I'm Not the Archbishop, I Tell You (3)
"You're here! My benefactor!"
Whoosh.
The moment I stepped into the room, Amelia pulled me into a tight hug.
'C-can't... breathe.'
I struggled, adjusting my nearly slipping hat.
Sariya-noona, who followed behind, openly furrowed her brow at the sight.
"Hehe. Come, sit down."
Amelia rubbed her cheek against mine like I was her own son before seating me on the sofa. I'd heard Rudin had no children between them, which might explain her doting.
"How's life at the mansion treating you?"
"Thanks to your consideration, it's super comfortable. Feels just like home."
"I'd love to make things even more convenient for you, but my husband's situation... I'm sorry."
Her gaze flicked alternately to the yokai behind me.
"It's fine. Seeing you healthy, Countess, is more than enough for me."
"Oh my... How do you say such pretty things?"
Honey practically dripped from Amelia's eyes. If she weren't sitting across from me, she might've hugged me right then.
"Want to call me noona?"
"Noona?"
The moment I echoed her...
Ziiing.
A prickling stare stabbed into the back of my head.
'I can tell without even looking.'
It was Sariya-noona and Lannancy-noona.
'Stop adding more. Aren't I enough?' 'Three's honestly too many! My little bro identity's getting diluted!'
Something like that seemed to echo in my mind.
"...Noona's fine."
"Really? Hmm. What a shame."
Amelia clicked her tongue and cleared her throat.
"So, what's this about...?"
"Oh, right. Look at me, losing my head."
She lifted the teapot and filled my cup.
Drip, drip.
As the orange liquid filled it, she spoke.
"You know about ManShinJeon, right?"
"Yes."
A group that worships yokai.
"They're one of the few who wield yokai power. They live fused with yokai as their doctrine and don't hesitate on human sacrifices... The curse on me came from the yokai they serve."
Amelia's family was a major patron of the Holy Church. They'd cursed her and threatened to wipe out her house if the patronage didn't stop.
"Was there no way to avoid the curse?"
"None. It's a curse they cast by offering their own bodies to yokai... Basically unavoidable."
ManShinJeon.
Crazier than I'd imagined.
'Gotta be careful not to get tangled up.'
I listened intently to Amelia's story with that in mind.
"But lately, traces of them appeared in our territory."
"Traces?"
"Yes. We found them when we sealed the territory to catch you and your group. The thieves tripped over their own feet."
More like catching a mouse while stepping back from a cow, but I kept quiet.
"Not small-scale—looks like a full branch. Probably moved in after I got cursed... I have no face left for my people."
Amelia's expression darkened.
'Those guys in the territory? Good thing I haven't left the mansion.'
I'll stay cautious for a while to avoid those scary folks—
"So, I'd like you to find them for us."
"...Me?"
Unable to process, I turned to Estelle behind me, then back.
"There's a saintess candidate—why me...?"
"Sister Estelle is still just a candidate. Not fully chosen. Her divine power isn't on the level of Archbishop—you."
"I don't have divine power?"
"I know you're hiding it. Bringing yokai along must be to guide them, right?"
"Not at all?"
...So she's assuming I'm hiding being the archbishop and trying to redeem the yokai sisters?
'Can yokai even be redeemed in the first place?'
Yokai and rule yokai are born from negative emotions.
What does guiding shadow-like beings to the right path even mean?
'Just look at my parents—they go feral when hungry.'
Beings faithful to survival of the fittest and desires wouldn't quietly obey.
Unless crushed by overwhelming power like Sariya-noona over Lannancy-noona, or becoming something entirely different—
......Wait a sec.
Why am I, not even a priest, pondering this?
"Pfft! Don't worry. Even we were fooled at first. But otherwise, your actions don't add up. The Church's secret weapon... something like that, right?"
What the hell does everyone think I am?
"No name, no identity. Freeing those charmed by Lannancy, leading the charge on rule yokai. And lifting my curse too."
Listing it out, yeah, my exploits did sound suspicious.
"Still, I'm telling you no? It's just... coincidences piling up—"
"Yes, yes. We get it. That's why we're asking you."
...This lady has no intention of hearing my excuses.
I was at a total loss. Me, no archbishop or anything, taking down a cult?
"But it's not just a request. We'll mobilize the territory's full military and wealth to support you."
My ears perked at "wealth."
'Tons of money... my own house... rich bum...?'
Tommy taught me before. The happiest person is a rich bum.
To become one, you just need lots of money first.
'Said you can even buy friends with money. And parents too.'
Wanted to ask more, but dinner interrupted.
Anyway, more money's always better.
With solid starting funds, living in the Imperial Capital would be way easier.
'I'm broke right now anyway.'
Plus, not capturing—just finding them. Might be doable?
"Hmm."
Lost in thought, it must've looked like hesitation.
"Anything else you want? We'll do whatever we can. Already cleared with my husband. Just say it."
"...Can you make me an ID?"
"Not hard at all."
I shot up from my seat.
"Where are those traces?!"
We left the lord's mansion and headed to the city streets.
Sariya-noona insisted I couldn't go alone, Estelle tagged along to learn from watching me, and Lannancy-noona tried slipping away citing danger but got nabbed by the scruff by Sariya-noona.
Four in total.
Super reassuring.
"But traces in an alley? They'll be gone by now, right?"
Sariya-noona answered my question.
"Probably. Even if we preserved the scene, those bastards wouldn't leave it."
"Hmm... Guess we gotta search one by one."
"They won't just pop out? Walking with a stiff nun outfit girl. Yeah, right."
Sariya-noona jabbed at Estelle, who ignored her like she was invisible and spoke to me.
"I understand bringing yokai is for redemption, but you can't fix a beast. Utterly pointless mercy."
"Who's the beast?"
Sparks seemed to fly through the air.
"Whoa... How much is this gem? N-ninety-nine gold? Hmm, not a hundred, so cheap? Think charm'll get a discount?"
Ignoring their growling, Lannancy-noona's eyes sparkled at the market stall's jewels.
'Gotta stay sharp myself.'
We were scanning for traces through the market when—
'Hm?'
A sweet scent wafted from somewhere. Cookie smell.
'Like last time maybe?'
No bakeries nearby—this was a remote outskirts area, no shops.
'Did my nose get weird after the cookie house?'
The same scent from cursed Amelia. Started smelling it after the cookie house.
Some special condition, probably.
'Not from Sariya-noona or Lannancy-noona, so not yokai scent.'
But definitely a clue to solving this.
I followed the smell into a dim alley.
"Hey."
Deeper in, I spotted a man in a black robe.
"Stop right there!"
At my shout, he bolted but soon hit a dead end.
Then he turned slowly, flashing a creepy grin.
"Dumbass. Walking right into the trap."
Swish. Rustle.
Suddenly, four more robed figures appeared behind me.
"Even if you're the Church's archbishop, you won't leave alive."
Surrounded in seconds.
'Damn. Chasing the smell split me from the noonas.'
I gulped dryly.
"Surrender. I don't wanna hurt you either."
Bluffing hard, but they just sneered.
"Worry about yourself."
The man at the alley's end pulled something from his robe and tossed it down.
A grotesquely rotted ankle. He drew a dagger, slit his wrist, and dripped blood onto it.
Drip. Drip.
Suddenly, the cookie scent surged, and blood-red moss exploded across the alley floor and walls.
The robed men behind shimmered like heat haze and vanished.
"Glory to ManShinJeon...!"
Stab!
The bleeding man jammed the dagger into his throat and suicided. Red moss swallowed him, merging his corpse with the ground.
'Why kill himself?'
Discarding his life like dirt. Fanatic stuff.
Glancing up, the sky visible between buildings was dyed red.
Same place, totally different. Yet... familiar?
'Wait. How do I get out?'
I walked down the alley. Moss vanished only where I stepped.
'No one's here...?'
No one to ask. Reluctantly, I returned to the spot.
'Gotta be a clue.'
Scanning around—
Sniff, sniff.
Intense sweetness tickled my nose. From the mystery red moss blanketing the ground.
'...Strawberry?'
No way.
I crouched and yanked up a handful of red moss.
'...Safe to eat?'
Hesitated a bit, then popped it in.
'Whoa, bitter strawberry chocolate...!'
Crunch, munch.
The instant I swallowed—
Kyaaaaaaaah!!
A ear-shattering, chilling scream ripped through the air.
Crack!
Like shattering glass, the red sky and alley shattered and collapsed.
'Oh.'
Illusion? Maybe the robed guy's prep didn't fully work.
'Easier than I thought.'
Was scary alone in that weird place, but...
Anyway, back to normal. The four robed men reappeared.
"Easy."
"One martyrdom for an archbishop. Bargain."
"Lifting the countess's curse? Had to purge that heretic fast."
They chatted, unaware I'd returned.
"Hey."
"...?"
Four pairs of eyes turned my way.
Situation flipped. Now they were cornered in the alley.
Only change I could think of.
But they looked off.
"Wh-what...!"
"I-impossible!"
They staggered back.
'Huh?'
Over-the-top reaction. Like a yokai appeared.
'Too much for a human.'
Even I'd be hurt. Stammering, trembling eyes—like Lannancy-noona facing Sariya-noona.
Wait.
'This is my chance?'
I quickly hid my surprise. What would noonas do?
Recalled Sariya-noona scaring Lannancy-noona into line. Lannancy-noona trembling but steadfast.
Hid my tension. Alright, let's try.
"Haa..."
Sighed to set the mood. They flinched at the sound, tension obvious.
Stared at them like Sariya-noona at Lannancy-noona. Tried maxing my smirk. Harder than expected. Drool dripping, eyes bulging—stinging. Couldn't hold long.
"You... should surrender, right?"