For Me and the Viewers
I saw Gabi off and waved goodbye as she walked down the corridor. When I turned back to the computer, the chat window from the live stream still had so many people watching.
I wondered if some were just hanging around because they had nothing else to do, but I figured it wouldn’t be polite to think that. Maybe they were waiting for me to come back while they went about their own business. I had been so busy that I completely forgot I was supposed to go live.
Of course, if I had shown up a little later, viewers who had already switched channels to check out other streams would have left.
But because the talk with Gabi had been so short, that might explain why so many were still here. Whether they had stayed on purpose or just ended up here by chance.
Either way, I was grateful they had waited for me, so I immediately turned on the stream.
“I’m back. Thank you for waiting.”
Thanks to all of you, the smile I had forgotten about came rushing back.
If you wait that long, there’s really no other choice but to come back right away.
Of course, besides this, I didn’t really have anything else to do.
After all, there was no need to go out.
And if I was going to stay in and do something, wasn’t it only right to play games?
If not playing at all was an option, well, why not choose something fun? That’s just how people are, after all.
- Tti-hwak-jjit: So you’re already friends with someone, huh? - Starfall: It looks like the delivery time is pretty tight… - Tti-hwak-jjit: Yeah, delivery these days takes at least thirty minutes.
The viewers, though, seemed strangely puzzled that I had come back so quickly.
At this point I was starting to wonder if they were arguing with each other over me interrupting their fun.
“Oh, it’s just that my friend had a dinner appointment earlier. I’ll buy you all something delicious with the donations you gave me next time. We’re meeting again tomorrow.”
I gave them a quick explanation.
The chat, however, was already lost in their own conversation and didn’t seem to be listening to me at all.
- Bu-muk-jo-ah: Our local Chinese place delivers zha jiang mian in ten minutes lol - Tti-hwak-jjit: Isn’t that just pre-made food they hand over? - Bu-muk-jo-ah: No way, there’s no way! - Bu-muk-jo-ah: The moment I place the order they boil the noodles, stir-fry the sauce, pack it in a container, and deliver it hot. - Monday-jo-ah: I’m a real corporate chef in real life. The stuff that actually sells well is pre-made and they pull it off the line as orders come in.
It made sense, actually.
The conversation had been way too interesting.
The food I ordered for delivery was actually pre-made? Then I would have felt the same way too.
Who wouldn’t want freshly cooked food?
Even I, right now, boil cup ramen and eat it before it even gets cold.
Separate from the whole “food that gets boring” thing, the moment you’ve just cooked it is always the best.
- Bu-muk-jo-ah: No!!! - Monday-jo-ah: But it’s safe for health and taste, you know. - Monday-jo-ah: They make it ahead, but once it’s cooked it’s gone within five minutes. - Monday-jo-ah: For zha jiang mian they boil the sauce, skim the oil, boil the noodles, and pour it over. - Tti-hwak-jjit: So the big-corporate chef was right, huh? - Tti-hwak-jjit: Think five-star hotels and that kind of place? - Monday-jo-ah: Burger Queen. - Tti-hwak-jjit: Haha, Burger Queen, so definitely a corporate chef lol - Bu-muk-jo-ah: Zha jiang mian is not potato-fries level!! - Monday-jo-ah: Give up. There’s no light here.
Still, hearing the story made sense to me.
Prepping every single order by frying, stir-frying, and boiling would definitely take too long.
“As long as the turnover rate is fast, the food comes out basically the second the order comes in, right?”
I jumped into the discussion.
This was more fun than explaining why I had arrived early.
- Bu-muk-jo-ah: In theory, sure… but if no orders come in and they send over food that sat for thirty minutes? - Bu-muk-jo-ah: I couldn’t stomach that! - Qbaks: You don’t wanna eat it? - Tti-hwak-jjit: Yeah. - Qbaks: - Qbaks: Ah, I can’t post the link… - Qbaks: Someone in the community shot me down saying Noel can’t play the game.
- Tti-hwak-jjit: Another shot? - Starfall: So even after Cancho sued all those trolls, there are still kids who haven’t learned? - Qbaks: No, it wasn’t personal attacks or trash talk. Just straight-up “you can’t play the game.”
But the owner of this stream is you guys.
It was only natural that the topic would eventually come back to me.
I had always wanted to stream only my own stories, and only my gaming stories.
So I asked people to stop bringing up other people’s lives, to stop sharing personal stories, and to focus on my games.
That topic wasn’t very welcome.
It was funny, though.
I didn’t really think I played that well myself.
The moment someone said I couldn’t play, it made me feel bad.
“Um, shall I check it? There’s probably a post about it in the RioChams community.”
- Qbaks: Yeah. - Tti-hwak-jjit: Why come here to burn a hole in someone who’s just sitting quietly…? - Qbaks: If someone just sits there and gets hit, they wouldn’t get mad, right? Let’s give them a proper lesson. - SilverPantea: What? Noel’s a Grandmaster now? - SilverPantea: Sob, I had my little Master… - Tti-hwak-jjit: What the hell is this sudden talk?
So I looked up the post the viewer had mentioned.
It wasn’t hard to find.
There were quite a few posts mentioning my name, but only a few had actually malicious titles.
[Noel wishes she could break her wheelchair] - StevieHawk’sWig I wish you’d just ride around in a wheelchair. [Wish Noel the disabled kid would disappear] - HungryBear I wish the disabled Noel had disappeared and the normal Noel had been reborn. (photo) She graduated from Seoul National University’s Department of Life Sciences. She wants to research stem cells and eliminate all disabled people in the world.
Most of them were jokes mixed with affection, so I ended up laughing. But the ones clearly written with real hatred made my blood run cold.
[Noel<< garbage just benefits from the most from the Punching Dinosaur meta] - RioChamInstructorSeekingJob Good reaction speed, 100%. Skill-shot accuracy also looks solid, line-trade skills are good. But that’s all it is. The game’s balance has improved lately, even Gold players can do what she does. Right now it’s just about suppressing Grandmasters and punching dinosaurs in the meta, so that works. Once the meta shifts even a little, they’ll be stuck at D1 D2. Monster-level senses for ganks? Bullshit. They’re just bad at playing the game so everyone assumes they’re bad. If the opponent is an ally who doesn’t see jungles, they get ganked. Put it in BR and see what happens. Then they just farm and fail lane and become useless lol It’s gross that they’re sucking up to a girl who’s a Master. Pitied because she’s disabled? She has two hands, she’s doing RioChams with zero penalty. Saying “overcoming disability” is funny lol
- Tti-hwak-jjit: Fact: Noel climbed steadily from Silver. - RioChamInstructorSeekingJob: Yeah, that’s why I said she benefits from the meta. - wiiwi: Without any gaming sense, can a RioChams instructor play? - RioChamInstructorSeekingJob: Unable to counter so I attacked in the DMs lol - In-saengYeoksaChallenger: Do you not know that if everyone in the gaming community gets sucked up together the atmosphere gets destroyed lol - RioChamInstructorSeekingJob: Because of toxic fandoms many Jokers were born. Yeah.
Reading all that sincere ranting, I actually felt pretty bad.
After all, when you play League of Champions you get used to receiving and giving trash talk.
But who wants to be hated in real life?
It’s fine though. They’re just words; they don’t affect me. I can ignore them and get angry if I want, but it’s just wasting time and emotion.
But now that I’m streaming online, if people start doubting my skill, their interest might fade.
People come to my stream to watch me play, nothing else.
“Um, is there any need for explanation? Like when people are suspicious of hacks.”
- Tti-hwak-jjit: Yeah, ignore it. - Qbaks: If they just call you Master it’ll quiet down lol - Tti-hwak-jjit: Master is Master, what the hell…? Were you just looking for a fight? - Qbaks: I came to tell you because I was worried, okay? That’s too much lol
Actually, I had thought the same thing.
A name I never saw before had appeared and told me.
They probably came to start a fight or at least light the fuse on the topic.
So I thought silence was best, but I wanted to thank the viewers who were kind to me.
At least with the satisfaction that the streamer I watch really is good at the game.
Whether that has any meaning, well, not really.
But if I start questioning that, why even live at all? I’m going to die anyway.
So I just think simply.
“Well, if I say I can’t play the game, the tier is just tier, it would be pointless to argue. Anyway, it’s a bit much to claim I’m good. I’m not at the level to become a pro gamer. Honestly, being Master-tier is already a bit ambiguous.”
Pretending it didn’t bother me at all, I turned on the game and matched immediately.
“It’s just someone writing because they were in a bad mood. I don’t have anything else to say. Just keep playing like this. If the meta changes and I still stay in the tier, the argument gets ignored. If I drop, then they’re right.”
I said all that, but I still felt bad.
So maybe I need to change my playing style.
Not just win every lane and have fun.
Make winning the game the final goal.