D-96: I Didn't Know This Body Was Such a Huge Masochist
Ahem. How should I put this── right now, it's a little. No, it's a very awkward situation.
So much happened yesterday. Showering, getting teased, cleaning, getting angry, crying, being comforted.
After all that, we barely exchanged a few words before just falling asleep like that.
So… the breakfast we're having right now feels fucking heavy and awkward as hell to me.
Ugh. So why the hell did I cry yesterday for no reason? Because of that, it's so awkward I can't even start a conversation.
I just scoop cereal from the bowl, avoiding eye contact the whole time and staring somewhere else.
Still, it looks like he properly heard what I said yesterday. At least he isn't trying anything from the morning onward.
Haah. One day doesn't seem like enough time for my brain to fully accept that this guy is all I have right now.
It's annoying, but at least he's someone I can actually talk to── whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.
…No. It's bad. Obviously it's bad. None of this should have happened in the first place.
I don't glare at him with pointless spite, but my gaze is still full of dissatisfaction as I watch him.
The cereal doesn't go down well in this awkward atmosphere, so I take a few bites and stop.
“······”
“Do you have something to say?”
Ah, it's awkward. Even hearing him speak feels awkward now. So why did I let him comfort me yesterday? Why did I accept it?
The eyes that had been full of complaint from pointless spite quickly pull away. I look somewhere else as my face turns red for no reason.
I keep remembering yesterday. For some reason, it's twice as embarrassing as the harassment in the shower. That act itself is far more humiliating.
Still, I barely overcome the awkwardness and carefully speak up.
“It's nothing special. Tell me about today's punishment and… you know. The resocialization stuff.”
“Hmm. Looks like you've adapted quite a bit already?”
“…Sigh. Just tell me already.”
I'm still full of pointless spite. Even though I was the one who received comfort, I suddenly feel like being difficult, so I act on it.
The moment I meet his smiling face, mine turns red again. I look away and stir the bowl vigorously.
Haah, ha. I have to accept it. Whether it's punishment or whatever… how long am I going to keep acting like a sulky girl after a couple's fight?
“Alright then. The punishment is… this. See for yourself.”
“───G-give it, give it here!”
He holds out the phone. It must be my old post. Despite saying “give it here!” my body moves on its own as I snatch it away.
Even now, the thought of someone else reading my words makes my face burn. It's genuinely mortifying.
I look at the text on the screen. Ah, this. I remember. Yes, I remember… fuck. I read it twice, as if I can't believe it.
I feel my ears turning red too. That unpleasant heat spreading across my face.
Shame. No, not just shame── regret and self-loathing surge up as well──
I remember it perfectly, yet I still check if it's really mine. Ah, why the hell did I write something like this? Me. Haah.
Yeah. To put it simply.
“…You've decided to properly accept the punishment. Then, please prepare?”
“······”
Ah, it would have been better if I'd just taken it without thinking. Should I cancel even now?
Seeing it written out like this makes it so much more embarrassing. Maybe it really would have been better if I'd been taken without any preparation.
Maybe that was also a form of consideration. Doing it while I was out of my mind so I could at least keep some minimal pride…
No. That's complete bullshit. My brain must be broken.
“B-but… what do you mean, prepare? For something like this.”
“Hmm. Lying on the bed would be good. Just tell me when you're mentally ready.”
For a long time I don't want to accept reality, so I keep stirring the empty bowl.
Fuck. I thought I was suffering all this without any fault… but looking back, it seems some of it really is my fault.
Maybe I do deserve to be resocialized. Haah. But I still hate it, so I keep tapping the bowl with the spoon until our eyes meet and I suddenly feel self-conscious. I stand up.
He wasn't giving me any particular look, but somehow I still feel it.
I soon flop down onto the bed. Aah. It's soft── and since it was washed yesterday, it smells nice too.
But unlike the comfort, my mind is only complicated. I can feel my whole body is extremely tense.
Like some virgin experiencing her first time, my body is trembling faintly…
O-okay. I'm not even a real girl. I'll go back once this is over. There's no point getting this worked up.
I try to steel myself with that thought, but the tension won't stop. I can feel my heart pounding wildly.
R-rather, I want to drag this out. If I just don't say anything, maybe he won't do it?
He was like that yesterday too. The guy who shows a kind side when it counts. If I say I'll rest just for today──
…But. Haah. Enough. How long am I going to keep putting it off? Yesterday I dumped a ton of complaints on him, but I have faults too.
I spoke extremely harshly and even rebelled while cooking. I also promised I wouldn't resist anymore.
I always thought I was a guy without a conscience, but even that nonexistent conscience seems to be stinging me now.
When my wildly beating heart finally calms down just a little── I speak.
“──I'm ready.”
Thud, thud. I feel him approaching.
I close my eyes slightly. If I look at him directly, that feeling of dying from embarrassment will hit me again.
No. I can already feel my ears burning red all the way to the tips.
I'm embarrassed even though I haven't even faced him yet.
Just sensing his presence is enough for me to instinctively know it's him.
Soon the footsteps grow closer and closer. When they stop right beside me.
The bed sinks slightly with a soft creak. Only then do I open my eyes a little.
“Then, if you'll allow me… I'll begin.”
“…Do whatever you want.”
Instead of the ceiling, his face fills my vision. It's close. So close our breaths could mingle.
Of course I can't face him properly. I immediately turn to the side, hiding my face. It's too close.
My heart pounds even harder and my face grows redder, but I don't want to delay any longer so I open my mouth.
After my words that are practically asking for consent, I feel his hand press firmly against my pale neck.
It's thick and warm. Press. The neck── the most precious part, directly connected to breathing and life itself.
I'm giving that part to a man I've only known for a few days. Ah, I feel a strange sense of immorality.
It must be because of this body. When I was a man I had no such hobby. I never wanted to be on the receiving end.
Even while blaming the body, the body itself somehow wants it. It wants him to threaten its life by choking it tight.
I'm not some masochist bitch. This is the worst. But still… No. Enough. Just do it already. Quickly.
But for some reason he doesn't tighten. Is he worried about me?
It's ridiculous. After what he did last time, now his conscience is bothering him? …What a funny guy. Seriously.
“───J-just. Do it quickly.”
“…”
“…Do it quickly, you idiot. Ha. Fuck. Are you chickening out now?”
I look up at the hesitating guy.
His expression doesn't look particularly happy. Does he actually feel guilt?
Ha. Only now. I snort, then immediately look up and spit curses──
I want to provoke the gloomy-looking guy, so the words pour out. Somehow it feels refreshing.
After all that, now he's trying to act nice. Yeah. That's exactly it.
It's annoying. So ridiculous I could die. As I glare with unkind eyes and try to say a few more things.
Press, squeeze, squueeeeze──♡
“Khe, khek─♡ U, ughk♡ H. Hhk, ha, haa─, t-that's it. Do it quickly like I said, ah♡”
I feel my neck slowly being choked. Ah. This is tougher than I thought.
But it's bearable. This much I can endure with sheer willpower. It's just slightly blocking my breath.
It's a force far stronger than mine. I can feel my windpipe and neck being constricted, yet.
Around the vocal cords. The part directly connected to life. The feeling of that area being threatened is strange. Somehow strange.
…The sense of immorality from doing something that should never be done is strange.
Squeeze── my small, white neck that even I find beautiful tightens further.
“U, ghk, uk── ok♡ Ughk, kkhk─♡ Ha, agh, e, gh─ kkhk♡”
“──Ha, ah. Haa.”
My body trembles. The appearance of snorting and laughing at his gloomy face just moments ago vanishes as soon as my neck is squeezed. It transforms into pure terror with no room for leisure.
With dilated pupils I stare straight at him───
His breathing somehow grows rough and brushes against my cheek.
He keeps squeezing. Without end. Maybe he's a little pissed about my earlier attitude. He squeezes without stopping.
Even while letting out painful sounds I tried to endure and submit somewhat, but.
──Ah, khk, kkhh, uk♡♡
There is no way to fight against the hand completely choking my neck. Gradually, unavoidable survival instinct takes over.
Dying… I'm dying. I-I thought I could endure it. Now I'm really dying.
This somehow. I have to resist── ah, punishment or whatever, I'm really dying. I'm dying.
With my airway blocked, oxygen isn't reaching my brain properly. Only survival instinct fills me as my whole body shakes and struggles.
Stop, let go, fuck── S-save me, uh♡
But the words won't come out of my throat. I just grab the arm choking my neck and pat it desperately, begging him to stop.
Tears well in my eyes, no, they pour down. Yet, yet he doesn't stop.
More, tighter. Press, squeeeeze─ It tightens. It feels like my vocal cords and neck bones are being crushed. I feel like coughing but nothing comes out.
It can't come out because he's pressing so tight, fuck. S-save mhe. R-really dying, hhk, ah, my head.
My head… grows hazy── I'm really dying♡ Dying♡ I swing my arms harder. Tight, squeeze. Scratching with my nails hard enough to draw blood.
I even kick with my legs, resisting. Punishment or anything else doesn't even cross my mind. I have to live, I have to live.
Before I die. But my head completely blanks out. A strange stimulus rushes in.
Is this masochism? Even while resisting so fiercely, the masochism blooming in a corner of my heart stimulates me.
Right before dying. What the hell am I feeling? Fucking body.
Ah, I'm completely dying. Now I'm really dying. I'm dying, my head grows dazed. Even so I don't stop resisting, but.
What I see in my blurring vision is his expression. That expression is.
──── Full of sadism.
“Stay── still.”
───Squeeeeze, tight♡♡
“U── khk♡?! O, ohhk, ughk, uk─♡ Kkhh, ok, hht, ughk, ah──♡♡”
“Shut up.”
He presses his knee into my stomach as well. He's really trying to kill me── this.
The area around my belly where he did the Portio Stimulation last time is crushed. Even in this situation the stimulation registers clearly.
Perhaps the choking itself is pure pleasure that wipes away all other thoughts.
Along with the choking that nearly killed me earlier. He continues at a level that barely lets me breathe so I don't actually die.
But every time I resist, he squeezes even tighter── as if to erase even my survival instinct.
Crack♡ Squeeeeze──♡♡ Wait, belly, belly. Stop the belly. Fuck, the neck alone is already too much.
But instead of stopping he stimulates both at once. The Portio Stimulation comes at the same time he squeezes my neck tight.
He presses the area where my uterus would be, firmly, with his thigh. Crushing so hard I think I'm dying, then easing up.
Alternating the exact same stimulation as last time, the feeling. G-good. But it feels like I'm going to die.
It's dangerous, my life is being threatened, yet. I'm feeling it. It feels like I've stepped foot into complete taboo.
“──Ha, hek, heeek, khk, uk. Uhh, ugh, hk.”
“…Do you like it? If you say it honestly, I'll finish you off.”
Bullshit. I don't like it. I don't like it. But unlike my words, my lower part has become soaking wet.
The desire for him not to stop enters so strongly it's hard to deny.
I'm definitely feeling pleasure. Even in this state… I'm feeling pleasure, huh. Me.
I'm so completely fucked. But it's good. Even though I'm fucked, this pleasure keeps getting better.
The insane act of entrusting my own life to someone else. The sense of immorality from that taboo fills me.
That immorality becomes stimulation again. That stimulation becomes desire for more. So in the end…
…More. I wish you'd do a little more. With that thought.
I feel the grip around my neck loosen slightly, as if demanding an answer. The hand still wraps my entire throat.
When I look up, his face is filled with sadism. That kind expression is long gone.
With an excited, flushed face, he lightly pokes me as if demanding an answer.
Pressing lightly with his finger on the same spot he stimulated earlier.
Obviously I should say no. Like usual, tell him to fuck off. Say I hate it. Tell him to stop.
…But it's aching. Aching. My lower part is aching so badly, and now even the Portio Stimulation has stopped, making it worse.
There's no stimulation. I need stimulation. Without it, the shame, random thoughts, and regret come rushing back.
Those things that could be called post-nut clarity flood in.
Ah. I hate it. I don't want to think about that. If they come it'll just be exhausting. S-so give it to me quickly. Give me the stimulation… so.
“……I like, I like it. I like ith···♡”
…Please choke me hard enough to erase all these thoughts.
“Ha.”
───Squeeeeze♡ Press♡ Crack, squeeeeze. Press. Sque, eze───♡♡
It's tightening. Strongly, powerfully. Tighter than ever──
Thoughts fly away. Random thoughts disappear into the distance. The sensation of my lower part and uterus being crushed too.
I'm dying. Completely dying. I'm giving the neck── more precious than any other part── to someone else.
Just for pleasure. Even though I might die, even though I might really die by accident.
For pleasure, I said I liked it earlier. I could have ended it.
Breathing is completely cut off and even the sensation of pain in my head grows faint.
When that pain grows faint, powerful stimulation rushes in and the feeling is so good, uh.
Dying, I'm dying, ah. I'm really dying. Die already. Ah, I don't know. Kill me, rather.
Rather, I want to die inside this stimulation. Because my life was trash anyway. Originally.
I just want to be destroyed── I want my life ruined♡ Just kill me. Kill me with stimulation, fill me with it and kill me. Ah. Now it's really♡
──My head can't think anything anymore♡ It only chases stimulation. Die. I'm dying.
I'm dying, huh. Me. Like this, inside pleasure. Me.
…Psssh, uu── Pyuu, pyuuuuuuu──♡♡
“Ok, ut♡ Oghhk─── Ghht, kkhk, g, hek, ok── Ohhp, uk, uhhiiik……”
……Like that, I faint completely inside pure pleasure.