A Strange Feeling
Several more days slipped by. Suji’s condition did not improve. The symptoms of her illness tormented her as they always had—late at night, at dawn, or even in the middle of the day. The pain arrived without warning, mercilessly wrenching her small body. Each time it struck, the hospital called Heein and Hyuksoo, and each time the two arrived they inevitably began to fight. Suji saw everything. She heard every word.
She grew even thinner. The change from only a few days earlier was shocking. Her hair fell out in noticeable patches, her cheeks had sunk, and the deep shadows beneath her eyes announced how dire her state had become. Even so, the child asked for nothing.
Then one day she spoke without prelude.
“If I disappear… will the two of you be happy?”
The shadow that stayed constantly at her side faltered, unsure what to say. In truth, it could say nothing at all. At some point the balance had shifted; instead of the shadow speaking first, Suji now called to it, chattering in her tiny, strengthless voice like a baby bird. The subjects never mattered. She spoke of idols the way other children her age did, of YouTube videos and Instagram Reels. Most often she talked about animals.
“If it were possible, I wanted to raise a cat or a dog someday.”
The shadow listened in silence. It had come to understand that the topic was irrelevant; talking itself was how she eased the pain. Only conversation could blunt the crushing loneliness. The shadow knew now that the agony in her heart far outweighed the agony in her body. The greatest torment was the endless solitude of the hospital room. And the child was enduring it by sharing that solitude with the shadow.
The situation felt bitterly ironic. The shadow’s original purpose had been to claim her soul—to grant the greedy child’s wishes, fatten her spirit until it was plump and sweet, then devour it. Instead it had somehow become her caretaker. Worse, it had become the companion that kept her loneliness at bay.
“I like this kind of cat. It’s cute, isn’t it?”
Suji pointed at a Ragdoll on the tablet screen.
“And…”
She moved to a Welsh Corgi. The shadow glanced over.
“So you want something exactly like yourself?”
Suji beamed. “It means they’re cute, right?”
The shadow snorted. “Cute? They’re all fat with stubby little legs.”
Suji pushed her lips out in a pout, then returned to the tablet, searching for more videos of Ragdolls and Corgis. The shadow watched her for a long time.
“Thank you,” she said suddenly.
The shadow could not grasp her meaning at first. Was she thanking it for the videos? But it quickly realized the words were meant for it. Frowning, it did not bother to hide its discomfort.
“For what?”
“Just… for staying beside me. If I had been alone, I would have been scared.”
The shadow gave a hollow laugh. “Hmph. So I’m not scary? I came here to eat your soul, you know.”
“Not at all.”
Was she refusing to believe it, or answering that way even though she knew the truth? Suji met the shadow’s eyes with perfect calm. There was no trace of fear in her gaze. The shadow, conversely, felt rattled. It had told her the truth—something it had never done with any other child—yet she remained utterly composed.
“You really are a strange one.”
“Hehe… I’ve heard that since I was little. From my parents… from my friends…”
The shadow shrugged again, indifferent. Suji giggled playfully and went back to the tablet. The shadow continued to watch her. Its expression grew more and more peculiar.
“Go to sleep now,” it muttered at last, and vanished.
The hospital-room door opened. As always, the nurse entered to check on Suji.
“Suji, you look brighter today. Did something nice happen?”
“Hehe… It wasn’t really anything nice…”
At the girl’s lovely smile the nurse’s face clouded with pity, but she quickly smiled back. She stroked Suji’s hair with gentle fingers.
“Nothing seems wrong at the moment?”
“Yes! I think I could go home now!”
“Hehe, really? Still, let’s stay in the room just a little longer, all right? It’s very late. Time to sleep soon, don’t you think?”
“Just this one… just this video…”
What Suji turned on was a newly uploaded camping vlog. Her eyes sparkled as they always did when she watched the outdoors.
“Sister… will I be able to go camping someday?”
“Hm? Oh, of course you will. When the time comes, you can go with your mom and dad.”
“Ah…”
Suji’s face fell at the mention of her parents. The nurse realized her mistake. Everyone on the ward knew how badly things stood between the mother and father; they fought every time they visited the room. Suji knew it too.
The nurse stroked the girl’s hair once more. “Sister said something she shouldn’t have. Come now, watch the rest tomorrow. It’s time to sleep.”
“Yes…”
This sensation was entirely new. An indescribable, peculiar emotion. Yes, “peculiar emotion” was the only fitting phrase. The feeling itself made the shadow uncomfortable. It stared at the sleeping Suji for a long time. And then it understood: the root of this strange emotion was flowing from the child in front of it.
Aah. This peculiar child seemed to be breaking it. It kept forcing the shadow to feel things it did not want to feel. Why? Why did this happen only with this child? The shadow had met many pitiful children before. Some had suffered far worse fates. So why did this one stir such a strange feeling?
With an expression of genuine bewilderment, the shadow gazed at Suji in silence. She stirred, perhaps dreaming. A faint wrinkle appeared between her small brows.
Startled, the shadow instantly melted back into the darkness. It did not understand why it was hiding from her. It did not understand its own actions. Whatever the reason, it did not want to face the child while carrying these emotions.
When the shadow reappeared, it stood on the hospital rooftop. Cold wind swept across the roof as it looked out over the glittering city below.
It’s uncomfortable… strangely, unbearably uncomfortable…
The shadow muttered to itself, brow still furrowed. A moment later its form vanished once more, carrying the peculiar emotion with it.
At the same moment, Heein had brought another man home. She had summoned him deliberately and was now lost in fierce, sweaty sex. Her body was already slick with perspiration. She lay beneath him, savoring the lingering pleasure of climax, staring blankly at the ceiling while she caught her breath. The man beside her gulped down water, trying to soothe his own exhaustion.
Then his gaze fell on the family photograph atop the dresser. In it, Heein’s smiling husband stood beside their young daughter. The man’s eyes lingered on the little girl.
“By the way, where’s your daughter?”
Heein’s face twisted at the sudden question. Their arrangement was purely physical—sex partners and nothing more. Crossing that line had always been silently forbidden. Yet lately he had begun to step over it.
She ignored him. Maybe it was time to end things with this one, she thought. The man continued to stare at the photo with open curiosity. Irritated, Heein sat up abruptly, snatched the frame from his hands, and slapped it facedown on the dresser with a loud clack.
The man shrugged at her cold reaction and laughed as though it were a game. Then he moved closer to Heein, who was visibly displeased. He cupped one of her firm breasts, drawing her nearer. Their lips met naturally. The kiss deepened, tongues sliding and teasing. His mouth traveled to her neck, licking and nibbling, while his hands continued to stroke her breasts and hips with practiced intimacy.