Waiting for the Slaughterhouse
The downstairs neighbor aunt had probably just thought it was some random gesture of kindness to make jangjorim and give it to her.
Well, maybe she had made quite a bit extra and shared it with everyone.
Jangjorim was originally a side dish meant to be stored and eaten over a long period.
So this kind of goodwill was probably offered on the spur of the moment.
And she had gone even further by delivering it personally. If she made noise between floors, that would really make her the worst person, something like that.
But these past few days, the downstairs neighbor aunt’s campaign of side dishes had continued without a break.
“This is spring greens mixed with this year’s seasoning. Try it. It’s really good.”
“Ah, thank you….”
“There’s a lot of kimchi, and you and I probably can’t finish it. Do you want to take some home?”
“…Thank you.”
“Are you eating enough meals? Even though your limbs are so slender, they’re almost too long. Just standing still is… well, anyway, no. You eat until you’re full.”
“Yeah. You have to eat properly.”
By the time I kept receiving these dishes, the once-empty fridge had started to fill up neatly.
The speed at which it was piling up was faster than what I could eat, so I started to worry that the side dishes she had given earlier might go bad before I got to them.
Coming here every time felt like a burden.
Pushing back the goodwill I never asked for was becoming increasingly suffocating.
What if at some point she demanded a price I couldn’t afford?
What would I do then?
The image of my dead father and my mother in prison flashed through my mind.
Looking back, it felt similar to now.
When I was little, or rather when I was a man, both of them had supported me in every possible way.
They had sent me to study, and even if there was some other talent, they had enrolled me in extracurricular academies for sports and the arts.
They had stocked up on things good for my body and delicious things, one after another.
On weekends or during vacation, they would take me to the amusement park and say we were going to make happy family memories together.
Back then, I had thought that was good.
Our house had been an ideal family that anyone would envy.
Friends who had parents who fought all the time or had been looked down on because they were unwanted children.
I never bragged about it, but I had been happy too.
So I studied hard to be recognized, and I went to a good university.
The proud son, the beloved son, the precious son—those titles I had once held.
Now that I was a woman, I had lost all of them.
Just like my father had, I thought everything was my fault.
I had ruined our family, so it was only natural that I was beaten by my father.
But my mother had killed my father.
Holding a knife dripping with blood, staring at me with hollow eyes.
All my illusions shattered at that moment, and I realized I had been nothing more than a trophy for my parents.
They had spared no expense because they had wanted me to become a good son.
I had only remained a good parent because I had responded to that.
Watching my mother toss the kitchen knife clattering onto the floor and make a call to surrender to the police.
I also thought that if I had been an incompetent son and hadn’t paid the price for the goodwill I never wanted, I would have been receiving the same treatment long ago.
That was the same situation as now.
Someone might say, don’t say that.
You’re eating everything we give you and now you’re talking back?
But pigs and cows raised as livestock—would they have chosen their own fate?
Would they have enjoyed the superior food and treatment in an environment better than the wild, only to end up slaughtered?
That was why I had to settle this goodwill.
There is no free goodwill in this world.
You have to provide some kind of comparable repayment or you’ll be crushed under the weight of the debt.
But how?
In the end, my problem always came down to one eye and one leg.
No one would employ a woman with this kind of body.
That was why the neighbor lady had been relatively easy on me.
I didn’t know if she had noticed my reluctance or if she simply hadn’t had the means to offer material help.
Still, she had not intervened materially.
Because of that, our relationship had remained equal.
While I was pondering all this, the neighbor lady came over at the perfect timing.
It wasn’t a workday, and she wasn’t wearing a suit—only casual clothes.
Even though I couldn’t see her face, I felt that a fresh spring dress with stockings suited her somehow.
“Wow, this is spring greens mixed with seasoning? It smells delicious. But why are you leaving it out? Even jangjorim goes bad fast if it’s not in the fridge.”
“I was actually about to put it away.”
Even her teasing tone felt like consideration so I wouldn’t feel burdened.
A person who was grateful in many ways but not burdened at the same time.
A regular working woman who had entered society and could shield herself.
The fact that she looked so good in both suits and casual clothes was probably because she wore her carefree, generous attitude without hesitation.
Yeah, I admired that woman.
I would never be able to be like her.
I couldn’t walk around as perfectly healthy as she did, like a woman without a limp.
“Sister, may I ask just one thing?”
“Sure, what is it?”
But because she was someone I admired so much, I felt she wasn’t the type to offer material help like the downstairs neighbor aunt.
She would help me find a way to escape my situation.
“T-This spring greens and… the jangjorim and other side dishes in the fridge…”
I asked the question I had been turning over in my mind.
The downstairs neighbor aunt’s goodwill was nice.
But having it pile up indefinitely was a burden.
I was scared because I didn’t know when she would ask for payment.
The woman’s answer to my worries was simple.
“Just don’t take it.”
“But if I don’t take it and she throws it away, what then?”
“Mm. Not that easy.”
She spoke as if it were someone else’s problem, but then she immediately agreed with my objection.
And she fell silent.
Was there really no way to solve this alone?
Was I just supposed to wait for the day I would be dragged to the slaughterhouse and live recklessly with my eyes blinded by today’s goodwill?
Well, yeah. After all, if I die, that’s the end.
I had already decided long ago that I would die when the money ran out. There was nothing new in that.
If they asked for something reasonable, of course I would comply—I do have a conscience.
But if they asked for something beyond my abilities…
Then I would give them my corpse.
Just as I was about to drop a curse on her in my despair, the woman pointed at my computer.
“But Noel, there are people who say you’re a pro. You should use those people, right?”
“Eh? How exactly?”
“There are people who make promises like ‘If you’re not pro, I’ll give you a million won, meat, shares in the company,’ or something like that.”
“Ah….”
It was something I had never told her, so how did she know?
Well, there were some things I couldn’t be sure about.
She had always been quietly waiting for me while I played games.
During my gaming sessions, I never spoke to her, so I had thought she had no interest in games.
But she might have been watching from behind.
Even without knowing anything about games, she could have read the messages in the chat.
“That’s all just lies. No one in that community exposes their real names. If I just prove I’m not pro and delete my account to make a new one, that’s all.”
She said it like that, but I had thought she wouldn’t even go so far as to delete her account.
If I chose one side in that community—the person who boasted while active or the one who had just explained—those people would probably just brush it off as a joke and say they had made the promise lightly.
It was a fight that only brought me trouble and nothing in return.
But the woman’s thinking seemed different.
“Aigoo, there’s no way all of it’s lies. One of them might actually keep a promise, right? I hope the one who says they’ll give meat actually keeps their word. Bring it home and share with the downstairs neighbor aunt too. Noel can grill it.”
“…Yeah, sure.”
Honestly, I had never even considered it.
If they all kept their promises, I would become a major shareholder in some big company, live in a mansion with over a dozen maids, and eat grilled steak every single day.
But of course that wasn’t going to happen.
Still, in a world where even parents and children are people who only want to use others, if there was even one person I could trust like this woman…
Well, if she was trustworthy, she probably wouldn’t have made promises in the first place if I wasn’t pro.
But if someone kept their promises…
“Then I’ll just contact Celesty again and see. I can set the condition that she will prepare everything.”
“Yeah, let’s try.”
In the end, lured by the woman’s suggestion, I let myself fall into that empty hope.