Someone's Worries (1)
Marei thought it felt lonely. Staring at the sofa abandoned in the corner and the classroom so packed with exercise equipment that it would be more accurate to call it a gymnasium, the thought settled over him like dust.
The sight of all that cold metal left him with nothing to do but sit on the sofa where Muerangde usually perched and wait for the two of them. The room hadn’t been ventilated; motes of dust glittered in the slanting beams of light. Only moments ago he had been tangled in raw, honest lust with the pair of them, sharing heat and breath, yet now the world outside the door felt inexplicably desolate.
When he opened the window, a lukewarm breeze pushed in without enthusiasm. Because the academy grounds included a mountain, the air carried a clammy, unpleasant dampness that made each breath feel slightly laborious. Summer’s begun, his lips moved on their own, murmuring the words.
The wind rolling down from the mountain would never be enough to ease the coming heat. The height of northern summer had blossomed while spring was still fading. Perhaps it had arrived a little early. Beyond the glass, students gathered in twos and threes, chattering. The fact that so many people still moved about the grounds struck him as both wondrous and, somehow, enviable.
His thoughts circled endlessly; his feet shuffled forward and back with no purpose. The image of Erden striking Lee Ha-eun’s cheek refused to leave his mind. He wanted to erase the fact that he had been standing right there. How was he supposed to face her now? How would Lee Ha-eun react? If only Erden were here instead, the burden might have been lighter. Or perhaps she would simply behave as though nothing had happened.
Claiming the hectic weekend had left him no time to think was merely an excuse. He had deliberately avoided the subject, shoving Lee Ha-eun’s situation further and further back in his mind. The worn fabric against his back suddenly felt foreign and strange.
If she reacts like this… if she reacts like that… The thoughts would not stop. Marei knew himself well enough to understand that if Lee Ha-eun responded in any way he hadn’t anticipated, his mind would bleach white and he would be unable to react at all.
In Valter, where every relationship twisted and knotted in complicated layers, the only thing Marei truly felt was suffocation. He also knew that without Labella’s endless support and guidance toward the proper path, he would never have adapted.
Creak—
The building was new, yet the hinges on the door—kicked open carelessly and slammed shut with a bang—had already surrendered. They let out a dry, exhausted shriek as they delivered the news of Lee Ha-eun’s arrival.
“Yo, brat. Today’s self-study, nya! Nice, right? *Hic*—”
The delivery was anything but gentle. Lee Ha-eun reeked of liquor. She gave a small burp, then lifted the glass bottle in her hand to her lips. The same woman who had once declared the cat-like speech her “concept” now let out a natural “nya~!” and laughed, looking utterly smashed.
“Are you… all right?”
Marei hurried over as she staggered toward him and caught one of her arms. Despite her delicate appearance, the limb beneath his fingers was astonishingly firm. Lee Ha-eun let out a hiccupping laugh.
“Ah, I just drank a little because things were tough, nya. Sorry, sorry~! Go easy on me today, nya!”
She slapped his back with loud whap-whap sounds and laughed even harder. The blows stung enough to bring tears to his eyes, but Marei wasn’t cruel enough to abandon someone who was drunk. Lee Ha-eun collapsed onto the sofa like a puppet with cut strings, curling into a ball like a cat, then stretching luxuriously, rubbing her face against the black mattress again and again. The way she laughed with those “nya nya” sounds was undeniably cute, yet it also felt as if she were wearing a mask; an odd distance had opened between them.
“Why did you drink so much…?”
“Soooorry… It was hard, that’s all. The kid won’t listen, old memories keep coming back… I told myself just one drink at dawn, but… I ended up drinking next door until now. Heh heh heh… Ah, this isn’t what I meant, nya.”
I drank six whole bottles, nya! Lee Ha-eun burst into helpless laughter. Marei tightened his grip on the staggering cat-beastkin teacher’s arm. If he let go, she looked as though she would topple forward. Her golden eyes trembled with what seemed like imminent tears; perhaps that was why he held her so tightly.
Between her shallow breaths, the acrid stench of alcohol rolled out thickly. It was potent enough to make someone drunk from the smell alone. Watching Marei scrunch up his face, Lee Ha-eun nodded several times, then moved her lips. No words came out.
“Did something happen with Muerangde?”
“Something’s always happening. That damn kid is hopeless, nya. I tell her to listen, but she doesn’t hear a damn thing. She’s got a terminal case of chuunibyou and keeps snapping at me to leave her alone. Ha… No wonder I can’t quit drinking, nya!”
Lee Ha-eun brought the open bottle of amber liquid to her mouth; the alcohol fumes rose immediately. Marei knew he shouldn’t think it, yet a brief, uncharitable judgment flashed through his mind: Pathetic. Even though he knew he shouldn’t. The constant stream of profanity made her seem less like a teacher and more like a thug.
“If you drink any more you’ll really be in trouble. Calm down, Professor Lee Ha-eun…”
“I’m fine. Kid, back in my prime I could drink all night and still head out to fight the next day, nya. I’m not gonna die from this much, nya! Want a sip?”
“Where did the ‘nya’ go earlier?”
Lee Ha-eun seemed to realize her slip and slyly averted her gaze. Drunk people always said the same things. The way she spoke was exactly like the village elders and travelers he had seen at the taverns along the Northern Barrier. Marei forcibly took the bottle from her. If she truly wanted to, she could have shoved the small boy aside and reclaimed it, but Lee Ha-eun only whined with a soft “Ehh—” like a spoiled child.
“Just lie down… Six bottles of strong liquor would knock out most grown men. Slowly… Yes. Lie down.”
“I’m not drunk, I said… Take this—Nyan Punch!”
Marei patted the slurring woman and gently guided her onto the sofa. The moment he set her down she lost her balance and collapsed; a quiet sigh escaped him. Her drunken habits were terrible—she kept slapping his chest with her palm while spouting nonsense about “Nyan Punch.” Even though the woman who looked roughly his age (perhaps a little older) was lying on the sofa, there was still just enough room for him to sit.
He had only carried a drunk from the door to the sofa, yet the exhaustion was bone-deep. Marei nudged her legs aside and made himself a space.
“Shall I bring you some water?”
“Our future son-in-law is so kind, nya. Kihihihihic.”
Lee Ha-eun said something incomprehensible and burst into childish laughter. Her long legs stretched out, kicking the sofa backrest with repeated dull thuds.
“That’s why I’m angry…”
“Sorry? What did you say? I couldn’t hear.”
Lee Ha-eun muttered something in a voice that didn’t sound drunk at all. When she immediately broke into a wide, “nya nya” smile, Marei wondered if he had misheard and asked again.
“None of your business, nya!”
Seeing Lee Ha-eun behave more like a younger girl than an older woman, Marei took off his outer robe and draped it over her.
“Professor Lee Ha-eun… If you sleep for a while you’ll feel better. I won’t tell anyone. But you can’t come like this again. I might get angry next time.”
“It’s fine. It’s fiiine, nya~.”
Her limp hand waved vaguely through the air. Between the lukewarm classroom and her equally lukewarm behavior, Marei found himself letting out a small laugh. Strangely, he didn’t dislike the scene. Amusing might have been the better word. Oddly enough.
“Our son-in-law is fun too, nya~!”
He had no idea why he was suddenly her son-in-law, but he knew better than to take a drunk’s words seriously. Marei made a vague sound of understanding and patted her back as if to lull her to sleep. Lee Ha-eun’s murmurs gradually grew quieter, accompanied by a soft purring sound. Just as he thought she had finally fallen asleep and withdrew his hand, she suddenly grabbed his backside in a firm grip. Marei let out an undignified squeak.
“Hiiiiik! P-Professor Lee Ha-eun!”
“Kukukuk. ‘Hiiiiik!’ you say. ‘Hiiiiik!’ What are you, a little girl? Hiiiiik~?”
Marei’s face flushed crimson with embarrassment. He sprang up from his seat and glared at her, but Lee Ha-eun clapped her hands in delight at his reaction and cackled. With one eye half-closed, she stretched both arms and legs like a cat, letting her body go slack. His gaze caught on her clearly defined abs. She still smelled horribly of alcohol and moved unsteadily, yet she no longer seemed drunk. Or maybe it was only his imagination.
After a long yawn, Lee Ha-eun rolled over and curled up again. Her pure white hair glittered weakly even in the sunlight. Marei sat in the space she had left. The stench of liquor seemed to cling to his entire body. It rose faintly from her toned abs, her healthy thighs where muscle faintly showed, even from her slightly twitching toes.
“Got a lot of friends?”
“Pardon?”
“I asked if you have a lot of friends. It’s nothing special. Um, just… well. I was just curious, that’s all…”
Lee Ha-eun’s voice was flat, without any rise or fall. She tacked on extra words at the end, aware it made her sound pathetic, yet she had wanted to ask anyway.
“I… have a few.”
“I see.”
The boys his age in the village by the barrier, his classmates. Could he really call his classmates friends? The question crossed his mind briefly, but he didn’t dwell on it. Lee Ha-eun gave a small, choked laugh and shivered. She still smelled of alcohol, yet for some reason she no longer seemed drunk. It was simply a feeling.
Marei stared blankly at the cat-beastkin teacher lying beside him. She was about the same height as he would be if he stretched. Among the adult women around him, she was slightly shorter than average. Completely different from the tall Labella and the others. She carried the title of professor, yet the way she casually patted his rear, threw an arm around his shoulders without hesitation, or looked after him made her feel more like a friend than a teacher.
“Is something wrong?”
“It’s harder when nothing’s wrong, nya. When you reach my age you’ll remember how shitty life can be, nya. Even if you forget, one day the shackles around your ankles will drag you down, and you’ll want to whine like a baby, nya… Then you’ll think, ‘Ah, all the things I put off have finally exploded!’ That’s what you’ll say, nya.”
It was hard to understand. Lee Ha-eun’s eyes remained closed. She stayed curled up like an animal. For some reason the sight reminded him of a wounded beast. The constant “nya” was irritating, yet he could admit it was rather cute; Marei gave a reluctant nod. The saying that one should simply ignore a drunk’s nonsense floated through his mind.
“…If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. Hang in there.”
“…Ha!”
Lee Ha-eun sat bolt upright as if she couldn’t believe what she’d heard and let out a loud snort. She frowned deeply at Marei, roughly tousled her own hair, then flopped back onto the sofa. This time she didn’t curl up or leave space; she stretched her legs out and rested her calf across Marei’s knee. When she offered no further reaction, Marei leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes. The exhaustion had faded, but he felt as though someone needed to stay beside Lee Ha-eun. It simply felt necessary.
Lately he had been feeling more and more that there were people who needed him to stay close. In the muggy weather, having someone pressed against him made sweat slowly gather on his thighs. When a breeze that was neither cold nor hot brushed past, the sweat-damp skin felt faintly chilled.
“Marei… brat, you asleep?”
“No.”
At the sound of Lee Ha-eun’s voice, Marei opened his eyes. He hadn’t truly been sleeping. He had simply been drifting quietly through the subtle morning hours. Killing time was something the people at the barrier were intimately familiar with. In that quiet rural village, the absence of incident would have been strange.
“Kids become adults in the blink of an eye. You don’t even have to run toward it; the title ‘adult’ comes to find you. Children stretch out their hands and try to run to meet it. That’s really…”
“You’re not adding ‘nya’ anymore?”
“Shut up and listen.”
An adult is speaking, after all. Lee Ha-eun clicked her tongue softly. Marei quietly lent his ear to her voice.
“That’s really… sad. But what’s even sadder are the children who have already become adults. It’s natural to grow up with age and experience, but… there are many kinds of magic that turn children into adults instantly. Things like poverty, deprivation, loneliness.”
Terrible magic.
Lee Ha-eun stared blankly into space. Neither Marei nor the white-painted ceiling entered her vision. Her golden eyes were looking at Muerangde, who wasn’t here. Then she turned her gaze to Marei and spoke in a weary voice. Marei thought the phrase “terrible magic” was wrong. It was simply terrible reality. Unsure what expression he should show, he could only stare at her blankly.
“Both you and that child are still just tiny kittens…”
It was impossible to reconcile the sight with the Lee Ha-eun who usually laughed and joked. Her eyes were filled with complex emotion. Normally Marei would have looked away after a few seconds of eye contact, but this time he didn’t. Or rather, he couldn’t. Those yellow eyes were brimming with resentment. Pity, too, and other difficult emotions that defied description.
“Why…”
Lee Ha-eun slowly sat up, reached out with both hands, and wrapped them around Marei’s neck.