This Place is Insanely Spicy?
[Mmm... just five more minutes... I'm still sleepy...]
"Is now really the time to sleep?! We have guests! And they're very much uninvited!"
[Guests...? Did they bring anything tasty?]
Lucy yawned, her eyes fluttering open blearily. That was when it happened.
BOOM—!
A heavy explosion echoed from the distant dungeon entrance.
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Those women from yesterday. All four of them showed up. They're blasting through the first-floor goblin zone right now, and their speed is insane. The monsters are literally clearing a path for them just by walking. What do I do? Should I wake up Lady Lucy and tell her to fight?
I called the Ogre Mage.
"Hey, go calm those kids down. Don't attack them. Just say politely, 'My master requests your presence.'"
"Grr... (I'm scared though... I don't wanna do that...)"
"If you don't go, tonight's dinner is ogre steak."
"Kwang! (I'll be right back!)"
Since when did I gain the ability to talk to monsters? Anyway, after sending the ogre off, I looked at Lucy.
"Lady Lucy. I have a request."
[What? Can't I just eat those girls?]
Lucy flicked her tail, licking her lips.
"Absolutely not. If you touch them, we'll have thousands more annoying flies swarming us. We'll be running nonstop with no time to eat."
[Ugh, I hate that. Meals have to be on time.]
"So for now, just play the part of a 'cute cat.' I'll handle sending them away."
[Huh? You're telling the great Demon King to act cute right now?]
Lucy bristled, her fur standing on end. I played my trump card.
"If you succeed... tonight's dinner will be the finest ribeye, with twice the usual magic powder."
[...]
Lucy's red eyes wavered.
[Fine. But don't let my pride get scratched. Otherwise, hero or not, I'll tear them all apart. You know my personality, right?]
Preparations were complete. I straightened my robe, practiced my expression in the mirror. Not a gloomy black mage, but the face of a hermit master who had seen through all worldly affairs.
A moment later, the boss room door opened and four beautiful women stormed in.
At the front was the blonde knight Karina. Behind her followed Saintess Elin, the mage Seria, and the thief Luna.
"Is this the boss room? It's... cleaner than I expected."
Karina looked around without lowering her sword. The place that should have reeked of blood instead carried the scent of fragrant herbs and roasting meat.
"Welcome, heroes!"
I sat on the sofa with my legs crossed as arrogantly as possible, Lucy the cat on my lap, stroking her while I spoke.
"What an honor to have such distinguished guests in this humble place."
All four pairs of eyes locked onto me. Especially Saintess Elin's, which widened.
"Oh! It's the cat owner from yesterday!"
"You know him?"
Karina asked, surprised.
"Yeah! He's the guy we saw in the village! The red cat's the same too!"
I stood and bowed politely, but not subserviently.
"My apologies for the late introduction. I am Kim Daon, the mage newly appointed to manage this Forgotten Abandoned Mine."
"Manage?"
Mage Seria pushed up her glasses, her tone sharp.
"Dungeons are monster lairs. I've never heard of a human managing one."
"There are more things in this world than we know. I simply wish to live quietly, researching and cooking. With this adorable little one, of course."
I lifted Lucy from my lap. True to her word, she let out a sickeningly sweet "Meow~."
I could hear her telepathic grumbling about "killing them all later," but I ignored it.
"Hmm."
Karina strode right up to me. Her face came so close our noses nearly touched. An intense fighting spirit and a captivating perfume hit me at the same time. She narrowed her eyes, alternating her gaze between me and Lucy.
"You really don't seem hostile. The monsters were too busy running away to attack us."
She sheathed her sword.
"Fine. I won't consider you an enemy. But..."
She grinned.
"A chef living in a dungeon? That's intriguing. Could you treat us to a meal? We've got plenty of money."
Damn it. I thought they'd just leave, but they were settling in.
"We're a bit hungry. We smelled something delicious coming from the boss room."
Elin rubbed her stomach, giggling.
"Well... I do have enough ingredients, but...?"
I stalled, feigning reluctance. Inside, I was screaming for them to just leave.
"We'll pay you handsomely. Imperial gold coins should suffice, right?"
Karina flicked a gold coin from her pocket. It sparkled. At that moment, Lucy on my lap twitched.
The Demon King was the embodiment of greed. She wouldn't hate wealth.
[Daon. Take the guests.]
Lucy's telepathy.
"......!?"
[Hey, idiot. It's gold. We can buy more meat with that, right?]
Hey, you simple-minded Demon King. This is no time for that kind of talk...
In the end, I sighed and accepted the gold coin.
"Understood. I suppose I must play host. Please wait a moment."
Thus began the bizarre cohabitation-and-meal with the hero party inside the black mage's dungeon.
Before me sat four heroes watching with curious eyes.
On my lap sat a time-bomb Demon King cat who could reveal her true nature at any moment.
Would this meal end safely?
The atmosphere is ice-cold. The hero leader is staring daggers at me. The saintess keeps reaching for Lucy. The Demon King isn't even pretending to endure it—she's digging her claws into my thigh right now. It hurts like hell. Menu recommendations please. Something that will make them eat fast and scram.
I curled my lips slightly and signaled the ogre with my eyes.
Time to show them spicy. Hurry up and eat, then get out, you uninvited guests.
I squeezed the juice from "Fire Herb" growing in a corner of the dungeon and nearly burned my fingers off. This stuff is like a hundred times concentrated cheongyang chili. I'm making "Hellfire Wild Boar Stir-fry" with it. Once they eat this and lose their minds, I'll kick them out. Operation name: Fight Fire with Fire.
Sizzle—!
A pungent yet mouthwatering aroma spread through the boss room. I cranked the ogre mage's stone slab to maximum heat and tossed in thinly sliced wild boar meat along with the Fire Herb sauce.
"Cough! Ugh, what is that smell?"
Mage Seria frowned, pinching her nose.
"Is this poison gas? I knew it was a trap!"
Thief Luna reached for her dagger. I hurriedly flipped the meat with flashy spatula work and shouted,
"It's not a trap—it's flavor! This region's specialty spice will blow away all your travel fatigue in one go!"
Even the red cat Lucy on my lap twitched her nose at the spicy smoke. But she didn't run. She clung tightly to my thigh.
I could feel her petty rage through her claws: How dare these people ask us for food so shamelessly? Still, I'll endure it for the money!
"There. It's done."
I plated the stir-fry, which had turned a deep, almost blackish red, and presented it.
I called it [Hell's Welcome to Hell Stir-fry].
"Hmm."
Leader Karina swept back her golden hair and was the first to pick up a fork.
Swish!
She examined the meat with suspicious eyes, then boldly took a bite.