Chapter 107: The Movie Director is a Pain!
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 107: The Movie Director is a Pain!
“So, you do know about your grandmother?”
I didn't know a damn thing, but this white-haired elf lady seemed to know more about my grandmother than I, her own grandson, did.
“Of course! Rune Cal Degrain isn't just a war hero; she was the Guardian Knight of the World Tree!”
Rui-rui raised her voice, sounding a bit excited. I’d heard she was a war criminal, but perhaps my grandmother’s past was more ordinary than I thought.
“Yeah! My grandma is a war hero!”
Given that she was locked up in prison, calling her a war criminal would be more accurate. However, seeing this member of an inferior elf race brainwashing herself to protect one of her own was a bit pitiful, so I just played along.
“Ahem. And I know all about how she hunted an ogre with a sword at age five and became a Swordmaster at twelve!”
Considering I hunted a mountain rabbit with a gun at age five, I might be just as talented as my grandmother. I felt like I could have become a Swordmaster at twelve too, but unlike the age of barbarism, the modern era is ruled by the intelligentsia. I simply couldn't do it because I had to study. In that sense, we were basically on the same level.
Besides, I was a talented individual recognized across the continent—ranked second in my school, winner of a violin competition grand prize, and runner-up in the Science Olympiad. Wait, the term for a talented woman is jaewon... anyway, I was a man of talent.
I was even more impressive than that sword-swinging grandma. After all, she’s just an inferior elf!
“And? What else?”
“I know she took the Demon King’s head during the Siege of the Demon King’s Castle. And there’s that famous story about how she wiped out half the mountain range during the final battle against Hindel Dun Vurdia in the Garcia Mountain Range. I’ve actually been there!”
My grandmother certainly lived a busy life. It seemed there was a reason my mom and her friends all acted terrified whenever they talked about her.
“And...!”
Just as I was getting bored with Rui-rui’s stories—she seemed more interested in my grandmother than in me—relief arrived.
“Ah, we’re about to start filming, so please get ready!”
Fortunately, the director rescued me.
The movie wasn't exactly low-budget.
KABOOOOM!!!
“...Wait, was that real gunpowder?”
“Oh~! Our Yong-hwan even knows such difficult words! It’s just primitive gunpowder, so it’s fine. It’s not even lukewarm in front of a mana barrier!”
A massive three-story mansion on the set, which had been perfectly fine moments ago, collapsed before my eyes. A dust storm billowed up, and through the scorching heat, I saw Rui-rui staggering out.
“Good, cut!”
The director nodded in satisfaction. In the middle of the set, which reeked of acrid explosives, Rui-rui brushed the soot from her hair. Perhaps feeling the heat, she began to unzip the back of her full-body tights.
“Even if I don't get hurt, this heat inside this suit is going to cook me alive.”
“Luinal’s action scenes are seriously to die for~! The best! Simply the best!”
As the dimwitted, white-haired, red-eyed elf sister grumbled, the director soothed her with practiced praise and ordered the staff to bring over a massive air conditioner.
“Ugh... I feel like I can breathe again. I’m sweating buckets right now... can you come back in a bit?”
“Rui-rui! Rui-rui! Are you okay?! That was a huge~! A really, really huge explosion!”
“I’m fine, I’m fine. Even without protection magic, for a swordsman of my level, that kind of heat only singes a few hairs at most.”
I didn't know when she’d started using a sword to the point that she could survive a TNT blast with only singed hair, but I could guarantee that the explosion just now was caused by raw, real gunpowder.
I seriously wanted to ask if they thought mana was some kind of miracle water.
I was starting to get a sense of how this world, ruled by inferior females, managed to colonize Earth. I could vividly imagine the scene of dirty aliens using their messy fantasy settings to massacre the perfectly innocent people of Earth.
I wanted to ask Luinal how to block bombs, how much she could defend against, and how mana suppressed physical force, but...
“Alright, ten-minute break, then we’ll film Yong-hwan’s first scene immediately!”
A group of skeletal-looking men approached me, dabbing powder on my face and changing my clothes, leaving me no chance to talk further.
***
During the six hours of filming, I didn't run into Luinal once. It seemed she was busy filming something intense over there, and I was too preoccupied with my own scenes to go see her.
“Now, Yong-hwan. Read this over and let me know if anything is too difficult~!”
“Let’s just start.”
“Huh?”
Acting wasn't that difficult for someone like me who worked in the service industry. While the perverted sisters in this neighborhood preferred a male who could dominate them while spanking their butts, the public ideal was a kind, fearful, and obedient man. Playing that role was easy.
“...Mom? Sniff... sniff... Where am I...?”
Even the scenes where I had to blubber a bit.
“H-help! Someone! Anyone! Please!”
The scene where I shook a poor person who had been sucked into a Gate and was starving to death in a colony, crying out for help.
“S-stop it! This person is hurt! Why... why are you being so mean?!”
The scene where I recklessly protested against someone beating a beggar in a colony where we didn't even speak the language.
“L-let go! Do you have any idea who I am?! How dare you...! Eek?!”
The scene where I raised my voice without knowing my place, only to get slapped and left trembling.
“...I’m sorry. I’ll clean it up.”
The scene where I groveled before a pathetic colonial resident.
None of it was hard. Usually, if you catch a young boy, you either make him beg, raise him as a hitman, or throw him away. I didn't know why they caught me just to make me a servant and put me in a maid outfit, but since that was the movie, I followed along.
“...You worked so hard today! I thought this would take a week, but you did everything in one take! Truly! Truly! You’re the best, Yong-hwan!”
“I want to go home.”
I was already worn out. They should have followed child labor laws, which state that daily working hours shouldn't exceed four. For the record, while it was legally prohibited, those were the working hours I had set for myself while running around in the service industry.
“Let’s do our best tomorrow too! Just two more days. No, I’m thinking of filming some extra scenes, so let’s do three more days!”
“I want to go home.”
The director auntie was babbling nonsense while massaging my shoulders, so I requested a dialogue.
“Oh, Yong-hwan, I’m going crazy. In all my years as a director, I’ve never seen such a genius! My heart is pounding! I don't think I can sleep! Can we just stay up all night and film? Please? Please? Please?”
“I want to go home.”
I wondered if we were even having a conversation, but I made sure to express my opinion.
“Oh, my sweet Yong-hwan, do you want to film another movie with me? Hmm? How about it? I’ll give you an amazing role! I have a script I’ve been saving for ten years.”
“I want to go home.”
“No, listen. With your acting and Chairwoman Morian’s support, this is guaranteed to win an international film award!”
“I want to go home.”
I just wanted to go home. I didn't give a single damn about film awards. My only desire was to grow up quickly so I could seduce my mother—who had such a large chest and hips—and commit all sorts of acts of filial impiety.
Just as I was thinking about calling the bodyguard sister Morian had assigned to me, my protector arrived.
“Director, don't be so hard on the kid. You’re scaring him.”
“No, Luinal, listen. You saw him acting earlier. Yong-hwan is insane! He’s a genius! A genius!”
It was Rui-rui. She might be from an inferior race, but she had a kind heart.
“That’s enough. Talk to his guardian later. Come on, Yong-hwan. Want to grab dinner with me? There’s a really good pork cutlet place around here!”
“I want to go... Okay!”
I was a man with a weakness for food; it was a real problem. After chasing the director away, I went to a humble-looking restaurant with Luinal and ordered pork cutlet.
When I asked if I could order two, she told me to order three and just throw away whatever was left. I almost fell for her bourgeois display.
“Rui-rui, do you know anything else about my grandma? I heard she was a war criminal.”
“Who told you that?”
Rui-rui’s expression hardened, her usual clumsy and soft nature vanishing instantly.
“Grandma did!”
“...If she said so herself, then...”
The white-haired elf lady let out a long sigh and sipped the floral-scented tea placed before us.
“...Doesn't your mother tell you anything?”
“Nope! Mom says I don't need to know the details about Grandma being a criminal!”
“She’s being a bit much.”
I felt like I shouldn't have brought up my mom’s reaction. I should have used leading questions to fish for information, but I’d blurted everything out and created a situation where she might think, 'If his own mother didn't tell him, maybe I shouldn't either.'
“I think my grandma is an amazing person, so why would Grandma and Mom say things like that?”
“Well... nothing in this world is described by just one narrative. Ah, that might be too difficult for you to understand, Yong-hwan.”
It seemed she was itching to talk.
“I understand perfectly. No matter what you do, it can be a good thing for some and a bad thing for others!”
“Yes. To us elves and the United Kingdom, she’s a savior, but to the Empire, she’s a villain who caused unimaginable damage. That’s just how it is.”
The outline was starting to take shape. Come to think of it, even a kid eating school lunches like me knew that the United Kingdom and the Empire had fought a war that ended in an ambiguous truce.
“Are you a fan of my grandma, Rui-rui?”
“Of course! Any elf would naturally...! Ahem. I like her a little. A lot.”
The celebrity sister, who had raised her voice, gave a small, fake cough. Her pretense was actually quite cute.
“Then next time I go to see Grandma, I’ll get her autograph for you!”
“You can meet her? You can meet Lady Rune Cal Degrain? How?”
“Mom goes to see her sometimes...?”
“...How?”
Rui-rui blinked her red eyes.
It seemed my grandmother was someone who wasn't even allowed visitors.