The Weight of Sins
“So you were all gathered here.”
After confirming that every last bone fragment of the knights had vanished into the mouths of the demon insects, I turned and went to find the horses. The night road felt heavier than usual with all the extra gear, but fortunately the horses hadn’t wandered far. They had gathered together on their own.
Well-trained animals, as expected. They had bolted in panic at first, but soon regained their senses and waited for their masters.
One of them recognized me and slowly approached, nudging its head forward as if asking where its rider had gone. I forced a smile, patted its neck a few times, and took hold of the reins.
“They won’t be coming back.”
The horse seemed to understand. It followed my lead without resistance, and the others fell in behind me of their own accord.
They really were fine horses. That only made what came next more difficult. If they had been ordinary mounts—the vicious, sluggish beast that had carried me during my travels, for example—I would have simply fed them to the demon insects or some other summon. But these animals were too valuable to waste.
“Still, I can’t keep dragging them around forever.”
From the knights I had learned their destination was near Kasin Village. That alone was enough to guess who had hired them and why they were after me. Precisely because I understood the trap, I intended to walk straight into it. I had an obligation to do so. The horses, however, were a problem.
If I failed to appear at the appointed time, the assassin guild would cancel the plan. Yet there was no way I could lead this many horses alone and still arrive on schedule. To be honest, it wasn’t entirely impossible, but I had no desire to go through that much trouble.
I could sell them in the nearest town or city, but unfortunately that settlement lay in the opposite direction from Kasin Village.
“Ah, that’s right.”
At that moment, a memory I had long tried to forget surfaced—one as unpleasant as falling into Denatel’s trap in the Demon King’s castle or being surrounded by demon insects in Anubkut’s hatchery. If possible, I would have cast it back into the sea of oblivion, but for now it offered a solution.
“…The timing should be about right by now.”
It wasn’t exactly in the same direction, but the place was in the Huinto region and not too far from here.
“All right. Let’s do that, then.”
First, I needed to prepare a place to sleep. The aftermath of the battle had left me neither sleepy nor tired; the excitement still lingered. Yet the moon already hung high past midnight. If I wanted a comfortable night, I had to start preparing now.
I tied the horses to a nearby tree. Doing it alone took quite a while, and a few times the ropes came loose. During our last journey I had tied horses only for them to escape repeatedly, earning me scoldings from Orcan. I never used any special knot, so I still didn’t understand why it kept happening.
“Now then, next…”
Once they were secured, I took Sandman’s sand from my bag and scattered it around the horses. I would also set up a barrier, but barriers only created transparent walls; wild animals might still make the horses uneasy. Scattering the sand would keep beasts and monsters from approaching easily.
There were few monsters or wild animals in the area, and it wasn’t a trade route where bandits would appear, but it never hurt to be cautious.
By the time I finished the barrier, a hint of fatigue finally crept in.
“Well, time to sleep.”
After pulling out bedding from my pack, I took out the crystal. This was exactly why I had scattered the sand and raised the barrier. With no companions left, there was no need to sleep outside in the cold wind.
Light flared, and the scenery around me changed. In that instant—
“You’re late!”
The sudden shout nearly lifted me off the ground.
“Why are you only showing up now?”
The slightly irritable voice made me feel as though I had committed some crime.
“R-Rofena? Did something unpleasant happen?”
Of course, nothing could have happened in this empty space.
“Shut up! More importantly, why are you so late?”
“Ah, the knights and…”
In that moment, a spark seemed to cut through the fog in my head.
“…Don’t tell me you were worried?”
“Don’t be ridiculous!”
Yet a faint blush colored her cheeks as she spoke. Seeing that expression, the playfulness drained from my face and heart. This was different from yesterday, when my mind had frozen from the sudden situation. I had seen expressions like hers countless times from Aegina and Rowell during our adventures. Thanks to them, I knew exactly what it meant.
Of course, it could all be an elaborate act meant to escape this space. Even as the Flame Demon Commander who once opposed us, she had never been skilled at deception, but perhaps the endless time trapped here had allowed her to hone her acting.
Still, if even a fraction of it was genuine, I could not simply be happy about it.
She was undeniably beautiful. In appearance alone she was in no way inferior to Aegina or Lauti. If someone like her felt affection for me, it would be an honor beyond measure.
Yet no matter what she believed, this was not love. It was not the beautiful feeling Rowell and Aegina shared. It was merely the affection of caged birds. When two birds are placed in a narrow cage, they have no choice but to see each other as mates.
Or perhaps it was the instinctive bond that forms between kidnapper and hostage for the sake of survival.
Either way, that was all it was—an illusion born of circumstance and her own mind. Nothing more, nothing less.
And allowing her to remain trapped in that illusion was far crueler and sadder than keeping her sealed in this space forever.
Just because she was a demon, just because I had to imprison her for the safety of others, did not give me the right to toy with her emotions.
“……?”
When I remained silent, she looked at me with concern she tried to hide. The sight filled me with guilt beyond mere bitterness.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen with those guys?”
“…No. Nothing special. I simply couldn’t hold back any longer and dealt with them, which is why I’m late.”
I hated myself for neither breaking her illusion nor sending her back to the demon realm. I hated the cowardice that made me look away and the selfish part of me that secretly enjoyed the situation.
“…You weren’t hurt, were you?”
“What could possibly hurt me?”
Perhaps time would resolve it naturally. After all, it was only an illusion. Unlike the genuine feelings Rowell and Aegina shared, false emotions like these would eventually change and break. Besides, she was who she was. Setting aside the difference in species, how could someone like me ever compare to her?
“That’s true.”
Her relieved, radiant smile pierced my heart. That was the problem with standing too close to the light. Having seen so clearly what was real and what was right, I could neither deceive myself nor hide the fact that my own shadow only grew sharper.
I realized how twisted I was, and that I could never obtain that light. No—more precisely, that I must never obtain it. Such things belonged only to the chosen.
“So, did you find out who’s after you?”
“They didn’t seem to know the details either. Though, considering the geography, I can make a rough guess.”
“Then you’re heading back? You could just tell that shadow guy later and have him handle it.”
The shadow guy. She probably meant Bagloros.
“No. I learned the rendezvous point and signal, so I plan to go myself.”
“What?”
Already feeling guilty, I nearly apologized on reflex.
“Wait, why?! You never walked into traps during our journey, so why are you volunteering to walk into one now?!”
I knew how hypocritical those words were and how they would weigh on her afterward. Even so, I had to go. It was my minimal duty, my final loose end.
“This is something I must resolve myself. It’s the consequence of the sins I committed.”
As I had always said, and as I felt with every passing moment since that first day, I could never be like Rowell. Unlike him, who saved people and healed their wounds wherever he went, even during the journey to save the world I had committed sins and earned the hatred of others.
Regardless of my intentions or the circumstances, none of it mattered. I was not Rowell. Even if it had been my best choice, it had never been as pure and clean as his, nor had it produced a beautiful result.
“Sins? What sins could you have committed?! Even if you did sin, you risked your life fighting alongside us and saved the world! Thanks to you, countless people are alive. Who has the right to accuse you of anything?”
“If I must answer, then even by that logic, Rowell and the others could still hold me accountable. Their contributions to saving the world were greater than mine.”
“But…!”
I raised a hand to calm her. I had meant it as a joke to change the mood, but apparently I had no talent for such things.
“Yes, I know. They won’t accuse me. They’ll understand. Or perhaps they’ll even blame themselves instead.”
That was the kind of people they were.
“And that is precisely why I must handle this alone.”
Rowell would suffer terribly if he found out.
“Besides, at least this particular enemy has every right to demand repayment from me.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to walk into a trap yourself!”
“Are you worried about me?”
This time she neither denied it nor looked away. Her direct gaze made me ashamed that I had asked the question merely to silence her.
“…Don’t worry. You know me well enough. I’m not going to atone or repent. I simply want to give them one chance—the first and the last.”
Everyone has moments where, even if they lose everything, they must reach a conclusion. It wasn’t quite that important to me, but it would be for them. Granting that much was my minimal duty and mercy.
“And by doing so, perhaps I too will find a small measure of salvation.”
“…Liar.”
The words pierced straight through my heart—both their content and the truth they carried.
“No matter how it ends, you’ll be the only one left carrying the wounds.”
“……”