The Shadow of Guilt
His lips moved downward with an agonizing slowness. By the time they reached her pert, upturned breasts, he was already rolling his tongue around her hardened nipples, continuing his meticulous caresses. A soft, involuntary moan escaped from Hyein's lips. She had been trembling delicately amid those panting breaths when, suddenly, she shoved the man away.
The completely unexpected answer left the man visibly flustered. "What? Why? Wouldn't it feel a little disappointing to end it like this?"
But Hyein already seemed to have lost all interest. She reached for the pack of cigarettes she'd left beside the overturned photograph and slipped one between her lips. The man stared at her reaction with an incredulous expression.
His tone was thick with lingering regret. Yet Hyein remained resolute. She lit the cigarette, took several slow drags, and deliberately inhaled the thick, hazy smoke that curled upward, filling her lungs completely.
The man grumbled irritably before snapping, "Fine! Whatever. I'll call you next time," and got up. Perhaps because of her abrupt decision to stop, he too seemed a little annoyed. With an attitude completely devoid of affection, he gathered his scattered clothes in a careless heap and left the room without hesitation.
Left alone, Hyein said nothing. She simply smoked her cigarette in heavy, deliberate puffs. Her expression remained utterly indifferent. Between the clouds of smoke she exhaled, her gaze eventually fell on the overturned photograph.
A sigh and a curse slipped out together. She drew another deep lungful of smoke, then picked up the fallen photograph. It showed a time—not all that long ago, really—when their family had still been somewhat harmonious. Compared to now, it had been a rather shabby period. They hadn't had a single penny to their name, and the future had looked so bleak that there wasn't a day they hadn't worried about money or what lay ahead.
Back then, she had never even imagined they would achieve this kind of business success. Still, it had been a time when they relied on each other to get through life. Looking back now, even though they had no money and an uncertain future, they had probably been happier than they were today. Of course, it hadn't felt that way at the time. If only they'd had a little more money, if only the business had gone well—yes, if only—then everything would have been happier. She had believed that without any worries, life would be filled with nothing but joy.
But it hadn't turned out that way. She hadn't realized it then. She should have cherished the happiness they already possessed.
She exhaled another sharp puff of smoke and smiled bitterly. Hyein's eyes settled on her daughter Suji, cradled in her arms in the picture. The child was beaming with a smile free of any suffering. Just looking at that face made her chest ache even more. She let out another sigh-laced breath of smoke.
After staring at her daughter for a long while, she turned the photograph face-down again. She couldn't remember when she had left it there, but why had she taken it out at all? The bitterness only grew. And then, unbidden, the thought came: If only... yes, if only Suji had never existed, if that child had never been born, she wouldn't be carrying this guilt now. Wouldn't the divorce have been so much easier? She wouldn't have had to feel any of this remorse.
Ironically, it was because of Suji. Yes... it was because of her daughter that she had to bear this crushing guilt. It was because of her that she found herself longing for those hopeless days of the past, filled with nothing but regret.
Ah! She was a child Hyein would have protected with her own life, yet at times she resented her so bitterly. It was exhausting. Hatred would surge up inside her. She knew she shouldn't think this way. She knew it was an unforgivable sin... and yet Hyein could not stop resenting her own daughter.
That was when it happened.
Creak— Slam!
A sudden loud noise erupted from outside. Startled, Hyein jerked her head up. Something was standing right in front of the bedroom door. Again. It was that pitch-black, shadow-like figure. She couldn't tell exactly what it was, but it had the shape of a person, and it seemed to be staring straight at her.
The moment Hyein saw it, her breath caught in her throat. A creeping terror tightened around her windpipe. Her naked body shivered violently, and cold sweat broke out across her forehead. She couldn't even scream.
From outside came the sound of murmuring voices. Not long after, the wail of sirens pierced the air, and only then did the shadow that had been watching her from the doorway vanish abruptly. Only then could she finally release the breath she'd been holding. At the same moment, the long column of ash from her cigarette dropped onto the bed with a soft plop.
Startled, she hurriedly brushed the ash off the sheets, but it was too late. A hole had burned straight through. With a sigh, she looked back toward the door with a tense expression, but the shadow was gone.
The blaring sirens were driving her insane. It was still early dawn, yet sleep felt impossible now. She threw on whatever clothes were closest and stepped out onto the living room balcony, peering down toward the source of the noise.
Police cars and an ambulance were parked in front of the apartment complex. Quite a crowd had gathered below. Had there been an accident? Hyein's unit was on a high floor, so the view of the ground was obscured. It looked like it might have been a fairly serious one. But she soon responded with indifference. After all, it had nothing to do with her.
She closed the balcony door again. She already had problems piled up like a mountain. She had no energy to spare worrying about trivial things. She went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. Since she clearly wasn't going to fall back asleep, today was going to be exhausting.
Several more days passed. Only later, through the news, did Hyein learn that an accident had occurred right in front of her building. A young man in his mid-twenties who rode a motorcycle had died in the crash. According to the report, he had ignored a traffic signal, sped out onto the road, and been struck by a passing truck. He had died on the spot, of course.
Something about the motorcycle shown in the news footage felt strangely familiar. When she realized the accident had happened on the very road in front of her apartment, a dreadful suspicion took root. Her doubts deepened. She scoured several more news articles. And finally, she understood.
To her horror, the young man who had died on the spot was Jang Hee, her sex partner.
Hyein was so shocked she simply froze, as if her mind had gone completely blank. It felt as though her brain had been painted white. And then the thought struck her: If only... if she hadn't sent him away that night, if her desire hadn't cooled so suddenly, would this accident never have happened?
It felt as if she had caused that boy's death. Yes. Because of her.
Early that same dawn, Hyuksoo woke up with a parched throat. It might have been because he'd drunk heavily the night before for the first time in a while. Even after drinking water, the thirst refused to fade. He had no idea how many times he'd woken up already. Wearing a tired expression, he got out of bed. He couldn't ignore the thirst and go back to sleep.
This was his officetel. It had been quite some time since he'd left that loathsome house and signed the lease here. It had cost him a fair amount of money, but it was far more comfortable and free than being at home. Yes, it felt as if he had finally escaped that detestable wife and reclaimed his freedom.
Whenever he was near Hyein, it had felt like he was suffocating. She looked down on him just because her business was doing better. Even when he came home exhausted from work, she wouldn't let him rest in peace. Thinking about their married life now, he couldn't recall a single moment of genuine happiness.
Well... perhaps the only tolerable time had been when neither of them had any money. Yes, those days might have held a modest kind of happiness. Then her business suddenly exploded. The company she worked for was an advertising agency. It had started as a tiny firm that could barely even be called a small business, but at some point it began gaining recognition for its refreshingly clever commercials. Now it was one of the major players in the industry.
These days, commercials produced by Hyein's company appeared endlessly on TV and YouTube. The videos they uploaded to platforms like YouTube regularly surpassed millions of views. It was an absolute jackpot.