Impulse Suppression Training (1)
It never happened.
Yesterday was just… never happening.
It was the kind of answer you'd expect from the usual Seonho junior, nothing dramatically different from any other day — but to Choi Mari, it felt like nothing of the sort.
…He's disappointed in me.
No ordinary person could ever just wave off something like that as if it had never happened.
Choi Mari knew this with particular certainty, because she'd made the exact same mistake just last year. The faces and the eyes of her party members as they laid into her back then could still dredge up her guilt even now.
She could hold her head high in front of everyone else, yet she could never bring herself to be harsh with her old party members — because she still owed them a Debt of Heart.
…And right now, she felt crushed under a weight of obligation toward her junior Seonho that made those old debts look like nothing.
On the surface, "let's pretend it never happened" sounded like forgiveness. But it was also an accusation — the words of someone who wouldn't even grant her the chance to apologize.
…How am I supposed to apologize?
Should she ignore his words and force an apology on him anyway?
Should she get down on her knees? It would wound her pride, but if that was what it took to make Seonho feel better, there was no reason to hesitate.
But he had already said not to bring up yesterday. If she went and did something like that unprompted, wouldn't it only backfire?
Drowning in these spiraling thoughts, Choi Mari couldn't focus on the workout at all, spending the entire run stealing glances at Lee Seonho beside her.
"Thank you for your hard work, Mari sunbae."
"…Yeah. You too."
In the end, with no idea what to say, the two of them simply finished their morning workout.
"I'm heading to my place. Are you going back to the academy, sunbae?"
"……"
"…Sunbae?"
"…S-sorry. Wh-what were you saying?"
"Workout's over, so I'm heading out. I'll rest a bit at my place, then come back to the academy after evening training."
"…Oh. R-right… I see…"
"Will you be heading straight to the academy?"
"Me…? I'm just…"
I have to say something. Anything at all.
Even if she didn't know how to apologize yet, she couldn't just send him off like this.
If she let him go now, things would be even more awkward tonight, and more awkward still tomorrow. In a week. In a month…
…Maybe he was only being civil to her because the team assignment was still hanging over them. Maybe the moment Teamwork and Strategy ended, he'd start treating her like she didn't exist.
Even if he did treat me that way, I'd have no one to blame but myself…
So somehow, she had to stay close to him a little longer.
Any trivial pretext would do — even a transparent excuse.
"H-hey, Seonho…!"
"Yes?"
"Um, h-have you eaten breakfast— n-no, wait, that's… W-would you have some time later today…? No, that's not what I'm trying to say…"
She had no idea what words she was supposed to summon him with. This was the first time in Choi Mari's life she'd ever tried to invite someone to do something like this.
Above all, she wasn't sure she could survive the shock of being refused. Whether she asked him to eat or to go somewhere together, the moment a refusal left his lips, she knew it would feel exactly like I don't want to be around you, sunbae.
How… how do I say this…
What words could she offer that would make him stay by her side a little longer instead of turning her down?
As Choi Mari desperately racked her brain, something flickered up from the depths of her memory — offhand remarks Seonho had made during today's training.
'I help Sora with her archery training every Thursday. Her accuracy drops pretty badly without my buff, so it's just until she gets used to it.'
'You remember Cha Eunju from before, right? She used to have a monster phobia, so even training against hologram monsters was hard for her, but since I've been giving her buffs as training support, she doesn't suddenly panic anymore.'
'There's a first-year in the Recovery Department named Kim Isabel. She seems to have a hard time around men. After a few mental conditioning sessions with me, she's improved somewhat, but…'
…Yes. That's it.
If it was that, then maybe — just maybe — she could construct a situation Seonho couldn't refuse. The thought crept cautiously into Choi Mari's head.
Seonho seems like the type who takes on almost any request asked of him…
And if it were something only she could do, it would be that much harder to turn down. That must be why he was spending his own time helping his classmates train.
"…Seonho."
She knew how absurd it was — someone who had already wronged him now coming to ask for training, of all things. But in another sense, this very act would be an apology to him.
"…I know it's shameless of me, after everything, to ask you for something like this."
"Yes?"
…Show him that I intend to change. Prove I'll never make the same mistake again.
"…Seonho, I want your advice… on how to suppress the impulses that boil up in the middle of combat."
That would be an apology in the way that respected him most, wouldn't it?
"You handle mental-type buffs, Seonho…. S-so maybe, someone like you might be able to solve my problem… maybe…"
"……"
"O-of course, if you're busy, I understand. I'm not asking you to help for nothing, either. If, if you want, I'll even pay training fees…"
"…Training fees?"
"Th-that's just how desperate I am. Because of yesterday… n-no, wait, because of what happened a year ago, too — I think fixing this habit of mine is important."
"……"
"A-and Seonho, we have a team assignment together in two weeks, s-so I was thinking it'd be good if you could restrain me so I don't do the same thing again…"
Something about this felt off — the more she added, the more it felt like she was making excuses, and the stranger the whole thing became.
Having spilled words she couldn't tell were a request or a rambling dodge, Choi Mari waited for her verdict like a condemned prisoner. And the words that reached her from Lee Seonho were:
"Sure, sunbae. If that's how you feel, I should help."
"Y-you'll really help me?"
"You asked me first, so of course I will. You're the person I owe the most to day-to-day anyway, Mari sunbae. If not now, when else would I repay that debt?"
"N-no… that's not what I meant…"
"Why don't you wash up, have breakfast, and then come over to my place? I'll send you my address on Cocoatalk."
"Right, your place… u-uh…?"
"See you in an hour or two, sunbae."
She'd only said she wanted mental training, so for a moment Choi Mari couldn't understand why she was suddenly being invited to his home, and she floundered.
"…R-right."
But she couldn't bring herself to ask the reason, so she simply nodded with an awkward smile.
…Hooked him like a fish.
It had been worth deliberately prodding her guilt over and over. I'd gotten the hot-headed Choi Mari to be the one asking me for a favor.
Act like I'm forgiving her on the surface while subtly keeping yesterday's incident fresh in her mind. Confuse her emotions with meaningful looks. I'd also casually dropped the fact that girls like Han Sora were doing 'mental-type buff' training with me — all to teach her the 'most correct way' to apologize.
'Though I half expected her to refuse the invitation to my place, at least once.'
I'd thrown it out halfheartedly — nice if it worked, whatever if it didn't. If she'd shown any hesitation, I'd have immediately switched the venue to the Training Grounds.
But the fact that she'd nodded along and agreed despite being invited to the apartment of a man living alone meant her guilt toward me ran that deep.
Or maybe, knowing my ability was a mental-type buff, she figured that if I tried anything weird, she could subdue me easily enough.
Everyone starts out that way. Cha Eunju, Han Sora, even Kim Isabel — all of them had the strength or a spell or two to pin me down in a heartbeat if they wanted.
The comfort of knowing they could stop me at any moment becomes, in turn, the very reason they never resist. Convinced they can slam the brakes the instant a line is crossed, they let me come right up to the boundary they've drawn in their own hearts.
Never noticing, right up to the very end, that I'm the one nudging that boundary backward, little by little.
'She should be arriving about now.'
I'd been waiting for Choi Mari over a breakfast of a whole-wheat sandwich stuffed with chicken breast. Starting today, her conditioning would begin in earnest.
Of course, no matter how guilty Choi Mari felt, I planned to keep things light on day one. She needed to see for certain that my training produced real results — only then would she follow along without suspicion, again and again.
-Ding-dong.
"S-Seonho? Are you in there?"
Right on cue. I hurried out to let her in, feigning that I'd just been on my way somewhere.
-Click.
"Come in, sunbae."
"…Your parents?"
"I live alone, for now. My family does visit sometimes."
"…I see."
Maybe she was flustered by the fact that this was a home where a man lived alone, or maybe faintly surprised that a man living alone kept the place reasonably tidy.
Choi Mari stepped inside, scanning her surroundings with eyes that still carried a trace of wariness. Calmly, I brought up the 'Impulse Suppression Training' I'd mentioned earlier.
"Sunbae."
"…Yes, Seonho?"
"You said earlier you wanted to talk about training to suppress the impulses that come up during combat, right?"
"…R-right. But if it's a bother for you, there's really no need to go out of your way…"
"…Oh. Is that so? And here I was preparing to explain the training method to you…"
"N-no, that's not what I meant! I, I genuinely want to receive training from you, Seonho — I only said don't trouble yourself if y-you're busy!"
Transparent. She'd asked to be trained, then changed her mind once the moment arrived, and her excuses were pitifully thin on top of it.
And that flimsy resolve had wobbled so badly that the instant I showed the slightest flicker of disappointment, she frantically took it all back.
'I could probably ring her like a bell for a good while yet.'
She'd keep tormenting herself with guilt until she crossed a certain line. Honestly, exploiting a weakness and working someone in this state was even easier than it had been with Min Yewon.
But doing that to a 'heroine' isn't my style. Even what I'm putting Min Yewon through is largely justified — she committed her crime against Kim Isabel first, and I'm punishing her for it.
Choi Mari did sin against me, but she never tormented a heroine or drove one into danger. What happened in the original story never happened in this reality, so it could be let slide to a reasonable degree.
So for Choi Mari, conditioning in the style that suited her best would be more than enough.
"First, please just hear my idea before you jump to any misunderstandings, sunbae. This is only one of several methods I've been considering, after all."
"…I won't misunderstand anything. Go ahead."
"…Sunbae, did you know there's a mental-type buff called 'Hypnosis'?"
"…What?"
After all, once I could land Suggestion: Hypnosis even once, everything after that became easy — same as it always was.