Chapter 59: The Boy Who Sells His Heart
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 59: The Boy Who Sells His Heart
My mother was delighted when I volunteered for cleaning duty. However, after I mentioned that breathing in chalk dust was painful, the school's blackboards were all replaced with water snake jelly over the weekend.
Usually, if something in my life was a nuisance, I’d have to find the culprit and teach them a lesson, but I quite liked this kind of convenience. Wiping the boards was easy, and cleaning up was a breeze since I just had to rinse the sponge in water a few times.
Another massive advantage of this gender-reversed world was that the bathrooms were always clean and empty, which was very convenient.
Occasionally, if I saw a girl stomping her feet with a look of desperation on her face, I’d even take her hand and lead her into the men’s room so she could use it.
"Don't lift heavy things," "Don't do rough work," "You must be protected," "You must be cherished"—it was an incredibly "sweet" world. If a boy lived a "normal" school life, the system was practically designed to turn him into a "Finger Prince."
I’d seen through this within a month, but unlike the other boys in different classes, I was adapting quite well.
"See? I told you I’m the ace striker!"
Having achieved another hat-trick with a rubber ball today, I thoroughly enjoyed the taste of victory while fist-pumping my "pass shuttles."
"Yong-hwan isn't like other boys!"
"Yeah, my mom said boys don't do anything! But he's so good!"
"But he's selfish..."
"He's great at soccer! And sports! And he said Alpha Tyranno is second place!"
"No, he said Omega Drake is second! Yong-hwan is the best!"
"Didn't he tell all of us we were second?"
"Yesterday, when I forgot my textbook, he shared his with me. He's so kind!"
"He showed me his homework too!"
I could hear the children's praises pouring in. Yes, this was a world without Im Su-yeon. If we were in the same class, I’d likely be an outcast by now, getting ganged up on by girls asking, "Shall we see how big our Yong-hwan’s wiener is~?"
"Hey, who's the boss here!?"
And then there were the hidden events that popped up to keep things from getting boring.
"That would be me, you brat."
"A-a boy!? Gack!"
Silence with a single flying side-kick.
"Who's the one who hit my friend even though he's just a boy!?"
"Your father, you punk!"
A one-hit KO with a liver punch.
"Who's the boy acting all tough!?"
"Your son-in-law, you bastard!"
One spin of the jaw.
After defeating about six challengers like that, our class began to get very peaceful and happy. For the record, students from other classes had to meet their friends in the hallway.
It definitely wasn't because I’d decided to hit any kid from another class on sight under the assumption they were coming to attack me. Definitely.
Anyway, the hidden event season ended, and my school life began to quiet down again. It hadn't even been a month yet; if events ended this early, this was no different from a dead game with nothing to do.
Perhaps because it was a "Basic School" rather than an elementary school, classes ended quite early.
My mother’s friends, who should have been on my block list by now, had been unblocked thanks to my mother’s emergency measure: "Let's forgive them~! Okay? I'll make you pork cutlets for dinner tonight."
In other words, my routine of going to Yuseoha’s house to learn the violin and then heading to the fitness center (daytime class) to work out continued.
Just like the people from the security company, I was basically treated like I was unemployed. If Yuseoha was busy, the security company would pick me up first; if Yuseoha was being a jobless bum, she’d pick me up first to pass me around.
"Violin is boring!"
"Then how about this..."
That damn Mega Ukulele popped up again. She never seemed to get tired of it.
"You really have talent. I can tell at a glance."
"I'm going home!"
"...Then shall we try practicing another instrument?"
Aside from Yuseoha’s constant schemes, nothing was particularly difficult. My violin skills were mediocre—just enough for my mother to gush, "My son is the coolest!"
In movies or dramas, people reach elite levels in a year, but according to Yuseoha, I was just average. Of course I’d get bored quickly!
"Um... was the taco set not good?"
"Why are you bringing up something from a month ago now...?"
When I spoke a bit sharply, Yuseoha avoided my gaze. I was just bewildered by what to do with this loser musician.
"It's just... you seemed very angry."
I couldn't even stay mad at someone displaying such a monumental level of social awkwardness. If she weren't so pretty, I would have said something, which was a shame.
After she heard that I wasn't angry anymore, I felt Yuseoha’s sense of distance close in a little. By about an awkward 10cm. Aside from the way she stared intensely at my "thing" when we bathed together, she really was a decent person.
"By any chance, do you have time later?"
"I'm supposed to work out with Marika, but I can postpone it if there's something. Why?"
In the case of my concubine—the tall, tanned, white-haired muscle girl—she had to come whenever I called. But since I only went when I felt like it if Marika called, postponing the appointment wasn't very difficult.
"...W-well... you see. It's..."
It felt like the pink-haired loser was determined to drive me crazy.
"The main point!!!!"
"Can you... be my son?"
"Excuse me?"
This was an unexpected proposal. Then again, considering there was a dragon whelp who didn't know if she wanted to make me her son or her "Papa," this was actually on the normal side.
Thinking about it made me want to become a shut-in.
"Well, you see... it's like this..."
Yuseoha began to explain the situation.
"So, you told your internet friends that you have a son? And you've been going around talking about taking care of me like it's parenting?"
"Yeah... I'm sorry."
I really wanted to give her a noogie. But saving her face once wasn't that hard.
"So, how much do you have right now?"
"Well, that is..."
Yuseoha brought out a bankbook. It was an account containing about five times my mother's annual salary.
"If... if it's not enough... I'll give you more. This is just my spending account; my savings are separate..."
Come to think of it, this woman was a incredibly famous singer. Since she didn't show her face, she was a talented person who sold all sorts of things to dramas and movies with a "mysterious" concept.
She was also a hipster who would refuse even when Morian begged for just one song, saying she only sang what she wanted to sing.
"I'll do it for this much, considering your sincerity. You know I should be getting more, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Oh? Where's my thank you?"
"Th-thank you...?"
The deal with Yuseoha seemed to have gone well. First, I had to contact my concubine.
– Oh, Husband. What's up?
"Today's schedule is canceled! I have plans!"
– ...I'm sad.
I didn't need to hear the rest. I hung up. Yuseoha was looking at me with sparkling eyes.
"So, tell me the concept. I'll play along."
"Uh, well... ugh... it's..."
The "Internet Warrior," the pink-haired loser, began to talk about the son she had created.
"Hello~!"
I greeted Yuseoha’s internet friends with a very cheerful voice and a deep bow.
"Oh, he's really here!"
"Wow, I didn't expect him to be this cute..."
"I thought she was lying..."
Sisters who looked like delinquents began to surround me. Normally, even for average people, seeing "Yankee" sisters acting tough would be a bit scary, but since I met the security company sisters often, I didn't feel scared at all.
"I've heard a lot about you from my mother. She said you're all kind and fun people."
I closed my eyes and gave them a sweet smile.
"He's so mature. I thought she was exaggerating."
"Ahem...!"
Yuseoha gave a small cough and puffed out her chest. I’d have to figure out what to do with this woman later.
In a reasonably priced restaurant with private rooms, Yuseoha sat me on her lap and slowly stroked my hair.
"He's like a doll~!"
"Wow, I've never seen a boy sit so still."
"My goodness, my goodness."
Yuseoha kept her mouth shut. It seemed she was still maintaining that weird setting where she’d enchant people if she opened her mouth.
"So, do you wake your mom up every morning with a 'good morning' kiss?"
"Yes. Should I show you now?"
"Yes!"
Since I was used to selling my soul for a toy, and I’d already received three years' worth of a starting salary in advance, this level of service was easy. I put my arms around Yuseoha’s neck and naturally kissed her on the lips.
"Wow~! This son is truly the best. By the way, I don't know why Siren Siren looks so embarrassed."
They seemed to want to believe I was a fake son. Of course, I was a fake son, but since I’d been paid, I had to act like a real one.
"My mom is very shy, so I guess that's why. Sometimes, we even use tongues!"
"Waaaaah~!!!"
I don't know what kind of absolute nonsense that crazy mermaid spouts on the internet, but it was best to follow the setting book for now.
For the record, there were setting books for different ages. Since I was at a cute and adorable age, I was lucky there wasn't much to memorize.
"Right, Mom?"
Squeeze.
I subtly squeezed Yuseoha’s flat chest as if to confirm.
Nod, nod.
Seeing Yuseoha nodding with teary eyes made me feel a bit dizzy myself. But it was the way of the world: if you've eaten, you must always give back as much as you've taken.