Slap Fighting Champion
I scrolled down the skill list like a man possessed.
It was nothing but useless trash as far as the eye could see.
(F) Lustrous Skin
(F) Perfectly Aligned Teeth
(E) Deep Sleep
"What the hell is this? Nothing but trap cards?"
I had no idea where I even was. And right now I was completely bare-handed. One wrong choice and it was game over.
(C) Swordsman's Talent
"I don't even have a sword—hell, I don't even have a stick! What am I supposed to do with this?!"
That was when it happened.
Far off in the darkness, something writhed. Black masses. One of them locked eyes with me—twin points of blood-red light.
"Kkieeeeeeek!"
The things let out a shrieking cry and charged straight at me.
"Aaaaagh, fuck, what the hell are those?!"
I spun around and ran for my life. Even while sprinting I never stopped flicking the screen, slamming my finger against it without mercy.
Please, give me something. Anything. Some absolute broken skill!
The pursuers were faster. Their shapes came into focus—rats the size of calves.
"Aaaaagh! Why the fuck are the rats that big?!"
The distance closed. I had to pick something. Now.
Letters flashed past my eyes.
[(A) ... Fighting Champion]
No time to read the fine print. Fighting Champion? Had to be some kind of martial arts talent. That would keep me alive.
Bam!
I slammed the screen without a second of hesitation.
You have overcome an extremely low probability and acquired an A-rank Skill!
A skill steeped in the fighting spirit of those who staked their very souls on a single slap. If you can't dodge it—stand firm and hit back harder.
[Iron Palm]: The hardness and durability of your palms rise to an extreme degree. Physical attacks delivered with the palm gain +1500% destructive power.
[Unshakable Brain]: Head defense rises to an extreme degree. Grants immunity to shock, stun, and concussion status effects caused by facial strikes.
[One for You, One for Me]: If you take an enemy's attack head-on without dodging and then counter, the power of your next slap increases by 300%.
"...What the hell is this?"
Not martial arts. This was just a slap-fighting tournament skill.
"Ha. I'm fucked."
My thighs felt ready to explode. I couldn't run anymore. I planted my feet and spun around.
The rats were right on top of me.
Fine. I'll just slap the shit out of them and hope for the best.
The lead rat launched itself into the air. Teeth the size of fingers filled my vision.
In that instant a strange sensation flooded every nerve in my body. I had never slapped anyone in my life—and yet right now I felt like I could land a perfect one.
I saw the trajectory. I cocked my right hand all the way back. Then I swung.
SMACK————!!!
My palm carved through empty air and slammed dead-center into the rat's cheek. A rupture like a cannon going off. Boom! The rat flew like a rag doll and smashed into the wall, bursting open like a watermelon and dying in a spray of blood.
"..."
The rats behind it slammed on the brakes as one. Horror filled their eyes. I looked down at my own hand, still half in disbelief.
"What the fuck? This is an A-rank skill?"
It hit ridiculously hard. I spread both hands wide, showing the rats my open palms, and grinned.
"Listen up, you little shits. Get lost—or stick your heads out. Your call."
"Chiiik...!"
The hesitant ones flipped their eyes white and charged again. I took a light step, raised my palms high.
This wasn't a hunt. This was just giant flyswatter time.
Sssh, sssh.
I wiped my blood-soaked palms on my clothes. Rat blood was sticky and disgusting.
"Ugh, filthy as hell."
I clicked my tongue. No matter how much I wiped, the clammy feeling wouldn't leave.
A dark, maze-like cave. How long had I been walking?
Clink. Footsteps.
Not far off—metal striking metal, and the sound of human feet.
People!
It felt like grabbing a lifeline. I ran toward the noise without a second thought. Rounding the corner, I saw three figures—a man and two women. The man in front carried a sword. The women behind him held a crossbow and a staff respectively. A textbook fantasy adventurer party.
"Hey! Please help me!"
I called out in pure relief and hurried toward them.
Tak!
All three leveled their weapons at once. The tip of the woman's crossbow locked onto my heart.
"Stop."
I froze mid-step and threw both hands high. No hostile intent—plain as day. The swordsman narrowed his eyes.
"Who the hell are you."
"I think I'm lost."
"You think?"
The man repeated it like he couldn't believe the stupidity. The trio exchanged glances. Then the corners of their mouths curled into ugly little smirks.
"Looking at those clothes, you must've come in from some other country's tower. Where's your party? All dead?"
"No weapon, no bag—ran off alone like a little rat, didn't you?"
I didn't feel like arguing, so I just nodded vaguely.
"Yeah, that's right. But which way do I go to get out of here?"
"We'll get to that later."
The man sauntered closer.
"Hand over every Magic Stone you've got."
"...Magic Stones? I don't have any."
His face twisted in an instant. He closed the last of the distance, seized my collar, and wrenched it tight. His breath reeked.
"You not reading the room, you little shit?"
"You want to be rescued, you pay. There's no free lunch in the labyrinth, asshole."
"I really don't have any."
"Talking isn't going to cut it, is it."
He ground his teeth.
"I'll strip you myself and find whatever Magic Stone pouch you've got stashed. Enough of them and I'll let you live. None, and you die right here."
I was done listening. The right hand I still held in the air clenched hard. Then I swung with everything I had.
SMACK-------------!!!
A thunderclap exploded through the cave. The man's head snapped sideways. KRA-BOOM! He flew like he'd been hit by artillery and slammed into the cave wall.
"Fuck off, you two-bit thug."
He never even got a scream out. The man slid down the wall and crumpled, completely out cold. Not so much as a twitch. Or was he dead?
"......?"
Behind him, the women with the crossbow and staff short-circuited. They just stared blankly this way.
I charged them immediately. Target: the crossbow bitch. Snipers before mages. Finish it while their brains were still rebooting.
"Wh-what the fuck is that guy?!"
The crossbow woman snapped out of it first. Click—she leveled the weapon at me. Too late to dodge. Instead I thrust my head forward. The hardest part of my body. My trusty A-rank skill. Please hit me in the head—or miss entirely!
Thwang—!
The string sang. Thud! It felt like a heavy stone smacking my forehead. And that was it. No pain at all.
Yes! Long live the A-rank skill!
I was almost grateful she'd aimed so well.
"Kyaa! What is that monster?! That was a headshot!"
Her pupils shook violently. I stretched my palm straight at that stunned face.
"You fire dangerous shit at people and call it fair?!"
Gender equality slap.
SMACK-------!!!
"Kya?!"
A clean, ringing crack. The woman spun a triple axel through the air, lost her crossbow, and sprawled across the floor.
"Next."
I turned my gaze. One left—the mage with the staff.
If a fireball came flying, that would be a real headache. First strike wins.
She was trembling.
"H-hik...!"
I planted a front kick square in the shaking mage's gut. Thud—!
"Ack!!!"
She toppled backward in a neat little heap. I strolled over and stepped on the rolling staff, claiming it. A slap would have knocked her out cold, so I'd aimed for the stomach on purpose. If everyone was unconscious, there'd be nobody left to answer questions. I was done wandering this shithole and picking fights with random assholes.
It was time to find out where the hell this place even was.
I crouched in front of the wheezing mage, palm open and ready to deliver an instant slap if she tried anything funny.
"From now on, I ask the questions. Where is this?"
The mage, still thrashing from the gut pain, looked at me in pure horror.
"Wh-what kind of garbage question is that?!"
She shrieked, flustered.
"Obviously this is the first floor of the Great Labyrinth? Or were you asking for the exact location?"
Yap, yap, yap. Too many words. That wasn't the answer I wanted.
"Why the hell are you talking back so much?!"
I slammed my palm into the floor. Boom! A shockwave no human hand should produce rolled out; stone dust scattered. The heavy impact traveled up through the ground.
"Just answer the damn question I asked!"
"Hiiik...!"
The mage's face went blue. She bowed her head, shaking violently.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Sob—please just spare me!"
Pure terror. A wet stain began to spread across the floor where she lay. Did she seriously piss herself? The sharp ammonia stench hit my nose and I wrinkled it in disgust. Gross. Irritation spiked.
"Answer cleanly."
I looked down at her with cold eyes.
"So how do I escape from here?"
The mage burst into full-on bawling and spit the words out like a machine gun.
"You just go back the way you came!"
"..."
"There's an escape magic circle there! You spend one Magic Stone to activate it and it takes you back to the city you came from!"
A scream half outrage, half pure fear.
"Everyone already knows that—why are you even asking?! Did you lose your memory or something?!"
Escape magic circle. That single phrase was all that lodged in my ears. If I could just reach it, I could go home. My heart hammered.
I pressed her, hope flooding every word.
"Do you know the way?"