Chapter 111: I’m Learning Strange Things Lately!
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 111: I’m Learning Strange Things Lately!
To me, vacation was supposed to be a peaceful daily routine of rolling around the house, wasting time meaninglessly, and living without a single thought in my head.
“Wow, our husband is a natural. You’ve got real talent!”
“...I want to go home.”
I poured out my honest feelings while wiping the blood off a combat knife with a scrap of cloth. One might think I say I want to go home whenever things get a little difficult or annoying, but I wasn’t the type of man to throw a tantrum about going home unless it was something truly extraordinary.
“It’s over after today, so don’t be like that~! Okay? Pretty please? Now, what did I say you have to do with the knife?”
“...Wipe the blood off clean and oil it.”
“Good, good. You remembered well.”
Marika, deciding that I’d had enough fun playing at the water park with my Pet Trio, had thrown a three-day tantrum like a child to drag me into the mountains. No, to be precise, it had been three days since she dragged me here.
“Camping is fun, isn’t it?”
“It’s fun, but… I missed the broadcast of the Dinosaur Combining Robot.”
“That thing on TV, right? I’ll buy you the premium edition, so don’t be so pouty. Okay?”
Marika grabbed my cheek and gave it a playful tug. To be fair, it was quite pleasant since a bug-repelling magic circle was active instead of actual repellent, and the air and water were great.
“Now, for the finale, shall we try a night hunt?”
“I just want to stay at the campsite alone with Marika….”
The problem was that this lunatic kept desperately trying to teach me strange killing techniques.
“I’m having a to~tal blast playing with you too, Husband! Come on, grab your gun first.”
Marika fearlessly handed me a DMR. For reference, you can think of a DMR as a sniper rifle that can fire rapidly. It’s easier to think of its lower power compared to a standard sniper rifle as a matter of game balance.
“But! Marika, you can see the bullets and dodge them! Even if you get hit, you don’t even get hurt!”
“That’s why I’m telling you to hunt however you want. I believe my husband will be able to catch me this time!”
Anyway, the 'hunting' this lunatic talked about usually involved things like shooting innocent three-meter-tall rabbits or blowing the heads off five-meter-tall (medium-sized) boars. It didn't usually involve chasing and aiming at a monster that could leap dozens of meters in a single bound.
“Marika might get hurt….”
“I showed you yesterday, didn’t I? Watch closely~”
Marika Olgaevabich pointed the muzzle of the gun directly at her own eye.
“Ack! Hey! Don’t!! You crazy bitch!!!”
—Bang!
She fired just like that.
“Ouch, that stung a little~!”
She rubbed her eye and handed me the hunting DMR with a grin. The shell casing was already rolling on the ground. The crumpled bullet head fell to the floor, making a nasty metallic clatter.
“These bullets are just chunks of metal anyway, so I could probably stick it up my ass and fire without much trouble, you know?”
“...You really didn’t have to tell me that.”
“Then should I say I could put it in my throat and let you blast away?”
“...I’m going home.”
Marika giggled and stroked my hair. It was as if this tall, muscular, white-haired tanned delinquent sister was under a hypnosis spell that made her find everything I did adorable.
“Then, just like yesterday, I’ll set a speed limit, and I won’t do triple jumps in the air. I won’t twist my neck or body to dodge, either. If you look properly, read properly, and shoot properly, you’ll hit me. Then today’s hunting ‘game’ is over.”
“How am I supposed to read a double jump in mid-air?”
“You almost hit me yesterday, didn’t you?”
That was just a lucky shot while I was spray-and-praying out of pure rage, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth since she was praising me.
Hindel was dying to dote on me lately, but it seemed like my pets and concubines were all dying to devour me instead.
Seeing them teach me all sorts of strange things—killing techniques, suppression moves, swordsmanship—I wondered if they were trying to turn me into some kind of human weapon.
Still, I felt at ease because these girls didn't seem to be after my chastity. They satisfied their personal desires, sure, but they weren't constantly sizing me up, wondering when would be the best time to eat me to make a name for themselves!
I pretended to check the DMR while simultaneously firing a burst at Marika.
“Surprise attacks are good, but you’re too slow!”
And Marika, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, jumped, then jumped again in mid-air, and then jumped once more to widen the distance. Not a single shot hit.
“Marika~!”
“Yes~? What is it, Husband~!”
When I called out loudly, Marika waved her hand lightly and answered. I had to scream at the top of my lungs for my voice to reach that far, but Marika spoke from that distance as if she were standing right next to me.
“I love you~!”
“I… Ack?! That’s cheating!”
—Bang! Bang! Bang!
This time, I fired a burst while adjusting my aim slightly, but that didn't work either. Marika turned her back and started running. I roughly shouldered the squad support weapon—which was strangely devoid of recoil—and fired a single shot at the back of Marika’s head.
Marika rolled slightly to the side and began running in a zigzag pattern. Once that tall, muscular, white-haired tanned delinquent sister entered the woods, all hell would break loose. Since there was no way to close the distance, I followed the shooting stance Youfei had taught me and fired a few rounds.
In a normal situation, they all would have hit, but there was nothing I could do when Marika was double-jumping through the air. I tossed the empty magazine aside and shoved in a new one I grabbed from subspace.
Teaching a brat how to shoot a gun was one thing, but it was beyond resentful that her only idea of a safety measure was leaving me with a single magic bracelet worth the price of a building.
I watched Marika disappear into the mountains and trudged forward gloomily.
***
“Did you enjoy your week-long mountain camp with Marika, Son?”
Our schedule was supposed to be three days. I didn't know the final hunting game would last four days; only Marika knew. It took me an hour to realize things were going sideways when she didn't show up after I'd refused to move because it was time to go home.
It took another hour to fall into despair after seeing that the amount of food left at the camp was definitely not just for one or two meals, despite my denial of reality.
And it took two hours of eating until I was stuffed before heading into the mountains, driven by the thought that I couldn't miss the awesome Tokusatsu show with the combining dinosaur robots twice.
The rest of the time was spent hunting Marika. At first, she left obvious tracks and watched me from visible spots while laughing and teasing me by wagging her tail.
It took three days of getting a feel for it, becoming familiar with tracking, getting used to firing three-round bursts from a recoilless gun to hit the head of an enemy double-jumping in the air, and stubbornly tracking Marika while chewing on tree roots and drinking the water I brought because eating took too much time.
“I’m going to kill her… Marika.”
“You must have had fun.”
Hindel stroked my hair. After spending over three days thinking of nothing but burying tungsten bullets in Marika’s head, my emotions flared up whenever I thought of that tall, muscular, white-haired tanned delinquent.
To me, who was always thirsting for praise while being crushed by the monster known as Im Su-yeon, being told I had talent was like a drug. It was something that gave me a zest for life and made me try all sorts of things.
Of course, like any drug, the downside was that I usually didn't get any actual work done while on it.
Anyway.
“You don’t have to work that hard. If there’s something you want to do or someone you want to be, I’ll make it happen for you.”
“Then I want to go to a Colony!”
“Things aren't going well with the Empress. She hasn't been able to find a boyfriend, so she's been on edge lately.”
I was just amazed at what kind of obsolete female the Empress must be to still not have found a single boyfriend. I heard she provided massive support when building Camel’s Academy and was looking for 'boyfriend candidates' by ranking them, but it seemed like both the Empire and the Alliance were equally lacking in talent.
“Hindel is incompetent! Hindel is useless!”
“...I-I’m sorry. I can do as I please, but… well, if things go wrong, it might cause trouble for Papa or Ame.”
The red dragon head was making cowardly excuses. Considering the atmosphere suggested I could go once Her Majesty the Empress found a boyfriend or husband, it seemed like the issue would be resolved by the time I became an adult, so I decided to stop bullying Hindel.
“Then what kind of Papa Play does Hindel want to do today?”
“R-Right now?”
Hindel began scanning her surroundings. The display of caution from a dragon who could just sense everything through mana was nothing short of a farce.
“T-Then… instead of a womb-thumping… c-could you… spank my butt for the crime of being incompetent?”
“Get down. A dragon that doesn't listen and is useless gets a butt-thumping!”
“Papa, I-I’m sorry….”
When I patted my thigh, Hindel quickly pulled down her cotton trousers.
It looked like today was going to be another long day.