. Haven't I technically won already?
But no takebacks. We agreed, so we play.
Snap, snap, snap.
Oh? The cards are shuffling out in my favor somehow.
"Really the final game."
"Yes. Sounds good to me too."
Her eyes are brimming with murder. Gambling truly is a curse.
Snap.
...
Snap.
...
Chilling. Why are the cards matching up so perfectly for me?
Snap.Snap.
"Oh! Two Gos!"
Three-Gos, here I come! This is going to be a grand counteroffensive—and out of the goodness of my heart, I'll aim for the other side of her forehead.
"Come on, go~"
Tr-tr-rembling...
Kekekek. Is that hand shaking, shaking?
Krrrunch...
Clenching your arm won't produce a better card, dear. Oh dear me~
SWISH—
CRACK!
What on earth was that sound?
"Oh my? The card broke~ And when that happens, I! Win! By! Default! You said so yourself?"
"What!? Hey! You vixen! What kind of nonsense is this!"
You absolute maniac! You smashed the card to pieces with pure brute force?
"That's a no-contest, right? Well then... *sigh*... I really must be going~"
"Hey! You! You honorless, ethics-less creature! What kind of person does this!"
"I'm right here?"
Living among these people, I'm the crazy one. My blood is boiling.
"UWAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!"
Just you wait! I WILL have my revenge!
"So. No hurling the cards down to smash them out of spite."
"And no flipping the entire table just because you're losing."
One table flip, one time, and she holds it over me forever. Petty.
"Smash a card and it's a hundred flicks."
"And a hundred for flipping the table too."
"You little vixen—"
"No name-calling."
"..."
Should I just send her home? Her survival instincts are surprisingly well-developed. Ah! Independence Day has arrived!
"You two get along so well otherwise—why is it only at the card table that you turn into this?"
For the sake of fairness, a third player joined us today. The new assistant secretary. The next sacrifice—er, referee.
"One look at her and you'll see exactly how despicable she is."
Watch long enough and you'll be in for quite a shock too. Sneakily swapping cards, chaos everywhere.
POW.
Huh? What? Why already? Are we just hitting each other now?
"Gahk! Why'd you hit me!"
"No name-calling!"
"Hey! Nobody said hitting was the penalty for name-calling!"
"Oh, but they did! I was going to give you a full hundred, and merely showed mercy!"
Grrrrr.
Just you wait. I'll catch you one day.
...
Our match was brutal.
POW.
"Ugh!"
POW.
One of us feels the pain, but bears no wound.
Pak.Pak.
"Hk!"
Pak.
The other feels only mild pain, but her forehead turns an ugly shade of blue.
...
"Um. Why are you two taking it this far?"
The assistant secretary has yet to enter the world of true competition.
"Because this is WAR!"
"Exactly. The winner hasn't been decided yet, has she?"
After a few rounds, the assistant secretary failed to discover the fun in it and settled into her role as referee beside us. And so the match resumed.
The real battle starts now.
'If I just get that third Bright, the points are mine...'
Only a few cards left. It's definitely sitting in the draw pile. When I lift the pile to draw, what if I slip one card from my hand in and take two out instead?
Yes. I can do this!
'The hand is quicker than the eye!'
Tak. Swish.
'Success!'
She didn't notice a thing! Now I just slam it down naturally and check the card!
"Haneul-nim?"
"Wh-what? What is it?"
"Please open your hand."
Did she catch me? Even if she did, once it's shuffled into my cards, who's to say!
CLAMP!
Uh oh. My hand's been seized!
"Ohohoho. And why would someone with such tiny hands attempt that?"
"What! What are you—ow, let go!"
"Hands that small can't hide it when they palm a card, you see~ Now, what could possibly be tucked in here~"
Ooh, look at that face! That's the exact look of a wolf eyeing prey back in Seolju!
"There's nothing in it! Are you prepared to take responsibility for this?"
"Yes."
Krrk. Krrk.
No! Stop! She's prying my fingers open by force!
Plip. Plip.
"Oh my? What could this be? However did two cards tumble out of one tiny hand?"
"Uh... what indeed? What a strange mystery this is?"
"A hundred flicks, I believe?"
"Ehh, who's to say? Was there ever such a rule?"
They say cheaters get their hands chopped off—but here I am, with my forehead catching fire instead.
...
POW.
"Ughhk. Enough. It hurts! I'm done! No more!"
"Weren't you the one who said the world of competition shows no mercy? Think of it as flick-go."
"Hey! You vixen! Let's not go overboard here—"
"Did you just call me a vixen? One flick extra~"
POW.
...
That ruthless creature. She actually delivered all one hundred and one.
"Phew... I'm quitting gambling. No more flower cards. Ever."
"Yes~ Ohohohoho~"
Even counting the one hundred and one I took as penalties, I dealt out more hits than she did—so why does it feel like I lost? She's sitting there with two purple bruises on her forehead, no less.
"Happy now?"
"Competition really is so much fun."
No. It's not the competition. It's the gambling.
"You're going to bleed from that forehead. Doesn't it hurt?"
"Oh, this much? Nothing. Oh-ho-ho!"
Tears welling up in your eyes kind of undermines the bravado, you know?
"Come here."
Mwah. Mwah.
What can I say—I'm a kind and generous deity. Might as well apply a little holy saliva.
"Oh my? You're even giving me medicine?"
Surprised, are we? Behold the vastness of my mercy!
"Honestly, doesn't it hurt?"
"Hmm... a little? Though you did hit the same spot with vicious determination, didn't you?"
"I'm weak! This is a survival strategy!"
It really is, you know. If I flicked someone a hundred times, that one single blow from those long fingers of hers would still hurt more.
"Let's not do this again, shall we?"
"Sure. And if we do, we'll bet something proper next time."
"Yes~"
Knock, knock, knock.
"The Chancellor has arrived, Your Holiness."
"Mm. Come in."
"Good morning, Your Holi—phahahahaha! What on EARTH is on your face?"
Ugh, infuriating! We'd agreed to draw on each other's faces as the flower-card penalty, but no amount of soot would stay on my skin—it just wiped right off.
So she popped out and came back with hair dye, and painted me with that. Of course it's going to last.
The stuff she painted on me last night is still there. Judging by how it's fading, it should vanish soon enough...
There are cat whiskers drawn across my cheeks, and circles around my eyes. Nothing so egregious that even the Death Penalty would cover it, so I'd simply been going about bare-faced.
"PWAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHA!"
Does this brat have to laugh THAT hard?