3. Diagnosis
3. Diagnosis
"Please, have a seat."
"Ah, yes."
I'm a bit nervous.
After having strange machines attached to my body, worn on my head, and standing on top of them for hours... I was completely disoriented.
And now, after finishing the final test, it's time to receive the diagnosis.
"Hmm... Seungyoon-ssi, are you familiar with the term 'loss aversion'?"
"Yes? No, I'm not."
"It's a human psychological trait. When you gain a certain amount of profit, the joy you feel is only about half as intense as the pain you feel when you lose the same amount."
"...So?"
"Then, what would happen if you mistook a situation where you're losing something for a situation where you're gaining something?"
"Then... I would choose the situation where I end up losing."
If I mistakenly believe both are gains, I'd naturally choose the one that provides double the profit.
The doctor nods at my answer and continues.
"That is the effect of the debuff trait you've acquired, Seungyoon-ssi."
"Yes?"
"It confuses your senses, making you believe that a loss—or more accurately, the psychological pain that comes from a distressing situation—is actually pleasure.
That's why it leads you toward distress. Because it's human instinct to want to feel better."
"......."
"I've heard the briefing on the situation you and Eunji-yang went through."
He slides the profile of a villain whose face I recognize toward me.
This woman, her name was... Mastermind.
"It seems the sight of you sacrificing yourself to protect your lover stimulated this villain."
"...It seemed like that."
"According to the test results, your 'Delusion - Masochism' is forcibly linked to Eunji-yang."
"Then, delusions like... Eunji... dying or something...?"
"No, not like that. Losing money from your wallet versus having someone steal money from you. The feeling is different, right?"
Having it stolen.
Having Eunji taken away from me by someone else.
So, the things I imagined yesterday really were because of this trait.
"Then, the fact that Matthew-ssi appeared in my delusion...."
"Matthew-ssi? Did the Branch Manager appear in your delusion?"
"...Yes."
My admission is tantamount to confessing that I had a delusion about Eunji being taken from me by Matthew-ssi.
It's definitely shameful, but it's a... strange kind of shame.
"It doesn't matter much. What's important is the treatment."
"Then what should I do from now on?"
"First, you need to relieve your desires at the right time to slow down the cycle of delusions."
"Relieve...."
"Even for the same desire, the method of relief varies from person to person. You have to find your own method, Seungyoon-ssi. Yourself."
"......."
"If you just keep repeating the delusions, you'll end up so broken that you won't be able to distinguish reality from delusion."
Find a way to relieve my desires?
Just yesterday... I found it so difficult to even relieve the erection I got while having that nauseating delusion by masturbating.
...I feel hopeless.
"The Branch Manager gave instructions to prioritize developing a way to remove this debuff trait."
"...I hope it's developed as soon as possible."
"We will do our best, but we need your cooperation as well."
"How... should I cooperate?"
"It's simple."
The attending physician takes something out from under the desk, places it on the table, and slides it toward me.
It's a blank sheet of white paper and a ballpoint pen.
"Please write down the content of your delusions as specifically as possible."
"......."
"There's no need to feel embarrassed. Think of it as, for a normal person, just imagining eating delicious food. That kind of feeling."
"Haa...."
"If you find writing more uncomfortable than recording it, you can use that instead...."
"...No. That's fine."
I wrote everything down and submitted it.
The delusion I saw at the hospital, of Eunji having her breasts touched by Matthew-ssi.
And yesterday, the delusion where Eunji, having stepped away, showed her body and was touched under the pretext of getting measured for a suit.
I didn't do anything stupid like shrinking or omitting what I saw.
Because, in the end, this is part of the treatment to fix me.
"Then, I'll see you again in about a month... in time for the next check-up schedule."
"...Thank you."
"If any special symptoms or changes occur, please contact us. You can come directly here as well."
"Yes."
Ignoring the subtle feeling of nausea in my stomach, I stood up from my seat.
As I opened the door and stepped out, I immediately made eye contact with Eunji, who was waiting for me in the hallway.
And the person standing next to her is... Matthew-ssi.
"Oppa! Are you done?"
"Mm-hmm... yeah, I'm done."
"Thank you for your hard work, Seungyoon-ssi."
I'm curious about what they were talking about, but I hold it in.
I'd rather not have a delusion similar to yesterday's right here in this spot.
"The Hero Association's Seoul Branch treats Seungyoon-ssi's treatment as a very important matter.
If you ever need help, feel free to visit us anytime."
"Yes... thank you."
Matthew-ssi reaches out to shake my hand.
I reach out and give a light handshake, but... I can definitely feel the difference.
The rough, calloused hand of a hero—a man—who has weathered countless battles.
...It's the same hand that was caressing and stroking Eunji's body in my delusion.
"Then let's go, Oppa. Branch Manager, we'll be heading out now."
"Yes. See you next time."
Matthew-ssi turns away after giving a light bow to Eunji.
Eunji and I head toward the elevator to go home.
"How was the check-up, Oppa?"
"Hm? Oh...."
I don't like lying to Eunji.
But I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell her the truth about my current state.
That I got an erection from a delusion where you had your breasts fondled by another man and stripped in front of another man.
And that until I'm treated, those kinds of delusions are going to keep repeating.
"I hope it wasn't anything serious, but... it seems like a very complicated problem. Right?"
"...Yeah."
Eunji is my precious... lover, who understands my heart better than anyone.
Even after becoming a hero, that fact hasn't changed.
"It's okay! You tried to save me, and I saved you back, right?
This time, I... want to help you, Oppa. So please don't suffer alone, okay?"
"......."
Does she know that the more affectionate she acts, the harder it becomes for me to speak up?
The doctor clearly said I need to find a way to relieve my desires.
I think... I vaguely know what that method is now.
But I didn't know if it was the right thing to do, so I agonized over it the whole way home.
I was so deep in thought that I only realized it when I found myself pressing the password for our front door.
"Oppa, you're not hungry yet, right?"
"...Mm-hmm."
"Then, since it's still a while until dinner... and we don't really have anything to do today."
When Eunji hesitates like that, it means she has something to say.
I know that even if she's too shy to say it out loud, if I ask her like this, she'll tell me honestly.
"Why? Do you have something to say?"
"Um... you know, Oppa."
"Yeah."
"I think I'm going to get really busy from now on...."
"So?"
"...D-do you want to...? It's been a w-while since we last did it... right?"
It wasn't hard to understand what Eunji was proposing.
I, too, naturally like that kind of thing as a man.
Besides, she's a girlfriend who is prettier than I deserve... and has a perfect body to boot.
"...Yeah."
"T-then I'll go wash up first!"
With a bashful smile, Eunji stands on her tiptoes and lightly bumps her lips against my cheek—chu-.
Then, she walks quickly and slips into the bathroom.
"......."
I slowly walk into Eunji's room.
Whenever we had relations at home, we always did it in Eunji's room.
I've laid on this bed many times, but now... I stand beside the bed and stare at it.
Swaaaa-
__
The sound of water pouring from the shower behind my back.
Eunji is washing her body. The preparation for what she's going to do with me will end soon, and she'll come out wearing nothing but a towel.
...But what if that's not for me?
"...Haa. Again...."
The place doesn't change. Right here, in Eunji's room.
But the partner changes. It's not me, but Matthew-ssi sitting on this bed, waiting for Eunji.
In the delusion, in a delusion that perfectly captures the look of this room as I see it, Eunji enters.
"......."
She's turning her head away as if a bit shy... but after hesitating, Eunji approaches the bed.
She stands not in front of me, but in front of Matthew-ssi.
In front of a man much... much stronger than me, she drops the towel.
"......."
"Oppa?"
"...Huh?"
Eunji, wrapped in a towel, is standing at the bedroom door, looking at me with wide eyes.
She clearly just took off the towel....
...Ah.
"You go wash up now, Oppa. Do you... have to come quickly?"
"...Yeah."
The sound of my heart thumping, thump, thump, is very clearly audible to my own ears.
I pass by Eunji, who is shyly urging me on, and enter the bathroom.
I take off my clothes and turn on the warm water. Even as I stand under the pouring water, I cannot stop the delusion.
Swaaaa-
"......."
"......."
In the dark bedroom, Eunji will be held in Matthew-ssi's arms.
Without wearing anything, in the arms of a Matthew-ssi who is also wearing nothing.
And Matthew-ssi, who is much stronger than me, will definitely... be bigger than me.
...How will Eunji, who has only ever been with me, react when she sees that?
"Hu, hu-huk... huk, ha, haa...."
Will she be a little surprised, flustered... and think that I was small?
She'll touch it with her hands, and she'll look at it right in front of her face.
She'll see a cock that is more... longer, thicker, wider, harder... and more masculine than mine.
"Haa... ah, ah...."
But the moment she feels it most surely is, of course... penetration.
If a cock that follows the same path I did, but is superior in length, thickness, and girth—everything—is inserted.
If it's Eunji, who was satisfied even with my plain sex, surely—
...She'll feel a deep climax from that one insertion and tremble, her waist shaking.
"......."
...Is that how I lose Eunji?
Pinned under a man stronger than me, having felt the difference... will Eunji be able to love me?
Won't she never again suggest that we have relations like she did today?
Perhaps, though the kind Eunji wouldn't do that, perhaps....
Could she be... laughing at me?
Ttok, ttok-
__
__ "Oppa... are you in there?"
"...Yeah. I'm coming out now."
"O, okay!"
I roughly dried my body and opened the bathroom door.
Eunji was waiting for me right in front of it.
"......."
Eunji's gaze, which had been tightly shut and cautiously watching me, dropped a little lower, and her shoulders flinched.
I follow Eunji's gaze and look down.
I don't know when it started, but I... my cock was erect, taut as if it were about to burst.
I know, of course, that the delusion I painted in the bathroom has no basis in reality.
Losing a lover just because a cock is a little bigger? That's nonsense.
...But in a delusion, anything is possible.
That is why the delusion is sweet. Even in this moment, as I head to the bedroom with my lover, I... am having a delusion.
"......."
In our first experience, Eunji said she wanted to do it from behind because she was shy.
Will she be like that when she does it with Matthew-ssi? If that happens, will she be pinned underneath, burying her face in the bed, and clearly feel the difference?
Pang-! Pang-!
__
Every time Matthew-ssi's thick and heavy waist hits Eunji's soft buttocks and slams his cock deep inside, will Eunji come?
Will she experience a new climax by having parts stimulated that didn't get touched when she was with me?
As the cock digs in, pressing and stretching the parts I touched much more roughly and heavily, little by little—
"Op... Oppa, are you okay?"
"......."
I don't think I can do this.
I don't have the confidence to handle this delusion on my own, nor the courage to relieve it.
"Eunji-ya."
"Mm-hmm...?"
"I... have something to tell you."