Gazing at the Dark Clouds, Emotions Overflowing
Three days had passed since that day when, swept away by a flood of emotions, I acted so disgracefully without a care for my surroundings. A few short days weren't nearly enough to put everything back in order, but I couldn't remain frozen like this either. Telling myself over and over that time heals all wounds, I refused to sit in one place crying and waiting for someone to extend a hand or offer comfort. That would have been even more pathetic than being a complete fool. I wanted that brief ray of sunlight that had appeared like a gift in my once-clouded life to be remembered as something beautiful, so I forced myself to carry on with my daily routine.
I decided to endure my relationship with my husband the way one swallows bitter medicine. Everyone else lived like this, after all. This too would eventually pass. The only difference now was that I had resolved not to accept everything about him anymore.
After barely managing to pull my overflowing emotions back together, I returned home and treated my husband coldly—I couldn't even stand the sight of him. We had already been in a cold war after fighting over his drunken behavior that dawn, and the silence simply continued. It was a relief that he didn't bother me. At least, that was what I thought. Yet the husband I believed wouldn't even notice my feelings had started watching my expressions and treading carefully. For the first time in our married life, he apologized. His face was still plastered with obvious displeasure and irritation, but perhaps this counted as change. Clinging to that tiny thread of hope that he was at least somewhat concerned about me, I clumsily tried to stitch my shattered heart back together. It wasn't satisfying, but for now, I told myself it was enough.
Time continued to trickle by. Three days became a week. The morning of April 15th arrived.
"Suzuki, I've asked you so many times. Come on, just help me with this."
"...Fine."
Though his face was still covered in the same layer of discontent, he actually listened to my request this time—something he wouldn't have done before. I tried to forget. I tried to move on. This was just a temporary shake from an earthquake. I was simply startled by it. After all, I came from a country that had endured countless major earthquakes. Someday, this feeling would settle too. I comforted myself with the thought that once it passed, everything would be okay.
"Then I'm off. Suzuki, make sure you eat properly, alright?"
"Stop nagging. I'm not a kid."
At the sight of him pouting, I smiled faintly. He wasn't as handsome as Kim Shin, but he wasn't ugly enough to be embarrassed about either. With a smile, I left the house.
Click.
Thud.
"..."
The moment the door closed behind me, the cheerful mask I had forced onto my face cracked again. The familiar hallway stretched ahead. Letting out a sigh at the continued absence of a familiar face, I muttered under my breath.
"He really is still just a kid~"
What did he even mean by staying as my "little brother like always"? If he was going to hide like this, why confess in the first place? A pointless complaint bubbled up inside me. He's still young. He's my little brother. In the end, I forced my reluctant feet to move. Instead of lingering in front of Shin's apartment like before, I turned toward the convenience store. My steps didn't falter. The bitter smile on my lips came from how natural this had become. I pushed down the petty urge to turn back and check if I'd left something at home.
Shaking my head firmly, I took another step. Just as I was about to continue walking with that weak smile on my face, a flash of yellow at the corner of my eye made me turn my head.
"Ah. Yellow violets... They've already bloomed like that."
The name given to me because violets had been in full bloom on the day I was born. I laughed bitterly.
"Right... Someone like me has no right to hope for anything more than small, ordinary happiness."
Who was I even talking to? Who was I trying to explain myself to? If I didn't say it out loud, I felt like I would collapse and cry right there. I forcibly grabbed the wrist of my whining heart and pulled it along. This is fine. Someone like me... The light rain that had fallen on drought-cracked ground had stopped, and now everything was withering. Violets could bloom again. With every step, petals fell one by one. It doesn't hurt. This is normal. I turned away from the pain. Flowers withering and blooming again was something I was used to. So I kept walking.
***
Click.
Beep~
"Whoa. That was intense."
Dragging my body that felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, I cracked my neck. I walked quickly to the fridge and drank some cider. The sharp, sweet coolness slid down my throat. I swallowed it all the way down.
"Kuuuuh! Whew! That's refreshing."
While I was savoring the lingering sweetness on my lips and the tingling chill spreading through my body like some old man in a bathhouse, the Helper voiced its usual doubt.
[Question: Why engage in such irrational behavior when you possess assets worth hundreds of billions in cash?]
"...It's a bit hard to explain. Or maybe it's just embarrassing."
Scratching my cheek at the question that poked at something I was self-conscious about, I answered.
"My synchronization rate is at 50%, right? I told you to lower it after the confession."
[Answer: That is correct.]
"That's why."
[Question: That is not an answer.]
I chuckled at the Helper's response and thought for a moment before speaking again.
"Even at 50%, my feelings for Sumire have gone as deep as if the synchronization rate were 90%—no, 100%."
I knew it was a stupid choice.
"Honestly, even though it's my money, it's not really mine. Showing off with the house and car is already enough. It feels wrong to give her a birthday present that didn't require any effort from me."
[Understood. In other words, you wish to include genuine sincerity ().]
"...Hearing it out loud is embarrassing, you know?"
Feeling ashamed at having my feelings exposed, I walked over and collapsed onto the living room sofa. Leaning back into the cushions that wrapped around my body, I thought about taking a shower but instead picked up my phone. April 19th, 6:07 PM.
"Two weeks already..."
Had I taken too long? It took time to fall for someone, but it also took time to drift away. If someone disappeared from sight, they would eventually be pushed aside... Had I acted too foolishly? The familiar anxiety rose up and squeezed my heart. If Sumire really pushed me away, I might have no choice but to rely on my skill to hold her. "I don't want that..." She was the one who had awakened these feelings in me. She was the woman who had brought spring to a heart that had only been surviving day by day through harsh storms. I didn't even want to think of her as a fictional character. Just as the anxiety tried to drag me into a swamp of denial, the Helper spoke.
[Advice: A man needs confidence. Besides, you already made your decision.]
The Helper's words pulled me out of the swamp. Letting out a hollow breath, I expelled the anxiety along with it and replied.
"Hah. You're right. Thanks, Helper."
[My existence is solely for the care of Player Kim Shin, so it is only natural.]
"Even if it's natural, I can still say thank you, right?"
After a brief pause, the Helper answered quietly.
[...Yes.]
Smiling, I thought of Sumire and couldn't resist activating two skills to check on her, even though I had tried not to. Skipping the explanations, I looked at the results.
Current Target: Sumire
Status: Looking forward to tomorrow
Prediction: Confusion is gradually decreasing.
The Helper had told me to have confidence, but seeing it with my own eyes didn't make it any easier. I swallowed hard and checked the next skill.
Current Target: Sumire
Predicted Path: 82% chance of stopping by the discount store.
"I don't know. I've done what I can. The original story is still a month away, so there's still some time left."
Trying to justify myself against the stinging pain in my chest, I lightly smacked my own head in self-reproach for going back on my resolve not to treat this world as mere fiction. Gritting my teeth, I headed to the shower to cool my head and extinguish the sparks of anxiety trying to flare up again.
***
On my way home after doing lighter-than-usual grocery shopping for tomorrow. Was it because the bags were light, or because the alley felt darker than usual? It had already been two weeks since Shin confessed and disappeared. Finding some comfort in the fact that I no longer had to deliberately avoid this path like last week, I kept walking.
Vroom~
'Walk on the inside of the sidewalk, Sumire noona.'
"...."
At the sound of his voice in my ears mixed with the passing car, I stopped for a moment. After turning my head, I quickened my pace again. Every time—at the sound of fast footsteps, an approaching bicycle, a flickering streetlight—I remembered him and walked even faster to leave those memories behind.
Click.
Thud.
"I'm home~"
Forcing the cracked mask back on with a cheerful greeting as I returned home, I almost frowned at the sight of my husband scratching his belly as he came out of the room. I smiled harder instead and quickly went inside to prepare dinner. Sitting across from each other at the table, we were about to eat when he spoke up.
"Isn't there a bit less side dishes than usual?"
Hearing those words, I barely managed to swallow the sigh that threatened to turn my mood sour. Of course he doesn't remember what tomorrow is. Asking for even this much had been too much. I tried to comfort myself with that thought, but the disappointment still welled up, so I asked anyway.
"Suzuki, do you not know what tomorrow is?"
Do you at least remember? I held back the words that wanted to come out like a scolding. But just as that small thorn threatened to snap one of the thin threads barely holding my patched-up heart together, Suzuki's eyes widened in surprise, catching me off guard as well.
"Huh... Of course I know. But how did you know that I knew?"
His words that followed didn't even register. The small comfort that came like an unexpected gift in a moment when I had expected nothing made me smile brightly.
"Of course I know~ How could I not?"
Watching him look so proud of himself, I almost laughed inside. This was the same guy who had forgotten the first and second times. Seeing that smug expression, I had to forcefully suppress the sharp feeling rising in my chest. Still, at least he didn't forget the third time. Forcing a bright smile, I continued eating. So he does see me as his wife after all. That small relief added another stitch to the place where the thread had nearly snapped. Right now, it still hurts every time I sew it, but this too will pass. Smiling as best I could, I continued the modest but heartfelt meal. Without properly seeing what was in her husband's eyes, Sumire kept smiling as she ate, believing that tomorrow would be better than today. If we keep moving forward little by little like this, it'll be fine. She turned her gaze away.