How to Cure Androphobia (2)
The treatment of androphobia had always clung to Isabelle Maria Kim like a tag she could never tear off — a task and an obligation inseparable from her role as a Saint Candidate of the International Orthodox Church.
After all, to become the symbolic priestess of the Church, the miracle of healing had to extend to all of humanity. The fact that she could treat only women — a mere half of the human race — was enough to threaten her standing, to strip away her prospects. That was precisely why she had undertaken the long journey from the Vatican all the way to distant Korea: to cure her phobia.
She had reasoned that if she simply engaged in hunter activity in the very place where her fear of men had been born, that fear would naturally wear itself away.
…The terrifying memories of her childhood, born of her stepfather and stepmother.
'Be still. If you scream for no reason, this time I'll strangle you to death.'
'We've fed you and put a roof over your head, so shouldn't you pay for it with something like this? How long do you intend to keep up that innocent little act?'
"……"
Memories so frightening they still surfaced in her dreams from time to time. The memory of fleeing barefoot from that hellish house, evading the grotesque thing thrust toward her face. Because of it, Kim Isabel still carried a trauma around the mere existence of men, and those childhood memories had obstructed her hundreds upon hundreds of times over the years.
She could not so much as meet the eyes of men who had nothing to do with her stepfather — not even the man who had risked his own life to save her.
'If this continues, I'll only end up being a burden to others again, someday.'
Monsters do not distinguish between men and women. Once she entered Cheonmu Academy and began joint training with other hunters, there would inevitably be more and more wounded to treat — and naturally, half of them would be male hunter trainees.
For someone in a life-or-death emergency, she couldn't keep running away forever on the strength of a single emotion called fear. This time, a greater fear had pushed her to overcome it somehow — but if something similar happened again, would she truly be able to conquer it?
'I think it would be best to hear him out one more time….'
For one thing, this Lee Seonho seemed different from other men.
A man who could stand his ground against a massive monster, who even possessed the courage to sacrifice himself to save another. Unlike her — who had only ever run from fear — he was someone who could genuinely call himself a hunter.
It had been someone like that who made the offer, so surely there was no bad intent behind it. Far more likely, he had brought it up out of a genuine desire to help her and her androphobia.
'Who knows — maybe he really could cure the phobia I carry.'
He was still frightening, yes. But he was different from the other men.
Up until now, he had been the only man around whom she could master her fear well enough to perform treatment. If she could grow gradually accustomed to Lee Seonho — a man she was already, if only a little, more familiar with than any other — then perhaps she could suppress those memories of the past as well.
-Creeeeak.
With that thought, Kim Isabel carefully opened the door of his private hospital room and stepped inside.
…Without the other priestesses who usually stood at her side. Entirely alone.
⁎ ⁎ ⁎
-Creeeeak.
"F-for your evening tre-treatment…. I-I'll, I'll take care of it…."
"……"
Kim Isabel eased the door shut behind her and slipped inside, slow and deliberate. A tension she could not quite hide hovered around her skittering, hesitant figure.
At mealtimes — when she merely delivered food and left — it was one thing, but during treatment, which required direct physical contact, she had always brought two other priestesses along. Without that much support, she simply couldn't overcome her fear of treating a man like me.
And yet now she had appeared without any of them, entirely on her own. Judging by that grimly determined posture, I could sense her resolve: she wanted to overcome her androphobia through me, whatever it took.
…Although her expression, still shrouded behind the veil, remained completely unreadable.
"Are you sure about this? Coming in alone, without the other priestesses?"
"Th-the, the other sisters happened to be busy…. I-I'll perform the tr-treatment perfectly, so you needn't, needn't worry…."
Kim Isabel machine-gunned out excuses I hadn't even asked for, inching toward me one halting step at a time like a newborn foal.
Setting aside whether she could actually perform a proper treatment in that state, simply watching her tremble in front of me like that was painful enough on its own.
The ideal approach would have been the same one I'd used to treat Cha Eunju's timid nature — layering suggestions until she gradually grew comfortable around men….
But whether Kim Isabel would quietly submit to a suggestion based on nothing more than my verbal persuasion — that was the crucial question.
"Hey, Isabel."
"Y-yes, yes…! Wh-what, what can I do for you…?"
"Have you thought about what I asked at dinner? About receiving my buff to treat your androphobia."
"…I-I have thought about it…. It's, it's just…."
"I understand it might be a little frightening, receiving a buff from a man like me. I'm only saying this because if things go on like this, I think you'll suffer for it far more than I will. And I know my repeated offers must look a little suspicious — that part I can't really help…."
"N-no, no, not at all…. I-I don't suspect you, Lee Seonho, or, or anything like that, absolutely not…."
"Good. I'm glad to hear it."
"……"
Kim Isabel fell silent and quietly bowed her head.
Even without seeing her face, I had a fair sense of what she was feeling. Right now, she was probably weighing whether to accept the buff while nursing a small pang of guilt toward me.
After all, accepting the buff alone would naturally dispel any suspicion that she doubted me. I couldn't see her expression, but I knew Kim Isabel's personality well enough by now that the face beneath the veil drew itself in my mind without effort.
"U-um, excuse me…."
"Yes, Isabel?"
"Th-this buff…. Wh-what exactly is it called…? Are there any, any side effects…? Its, its duration, wh-whether it can be canceled partway through, and also…."
"…You don't have to rush. I'll explain everything, one by one. Feel free to write it down if you'd like to keep a record."
"Y-yes…."
The moment my words landed, she pulled a notepad and pen from her pocket and readied herself to take notes.
Typical of her careful nature — she seemed determined to record everything, review it, and only then make her decision.
Well, under normal circumstances that was exactly the right call. It was Cha Eunju who'd been the odd exception, accepting from me — without a flicker of hesitation — a suggestion she couldn't tell apart from brainwashing.
'I just hope she doesn't get too wary the moment she hears the name Succubus Heart.'
That was the single most fatal weakness of Suggestion. The skill itself could be concealed, but the names of its details could not — which meant that a suspiciously named suggestion would tip the target off immediately.
If I explained that part carefully, I could cast a suggestion on Kim Isabel once again.
…One that would cure her androphobia while, at the same time, planting in her a romantic fondness for me.
"If you agree to let me cast the buff, Isabel, the one I'll be giving you is called 'Succubus Heart.'"
"…S-succubus? Isn't, isn't that the name of the d-demon that drains a man's essence…?"
"I'm not actually turning anyone into a succubus, or asking you to make a contract with one. The buffs I can use derive their concepts from their names by design, so most of them sound pretty direct.
For reference, the buff Cha Eunju usually receives from me before every fight is called 'Potion of Courage.' You can see what I mean, right?"
"Ah, ah… I-I unders-understand…."
Despite the demon's name being spoken aloud, Kim Isabel neither fled nor denounced me — she simply listened, docile.
I couldn't tell what emotions lay behind the veil… but the fact that she wasn't bolting outright meant I had plenty of room to persuade her.
Her desperation to shake off this androphobic condition of hers must have been that deep.
My conscience didn't prickle much over exploiting a weakness. After all, that's exactly how I'd wooed Cha Eunju. Too late for scruples now.
"Succubi are generally regarded as demons who love men. My buffs adopt that concept, too. Under normal circumstances, it works on a woman with no interest in men at all, making her fond of them."
"Isn't, isn't that a little dangerous…? I-I know it's called a buff, but manipulating a person's emotions…."
"Naturally, I don't use it carelessly on just anyone. For one thing, it's a buff that simply can't be applied if the other person refuses. And emotional regulation, in the end, comes down to how it's used — you can't call it a purely bad thing.
The reason I was able to carry you and Cha Eunju in turns during the practical exam was a buff called 'Adrenaline Explosion' — it temporarily blocked my perception of the pain my body was under."
"Ah, ah…. S-so that's how you were able to m-move until your muscles were t-torn…."
"If I hadn't used that buff that day, you and Cha Eunju both would have been in danger. Probably me too. Of course, if the idea of a buff that touches your emotions still frightens you after all this, then I have nothing more to say…."
"N-no, no, not at all…. Used th-that way, I-I think it's ob-obviously a good ability…."
I kept the conversation moving, leaving her space to reach her own conclusions while letting the guilt accumulate, little by little.
Her aversion to the mental-type buffs I possessed. Her fear that her own feelings might be rewritten without her consent. Her doubts about whether such powers should be used at all. One by one, I blurred the psychological lines of resistance she'd built up before ever receiving my suggestion.
"Shall I go back to explaining that buff, then?"
"Y-yes…."
"An ordinary person who receives 'Succubus Heart' develops an attraction to men. But with your androphobia, it will probably work somewhat differently than it would for most people."
"H-how, how would it work…?"
"Hm. I feel like you might already know the answer to that, Isabel."
"…Yes?"
"You received it from me once before, remember? During the practical exam. 'Succubus Heart.'"
"……Wh-what?"
…Judging by the flustered incomprehension on her end, she genuinely didn't remember. It must have landed in the middle of such chaos that she never registered it at all.
Still, the circumstances made it possible to guess at least when the buff had taken hold. There had been a brief stretch when she could speak with a man — with me — without a trace of fear.
"Th-then, don't tell me — from the moment you c-carried me…?"
"That's right, from that moment. It probably wore off once I lost consciousness, so you'd have gone back to normal after that."
"……"
"I apologize for casting it on you without asking permission. But if I hadn't used the buff then, I couldn't have carried you out of there. I'm sorry."
"N-no, it's… I-I wouldn't say that was exactly wrong, ex-exactly…."
"Then, could you forgive me?"
"……"
-A small nod.
"Thank you. Truly."
Instead of a verbal answer, Kim Isabel simply bowed her head in a quiet nod.
After a brief word of thanks, I laid out the rest of the details regarding the buff. That it could be released at any time, on request. That even if it wasn't, it would end the moment I fell asleep or lost consciousness.
Even then, still anxious, she fired off every last fine-grained question she could think of, and I answered each one as fully as I could, then waited in silence for her reply.
Whether she would accept the buff from me and treat her androphobia — or give it all up, too afraid of having her emotions manipulated.
'…The persuasion about the buff itself is more or less done, so from here on, it's half a gamble.'
How did Kim Isabel actually remember that moment during the practical exam — when I had forcibly pushed a buff… no, a suggestion, into her?
"I-I'll do, do it…."
The answer that came back from her lips was, thankfully, a yes.