I Hate Being Alone
I opened my eyes to a strange sense of déjà vu. I was lying on the bed in Reina's room, and the moment I woke up, she was already on the verge of tears. The clock on the wall read two in the afternoon. Since I'd gone to the training grounds after lunch, I must have been unconscious for at least an hour.
"You really did faint, didn't you?"
Facing her worried tears, I felt pathetic. Reina furrowed her brows, looking slightly annoyed.
"What the hell, Seo Yujin... I was worried sick, and that's all you have to say?"
"I'm sorry. But I..."
The thought of hurting someone else again crept into my mind. I grew anxious that she might feel guilty, just like my master had, and leave me. In that moment, words I shouldn't have said kept spilling out.
"At least I can last twenty or thirty minutes. That way, if you're in danger, I can buy you some time..."
Before I could finish, Reina's anger flared even hotter. She raised her voice, and suddenly her hand struck my cheek with a sharp sound before clenching into a fist.
"You! Do you really want to die!? That's not what you're supposed to say right now!"
"......"
"Why are you suddenly belittling yourself and hurting your own feelings!? Who asked you to protect me!? I told you, right? I'm the one who protects you!"
Transparent droplets fell from her clear eyes. Even as she scolded me, she was grieving.
"I... I just wanted to protect you, Nuna... And I..."
I didn't want to make an innocent person feel guilty. I tried to tell her about my master, but seeing Reina's furious expression made me afraid.
"Stop calling me Nuna!"
"What?"
"Call me Reina!"
As she spoke, her hand gently caressed the cheek she had just slapped. She slowly pulled me closer until I was trapped in her embrace.
"We're dating, aren't we? There's no need to keep calling me Nuna. I hate that kind of title now!"
Even while holding me, she seemed worried and kept stroking my cheek. Suddenly being told to drop the honorifics and call her by name left me flustered. I told her I couldn't do that.
"I gave you permission, didn't I? And I want to hear it! Are you going to ignore what I say?"
Her voice rose again with irritation. At the same time, she insisted that I had to call her by name even for official matters.
"This is too sudden..."
"Shut up! If you keep this up, I'll devour you right here!"
"!?"
The moment I heard those words, my shoulders flinched. My heart pounded, and that strange feeling washed over me once more. She pushed me back slightly as if pulling me out of her arms, then cupped both of my cheeks to make me face her.
"Quickly! Call me Reina!"
"N-no... Suddenly dropping the honorifics is..."
"I don't want to be called Nuna either. Yeah, I'm four years older than you! But we're lovers now. Calling me Nuna feels like you're keeping your distance!"
Her voice softened a little. Her breath tickled my ear, and I felt lost about how to handle the situation. No matter how I thought about it, dropping the honorifics seemed impossible. Reina let out a long sigh.
"Fine! I'll give you some time. Just a little! And if you ever push yourself like that again... I'll really devour you!"
She said she still had work to do and walked toward the door. After one last warning, she left the room. She had insisted we stay together, yet now she was leaving. Was she feeling guilty about what happened earlier and trying to put distance between us? Or was asking me to drop the honorifics just a way to make me fail so she could find an excuse to break up?
"Am I going to be alone again...?"
The moment I muttered those words, a chill spread through my chest. I had finally grown close to someone, yet it felt like I was about to be left alone once more. If we broke up, I could leave this place. I would regain my freedom and return to my old life—but that old life had never been good. The thought that the woman I was growing fond of might reject me made staying here terrifying.
Before long, it was late afternoon. Yujin seemed anxious, as if he was still hiding something. Forcing the issue would only hurt him more. Normally we would stay together, but from experience, he needed time alone. So I deliberately found a reason to leave him, though the truth was that I had grown dissatisfied with being called "Nuna."
"Besides... calling me 'Boss' when I'm not even his subordinate..."
The title "Boss" especially irritated me. Why was he trying so hard to keep his distance? It frustrated me. As I walked down the hallway, my subordinates greeted me, but I responded half-heartedly, taking my irritation out on them.
"Boss, the OO Corporation wants to sign a contract..."
"I don't have time today. Handle it yourselves."
Do these people have no sense? No one should be making appointments right now. Even if they did, my mind was completely filled with thoughts of Yujin. I entered what passed for my office and looked over some documents, but nothing registered. Was there really a reason to refuse? Couldn't he at least call me by name once? I muttered to myself that it was petty.
Then, for some reason, anxiety crept in.
"Haa... Was I too hasty? He must have been scared of me already... He finally opened up a little, and now I've scared him again..."
Just like Yujin said, we could still reach an understanding. After kidnapping him yesterday and forcing him to stay here, it wouldn't be strange if he feared me. Yet contrary to my expectations, he confessed at dawn. I was so happy, but I wanted to get even closer—and that desire had turned into greed.
A sudden thought struck me. What if my behavior made him uncomfortable here? Reina's expression darkened instantly.
"N-no... That can't be... I think I got a little angry... Huh? Wait... Did I slap him earlier?"
The anxiety wouldn't fade. It only grew stronger. I quickly left the office and called over one of my men.
"Hey! Go to my room right now and check on Yujin!"
The subordinate looked startled but immediately headed upstairs. A few minutes later, he returned with a report.
"Boss, Yujin is in the room."
He added that Yujin was sitting on the bed, deep in thought. Reina let out a sigh of relief.
"Got it. You can go."
The subordinate bowed and returned to his post. Still, the fact that he was thinking meant something was on his mind. Was he wishing he could go home? Worry kept gnawing at me. Looking back, I shouldn't have treated Yujin that way. I didn't deserve to be with him in the first place. He had been unfairly brought here and even forced to give up university. In that situation, I had allowed us to date, introduced him to everyone as my boyfriend, and kept demanding his affection. He had even given me advice about the organization and hadn't been scared when I lost control earlier. But what about me? Instead of being considerate, I only wanted more. Maybe what he said earlier came from worry, not anything else.
"I should have... understood how Yujin felt better... I'm such an idiot... Really, I..."
Reina finally realized she had been too hasty. Anxious, she hurried back to the room. She wanted to drop the honorifics because she was greedy, and she wanted to apologize for what happened earlier. But when she returned, Yujin was nowhere to be seen.
"What... Where did he go...?"
Her heart dropped. There was a bathroom in the room, but he wasn't there either. In an instant, her lovely boyfriend had vanished. Reina rushed outside in a panic.
"Anyone! Has anyone seen Yujin!?"
"Boss, if it's Yujin, I saw him heading toward the backyard earlier."
"What!? You idiot! Why are you only telling me now!?"
She was already dying of anxiety, and her subordinates were making it worse. She snapped at them.
"W-well... I thought he might be taking a walk..."
"You crazy bastard! He just fainted! And you think Yujin would casually go for a walk!? What were you thinking, leaving him alone like that!? Damn it! What are you all doing!? Spread out and search everywhere! Now!!"
It wasn't Yujin's fault. Her irritation came from her foolish subordinates, and their thoughtless reports turned that irritation into rage. The men scattered to search the area, but even the security team monitoring the CCTV reported they couldn't find Yujin anywhere.
"No... It can't be... There's no way... Sob... I shouldn't have said that..."
She muttered in despair, but Yujin's figure remained nowhere to be found. Biting her nails—an old habit she had broken—Reina ran through the mansion with tears in her eyes, unable to contain her anxiety.