A Wrong Judgment (3)
…I had no face to show.
Honestly, I thought he had every right to be angry.
What I had done to my junior Seonho in that emergency… it was something no amount of payment on my part could ever repay.
"Seonho! A-are you okay?!"
"Khh, hack... H-Han... Sora..."
"F-first, get out of that smoke! Spread your arms and keep moving — you know how it works, right?"
"Haah, hoo, haaah…!"
Junior Seonho, who had barely crawled out of the tear gas, was running through the park with a pained expression on his face. His friend Han Sora was running alongside him, keeping pace.
…And I, of all people, couldn't do a single thing.
'…Not that I have any right to say anything to him right now in the first place.'
It was a fight that could have ended if I had simply held my position like I was supposed to.
Even without attempting an attack myself, all I had to do was hold out until its mana ran dry. There would have been more than enough chances to land the finishing blow afterward.
…Setting everything else aside, a shieldbearer abandoning her party and charging out was an absurdity on its face.
'If I hadn't….'
He could have died. Genuinely, truly died.
And it wouldn't have been Seonho's fault — it would have been that single judgment I made.
In the real world, with no mock-training safeguards, no death-prevention magic.
My own stupid decision had nearly driven my junior into death's embrace.
'If it had been anyone other than Seonho….'
They would have died, without question. Or at the very least—
No. Even the assumption of "at the very least, severe injury" was meaningless, it was that dangerous. Anyone else would simply have died, full stop.
He survived because he was Lee Seonho. In a crisis that desperate, almost no active hunter alive could have overcome it with that level of preparedness and quick thinking.
'…And that's the second-ranked student of his year.'
Thorough situational judgment so complete that his rank made sense even without raw combat power. On top of that, instantaneous adaptability and preparedness in the moment.
He claims his upperclassmen handed the number-two spot down to him, but I doubt that's really how he earned it.
Staying calm and taking on the role he could play even amid a monster wave — conserving Han Sora's arrows in preparation for the boss — all of that was his role, executed perfectly.
And yet I… hadn't changed at all from that day, one year ago.
…In a certain sense, I might even be worse now.
"……"
…What on earth was I supposed to say to apologize?
No — even if I did apologize, would he even pretend to hear it?
Back in the dining hall, my old party members had gotten angry on my behalf without a shred of suspicion, and what I had given Seonho in return was a near-death crisis that forced him to gamble his life.
If he decided from now on to cut ties with me entirely, I wouldn't have a single word to say in my defense.
"Khup, hhh… Aah, I think I can breathe a little now…."
"Why did you even set off a tear gas canister there…?! I was on pins and needles the whole time, worried I'd hit you by mistake!"
"I did it because I trusted your aim, Han Sora…. And besides, if it's fifty-fifty whether you die anyway, that's worth a gamble, isn't it?"
"Don't say insane things like that, Lee Seonho!"
Only after the smoke had mostly cleared from his body did he seem to come back to his senses, bantering with Han Sora like it was nothing.
While I was still racking my brain over what words could possibly serve as an apology, he spoke first.
"Whew. You worked hard too, Senior Marie. If it hadn't been for you, things really would have gone badly."
"…Huh? Wh-what?"
"You protected me the entire fight, didn't you? I know it must've been annoying, being stuck watching over a Support Department junior — if it hadn't been for your ability, I would've died right then and there. Isn't that right?"
"……"
"Anyway. Thank you, Senior Marie."
No.
I am not someone who deserves your thanks.
After finishing my statement with Chief Eun Soyeon and coming back, Han Sora and Choi Marie appeared before me.
Unlike Han Sora, who looked at me with eyes full of worry, Choi Marie kept fidgeting — avoiding my gaze, then meeting it again, over and over.
"What did the chief say?"
"Same as always, really. When the monster wave started, what kinds of monsters popped out, how we fought — stuff like that."
"Huh. So it's the same everywhere."
"I think she only asked as a formality, since they have the CCTV footage anyway. It was the same back at the amusement park."
"Ugh, honestly — am I going to have to carry one of those around every time I go outside from now on? First the amusement park, then your place…."
"Hm? My place? …Ah, th-that…?"
"N-no, no…! That's, that's not what I meant…. N-no, never mind, yeah, anyway…."
Honestly, so much had happened in that single day that I couldn't tell which memory she'd dredged up — whether she was thinking of seeing me naked, or of having her chest touched while she slept.
And the longer Sora and I kept up this kind of exchange, the more alienated Choi Marie was evidently starting to feel. Not that she was in any state to be worrying about those emotions right now.
"Senior Marie."
"……"
"Senior Marie?"
"…Ah, s-sorry! D-did you, did you call me…?!"
Her mind had been somewhere else entirely — it took me calling twice before she hurriedly snapped her head up, all restless and flustered.
Seeing her wound that tight, clearly bracing herself for whatever I might say, I was fairly certain the Debt of Heart had taken root.
"Wh-what, what is it…?"
"I'm too tired to do our evening workout today, so I wanted to give you a heads-up."
"…Huh?"
"The evening workout. I'll rest just for today and do the morning session tomorrow instead. I figure I already got today's exercise in earlier."
"…Ah, o-okay…."
Her face had been fully prepared to receive resentment and reproach, but since all I brought up was mundane everyday business, she just wore a look of complete bafflement instead.
I let her reaction slide without pressing, and simply drifted back into ordinary small talk with Han Sora.
"You're heading back to the academy, Sora?"
"…Why? You're going to your apartment?"
"Yeah. I've got a package coming from midweek — I need to pick it up and unpack."
"What kind of package?"
"…Oh, you know. Clothes, stuff like that."
Not clothes for me to wear — though I suppose the person who'd be wearing them was already decided anyway.
"……"
Choi Marie was still busily rolling her eyes around, nowhere to land her gaze.
For any number of reasons, she seemed to have a lot on her mind. I hoped she'd like the clothes I'd prepared.
The next morning.
"Good morning, Senior Marie."
"…M-morning, S-Seonho."
Choi Marie showed up again today in her pink tights clinging to every curve and a sports tank top.
Her outfit was exactly the same as always — but her reaction was awkward enough that anyone could see it.
'Normally she'd be the one to come up and greet me first.'
Unable to bring herself to speak first even after our eyes met, she had pretended not to notice me and taken another full lap of the track before coming back around.
And then, only when I greeted her first, she calmly returned it as if she'd only just spotted me.
On the surface, it looked like our relationship had suddenly gone cold — but the reality was different. Even now, Choi Marie was wringing her hands over how to apologize for yesterday, that was all.
'Honestly, she'd better have at least that much of a conscience.'
It wasn't like she'd done it to some stranger — she'd done it to me.
Her junior at the same academy, someone she'd been training with morning and night for a month and a half now — and on top of that, she'd gone out of her way to defend me, free of charge, to upperclassmen whose faces she didn't even know.
With a conscience, guilt was only natural. If Cha Eunju had pulled something similar, I'd have accepted it as her just deserts and worked her as my slave for life.
Well, Choi Marie would probably end up in much the same place eventually — but still, she's a heroine. I'd rather win her over by the proper process than simply make her a slave. I'll do a little conditioning along the way, tailored to my tastes, but still.
"Senior Marie."
"……"
"…Senior?"
"…Huh? Ye-yeah?! What?!"
"I'm all stretched out. Let's start running."
"Al-ready?! R-right. Let's run, then."
I let a faint smile slip as I watched her, desperately scanning for her window to apologize.
It was a smile that said don't worry about what happened — as if I were being considerate of her.
"……"
Of course, the more I reacted like this, the more the anxiety would burn through her from the inside.
One hour after meeting Choi Marie at our usual training ground.
"Hah, hah, hah…."
"…Tired?"
"Haah… Yeah. A-a little…."
"…Take it slow, have some water. Watch your pace."
The change in how she treated me was plain as day, right there in her words.
Until yesterday, if I'd been gasping for breath from exhaustion, she would have told me to suck it up and run one more lap. Now, consideration for me was laid bare in everything she said and did.
Is this really the same Choi Marie who used to run me ragged morning and night? My chest swells with grandeur.
"Th-thank you, Senior…."
"…Sure."
Normally she'd have tossed in some quip like 'Yeah, you'd better be grateful.' — but she just let it pass.
With me saying nothing at all, she was left floundering, with no idea how to respond.
If anything, what Choi Marie really wanted was for me to get angry, or to demand an accounting of what happened. And I would absolutely never do that.
Instead, I intended to keep piling up her Debt of Heart, so that every time she saw me from now on, yesterday would come rushing back.
"Whew, I'm good now. Should we run again?"
"…You could rest more."
"You're the one who said resting too long just builds up fatigue, Senior Marie. I've rested plenty — I can keep going."
"…Right."
"Unless you're tired and want to rest more, Senior? If that's it, I'll keep pretending to be tired a while longer."
"…It's not that."
Determined today, it seemed, to accommodate my every convenience — she even let jokes pass that would normally have earned me a headlock, as if nothing had happened.
The first real sign of her trying to say something came around the mid-session break, roughly an hour and a half into the workout.
"…Um, Seonho?"
"Yes, Senior Marie?"
"……Ab-about yesterday. Yesterday, you know… what happened."
"Ah, yesterday was seriously brutal, wasn't it? I still can't believe a monster wave had to erupt on the exact day we were out there."
"……"
"Still, I'm glad you were there, Senior. If you hadn't protected me all the way to the end, it wouldn't have been strange at all if the Blood Howler had just killed me."
"…What?"
"Really — thank you for shielding even a Support Department junior like me right up to the end, Senior."
"……"
On first listen, it could have sounded like sarcasm — or like genuine gratitude. An utterly ambiguous reaction.
Watching Choi Marie, lost over how to respond to my own evasive attitude, I gave a shrug that said it can't be helped, and pretended to pick up where she left off, carefully.
"Let's just pretend it never happened, Senior Marie."
"…Pretend it… never happened?"
"When you charged the Blood Howler and left me behind that day. That's why you haven't been able to meet my eyes since yesterday, isn't it?"
"……"
"It's uncomfortable for me and uncomfortable for you, so let's just wipe it away. That's better for both of us."
"N-no…! That's not, that's not what I was trying to say…!"
-Tap.
"Shh. Don't say another word, Senior Marie."
"……"
Despite my rude gesture pressing a finger against her lips, she couldn't resist — she simply shut her mouth, docile.
Holding her gaze as long as I could, I piled on more and more words designed to prick her conscience. And then some more.
"After all, you've always let plenty of my mistakes slide, haven't you, Senior Marie? And it's a fact that you did keep protecting me right up until that very last moment. Honestly, yes, that situation was dangerous for me — but I'm safe and sound like this, too."
"……"
"You made one wrong judgment in that moment. That's a mistake anyone could make. If I'd been in your shoes, I might have done the same."
"…N-no, but…."
"I told you not to talk, Senior Marie."
"Mmph……"
"Anyway, that day ended safely, so I don't think there's any need to score points over who was right or wrong. I'm genuinely fine."
"……"
"Please. I don't want things to get awkward between us over something like this."
With those words, I gently drew my finger away from Choi Marie's lips, and added one final line.
"So yesterday's incident never happened. Understood, Senior Marie?"
"……"
"You're not going to answer?"
"…I understand."
Perhaps because even bringing the matter up embarrassed her, she answered in a small, careful voice.
…As if a woman with her personality could ever truly bury something and move on.