The Holy Water Was Inside Me All Along
Oh... that thing? Holy Water!
Back at Haseo, so many of them died that the population on that side must have taken a serious nosedive, right?
"But why on earth did so many of them come here in the first place?"
They were all dead now, so there was no one left to ask — the question just lingered, unanswered.
"I suspect there were internal political factors as well. Perhaps they wanted to claim not just goods, but people, as property."
"So they came to take slaves?"
Humans owning other humans must have been commonplace right up until the modern era. Then again, did those brutes really need that much labor?
"Why the long face, Haneul-nim? And what do you mean, slaves?"
"You know, capturing other people and making them work?"
An utterly cruel and terrifying practice, that's what.
"Oho? So they're laborers."
Right? Laborers! You just feed them and put them to work, and— wait. What? Why are you smiling like that?
"Hey. What's with you?"
"Yes?"
"You're smiling really strangely right now!"
This is not good. Both Garungda and Cheol always pulled at least one weird stunt like this!
"I was merely thinking that we could use some slaves ourselves. There's so much construction, and never enough hands, isn't there?"
You're planning to go capture slaves? I told you to practice Hongik Ingan! To live in harmony with everyone!
Our land is plenty big already! Making enemies for no reason!
Huh? Well, I suppose we're too close for us to ever really be friendly with them anyway? There's an old saying — 'distant neighbors, hostile relatives' — or was it the other way around?
"We have plenty of food, don't we? Just tell everyone to have lots of babies!"
"They already have six to eight each... you mean even more than that?"
"Oh..."
Apparently they're breeding like animals? The women must be suffering terribly. Some kind of incentive benefits might be in order.
"You all... really do have a lot of kids? Isn't it hard to care for them all?"
With two or three men per household, I heard nobody survives intact?
"Once the children grow a little, the older ones look after the younger ones. So it gradually gets easier. And fundamentally, the village raises all the children together as a community."
Right, back in the old days the elders did raise the little ones — older siblings herding younger ones around like a pack of mice-catching kittens.
Still, it would be nice to offer something more... some kind of incentive bonus, perhaps.
"Should we give out gifts to families who have lots of children?"
"Gifts?"
"Like... a plaque or a stone inscription? 'So-and-so has been blessed with many children and is hereby praised.'"
"Where would anyone ever use something like that?"
Huh? A dud, then? There's plenty of food, and useful luxury goods... what could I even give them...
"Got anything good?"
"Hmm. Let me give it some thought."
"Kiiiiiieeek!"
"Whoa!"
"Eeheehee!"
And so, I found myself paying a home visit. And what a household I'd stumbled upon — this place produced twins and triplets, apparently?
This family had a whopping twenty-three children. Twenty-three. They weren't running some kind of baby factory... The eldest was fourteen, and she was carrying the newborns around one at a time on her back.
"Ohohoho. To think Haneul-nim would grace us with a personal visit. My body has been so heavy lately that I couldn't make it to the temple — this is a true honor."
And on top of everything, she was pregnant right now. Her belly was absolutely enormous. I was almost afraid to ask how many were in there...
"Don't mention it. You've been through a lot, haven't you? Practically always pregnant. Should I just turn your husband into a eunuch?"
Yes. I mean it. Just say the word, ma'am!
"Oh my, you honor me too much. It's simply that I enjoy it, so this is how it turned out."
Oh... so it wasn't the husband. The missus was the one doing the pouncing. The husband must be quite gifted. A handsome face must come in handy.
"Well, if you're happy, that's what matters. Is there anything you'd like me to do for you?"
"Hmm... this may be presumptuous of me..."
"Just say it. Whatever it is."
"Would you... bless the children with happiness?"
Huh? Some kind of blessing? All I've got is telekinesis! And hair-dye and fabric? Maybe I should just... go through the motions...
Right. A little kiss on the forehead while pretending to do something divine ought to do it. It's not like anyone's going to demand specifics on the spot.
"Sure. I'll bless every last one of them."
"Oh! Thank you so much!"
Geez... this might be something of a scam, and yet they're overjoyed like this. I'm the one who's flattered here.
"All right, everyone! Line up and sit down quietly, please!"
"Yes!"
With this many kids, the house felt like it was about to take off. Come to think of it, it was probably cramped in here — I should have a rule made to expand homes according to family size.
Mwah.
"Haaaah..."
What the... no effect at all, so why is he melting like that? Maybe it doesn't work on boys, since the eldest was a boy?
The second child was a girl, and a visibly troubled one at that — her face was covered in what looked like acne.
Mwah.
"Haaa..."
Huh? What's wrong with this one now? Wait... could it actually be working?
"Eh? Uh—uh?"
A strange sound escaped my mouth before I could stop it! No way — that acne? Those blotches on her face were vanishing in real time!
"Huh? My face! Something felt all tingly, and—"
"Uh... uh... it's all gone."
The whole family looked equally astonished. Well, so was I. What in the world just happened?
Hold on — could this have something to do with why Cheol and Woori, whom I'd been fussing over since they were little, never got sick a day in their lives?
Holy moly...
"It's Haneul-nim's divine grace!"
"Thank you!"
"Sniff... thank you..."
The family that had just received the Kiss Blessing — or whatever it was — dissolved into tears and wailing.
"Yes, yes, everyone calm down. Live long, live healthy, and be happy. Happiness is the most important thing."
Whatever else, this was a lovely family when they smiled.
Thud!
"Haneul-nim!"
What is it with this guy now? The moment I got back, how did he even know, and why does he have to come barging in making a racket?
"What. Now what."
"I heard you performed another miracle!"
"Hm? So my reputation's at that level now, huh?"
Just as expected. My standing. Hehe. The influencer of this era — stirring up a storm with every single step I take.
"Word has spread through the entire city! Far too many people are demanding to see Haneul-nim."
Wait, what? That's a bit much? They all want kisses? Their lips would wear clean off. Besides, I only did it because they were children. Grown adults, that's a little...
"And what exactly am I supposed to do about it?"
"They're begging for miracles."
"Denied for now. I'll think about it."
"I... I would also..."
"Hey, you got plenty of kisses when you were a kid, you're fine! You're the little punk who got up to way worse — you wanna die?"
Every single time, he loses his mind like this. Maybe I should give him another spiritual cleansing?
"Gah! No, Haneul-nim! Please don't hit me!"
Quick as ever, though. Look at him scurrying off, all hunched and fawning. Ugh. Who could blame him for acting like that even past forty?
Come to think of it — with the hair thing and all — maybe it wasn't the kiss itself at all?
Glub glub... pbbbth.
Don't imagine anything weird. This is purely an experiment. I merely dribbled into a cup of water, that's all!
Well. What am I supposed to do about this...
"Hmm..."
"Is there something you need?"
"GAH! You startled me!"
Harin, the new Chief Secretary. Not a single sound out of her. The woman walks around as silently as if she were gliding — no footsteps at all.
Like a ghost. Honestly, she scares me sometimes...
"Is there anyone around here who's been hurt or anything like that?"
"The kitchen staff hurt themselves fairly often, I believe."
"I want to try something. Could you bring one of them here?"
"Of course. I'll be right back."
The person Harin brought back was a middle-aged man who tended the fires in the kitchen. A middle-aged face, but that body — why was it a warrior's body?
Was this some ethnic trait of the people around here? And here I thought they were basically the same as Koreans back home. They were way too different.
"Um... here... my hand..."
The hand the shy man held out was covered head to knuckle in burn scars. Knowing he'd been burned like this tending fires for my sake made my heart ache.
"I'm going to do something, so pay close attention to how your hand feels."
"Yes. Anything you command."
He's so obedient I almost want to joke, 'Cut it off, would you?' — I'd probably just hand him a blade...
Trickle, trickle, trickle.
The floor was stone anyway, so I simply poured the water from the cup bit by bit over his hand. Evenly, all over.
"My hand feels... how should I put it... cool, yet burning at the same time."
What is this? Like one of those cooling pain-relief patches?
"Gasp!?"
"What?"
After a moment, the fresh red burn marks faded away. And more astonishing still — the old burns, the ones that had long since hardened into scars, were vanishing too.
Damn it. Now I have to start collecting my spit too?
"Oh!! Haneul-nim! Thank you! Sniff... thank you..."
These people cry at the drop of a hat. So it wasn't the kiss after all — it was the saliva doing the work.
Haah... hair, and now saliva... Hmm. Nothing else comes to mind, so nothing new should turn up, right?
Glub glub... pbbbth.
From that day on, I began collecting my saliva whenever I had a spare moment. And here's the strange thing — it doesn't smell at all? Why does it give off a flower fragrance, of all things?
Is it the same scent my body produces? Once our technology advances, I'm building a pharmaceutical research facility first thing.
"Here, take this."
It felt dubious handing it over, but something this effective had to be shared. If it did nothing, I wouldn't care — but it clearly works.
"What is this, Haneul-nim?"
"Well. I've gathered up my 'blessing? divine grace?'"
Hm? It is a little thick in texture, but it smells nice, so no one will guess it's spit, right?
"Pardon?"
"It should work on the sick and on wounds. Dilute it in water as needed and use it."
"Gasp! Is something wrong with your body, Haneul-nim!?"
Uh... it's just spit... I'm sorry... I can't say it. Anyone watching would think I'd drawn blood from my own veins to give away.
Blood? Wait, wouldn't blood work too? But that's terrifying. Blood. Ugh, my hospital trauma...
"Yes, don't overdo it, don't worry. Make sure it gets shared out among the people who need it."
Management of the Holy Water (?) was handed over to the Temple. These monks truly are without a shred of greed. They do get a little fanatical from time to time, though...
And look at those muscles. The Temple Chief is over sixty, but I'd bet he's stronger than the twenty-somethings.
"We shall strive to carry Haneul-nim's grace to the very ends of the land."
"Don't be too stingy with it — I'll give you more."
"Thank you."
He bowed so deeply and withdrew so respectfully that I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. This one must never leave my mouth.
A secret I'll be carrying to my grave.
Perhaps because I kept dropping in on families blessed with many children to play with them for a day, or perhaps because word of the Holy Water's distribution had begun to spread —
the population began to explode. Walking down the street, I saw more children than adults everywhere I looked.
"Woori."
"Yes, Haneul-nim."
"Aren't there too many children? We're short on labor as it is."
I was worried we might not have enough people to tend the fields until all these kids grew up.
"No need to worry. We've been having the western barbarians do some of the work."
What?!
"Why? Do they work hard if you feed them?"
Right, so it's employment, then. Paying wages and putting them to work?
"Haha. Yes, we do not starve them. In fact, we feed them quite well. The construction projects are progressing remarkably quickly."
Hmm... so they did go capture slaves. There were plenty of slaves right up until the modern era...
Ugh, whatever. We're blood-sworn mortal enemies with the neighbors anyway, right?
"How many did you capture?"
"Hard to say?"
"Won't it be hard to manage if you take too many?"
"Anyone who can break the iron chains, we simply set free."
Hehe. So we have iron to spare, do we...? They must have clapped shackles on them too... Fine, China was always going to be a hard country to be friendly with anyway. Just them. Only them.
"By the way, is the currency getting proper use? I've been handing out plenty of hair as gifts — no counterfeits turning up, I hope?"
My biggest worry, ever since I started giving hair out as gifts to the people, had been the appearance of counterfeit money.
"Pardon? What lunatic would do that? They're worth far more than money."
Huh? People value the hair even more than I thought? Exactly how much have you all priced it at?! It grows back every single day, you know...
"Well, that's a relief then... and people are actually using the currency?"
"There's a shortage, if anything. You need currency to buy Holy Water or hair."
Hmm, not bad, actually? No need for a gold standard or silver standard, I'd say. I hold all the hair and Holy Water myself, after all? It all gets consumed at a steady rate, and production stays fixed at all times.
Not a bad system, if I do say so myself?