10. Truth
10. Truth
Was I too lacking in patience?
Should I have endured a bit more?
But there's no way to take back the words that have already escaped my mouth.
"...Saying to do it again... and come back, right?"
"...Right."
But enduring is closer to arrogance, giving the Delusion time to grow.
Rather than pitifully masturbating to delusions alone, this is better.
"This time..."
"W-wait!"
This time, I hope there's a clear photo, definite proof that makes me more miserable.
I was about to say that.
Any photo would do.
Just before, during, right after doing it.
Just... a photo of the cock that made Eunji let out a pitiful moan she's never made before, together with her.
"Why?"
"......"
Eunji hesitates, hemming and hawing.
I know this expression of Eunji's.
It's the expression when she needs to say something but hesitates and agonizes for some reason.
"...Hey, oppa."
"Yeah."
"You... said I could tell lies, right...?"
"That's right, isn't it...?"
The reason I allowed lying was simple.
To ease the burden on the shy Eunji a little.
And on top of that, because the ambiguity between truth and lies tormented me more.
"......"
"Why... why are you acting like that? It's fine that you lied."
"Actually, what I told you... it's all lies... I'm sorry."
"What?"
"I-I-I... I've never had sex."
A feeling like a huge hammer smacked the back of my head with a kung.
Betrayal? No. Disappointment? Emptiness? No.
Right now, it's simply that I've just been shocked.
It's just that the shock is too... too strong.
"Why...?"
"Branch Manager-nim suggested we do it this way."
"So, why?"
"Because he said even doing it like this could stop your delusions... that we didn't need to actually do it."
"......"
At least Matthew-ssi's thinking was accurate and wise.
I, just seeing the photo of Eunji holding a condom, was tormented and satisfied.
But... it seems he didn't anticipate that I'd be asking again just a few days later.
"Then... why did you tell me?"
"I-I can't keep lying to you, oppa... and this won't be the last request..."
The limits of your conscience have come, I see.
Knowing that if you confess the truth, you won't be able to use the same lie,
you just couldn't bear the guilt of deceiving me anymore.
"......"
"...I'm sorry, oppa."
"Ah... no, it's fine. I..."
Because I was satisfied even with your lies.
But now... it won't work, right.
"Then those... those things you said?"
"That... Dust-ssi told me."
"Dust-ssi?"
"S-she said it was a secret... but said she'd done it with Matthew-ssi before..."
"...And the condom?"
"That... was Matthew-ssi."
A wise method, isn't it? Right?
Because it satisfies me, and Eunji only has to take one embarrassing photo.
Ah, right... two photos. Anyway.
"If I get another request from you like this, I'd have to keep deceiving you, oppa."
"......"
"Even if it's okay now, I thought it would be harder later if you found out."
"...Alright."
"Sorry..."
There's not a single reason for Eunji to say sorry.
The problem is how to resolve my delusions going forward.
With the same method as last time... I could just conclude that it would be Eunji acting, and that would be that.
Without more definite proof, I...
"...If you can't do it, I'll try to endure more."
"Ah, no! You can't endure, oppa."
"But... then you have to do it. Sex... with Matthew-ssi."
Because right now, I want anguish and a sense of defeat.
Even your lies are stimulating, but at least the act itself must be real.
Otherwise, I'll... just indulge in worse delusions and eventually break.
"D-does it have to be sex?"
"Then what?"
"The-there are other things..."
"......"
I could understand immediately what she was talking about.
Mouth.
Come to think of it, in my delusions, there hasn't been a time when Eunji used her mouth yet.
"I... want to help you, oppa, but I think that needs a bit more preparation... I'm sorry."
"......"
"So, w-with this... would it not work? Just to stop your delusions for a while."
I clearly was hasty in demanding a full-blown act from the start.
It's like trying penetration without foreplay.
But the mouth...
"...Next time, I'll do it for real. Of course, if you want, oppa."
"Alright. Mouth... seems fine."
It's a sufficiently chilling delusion.
That mouth that tells me it loves me, and sometimes kisses me...
Sucking another man's cock with that mouth and then coming back to tell me love.
I wouldn't know. If Eunji doesn't tell me.
...If she doesn't tell me.
"Instead, this time... like I said earlier, I want to make the request a bit more specific."
"Wh-what is it...?"
"First, so that at least I can know it was really done..."
"A photo?"
"A clear photo... taken during the act."
My voice is trembling deoldeol.
To my girlfriend, right now, I've asked her to bring a photo of herself with another man's cock in her mouth.
Not my cock, but another man's.
"A-and one more thing."
"......"
"After you do it and come back... don't tell me."
"...Huh?"
I wanted to be more tormented, and I had to be.
The monotonous torment of a single blowjob was insufficient to soothe the Delusion.
To suppress the Delusion that had learned the previous satisfaction was fake, something more was needed.
Rather, like this... if I set firm conditions, the Delusion and torment will grow only within those bounds.
I've set a framework to suffer exactly as much as I've prescribed.
"Let me guess. If I guess right... tell me how it was."
"If you don't guess right...?"
"...Then at the end, do that many more times before coming back."
Each time I can't guess the day my girlfriend sucked another man's cock, the number of times increases.
If I don't even make this kind of pitiful, agonizing request, I... feel like I'll go crazy.
Before the desire I believed I had resolved comes rushing back to shatter my head, I have to suffer.
"The period is... three days."
"......"
"Every night, before bed, I'll guess... and you answer, Eunji."
"...Understood."
Eunji nodded, gently taking my hand.
This time, there will be no way to deceive me.
If there is a way to satisfy me with falsehoods this time too, I wish there were... but I doubt it.
"...You'll guess quickly, right? Oppa."
"...Of course."
Ah... I'm done for.
The delusions I believed were completely resolved and would be gone for a while flicker back to mock me.
Saying I was beautifully fooled by a play you connived with another man, your lover.
...The next three days.
Day one.
"Today, I trained wearing the Suit! It fits perfectly, and even running around a lot, there's no discomfort?"
"...Really?"
"Even when I sweat, it seems to get absorbed inside. Ah, not all of it, though..."
I've started to adapt to the new house in my own way.
The kitchen is spacious, and the dining table is ample.
Our conversation, sitting face-to-face like this and chatting over a cup of coffee, is no different from usual...
"......"
"And I'm trying to drop formal speech with Dust-ssi! She's older than me, like an eonni. Isn't that amazing, oppa?"
"...Amazing."
My attention is entirely focused on Eunji's mouth.
Even during the day when Eunji went for training, I was tormented by delusions the whole time.
Thanks to the rules I set for myself yesterday, the Delusion didn't go beyond just the mouth...
But that alone was torment enough, and my heart fluttered.
"......"
In the delusion, Eunji had not a word to say.
No. She couldn't speak.
Because she was buried face-first between Matthew-ssi's legs with her jaw stretched wide open.
"...Oppa?"
"...Huh?"
"It's... 10 o'clock now."
The promised time, 10 o'clock.
Regarding what I asked for yesterday, Matthew-ssi also agreed to cooperate.
I also got a separate message from him, saying he apologized if his method was unpleasant... but that's not really important.
What's important now is this.
"......"
Eunji, looking at me with a slightly tense expression.
Her lips are tightly sealed, but it's possible that just a few hours ago, she opened those lips and took Matthew-ssi's cock into her mouth.
Just like in my delusions, exactly as I imagined.
"Ha..."
"......"
It's tormenting. Having to suspect my girlfriend.
And that if I don't guess, the more Eunji has to do increases.
That torment makes my heart pound.
"...I think..."
"Y-yeah."
If it's Eunji?
Would she, being so shy and timid, not have been able to go through with it from the first day?
Or, would she have done it early, thinking to just get it over with quickly?
"I think you... went and did it."
"......"
"Right?"
"...No. Today... I didn't do it."
Ah... ahh.
With this, the number of times Eunji has to suck Matthew-ssi's cock next time has increased to two.
...Tormenting. Tormenting, and arousing.
The image the Delusion offers of Eunji is... gruesome.
Without pulling out Matthew-ssi's cock as it ejaculates in her mouth, she stays still... her throat goes kkolkak, kkolkak — swallowing something.
And when the ejaculation finishes, just like that, she goes back—
"Ha... ha, haa..."
"I-it's okay! You had no hints. And li-like, once or twice, it's all the same..."
"......"
"...Should we sleep now, oppa?"
"...Yeah."
It's clear I won't be able to fall asleep easily.
I'll wait for Eunji until tomorrow night at 10 o'clock, indulging in pathetic delusions again.
With my cock erect from an agonizing arousal that doesn't even make me think of wanting to ejaculate, just like now.