Chapter 262: Cook Well, Stand Hard
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 262: Cook Well, Stand Hard
“Could you hold the parasol over the child? He looks like he’s struggling.”
I was already being shaded by the massive tits of the Elf sister standing next to me, so I wondered what there was to be struggling with, but at the grandmother’s words, one of the Elves pulled a parasol out of thin air and held it over my head.
“Mom wanted to come too, but she’s been so busy with work…”
“It’s good to be responsible for one’s work. There’s no need to come all this way just to see an old woman who’s withering away anyway.”
She spoke softly with a gentle chuckle, but the twisted voice in my head interpreted it differently.
—She doesn’t even come to see me anymore just because I’m getting old. What a total bitch.
“Last time, she suddenly vanished on a classified mission, so her friends had to rush over to look after me… She’s working hard.”
To the grandmother, she was a daughter, but to me, she was a sow. At the very least, if she was my property, I had to shield her properly.
“Who came by?”
“Sister Tiria and Sister Cassia came.”
“If it’s Tiria, she’s trustworthy.”
I wanted to ask if there was really no one else in the world to trust besides Tiria, but the atmosphere of the two Elf sisters attending to the grandmother was a bit intimidating, so I swallowed the words that were threatening to burst out.
“Leaving a young boy at home while she wanders around outside… She should be protecting him, not neglecting him. Tsk, tsk…”
“I’m all grown up now, you know?”
Grown up, my ass. Even I knew I was talking nonsense, but I had to act mature here. If I were alone with my grandmother, I might have acted like a brat or been extra clingy, but there were too many eyes watching.
“Fufu, is that so? It seems our little young master is already all grown up.”
Grandmother reached out and gently stroked my hair. They said she was the strongest swordmaster in the world, but her hands were so soft I could hardly believe they belonged to a warrior. They felt even softer than before.
The mountain valley and the prison weren’t that far apart. Without undergoing any special inspection, the grandmother led me deeper into the facility. I wondered if it was really okay to let a war criminal roam so freely, but none of the prison guards paid any attention to her or her entourage.
The feeling of being treated as if we didn't exist was a bit chilling.
Before I could even catch a glimpse of the general inmates, we arrived at a place that looked like a small private house. Everyone began to disperse without a word.
“Forgive your grandmother if the place she lives is a bit humble.”
“You live in a place like this…?”
“Yes. I imagine it feels quite cramped for my darling.”
Looking at the single-story house that seemed at least 1.5 times larger than my own home, I wondered if she was mocking me, but seeing her gentle expression, she seemed to genuinely believe it.
Actually, more than that, I wanted to ask why a criminal was living alone in a private house, but I didn't feel the need to look at the dirty side of society, so I didn't bring it up.
“When I saw you last time, I thought you were wearing inmate clothes…”
“Alicia de la Vega was there, wasn't she?”
Grandmother seemed to be wary of that pervert loser vampire.
“Isn't Alicia Mom’s friend?”
“Child, there are no eternal friends. There’s no need for me to show a lackey of the Empire that I’m living well.”
Despite the Empire and the United Kingdom being on very good terms, Grandmother still seemed to view the Empire with distaste.
She ended up in prison because the Empire prosecuted her for war crimes, but from my perspective—considering she committed gruesome acts like extermination and massacres during the war—it was more like divine retribution. I couldn't really empathize with why she was angry about what was essentially justice being served!
“Is there a reason you called for me?”
“Does a grandmother need a reason to want to see her grandson after so long? Come here.”
Sitting in her chair, Grandmother gently patted her lap. For someone like me, who planned to mass-produce dragons by pumping plenty of seed into Hindel’s sticky meat pile, the 500-year-old Elf before me was right in my strike zone. I climbed onto her lap without hesitation.
For the record, Hindel has lived five times longer than Grandmother.
As I climbed onto her lap and looked at her, that sweet scent—a mix of milk and grass—wafted over me again. It made me angry to see this crazy perverted hag doing her best to get the great-grandson between her grandson's legs erect.
Since no one else was around, it was time to win her over with cuteness.
“Grandma~!”
I lightly hugged her back, pressing against those massive tits. They were definitely smaller than Camel’s but larger than Mom’s, and the mounds of fat reeked of milk. It was a pleasant scent without any fishiness, making me want to bury my face in her cleavage and take a deep breath.
“Yes, yes, my baby. You must have been very scared with those scary sisters around.”
She was under a huge misunderstanding, but since her arms were gently hugging my back, I just buried my face in her cleavage and took a deep breath.
this damn old Elf’s mommy-vibes were off the charts. Despite being a genocidal maniac who killed hundreds of millions, she had such a hot body that she deserved to be bred until she was no longer functional as a woman to pay for her crimes.
“How is your mother doing?”
—Your mother hasn't called me in forever. Keep her in line.
Once again, I began to hear the translation of Grandmother’s words. The Confucian boy inside me began to turn aggressive toward the grandmother who was trying to harass my mother.
“Yes, she’s doing well. She even got promoted to Senior Superintendent General. She gets so~ many love letters from older brothers.”
“Fufu, that sounds like my daughter. This grandmother also occasionally receives things like love letters from the boys.”
I used the love letters Mom received for entertainment—reading them to her while she gave me head or while I pounded her womb—but I couldn't understand why this war criminal was bragging about receiving love letters when she was of no help to me at all.
“Yeah, Grandma is so pretty you’re like a sister. I bet you’re incredibly popular with men!”
“Yes, yes, fufu… I suppose there are still times when I’m called ‘Sister’ out there.”
She felt more like a lewd young auntie than a sister, but it was a confidence I could understand. After all, the genes for Mom’s peerless beauty, which even her friends envied, came from Grandmother!
“Sister Rune!”
“You little… you shouldn't tease your grandmother.”
Her words were a rebuke, but seeing her lips twitch with joy, it seemed my words were effective. The old hag was being a bit much, but she was pretty enough that I could let it slide.
Now that I’d raised her affection level enough, it was time to move on to appropriate physical contact. I lightly squeezed Rune Cal Degrain’s breast.
“Mmm… that tickles. You’re still such a child, a child.”
Child, my ass. If I shoved my rock-hard dick into her right now and trampled her into a female, I could easily toss that "child" label aside. However, I was far too lacking to challenge a monster swordmaster who could tear through space with her fingers.
“I’ll give Sister Rune a kiss too~!”
“You’ll give me one ‘too’…?”
The busty Elf sister raised an eyebrow, noticing my odd choice of words.
“Yeah! I do it for Mom every single day~!”
“Hmm… Then shall this grandmother receive a kiss from Yong-hwan as well~?”
Thinking it was just a light, playful gesture, Rune turned her head slightly. I stood up from her lap on the chair, gripped those massive tits firmly, and gave her a light French kiss on the lips.
“Ah?! Wh-what are you…”
“I do this for Mom every day right here. Do you hate it, Sister Rune~?”
“I-it’s not that I hate it… but, well… a man shouldn't just kiss someone on the lips recklessly.”
Looking startled, Rune placed a hand on her cheek and looked down at me with her green eyes wide.
“It seems that Ame creature isn't educating you properly…”
Rune Cal Degrain let out a long sigh and gently stroked my hair.
“I was going to teach you a bit about the sword… but before that, I need to give you some education.”
I got a bit nervous at the word "education." In this era, where beating up a boyfriend was called "date education," educating a male always involved physical acts!
“Ugh… I-I’m sorry…”
“Fufu, child. Don't be startled. Hmm…”
Fortunately, this busty Elf sister with the massive ass didn't seem to have any intention of hitting me.
In this world where men were expected to live while being beaten, I was prepared for "education" to happen at any time. After all, there was no way for me to escape the violence of the world's strongest swordmaster, no matter what I tried!
“What do you think a good man is?”
The atmosphere was gentle, but the sense of crisis—that I might get my face slapped as part of "home education" if I answered wrong—forced me to choose the most moderate and exemplary answer possible.
I think it’s someone who’s good at sex, doesn't gamble, and monitors his woman so she doesn't cheat even if he does. But that kind of answer only worked on my sows; in this world or my previous one, it was unacceptable bullshit.
“Someone who is quiet, polite and respectful to his wife, answers his wife’s words quickly, keeps his voice low, keeps his commute times strictly, and takes peaceful care of the household…?”
I couldn't remember it all perfectly, but I spat out everything that came to mind. Lately, I’d tossed aside the image of an exemplary male to spank the asses of cheeky females and pre-stamp their wombs so I could roam as I pleased, but that wouldn't work on the war criminal Elf in front of me!
“Mmm… you know it well. But it seems you haven't learned the essence.”
“Pardon…?”
I grew fearful as I saw Grandmother nod with satisfaction. I should have brought Mom along. It was my mistake to meet a terrible criminal like Grandmother so carelessly without much thought.
“This is a bit direct, but since our Yong-hwan is at an age where he should start knowing these things, Grandmother will tell you exactly. If you cook well and keep your dick hard, that’s what makes a good man.”
It was "Cook Well, Stand Hard," similar to the "Cook Well, Keep it Tight" that Yuseoha had blurted out. I’d wondered where that crazy bitch had gotten such weird bullshit, but it seemed she had just customized a term with a long-standing tradition(?).
“Ah, yes… I’ll… keep my dick… hard… and cook well too.”
“Yes, yes. Our smart darling won't even need his wife to educate him separately.”
Grandmother looked down at me with a very proud smile.