Eat Your Fill on the Way Out
"You big oaf. I'm the one who gave those beggar refugees the expensive canned goods, and I'm the one who suggested the damn team dinner. So why the hell are you wallowing in guilt like that?"
Ban stubbed out his burnt cigarette on the ground and tossed the words at Jin.
"So stop acting all pathetic. In this fucked-up world, whoever dies, it's all just their own damn fate anyway."
Jin said nothing. He simply stared in silence at Anna and the old man's bodies laid out on the log.
Ban kicked at the dirt a few times and muttered to himself.
"Still... on their way out, I should at least stuff them so full their bellies burst. Make them die twice from overeating. Just wait."
Ban turned and headed into the main building of the gas station.
He lifted the screen, opened the hatch, and descended into the underground bunker. Without hesitation, he made straight for the ultra-low-temperature molecular freezer deep inside the supply warehouse.
The door opened with a hiss, releasing a blast of pure white cold air. From within, he pulled out a one-kilogram block of pre-apocalypse pork, frozen solid.
He also grabbed a bottle of pre-apocalypse whiskey that had been reverently displayed on a shelf.
Tucking the meat and liquor bottle roughly under his arm, he headed back toward the main room. Just then, a personal quarters door slid open.
A sleepy-eyed Eve with messy bedhead shuffled out, rubbing her eyes.
The moment she spotted Ban, she trotted over and clung tightly to his arm.
"Yeah. Why'd you crawl out instead of sleeping more? You can barely even open your eyes properly."
"Hehe. I woke up because Master's warmth was gone. But when you were sleeping, you were making these cute little 'huff huff' sounds like a baby angel~?"
Eve stood on her tiptoes, staring right at Ban's face with a teasing grin. Baby angel? Is she out of her mind? Yesterday that bastard's face was a full-on great demon king.
"What the hell are you talking about, you walking tit-pillow? You're the one who drooled all over my arm and made it go numb."
"Hmph. But I made it super soft and comfy for you! Anyway, what's with the meat and booze? Are you grilling meat for breakfast?"
"Nope. I'm setting the table."
Ban chuckled and lightly flicked her forehead.
"Ouch! I'm coming too~!"
With Eve rubbing her forehead and trailing after him, Ban climbed back up to the surface.
In the clearing in front of the gas station, everyone was already gathered before the makeshift pyre. Ban approached.
He swept his gaze over Anna, the old man, and the bodies of the refugee camp survivors laid out on the logs.
Then he casually tossed the one-kilogram block of raw meat onto the pyre, right beside Anna's body.
Thud.
The heavy sound of raw meat slapping onto the wood made the Blackhead members' eyes bulge.
"Eat a ton of delicious stuff over there and turn into a proper pig. Don't go around all skin and bones."
A dry, blunt farewell.
Ban immediately popped the cork on the pre-apocalypse whiskey with a loud pop and began splashing it liberally over the bodies and the pile of firewood.
"Drink your fill of booze too. With the old man's stew skills, he'd probably open a bar over there and make a killing."
The sharp scent of strong alcohol mixed with the deep oak aroma unique to pre-apocalypse whiskey spread quickly on the sea breeze.
"C-crazy... using that precious meat and liquor as kindling...?"
One of the members muttered in a daze, but Jin shut him up with a solid gut punch.
A faint, bittersweet smile had already spread across Jin's scarred face.
"What a brutally straightforward send-off. Telling a girl to become a pig? You really don't understand a woman's heart at all, you idiot leader~."
Yui crossed her arms, let out a snort, and jabbed at him.
"What's wrong with it! Master's way is the coolest and most romantic!"
Eve, glued to Ban's back, snapped back at Yui.
Haze quietly approached, slipped a cigarette between Ban's lips, and put one in her own mouth as well.
Ban pulled out an oil lighter, lit Haze's cigarette first, then his own.
Hiss—
After taking a deep drag, Ban casually tossed the still-burning lighter onto the whiskey-soaked pyre.
Whoosh—!
Thanks to the whiskey's high proof, flames erupted instantly. Thick smoke rose with a blazing red pillar of fire that climbed toward the morning sky.
Haze said with a faint smile.
"It's out of fuel. Gotta buy a new one."
"You're such an idiot, you know that?"
Crackle. Pop.
Between the sounds of burning wood, the scent of melting fat dripping from the pork mingled strangely with the smoke.
"It's gonna take a while to burn completely."
Ban exhaled a long plume of smoke, staring blankly at the blazing pyre.
"At least they'll go warmly. Thanks to one stupid man."
Haze muttered quietly as she ground out her cigarette.
It was a funeral without grand eulogies or sloppy tears.
Yet the survivors of this fucked-up world standing before the flames each gazed at the fire in their own way, keeping a quiet silence.
The Super Lucky Solution Group and Blackhead didn't leave their spots in front of the burning pyre until the morning sun had fully risen.
Several days passed.
The Super Lucky Solution Group was enjoying a peaceful, lazy life inside their ridiculously high-tech bunker, savoring every sweet taste of civilized society.
"Ah, warm back, full belly. This is heaven."
Ban was sprawled across the main room's luxury leather sofa, scratching his stomach.
A perfect specimen of a NEET, munching happily on snacks with loud crunches.
That peace was shattered when Yui came barreling in, tablet in hand, making a racket.
"Hey!! Ban!! Look at this!! The network's gone completely insane!!"
"Ugh, what now? You want food? Ask Eve-chan. I'm currently becoming one with the sofa."
"It's not about food... and anyway, if you make that cow cook, we'll all die together, you know? Just look at this!!!"
Yui shoved the tablet right in front of Ban's face.
On the screen was an anonymous bulletin board on the public network managed by Intelli.
Even in this fucked-up apocalypse, it was a gallery where basement-dwelling survivors who loved to run their mouths gathered.
The titles were extremely provocative.
"Oh. There were witnesses? I must've looked insanely strong and cool."
Ban chuckled as he scrolled down. But as he kept scrolling, the real reason Yui was pissed appeared.
A notice pinned prominently at the top of the board.
Unchained has purged five vicious raider camps threatening peace along the northern coast in the name of justice. Moving forward, in accordance with the will of the Holy Mother Vanessa...
"These crazy bun-head bitches are claiming they did it!! We went through all that hell to slice them up and they're stealing the credit?!"
Yui was practically foaming at the mouth, jumping up and down.
"Shouldn't it be 'I' instead of 'we'? You were just holed up in here..."
"Shut up!"
In this world, fame was power and money.
Wiping out five mid-sized raider camps in one night was an achievement on par with the Eight Major Factions, yet Unchained had shamelessly snatched it.
But Ban just yawned widely and kept munching on his snacks.
"So what? It's fine."
"What do you mean it's fine!! They stole our achievement!! Those crazy bitches already used us and now they're even stealing our reputation!"
At that moment, Haze, who had been disassembling and cleaning firearms in the corner, walked over and chimed in.
"Yui's right. If we properly authenticate that we did it on the network and spread the word, the promotional effect would be enormous. There's no need to hand over the credit like this."
As expected from the older sister with the perfect mercenary mindset.
But Ban recoiled as if he'd seen a ghost and burrowed deeper into the sofa.
"Ugh. Sexy Sniper-nim. What kind of horrifying thing are you saying?"
"Horrifying? There's no better opportunity to raise the Solution Group's name value."
"Promotion? High-paying requests? Hey. If word spreads and jobs start pouring in, that means I'd have to leave this soft sofa and powerful air conditioning to go outside and bust my ass again."
Ban shuddered and waved his hands frantically.
"Just thinking about it gives me hives. Absolutely not. Just let Auntie Vanessa take all the credit. This uncle really loves being a NEET."
Where had the man gone who lost his mind in a bloody slaughter and rampaged like a demon king?
The usual slacker who hated annoying tasks and clung to the sofa showing off his laziness was back in full force.
"Argh!! You crazy lazy bum!! You're just gonna stay cooped up in here being a NEET?!"
Yui smacked Ban on the head, fuming.
"Ow. That hurts. Hey. Ow. It hurts. Ow."
"Well... true. We don't exactly need money right now. Better than getting dragged into annoying work."
When Haze nodded as if she'd given up, Yui kicked at the air in frustration.
"Krr. As expected, our Ice Witch is the only one who gets it. Here, kiddo. Stop throwing a tantrum and go grab me a cold beer. These snacks are seriously delicious."
"Ughhh!! Seriously!!!"
Huh? For some reason, Yui actually went to get the beer. What? Did our kid change?
A moment later, Yui returned carrying several cans of beer.
Ban prepared to block the incoming cans, holding up a sofa cushion instead of Eve's tit-shield.
"Here~ Cold beer delivery~"
Huh? Huh? Huuuh?
Clink. The beer cans were placed ever so gently on the table. The tab had even been popped for him. Ban's dead-fish eyes filled with suspicion.
"You definitely spit in this. Or did you put in that green magic potion Eve was making?"
"Kyaa! What are you saying~? How could I possibly do something like that to our great leader's drink?"
...??? What the hell? Is this an assassination attempt?
Ugh, goosebumps. Ban instinctively leaned away.
Stop it! Haze is right there!
"C-could you please get off? Yui-nim? Hey? Why are you being so scary? Did you eat something weird? Or has the walker virus finally reached your brain? Haze-nim? I didn't do anything!"
"It's nothing like thaaat~ I just felt bad seeing our leader working so hard lately, so I wanted to show some gratitude~."
Yui looked up at Ban with sparkling purple eyes. He could clearly see her forcibly lifted lips trembling.
"Get to the point. And get off me. I don't want to get a hole drilled through me by those cross-shaped pupils, okay? I feel like all the snacks I ate are about to come back up."
Under Ban's iron defense, Yui pouted for a moment before finally revealing her true intentions.
"Hmph... Um, Ban oppa~"
"Oppa? O... oppa?? Aaaah!! It's a walker!! A walker's appeared!!"
"Hey!! Just listen!!"
Unable to hold back, she finally yelled, then cleared her throat and switched back to her forced cute mode.
"Ahem! So, about the terminal I'm using right now. It's that rotten old model we picked up from the forest shelter last time, right? This tablet is too big to carry around while running. I'm supposed to be an Intelli Master, yet our equipment is like this? It lowers the quality of our Super Lucky Solution Group~."
Huh? She's talking a lot more than usual.
Yui shook Ban's arm even harder, clinging desperately.
"So~... couldn't you buy me a new model terminal and just one drone for scouting? Hmm? Please buy them for me~ Leader-nim~"
The bizarre nasal tone echoed through the bunker living room.
Ban took a sip of beer, looking utterly unimpressed.
"Ahh. So you want me to go item farming for you?"
"Yeah yeah! With a high-performance drone, you wouldn't have to go outside yourself if something happens! You could just control it from inside the bunker and check everything! Isn't that super convenient?"
Ban's mind spun. If we had a drone, I wouldn't have to drag myself outside?
Wasn't this the magic word that would vertically boost the quality of NEET life?
There were ten-thousand-coin gold bars stacked in the vault. There was no real reason not to buy it.
But agreeing so easily wouldn't be any fun. Ban stroked his chin and snickered.
"Hmm~? Equipment~? I could just go check things myself on foot~~~? Oh myyy! Your aegyo is so fake my wallet won't open. Should I make you shake that butt a little, shakey-shakey~?"
Yeah. I think I crossed the line.
I have a feeling tomorrow might be the final chapter.