Kind Neighbor
After my blocked friend list, Celestia added me, and I dove into two more ranked games.
I won or lost, and the curses came crashing down about me being a hacker.
I ignored it all, reporting each one carefully.
It seemed like a surprising number of people were watching the League of Champions community.
They must have heard my complaints and remembered my ID.
When the game started and the ten players' names appeared for the allies and enemies we were playing with.
After loading finished and the champions were summoned at each team's altar, the chats from people insulting me began pouring in.
Even if there were high-tier players who often faced me, that didn't mean everyone who had ever faced me was among them.
So the only path to them thinking I was a hacker user was through the gaming community.
It was as uncomplicated as always. Just a bit dull.
Thinking that, I habitually started the next match, my hand gripping the mouse suddenly freezing.
It was just one more click.
My index finger felt strangely reluctant to tap.
...Yeah, maybe I really couldn't stay indifferent after all.
Even if their curses were empty words.
No matter what, being the target that had piled up and grown tiresome.
Compared to my father who had directly hit me, torn at my chest, and dismembered me, those people couldn't affect me at all; they were just ones seeking self-satisfaction.
And I knew that getting upset about it meant only I would be the one at a loss...
Like sinking into a swamp, my body gradually sank deeper into the chair.
Moving suddenly felt bothersome.
My index finger hesitated so much that tapping felt difficult.
So I just stared blankly at the game result screen with no one left.
Now, maybe they had gotten tired of cursing or gone to start the next game.
Anyway, as I was left alone and staring at it, I wondered if I was still misunderstanding something.
Originally, this level of feeling wasn't supposed to be normal.
I didn't feel particularly depressed.
I wasn't like those people with depression who would want to cut their wrists.
Compared to even trying to choke myself, it wasn't dangerous at all.
Just wanting to stay put, there was no problem.
Ah, if I had to think about the cause.
Maybe because I was hungry.
Yesterday evening I had eaten ramen, and now my stomach was growling again in the morning.
It was funny for a body that hardly moved to get hungry all of a sudden...
But there was also the thing called phantom hunger.
If I had been truly hungry, I would have gotten up and said, "I need to eat something," but since I didn't even feel like getting up, that wasn't it either.
So I just wanted to stay still until that powerlessness disappeared.
For some reason, the doorbell rang from outside.
It wasn't a simple ding dong.
It was a loud, traditional classical music that went on until the person opened the intercom or the door.
I don't know if they had inserted it for some traditional reason.
If the listener found it unpleasant, it was just music or noise.
Buried deep in the chair, I turned my head slightly and looked out the door.
Of course, saying anything wouldn't make the front door visible since I wasn't coming out.
Anyway, I had gotten up early and played three ranked games, so it was around nine o'clock now.
No one would come at this hour.
Who could be knocking on my door this early morning?
Even my high school classmates just called occasionally; everyone was busy with their campus lives.
Since my body had become female and I had collapsed once, my mother had taken the leave of absence for me, so I had lost contact with my department classmates and had no one to visit.
No, even if there was, they didn't know where our house was.
There was no way a friend could knock on the door.
Door-to-door salesmen or religious people usually came after ten or eleven.
They wouldn't come this early morning.
So I thought maybe it was a burglar, but if so, they would have quietly unlocked the door and entered, not ringing the doorbell so loudly and knocking.
But even that didn't explain why I wasn't reacting.
In the end, a person's voice came from outside the door.
"Are you there? Student, it's the downstairs neighbor. If you're inside, can I come in for a moment?"
...It was the voice of that aunt from yesterday.
She had stayed with me at the hospital until I woke up and then brought me home.
Without her, I wouldn't have known how I could have gotten home.
The bus had stopped running. Taking a taxi felt too expensive.
But walking... my legs were in this state.
If I had spent the night in the hospital room, that would have incurred charges too.
If the aunt had wanted to burden me, she had succeeded brilliantly.
That's why I wasn't walking carefully at home.
Also, making the aunt wait like that felt like a guilty conscience.
Maybe the neighbor woman had stopped by for a moment and would have scolded me to get out.
Yesterday that aunt... I should have gone out to greet her with a thank you.
With her tone, that voice lingered in my ears.
I could have pretended not to be home.
The house wasn't soundproof anyway, and if the downstairs neighbor heard even the creak of my chair moving, it would be like deceiving her.
In the end, overpowered by a guilty conscience, I somehow managed to get up from my seat.
Should I crawl or lean on the wall? I hesitated for a moment.
Thinking about it, the uncle would have already left for work by now.
The fact that the aunt was outside meant no one was home downstairs.
So I just ran as fast as I could.
Even though it was hard, it was the quickest way to the front door.
It didn't feel right to make her wait any longer.
"I'm coming out now."
Somehow I made it to the front door and opened it.
I faced the aunt standing there.
I didn't need to ask; seeing the sealed container in her hand, I could roughly guess why she had come.
Inside the darkish brown liquid, I saw glimpses of meat and quail eggs.
Braised dish. If she had brought that specifically, it seemed she had come to give it to me.
But was there a reason for her to give it to me?
If it was to prevent noise between floors, she had already shown enough kindness by helping me yesterday.
While I was staring at the aunt blankly with that question in mind, the aunt also looked at me with confused eyes.
I tilted my head curiously, wondering why she was looking like that.
There was one thing that hit me.
I hadn't greeted her.
"I'm sorry I'm late. My legs are like this."
"No, it's fine. That, student. Your eyes..."
"Ah."
I thought she was staring because I hadn't greeted her.
Yesterday, since she had been next to me or in the dark, she hadn't noticed.
If she had seen and known yesterday, she wouldn't have been surprised like this now.
Therewith a hand that had nowhere to go, I subtly rubbed my left eye.
Having lost sight didn't mean the eyes were completely removed.
The internal tissues would cave in and deform strangely.
It was just that the eyes were damaged so I couldn't see.
Whether it was the cornea or the pupil. I had scratched my face wrongly.
So without focus, I was told it wouldn't be obvious even if I just left it.
Seeing how easily she understood, it seemed I really couldn't hide it.
"Yeah, that's how it is."
Even so, feeling burdened by others' disabilities, I said it casually.
"That, yes. Hmm. Anyway, I made a lot of braised dish because I was cooking. Please try this. There was no one around to give it to, so if I left it, it would spoil. My husband and I couldn't eat that much."
At that point, the aunt handed me the braised dish with a somewhat vague excuse.
If I had just said I was dividing it, I would have refused.
Even though I was only eating ramen now, an unreasonable kindness was too burdensome.
But if she was saying it was going to be thrown away anyway.
Then refusing it wouldn't be stupid, would it?
"Then I'll eat it gratefully."
So I quietly accepted it.
This was, after all, a way of rationalizing giving away food waste.
Was my answer awkward?
The aunt answered with an forced smile, her lips trembling.
"That, yes. Eat it well. Ah, and don't just eat only ramen..."
"Yeah, I will."
Yeah, in the end that was right.
She must have come inside after all.
She had seen the trash bag full of ramen containers.
I thought maybe the downstairs aunt or uncle had thrown out a week's worth of usable trash bag, but...
Just because I was a disabled person and living alone without parents.
Once she realized I was giving cheap pity, my appetite turned bitter.
Staring at the braised dish in my hand.
The aunt took a deep breath as if wanting to say something more, then after hesitating, her hand that had been wandering in the air lowered calmly.
"Yes, then. I'll go now."
The aunt stepped back and went down the stairs.
Only after she left did I realize I had been tense.
My strength suddenly left me, and I almost sat down on the floor.
...Still, facing someone was a chilling feeling.