Human Greed Knows No Bounds, and the Cigarettes Are at the Mart
A battered dump truck and two jeeps kicked up clouds of hazy dust as they rolled toward the gas station entrance.
With a harsh screech of brakes, the vehicles came to a stop in the clearing.
The Blackhead mercenaries piled out, immediately hauling rusted scrap metal plates, rebar, welding machines, and other supplies from the truck bed with practiced efficiency.
Right on cue, the gas station's main building's old iron door creaked open, and Ban stepped out.
"You're early, you big oaf."
Ban shoved his hands into his pockets and sauntered over with his usual lazy swagger. Jin, who had been barking orders at the workers, turned to look at him.
"After the kind of advance payment you threw at us, we couldn't exactly drag our feet."
Jin unfolded a crumpled sheet of paper and pointed toward the outer perimeter of the gas station.
"We'll double-layer the scrap plating along the collapsed outer walls. We'll also cut firing ports at intervals for diagonal lines of fire. If we build a watchtower on top of the roof framework, you'll have a clear view of the entire surrounding area."
Ban scratched his chin and gave Jin's blueprint a quick once-over.
"The defensive estimate looks clean. Nice. Oh, and since vehicles will be coming and going all the time, throw in a big-ass scrap metal gate that opens wide on both sides."
"Got it. That kind of gimmick isn't hard."
Ban pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lit it, and tossed one to Jin as well. Jin accepted the premium tobacco with a show of reluctance and lit up.
"Alright, let's talk about the real game. I gave you thirty cans of preserved food and two bottles of whiskey as an advance earlier, right?"
"That's right."
"If you finish this barrier construction without a single gap—perfect as fuck—I'll throw in one more bottle of whiskey as a bonus."
The scarred eyebrow on Jin's face twitched as he exhaled a long plume of smoke.
Three whole bottles of pre-apocalypse whiskey just to defend one lousy gas station shell?
He really couldn't gauge the financial power of this insane problem-solver.
"Don't look so surprised yet. Starting right now, send eight of your guys every day on rotating shifts to guard our base. Full twenty-four-hour operation."
"Guard duty, huh. Well, we do have the manpower to spare. What kind of pay are we talking?"
"Daily wage. Five of those pre-apocalypse preserved cans per team for the whole crew."
At the amount that came out of Ban's mouth, Jin's rugged face twisted violently. He looked utterly dumbfounded.
"Hey. Claude Ban. Do you seriously not know how this world works?"
Jin pointed at Ban with the cigarette still pinched between his fingers, like he was scolding him.
"I already thought handing over thirty cans as an advance for the barrier work was insane, but do you even know how much one pre-apocalypse can is worth?"
"Yeah. I know."
"That's money our guys have to roll around in the dirt for days to even touch. And you're just going to hand out food worth a hundred coins a day for simple lookout work?"
As Jin's voice grew louder, even the Blackhead members hauling materials nearby flinched and looked over.
Ban just shrugged like it was no big deal.
"Yep. Use it to trade for weapons, do some black market deals, whatever. If you don't like it, I'll just find someone else."
"This crazy bastard... what the hell are you, really? Ha... Never mind. It'd be stupid to complain when someone's offering free shit."
Jin let out a hollow laugh, completely floored. There wasn't a single mercenary on this continent stupid enough to kick away a honey pot like this.
"There's just one condition. Even if the sky splits in two, do not—under any circumstances—enter the main building over there. It's locked tight. No matter what sounds you hear or if a bomb goes off inside, ignore it and just keep watch outside."
Ban jerked his chin toward the main building's iron door as he added the final point.
"How about it? We got a deal?"
Jin stayed silent for a moment, glancing back and forth between Ban's sloppy grin and the iron door.
As a mercenary, his instincts were screaming with curiosity about what the hell could be inside to make this guy throw around such insane capital. But...
"...Deal. Contract's sealed."
Jin grinned and thrust out his calloused hand toward Ban.
In this line of work, no one who dug too deep into a client's secrets ever lived very long.
Clear compensation and clean conditions. From Blackhead's perspective, there was zero reason to turn down the best deal they'd ever seen.
After wrapping up the deal with Jin and locking the main building's iron door tight once more, Ban lazily opened the hatch and descended into the bunker.
Outside, a rather pleasant spring breeze was blowing, but for the mercenaries who had to haul scrap and weld all day, it was the start of some seriously grueling labor.
Of course, that wasn't Ban's problem.
He stretched as he walked down the comfortable bunker hallway where the perfect air conditioning system hummed away.
As he approached the shooting range, the faint smell of gunpowder wafted out.
When he stepped inside, he saw Yui standing there with her nose proudly in the air.
"Did you see that? I just landed three shots dead center on the target! Am I some kind of shooting genius or what?"
Yui hopped around excitedly while holding a pre-apocalypse rifle. Haze let out a sigh that clearly said she couldn't believe this.
"Yes, yes, our Yui did such a good job. The real question is whether you can pull the trigger that calmly in actual combat."
At Haze's praise, Yui beamed with a wide grin.
"By the way, where's Eve?"
At Ban's question, Haze jerked her chin toward the research wing across the hallway.
"Eve said it didn't suit her aptitude and that she'd rather make use of her actual expertise, so she went into the research wing."
"She's probably going to cause an accident... I'll go check on her."
With an uneasy feeling, Ban scratched the back of his head and headed toward the research wing.
Through the research wing's transparent glass window, he could see Eve wearing a gas mask and humming cheerfully.
Bubble bubble—
An unidentified, thick dark-green liquid boiled violently inside a flask.
Just looking at it screamed death itself.
Haha... that's the same visual as when she cooks, isn't it? This is dangerous.
Ban instinctively reached for the glass but froze.
The second that door opens, we're all fucked. It's better for the peace of this bunker to keep this flower-brained mad scientist locked in her lab. I absolutely should not open that door.
Ban glanced around nervously and tried to turn away.
Ziiiing—
The reinforced glass door slid open smoothly.
"Master! You're hereee? Look at this! Ta-daa! There are so many chemical reagents here, so I'm working on one right now!"
The glass door opened gently behind Ban as he was trying to leave.
Eve had yanked off her gas mask and was smiling brightly, swirling the flask of that insane boiling green liquid like it was whiskey.
"Uh... is it really okay to open the door that freely, my sweet little Eve? And that thing... just looking at it seems incredibly dangerous? What exactly are you making?"
Ban asked in an awkward half-crouch, barely holding back the urge to gag.
"Hehe. This? It's a magic potion! A magic potion that melts everything from skin tissue to bone the moment it touches you! I'm going to mix it with a thickener to make it jelly-like and turn it into a spray form... Huh? Master! Your face suddenly turned blue!"
When Eve floated heart shapes in her pupils and approached with the insane potion, Ban quietly stepped backward.
She was a mad doctor. A terrifying woman.
"J-just... don't come any closer. Please be really careful so you don't get hurt. And could you stay inside the research wing? Just stay in there by yourself? Uncle finds it scary, you know?"
Ban wiped away cold sweat and quickly fled to the main room.
"Maaasteeeer! Are you worrying about meeee?"
Eve's ditzy voice pierced the back of his head.
Ah... a gun-crazy girl and a crazy potion-making girl. Thank god they were born in this era.
About two weeks passed like that.
The construction was proceeding smoothly as planned, and the security detail was doing an excellent job.
Looks like the deal with those Blackhead bastards was pretty successful after all.
Ban lounged on the sofa in the main room, watching the construction site while chain-smoking cigarettes.
"Ah, seriously. Being a NEET is the best fucking thing ever."
He stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray when a piercing scream tore through the bunker from the direction of the warehouse.
"Aaaaaack! I did it! I finally cracked it, kyaaaaaaa!!"
It was Yui's voice. Ban picked at his ear and got up from his seat.
Haze, who had been at the shooting range, and Eve, who had been holed up in the research wing, both poked their heads out.
"What is it, is it starting again? The little brat's tantrum time?"
As Ban shuffled toward the warehouse, he found Yui—with dark circles reaching all the way to her chin—panting heavily while throwing a tablet she'd gotten from the bunker onto the floor.
Yui was collapsed in front of a massive titanium safe the size of a grown adult that had been sitting in the corner of the warehouse since they first entered the bunker.
It was a communal safe left behind by the previous owner, whoever that was.
Just what the hell was inside that ridiculously sturdy can that warranted such insane security measures? Everyone had been curious from the start.
Yui had spent the last several days without sleeping, obsessively trying to hack the electronic lock on the safe.
"Hey, Ban! Look at this! I finally smashed the highest-grade military encryption system from the pre-apocalypse era! I really must be a genius!!"
"You couldn't crack the main computer, but you managed this?"
At Ban's sarcastic jab, Yui's eyes shot wide open as she screamed back.
"Are you comparing that to this?! That was on a completely different level, you idiot!"
"Yeah, yeah. Our little brat did such a good job. So what's inside that amazing can? Is there a sexy older sister in there or something?"
By then, Haze and Eve had joined the safe-opening ceremony.
"Here we go! Special hacker-style safe gate—o-pen!"
Oh. There it was. Yui shouting her ultimate move like she did back at the Lilac Ward!
Hssssss— Clunk!
With the sound of compressed gas escaping, the heavy titanium door slid open on both sides.
"......?"
The cigarette in Ban's mouth dropped to the floor with a soft plop.
Inside the safe were neatly stacked, heavy, gleaming rectangular gold bars.
Roughly counting, there were about fifty of them.
It seemed to be the bunker's emergency fund, packed full of physical assets in preparation for the end of the world.
"...... Oh my."
Yui approached as if in a trance and carefully picked up one gold bar with both hands.
The heavy weight of 99.9% pure gold.
"Hey... these are real gold bars. The kind that only massive factions or huge transactions use!! Each one is worth ten thousand coins, you crazy rich bars!!"
"Then... how much is all of that worth?"
Everyone's eyes began sparkling with the same golden hue as the bars.
"Whoa..."
"Is this real? My head feels dizzy."
"Th-those gold bars!!! They're so dazzling!!!"
Each of them burst out in their own way.
"Master! Can't you give me just one of these?"
In the middle of it all, Eve rubbed a gold bar against her cheek and shouted brightly.
"You crazy milk cow! Why would I give you something worth ten thousand coins?! Have you lost your mind?!"
Yui freaked out and slapped Eve hard on the back.
"Why not?! I can melt it down and make tons of good experimental equipment with it!"
"Are you stupid?! Why would you melt something worth ten thousand coins when you can just buy the equipment?!"
While Yui and Eve wrestled over the gold bar, Ban silently picked up two bars in both hands and savored the scent of pure capital wafting from them.
Khh... fuck.
"But whyyy! If you melt it, the thermal conductivity is insane!"
"How does melting something worth ten thousand coins make any sense, you flower-brained idiot!!"
Watching the two of them rolling around like elementary school kids, Ban let out a small chuckle and tossed one of the gold bars in his hands into Yui's arms.
"Huh...?"
Yui's eyes widened like saucers as she accidentally caught the ten-thousand-coin gold bar. Eve also stared at Ban with round eyes.
"Shut up, you idiots. Your idiot disease is contagious, so stop fighting! Everyone get ready to head out. We're going to the Greenhouse Mart!"
"To go shopping? Suddenly? The warehouse is packed with food. Why go to the mart?"
At Yui's dumbfounded question, Ban spat out the short cigarette butt in his mouth and answered nonchalantly.
"It was an emergency. We're out of cigarettes!! Me and the Ice Witch will die if we don't get some!"
He was the one who smoked the most but casually dragged Haze into it too.
And Haze was actually nodding beside him.
"Shouldn't you two just quit smoking? It's a six-hour round trip to the northern outpost, you know?"
Yui glared at the two nicotine addicts.
"Huh? Six hours round trip...? Six hours? That's fucking bullshit."
Ban's overflowing motivation from just moments ago seemed to evaporate in 0.1 seconds. He flopped down, using the gold bar as a pillow.
"Ah, six hours is way too much. Outing canceled. I already gave you money, so you guys go by yourselves. You know what kind of cigarettes I smoke, right? Use the change to buy some meat and booze for those bear-like guys and have a company dinner or something."
Thud. Thud.
At those words, Haze and Yui started kicking the sprawled-out Ban.
"Hey! Is all this money yours?! If we're going, get your ass up right now!!"
"Do you want to die, Mr. Ban?"
Yui grabbed Ban by the collar and shook him furiously.
Ban flopped around like a jellyfish and muttered in annoyance.
"Ah... fine! It hurts! It hurts, I said! I'm dying! When I die, I want to die buried in Eve's soft tits!"
"Kyaaaaang! Maaasteeeer!! My chest is always open for youuuu!"
The moment the words left his mouth, Eve teared up and slammed her watermelon-sized breasts onto Ban's face.
Wait, this isn't what I meant! This is even worse!!
Ban, who nearly suffocated to death for real, flailed desperately and barely managed to pull his head free.
"Puhaaa! *Cough, cough!* Hey, I almost actually died! Somebody save me!"
"Ha... seriously, an irredeemable, perpetually horny NEET."
Yui gave Ban's head a light smack. Haze, who had completely adapted to this circus of a party, slung her rifle over her shoulder and grabbed the car keys.
"Let's go. I'll drive, so Mr. Ban can just sleep in the back seat using Eve's chest as a real pillow. Since it's a six-hour round trip."
"Oh, Ice Witch. That suggestion sounds fucking tempting."
Leaving behind the Blackheads who were busting their asses hauling rebar from the dust pit, the group set off on a luxurious mart outing funded by cracking open ten-thousand-coin gold bars.
Even if the six-hour round trip was annoyingly dogshit.