March on Kyoto!
“My lady, it seems to be lunchtime.”
“Huh? You have a clock?”
“We do!”
Since when do we carry around little pocket watches?
“It's my stomach clock!”
“Ah! You're hungry?”
“Just peckish, hahaha.”
They said it was only a few days' walk even at a leisurely pace, so I hadn't packed much food — but once it ran out we could just get more from the units behind us.
After all, unless an enormous army showed up, that rear column was basically a supply train.
What we had was jerky and potatoes, but we ate surprisingly well — roasting them over a campfire. They even lit the fire by sprinkling a little gunpowder on it. Made it look way too easy, honestly.
“The kids behind us have been keeping pace nicely, haven't they?”
“What, they're already here?”
Just as we were getting a fire going to eat, the next wave arrived.
At this rate, a thousand of them would assemble before lunch break was even over.
It kind of reminded me of something — a whole crowd of us sitting around on someone's farm in some quiet little village, lazily roasting jerky over a fire...
“Heh heh. A drink would really hit the spot right about now.”
“You too, my lady? How can you think of booze in the middle of an operation?”
Why not? As long as nobody gets drunk and does something stupid, who cares?
“What did alcohol ever do to anyone? It's the drunk fool who's the problem.”
“Ah! I brought some precisely because I knew you'd say that.”
Ugh. Who said it wasn't allowed? This is exactly the mood for just one drink, isn't it?
Huh? What? Did I hear that wrong?
“Hey, boys! The lady says one drink is fine! Anyone who gets sloppy drunk goes to the Temple, so pace yourselves!”
Excuse me? I never explicitly told them to drink?
“Kya~ Now THIS is what fire-roasted jerky needs!”
“Woo-hoo! Now my stomach finally feels settled!”
Who knows how much they'd actually brought with them, but it's not like these monsters could get drunk off a whole crate anyway, so whatever.
Though wait — every single pouch hanging off their belts was booze? These guys had been marching the whole way drinking while excluding me?
“If they were actual soldiers, I swear. Good grief.”
“And how could we be, my lady? We're not soldiers. Ehehehe.”
Right, these weren't soldiers. They were the Intelligence Bureau's resident troublemakers.
「Beeeeep—」
“Army approaching!”
Since this was open plain, they'd been keeping watch from the trees around us — and apparently an army was advancing from far off in the distance.
“Boys! Work's here. Clean it up, quick!”
“Yes, my lady!”
What was with the mob-boss vibes?
“Looks like they've got a few hundred slingshots. Don't tell me they're going to fire them all at once?”
“Is that a problem?”
“You'll get gaps in your firepower, won't you?”
“The rifle boys need something to do too, you know?”
Hmm, fair point, maybe? The firing rate isn't that slow, so I guess it's fine?
Then, out of nowhere, a rider with a white flag came trotting over from their side. I have no idea what they hoped to accomplish by talking to us while pissing themselves in fear.
“My lady, the envoy says we are to surrender, or they will begin their attack tomorrow morning.”
“Wow...”
Not a single detail different from last time.
“What is it, my lady?”
“I got the exact same ultimatum from the exact same kind of envoy last time.”
“And?”
“They ambushed us in the middle of the night.”
“Ah...”
Incredible, isn't it? That's just the kind of people they are.
“Take back a reply. We'll attack in one hour.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“And time the attack for right when they open the reply.”
“Is that... allowed?”
Huh? A rare display of conscience from this one?
“Do those guys even own a clock? You think they know what an hour is?”
“Ah! I'll brief the boys!”
“Right. There's a saying — strike first, win first.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you have the advantage if you hit first.”
“OHHH!”
Big brother taught you something useful, did he? Well done, then.
And so the envoy rode back, and — how much time passed, exactly? No cigarettes here, but call it the time it takes to smoke one?
“Ignite!”
Our fist potatoes have fuses wound around inside them. When those blow, they spray lead balls in every direction...
“Fire!”
「Thud-dud-DUM」
The fuses are way too long, for one thing. And they're called fist potatoes, but they're bigger than you'd think — one hitting you square in the head could kill you.
Across the field they'd landed in every direction, leaving a chaotic mess of nobody knowing who'd been hit. Some of them were grinning ear to ear, wondering what the big lumps of metal were.
「KWA-BOOM! Boom boom KRA-KOOM!」
“Whoa?”
“Ahahaha! That's the stuff!”
Black powder it may have been, but around a hundred grenades went off at once. Dozens of men had limbs torn clean off by the spray of lead shot scattering in every direction.
When it explodes on that scale, people really do end up looking like they went through a meat grinder. Anyone who saw it up close would be traumatized for life.
「Bang! Bang-bang! Bang-bang!」
Then the riflemen's volleys blurred the enemy formation into haze.
“Advance!”
And to them, emerging through that fog, we must have looked like the demons of hell itself.
“Slingshots, one more volley!”
The slingshots fired as we walked forward. The enemy had already lost the will to fight — their arrows came drifting over halfheartedly, if at all.
Guess armor doesn't mean much at that point, does it?
「KRA-BOOM」
One of our fist potatoes landed among them, and through the smoke I could see their formation break apart and men running — but given the kill radius, it was already too late.
More limbs went flying in all directions.
“Ugh. That's brutal.”
“Shall we go around?”
“Let's.”
They'd even tried charging us on horseback, but our riflemen fought in three ranks. Even the slowest reload takes maybe thirty seconds.
A shot goes off every few steps, and no matter how fast their horses were, galloping ten abreast straight into a wall of falling bodies from the front was suicide.
“Eeeheehee-hiiing!”
“GYAAAAH!”
“MOVE!”
Look at that! They're tripping over each other in a total free-for-all!
Had they never done cavalry combat before? Just charging in with zero formation? Horses are enormous — a cavalry unit is supposed to be the ones who keep their lines tight, if anything.
These guys are hopeless. They've just never fought a real war. The most they've done is little skirmishes with each other.
“How do people like this even exist?”
“They seem to have no control over their own soldiers, my lady.”
Behind them was total chaos, men fleeing in every direction. The most important thing in an army is iron discipline — in other words, morale. That's why you raise a professional standing army. Does the other side simply have none of it? How is this possible?
Seriously, we'd barely fired anything and they'd all just run away.
“Absurd, honestly?”
We did have plenty of time left over, though...
“Resting here feels a bit off, doesn't it?”
“Agreed. Better to pull back or push further ahead, my lady.”
The stench was already this thick — once the bodies started rotting, we'd have a real problem.
“Light a fire or something, then let's fall back.”
“Yes!”
After all, if the people marching behind us stopped here, they'd have it just as rough.
「FWOOOOM」
Far away, flames began to rise among the corpses. Poor things. They looked like they'd just been farmers.
The fire lit among the bodies mixed with oil and roared to life, and riding the river wind, it began to spread.
“Huh? Whoa, whoa?”
“Where is that going?”
“What? Why is it spreading like that?”
No, seriously? I was just trying to burn the bodies!
“What do we do?”
“We can't exactly go put it out, my lady. Not that.”
Why does the fire keep spreading like this? I swear this was not on purpose.
In the end, the fire burned the entire plain to ashes — all the way until nightfall, when the wind reversed direction.
“Hmm...”
“Good grief...”
“Whatever. It's already burnt, nothing to be done. Let's just set up camp and get some sleep.”
“Yes, my lady.”
For all I know the flames were still going beyond that distant hill, but at least everywhere we could see had gone dark and quiet.
Nothing to be done about what was already done. Onward, then.
We moved a good distance away before making camp. Burnt or not, the smell was vile.
I'd expected a night raid, but the first night passed quietly — they were probably still too busy dealing with all the soldiers who'd fled.
And so came day two of the march.
The morning passed without incident; we stopped for lunch, and a mountain came into view.
“Hmm. If they're going to ambush us, that mountain's the spot, right?”
“We'd reach it around evening at this pace.”
“Let's stop here and go tomorrow.”
“Yes, my lady!”
No need to walk straight into danger, is there?
“Cut some trees and set campfires all around. Easier to spot anyone approaching, right?”
“We have children with sharp night eyes, my lady. On nights with a bright moon, we're fine.”
Do you people travel with an owl or something? Well, I suppose if you're going to navigate at night, you do genuinely need kids who can see like owls.
“Good. Stay sharp.”
“Yes!”
Like these guys were the only ones who knew how to ambush?
And that night —
「Bang! Bang! Bang!」
“GYAAAAH!”
See? Told you. Night raid.
“Enemy attack!”
Nighttime is the problem. When they get this close, rifles stop being much use.
But what are my kids? Axe-wielding monsters. They barely use swords, come to think of it. And while not all of them wear full armor, they all come out with limb protection at least. Honestly — how are they supposed to lose?
Besides, a night raid can't commit a huge force. Every extra man means more noise and more traces to trip over. So it's always a small elite unit — and against a small elite unit, our side is simply stronger.
「SHLIIK」
“Hah... hah... hah...”
“Who the hell are you?”
“Where did this woman come from!”
What is wrong with this guy? He slices open someone else's tent and asks the owner what she is?
“If you value your life, stay still!”
“You're the one who tore my tent open — anyone walking past would spot me, genius.”
He made it all the way in here looking like an idiot, though? I was camped fairly near the center, too.
「Tsck」
“Don't move!”
“I am staying still — what more do you want?”
“Your body moved!”
“??? Hey, you absolute moron! My chest moved because I was breathing!”
So that's how fools live long lives. Now I understood how he'd gotten this far.
「Shing」
“Huh? A black-bladed sword? Don't tell me — Kurokin Hime?”
What nonsense is this?
He stood there gaping like a fish, so I quickly drew my own sword too. Being tall and a little stronger now is so, so good.
My overall speed has come up enormously. No more of the old days when all I had were fast reflexes.
We faced each other, blades drawn.
“Drop your sword and surrender.”
“Damn you! I'll kill you at least, and die with honor!”
“How is THAT honorable?!”
“HYAH!”
The samurai swung his blade around in a big overhead arc.
「Tsck!」
“Hup!”
Your form is way too big, buddy? I just cut upward from where my sword already was.
「KRAK-shhk」
“Khh.”
Who wears armor to an ambush? Not that it helped. Treasure No. 3 cut through armor, man, and bone alike.
The samurai's eyes went wide as saucers.
「Gurgle-gurgle」
Newly learned fact: cutting someone with a sword does NOT make blood fountain up like in the movies. It just gushes out steadily, glugging away.
「THUD」
“Khaa...”
The Japanese samurai collapsed, eyes rolling back, blood flooding into his lungs. In your next life, don't get born in Japan or China. You'll only suffer.
“Phew...”
“My lady!”
“Oh! I'm fine!”
“Our apologies. There was one more of them.”
“Any casualties?”
“A few of the outer patrol got hurt, but they've been treated with holy water.”
The kids' sleep is definitely ruined now, isn't it.
“Once this is cleaned up, get whatever sleep you can. If this keeps happening, you'll all be exhausted.”
“Yes!”
We weren't far now, so better to keep moving fast.
Then, on the third day, they stayed quiet through the daylight — and came raiding as soon as night fell.
“You know you can't win, so this is your plan? Why keep pulling these all-nighter raids and not letting anyone sleep?”
“It's her! Kurokin Hime!”
“What did you say?”
I had a nickname now? Without even knowing about it?
“Kurokin is here!”
“Kill her!”
What? Am I some kind of celebrity? They're swarming in by the dozens.
「SHLK bang bang SHLK」
“Guhk.”
“Khh!”
Number 3 truly is a legendary blade — it sheared through swords and armor alike. Just how bad is their metallurgy, seriously?
The ones sniping at me from blind spots got the grace of lead shot. I've lost count of how many I've cut down alone.
「Drip, drip」
So much blood had sprayed by now that it was dripping off my hair.
“HIIIK!”
“GYAAAH!”
“RUN!”
The last few were scared enough to actually flee. I needed a change of clothes, badly.
This wouldn't happen once smokeless powder came around. Black powder fouls the barrel even with cartridges, you see.
“Catch them!”
“The enemy is fleeing!”
「Bang! Bang! Bang!」
Right — running deserters get lead in the back of the skull. Well done, boys!
What on earth were they preparing in the capital that made them keep resorting to these night raids?