After the Drizzle Passes
Even after the light rain had stopped, time moved on without mercy. She was completely swept up in the emotions she had finally recognized, left floundering with no idea what to do, yet the clock kept ticking.
The snoring in her ear made her frown. She sat up and looked to the side. The sight of him with his mouth hanging open, snoring away and stinking of strong liquor, was so disgusting that she immediately turned her head.
“...Haah—”
When she checked the time, it was already 8:30. A sigh heavy enough to drop the ground itself escaped her.
AM 8:40
The memory of him stumbling in noisily at dawn, drunk out of his mind, and pawing at her without the slightest consideration flashed through her head.
‘Sumire~~ Euhuhu~’
‘Ugh, why are you being so gross?’
‘Hehehe, my wife~’
‘Hey!! I have work tomorrow too!’
Even through her irritation, he had kept groping her body. The anger from their fight still clung to her like a second skin. Why did I ever marry a bastard like this… She ground her teeth so hard it hurt.
In the past she had at least believed he saw her as a woman, so she would pretend to dislike it and go along with his demands. But when she stole another glance at his sleeping face, she felt like nothing more than a pathetic wretch taking her anger out on someone who wasn’t even awake. She forced her eyes away.
Then another face rose in her mind so naturally that she unconsciously turned and checked the time again.
AM 8:40
“Ah.”
If she wanted to time it with when Shin came out, she needed to hurry and get ready— The thought came so automatically that her face twisted.
I was going to turn him down in the first place.
A wave of emptiness washed over her. To shake it off, she headed for the bathroom.
“A shower should… clear my head a little.”
She comforted herself, closed her eyes, and stepped under the water. She scrubbed every inch of her body with a soapy towel, trying to wash everything away, but while her skin became clean, the knot inside her only grew tighter.
The revulsion she felt at her husband’s touch yesterday, the strange sensitivity that had overtaken her—it was completely different from when Shin touched her.
‘I’ll listen to you, Sumire noona.’
‘Sorry, was it cold?’
She flinched. The memory of him taking out the trash bag, of the hand that had gently stroked her cheek, brought back the exact sensation. Without thinking, she raised her own hand to the cheek he had touched.
In the mirror, her face was twisted, fighting back tears. She squeezed her eyes shut.
She fled from the “truth” staring back at her and stepped out of the bathroom.
The cool air on her refreshed skin raised faint goosebumps. Normally the morning shower left her light and ready to face the day, but today the weight pressing on her heart made her shoulders slump on their own.
She shook her head and tried to walk, only to feel something tangle around her foot. Looking down, she saw clothes tossed carelessly on the floor. The surge of emotion made her bite her lip until it hurt.
The irritation boiled up so fiercely she wanted to scream.
“How many times have I told you…!”
Her voice rose right to the edge of exploding. She somehow swallowed it back down.
She wanted to hurl the clothes at her peacefully sleeping husband and shout, but he was simply acting like he always did. He had never listened to her anyway.
The only thing that had changed was her own he—
“Stupid bitch…”
Her heart was leaping around like a crazy woman. She gathered the clothes from the floor and hurled them angrily into the laundry basket.
Zzz… Guuuuh!
“It’s exactly the same as always… Get a grip.”
How could she have ever thought that was cute? She chose to look away from the man who now seemed even more pathetic.
After finishing her preparations and stepping outside, the moment her hand touched the doorknob, her heart gave a heavy thud and she froze. Warm expectation rose inside her, the thought of seeing his face filling her with undeniable excitement.
“That’s right. Get it together, Sumire. Just act normal. Yeah. Like always.”
It’s what you wanted, isn’t it?
She took one deep breath.
Then she opened the door and stepped out.
The hallway that had been hidden by the door came into view. If she closed it, he would be standing there like always, smiling brightly and giving her energy. She wanted to see that smile.
Click.
She closed the door without looking down the hallway. At the sound of another door opening behind her, she slowly turned her head.
“Oh, long time no see, Sumire-shi. Are you heading to work now?”
It was Bob from next door, smiling brightly as he greeted her.
“Ah…”
The clumsy, heavily accented Japanese pronunciation, the smile on his lips, the way he raised his hand—it all made a single sound slip out of her.
Bob’s expression shifted from puzzled to worried. “Are you okay, Sumire-shi? I heard fighting sounds early this morning.”
Heat flooded her face for an entirely different reason. The shame of having bothered the neighbor mixed with fresh anger toward the husband who had caused the fight. She fought it down and put on the same mask she wore at work.
“Ahaha~ Sorry about that. It was just one of those nights~ Are you heading to work too, Bob?”
Cheerful. Mask firmly in place. Inside, her stomach churned so badly she wanted to vomit. The misery clinging to her shoulders made her want to collapse right there on the spot. But she knew she couldn’t.
What were you even hoping for, you idiot?
While her heart felt like it was rotting, her face wore a perfect smile. She nodded at his question. Bob glanced at his watch, then spoke.
“Well then, work hard, Sumire-shi.”
‘Work hard, noona.’
Crack.
Again. Why did it keep happening?
The voice and smile from her memory flickered in front of her eyes. She quickly swapped out the cracked mask for a new one and barely managed to speak.
“Ah… yeah! You work hard too, Bob.”
Bob gave a hearty smile and disappeared. She glanced sideways, but Shin’s door remained closed. She pulled out her phone to check the time.
AM 9:15
Fifteen minutes until she had to be at work. She would be late soon, yet her feet refused to move.
Should I wait five more minutes?
The sudden thought made her shake her head. Forcing her stubborn legs to move, she walked past Shin’s door, stealing one last glance before continuing down the hallway.
Her aching heart begged her to wait just a little longer, but she ignored it and kept walking.
Maybe he drank last night. Probably. Confessing and then stepping back couldn’t be easy. If it had been her, she would have done the same. She tried to turn her heart away from the thought. No—she forced her gaze forward.
Her hand twitched with the urge to knock. She grabbed it with her other hand to stop herself, then took one heavy step after another.
Even as her body moved farther away, her mind lingered. She kept turning back again and again, looking at the door that never opened.
------------
It had already been several days since that morning.
Every single day was the same cycle of expectation and disappointment.
The mask she wore on her face felt heavier with each passing hour.
Ding-a-ling~.
“Welcome.”
At the sound of the chime, her eyes moved on their own. It wasn’t Shin.
She sighed at her own foolish habit that she had repeated countless times already. Another day without seeing him. From the moment she woke up, her chest had felt tight, making every breath difficult. She let out a long exhale without realizing it.
He’s not coming anymore, is he?
She stared blankly down at the counter. Feeling drained, she sighed again when—
“Sumire!”
“Yes…!?”
Her colleague’s sudden loud voice startled her. She turned to see a worried face watching her, which quickly shifted to one of pity.
“Sigh. So you really got rejected, huh? Yeah~ Can’t be helped~”
“That’s…! I mean, yeah.”
She almost shouted What are you talking about?! but the way her colleague’s eyes widened made her catch the rising anger. She answered with resignation instead.
Her colleague patted her shoulder and suggested she take a break. Normally she would have refused the kindness, but this time she accepted and slipped into the back.
The convenience store’s tiny one-pyeong break room felt even smaller today. She sat down, flopped onto the table, and buried her face in her arms.
“What the hell am I even doing…”
She scolded herself, letting out a long, miserable groan.
After staying like that for a while, she realized if she remained there she would only keep thinking about it. She stood up and headed to the stockroom.
She organized the products, checked inventory, and came back out. Her colleague was standing there with an awkward expression. She tilted her head in confusion.
“Sumire, that handsome younger guy came by earlier. I didn’t want to make your heart flutter for no reason, so I didn’t call you. And I told him it would be better if he stopped coming like this from now on. I took care of it~”
The proud look that seemed to ask I did good, right? made rage shoot straight to the top of her head.
She opened her mouth to snap at her.
Crack!
Why do you get to decide? Why are you sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong?!
The thought burned in her mind. She almost let it fly at her colleague, but the genuine worry in the other woman’s eyes made her close her mouth.
She quickly hid the mask that had cracked all the way to the middle of her face, put on yet another hastily made one, and nodded.
“It’s fine. Thank you.”
She barely kept her usual tone while expressing gratitude. Her colleague frowned slightly, then bent down behind the counter with a look that said it can’t be helped. When she stood back up, she was holding something.
“Sigh. Even though he got rejected so firmly, that kid still left this.”
She accepted the Oronamin D handed to her and stared down at it for a long time.
‘Tired? Drink this and keep going, noona.’
‘Huh? You don’t like it? Want me to buy something else?’
‘Still, Oronamin D is the best, right? Gives you energy and everything.’
One month. He had suddenly started showing up, getting closer, retreating when pushed away but always coming back to worry about her. He would appear out of nowhere and make her heart flutter. When he got close, her chest would pound. When he backed off, she felt anxious. But when he came back to her side, she felt relieved.
Crack!Crack!Snap!
The makeshift masks she had thrown together again and again shattered into pieces. The heart she had desperately tried to hide was completely exposed.
“Su-Sumire?”
Even when her flustered colleague spoke, she couldn’t answer.
The Oronamin D in her vision blurred. The regret she had been holding back finally spilled down her cheeks.
She had turned her eyes away from what she truly wanted, telling herself she didn’t want it. It was the stupidest possible choice.
An uncontrollable fog of sorrow settled heavily over her. The very air inside the convenience store grew thick and oppressive. Without even realizing the sobs escaping her own lips, she collapsed right there on the floor and cried.