The Staff Is Fashion
“I’m not the guide, but…”
The magician, a little calmer now, continued.
“I think we’ll be able to head back before long.”
“Who is the guide, then?”
I asked.
The magician girl trembled, her finger shaking as she pointed at the crossbow girl still collapsed on the floor.
“She’s our team’s guide.”
I walked over to the crossbow girl.
“Hey.”
I shook her shoulder. She showed no sign of waking. I held a finger under her nose. No breath. She was dead.
My slap was way too strong.
One hit and they drop dead. I’d have to be more careful from now on. I clicked my tongue and stood up.
“Looks like she’s gone.”
I looked down at the magician girl.
“You’re going to guide me to the escape magic circle.”
“W-what? Me?”
“You said we need magic stones or whatever. What are magic stones?”
The magician crouched down, wearing the expression of someone who’d just come face-to-face with an incomprehensible being from another world. She answered while shivering.
“Th-that’s the whole point of entering the labyrinth! You kill monsters and harvest Magic Stones!”
Ah. So they drop when you kill monsters. The rats I’d slaughtered the moment I landed here flashed through my mind.
Damn. Missed opportunity.
If I’d known there were Magic Stones, I would’ve collected them. I swallowed the regret.
“So your team has some, then?”
The magician girl nodded.
“Yes. The swordsman is carrying them.”
I walked over to the swordsman’s corpse where it was embedded in the wall. I ripped the bag off him and rifled through it. Filthy junk spilled out. My hand closed around a pouch of beads.
These?
I carried it over to the magician girl.
“These? These are Magic Stones?”
“…Yes. That’s right.”
“Get up. Guide me to the escape magic circle.”
I ordered her. But her legs had given out; she just sat there trembling, unable to stand properly.
“Ha… Fuck. You can’t even stand?”
Irritation flared. I grabbed a fistful of her blonde hair and hauled her upright.
“Ack! Aaaah! I’ll get up! I’m getting up!”
A scream tore out of her. As if her legs had never gone weak at all, she scrambled to her feet in a hurry. The magician girl glared at me with venomous eyes. I snatched her staff and jabbed the end of it into her back.
“Guide me.”
A maze-like cave. I walked alongside the magician girl. After some time had passed, enough that a little internal familiarity had built up, I asked the question that had been nagging me.
“You’re a magician, right? You throw fireballs and shit?”
“…No. I can’t use magic.”
I was speechless. I lifted the staff I’d taken from her.
“Then what’s this staff for? You use it as a blunt weapon?”
Her eyes turned fierce. Her pride had clearly taken a serious hit.
“I—I entered the first floor of the labyrinth and got the E-Rank Minor Regeneration skill, okay? Healers are the absolute top-tier nobles of the labyrinth!”
“…Healer?”
“And later, when I climb higher in the labyrinth, I’m going to learn magic too! Sob… Why does a healer like me have to go through this?!”
The healer girl, who’d been snapping at me, suddenly burst into tears. I shook my head.
“Minor Regeneration? A skill that heals the body?”
“Yes. It slowly recovers wounds and status ailments.”
My eyes lit up.
“Oh. Can you try it on me right now? Do you need the staff?”
I casually held the staff out toward her.
“No… Actually, I don’t need the staff.”
“Huh?”
“The staff is just for fashion…”
For real? A hollow laugh escaped me.
“Then use it on me now.”
I subtly put strength into my right hand. If she was lying about being a healer, I was going to slap her immediately. Maybe she sensed the murderous intent; she recoiled in terror.
“Hiiik! I’m not lying! Please, just not the slap, please!”
She looked ready to panic again, so I barked at her.
“Then hurry up and use it!”
“Sob… Minor Regeneration!”
Weeping, she stretched a hand toward me. Instantly, a faint green light bloomed over my body. The hangover that had been tormenting me so viciously vanished completely. My head cleared.
“Oh, this is actually great. I thought I was gonna die from the hangover.”
With the headache gone, a smile came naturally.
“Thanks, bio hangover cure.”
Even though it was a compliment, the healer girl looked utterly wronged.
“My name is Serena! Call me by my name, not weird nicknames!”
A dead end. Serena and I had reached our destination. A faint circular magic circle was etched into the floor—complex circuits and characters, with a small circle drawn right in the center.
“This is the escape magic circle?”
“…Yes. That’s right.”
“How do you use it?”
Serena explained while carefully gauging my reaction.
“You place a Magic Stone on the center circle to activate it. If you’re standing on the circle, you get transferred back to where you originally were.”
“Hmm. That so?”
I took a Magic Stone from the pouch and set it on the magic circle.
Wooong—
The circle began to emit a faint light. It was activating. I stepped onto the magic circle. Serena tried to casually climb on with me.
“Wait. You go next.”
“What?”
Serena looked flustered.
“How do I know this is real? It could be a lie.”
Maybe she was conscious of my terrifying palm. She retreated outside the circle without another word, wearing an expression that said she’d be free the moment I vanished.
That instant, a blue window appeared before my eyes.
Activating Escape Magic Circle.
Searching for the coordinates of the tower of entry.
[Error]
[Error]
[Error]
No entry record found.
Tower coordinate search failed.
Escape Magic Circle activation failed. Shutting down.
Pop—
The light went out. And nothing happened.
“God fucking damn it! I knew it!”
Curses exploded out of me. Of course it wouldn’t end that easily. I’d known ever since I dropped into this shithole. The fucked-up situation had become reality.
“W-what? Why won’t the escape work?”
Serena, who’d been waiting for freedom, shouted in even greater panic. I glared at her savagely.
“Ha, fuck. So you were lying, huh? Take responsibility, you bitch!”
“I wasn’t lying! Get lost! I want to go back! Please!”
Even without a Magic Stone, Serena tried to throw herself onto the magic circle. I snatched her by the hair immediately.
“You’re not taking a single step away from my side until I find a way to escape.”
Despair flooded Serena’s face. Then something vicious rose in her; she scowled at me with pure spite.
“Just kill me! Kill me already!”
She thrust her face right up to mine in defiance.
Thud!
I had no intention of killing her cleanly. I casually kicked her in the stomach.
“Kehek! Kuh… sob…”
Serena rolled on the floor clutching her gut and started crying her eyes out in the most wretched way possible.
“If this place won’t work, we go down to the next floor. There should be some kind of clue there.”
I looked down at her as she wept and grinned.
“You said you wanted to go deeper into the labyrinth, right? I’ll be your bus driver. Behave and the ride’ll be real comfortable.”
I couldn’t afford to lose my bio stamina potion. My head and palms were invincible, but my body was still an ordinary person’s. Even a stray arrow would be a headache. This hangover-cure girl would be a huge help then.
“You gonna walk or what? Day’s gonna break at this rate.”
Poke, poke.
I jabbed Serena’s back with the staff. She said nothing. She just trudged along with a soul-drained expression. Looks like she was denying reality with a silent protest. Not that I gave a damn. I’d just finished my military service only to drop into this fucked-up place—I was a hundred times more wronged than her.
Fuck it. If I just walk the opposite way, something should turn up.
I had to get down to the second floor somehow. But without a guide it was frustrating. I hoped we’d run into some other explorer party soon. Next time I definitely wouldn’t slap anyone who looked like a guide.
We’d been walking for a while when a pack of those calf-sized rats appeared up ahead.
“Labyrinth Rats!”
Serena finally opened her heavy mouth. So those monster rats were called Labyrinth Rats.
“Stay behind me. I’ll handle it.”
I tossed the staff to Serena. Time to show her a proper bus driver’s skill.
“Kieeeeeek!”
The Labyrinth Rats spotted us and charged savagely. Big as they were, they just ran in stupid straight lines. I timed it. Toward the first one to reach me—slap!
Crack—! Boom!
It slammed into the wall and burst like it had exploded.
“One more.”
Crack—!
A few palm strikes. That was all it took. The disgusting rats turned into meat paste in an instant. I casually dusted off my hands and looked back. Serena was staring at me with a completely stunned expression.
“W-what kind of skill did you even get? I’ve never even heard of a skill like that…”
She asked while trembling.
“No need for a long explanation. Just know it’s an A-Rank skill.”
“What? An A-Rank skill appearing on the first floor of the labyrinth? That’s impossible! Absolutely impossible!”
Serena shouted at the top of her lungs. I smirked.
“What are you gonna do about it? Believe the reality right in front of your eyes.”
Serena bit her lip. After a moment of hesitation, she carefully continued.
“…You seem to know nothing, so I’ll tell you.”
“Yeah. Go ahead.”
“If you go to the third floor, there’s a lower-floor city of the labyrinth. You can rest there, and you might even find a clue to solve your problem.”
Serena’s eyes wavered.
“So when we reach the third floor of the labyrinth… please let me go.”
It was a request mixed with resignation. I stroked my chin and thought for a moment.
“Hmm. Yeah. I’ll think about it when we get there.”
Then I flashed a grin.
“I like that attitude. Keep explaining things like that from now on. Like you’re teaching someone with amnesia.”
Serena let out a deep sigh and nodded.