The Kiss That Broke Everything
My sister gently closed her eyes. Her whole body trembled, tense and quivering. Those long, lush lashes. Those lips that were always so quick to scold me. Her face, flushed crimson. Her slender neck. Her delicate shoulders. Her breasts, rising perkily with each shaky breath. Every part that made up my sister was vibrating beautifully in its place. All because of me. Because of her younger brother who had dared to crave her lips.
Watching her stand there on tiptoe, waiting for me… it finally sank in, with startling clarity, exactly what we were about to do. Siblings. Lips. Us. A kiss. It wasn’t as if there was some vast age gap that would make one of us ignorant about men and women. We hadn’t been raised in some overly open household where kisses were casual greetings. No—this was simply me, wanting you so badly that I forced the issue. I asked for your lips.
Looking back, this wasn’t even the first time. Faint memories surface when I dig through childhood recollections. Sis and I went to the same kindergarten. During a small birthday party they held there, I approached her carrying a gift at our mother’s request. One of the adults—a teacher or the director, some excitable woman—shoved a camera in our faces and told me to give Sis a kiss on the cheek.
I knew nothing back then. I was completely fooled by the adults’ commotion. Though maybe some sibling affection was mixed in? I puckered my lips toward her cheek, but right at that moment someone called her name and she turned her head. That old memory still sits as the wallpaper on our parents’ phones. Whenever they send it to us, we both freak out and start fighting. She teases that I’ve had a thing for her since we were little. I shout back that it was her neck that turned, so why is she blaming me? That I’m the victim too.
We’re so different now. In body and mind. We’ve reached the point where I can’t hide behind the excuse of not knowing any better. There’s no excited adult, no camera flash. We’re standing here solely because of our own hearts.
Little by little, I drew closer. Finally, our lips met.
I must be insane. No—there’s no other word that explains it. Toward Sis. Toward the girl who was always busy yelling at me. I tilt my head slightly, open my mouth, and slip my tongue out. It slides between her lips and brushes against her still-closed teeth. Tap. Tap. Like knocking on a door, begging her to let the kiss continue. I nudge her teeth gently.
Slowly, hesitantly, her mouth parts. I quickly push my tongue inside while she remains frozen, unsure what to do. Our tongues touch. I trace a slow circle, and she finally, reluctantly, moves with me. So soft. So plush. Between the familiar minty trace of the toothpaste we share, her sweet saliva begins to flow. Slurp. Sluuurp.
With nowhere else to go, our saliva traded places—hers into me, mine into her. In case any of mine spilled from the corner of her mouth, I pressed quick, urgent kisses against her lips to clean it away. Then again, as if afraid she might flee, I explored desperately with my tongue. The roof of her mouth. The tip of her tongue. Its base. Her gums. It felt like I wouldn’t be satisfied until I’d tasted every inch of her mouth. I licked greedily at everything.
No—I wanted to taste all of her like this. Every part of you. Everything about you that makes me crave you so much. If not your lips, then your cheeks? If not your cheeks, then your neck? If not your neck, then your breasts? If not your breasts, then your navel? And below that? My sister’s…
Don’t.
I clenched my fist so hard it felt like the bones might shatter. If I reached for her now, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. But at least her cheek. If not her cheek, then her chin. If not that, then her hair. Anything that made up my sister—even one single part—I needed to hold it in my hands or I’d never feel satisfied.
I pulled her into my arms with both hands.
“Hey. Ah, n-no… don’t.”
She yanked her lips away and shoved me back.
“What… is it?”
Ha. Ha. Her breathing came rough and ragged.
“We said just a kiss. That’s all. Minjun, please. No more.”
Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. I wondered what I must look like reflected in them. My shape was faintly visible in her pupils, but my expression was impossible to read. I was terrified of how twisted it must be. How much raw hunger I was showing her. How much superhuman patience I was using just to keep from pouncing on her…
It seemed Sis had seen straight through my desires. She refused to let me touch her body. If she nodded even once, she knew exactly what I would do.
I leaned in again. This time, my lips weren’t aiming for hers.
“Hah? Hey! Wait—wait a second!”
I was simply curious what her ear might taste like. They were flushed so red—would they be strawberry? Or maybe apple?
She staggered, trying to push me away again. I braced her back with both hands so she couldn’t escape.
“Wait. This feels weird. Don’t touch my ears. It feels really strange. We agreed to just kiss, please. Please. Ha… ha…”
I nibbled her ear. Licked it. Then trailed down to her cheek and the side of her neck.
“That’s enough. Stop it now. I said stop…”
I grabbed the huffing, puffing Sis and sealed her mouth with mine. When I tried to push my tongue in again, she clamped her teeth shut tight.
“Sis… Just one minute. No, ten more seconds? Can’t I have that?”
Ha. Ha. My own breathing had grown just as ragged.
“If not ten seconds, then even one. I’m begging you like this. Please…”
A little more of her. Just a little more. From lips to chin. Chin to neck. Neck to collarbone. The desire. This unstoppable desire for Sis had completely filled my head. I couldn’t leave her alone anymore.
In the end, this mad frenzy reached its conclusion the moment I buried my face in her chest—slap! She struck my cheek.
“Get out! Get out of my room!”
More from shock than pain, I looked at her again. Me. I had almost refused to leave this woman alone. My own sister. My parents’ daughter. The person who had shared the same womb, grown from the same seed as me—I had tried to violate her.
“…I’m sorry.”
A single tear slid down her cheek. My own heart felt like it was being ripped apart, so I turned away. It hurt. It hurt so much I thought I’d lose my mind as I opened her door and stepped out.
The empty living room looked enormous now. Because Sis wasn’t there. Because the girl who usually chattered beside me was gone.
Staggering like a defeated soldier with nowhere left to go, I collapsed onto the bed in my room.
“What the hell… did I just do?”
Sis hit hard. When I touched my cheek with the tip of my tongue, I tasted blood.
“Fuck. What the hell did I just do! To Sis… To my own sister!”
The wall. The bed. Every innocent object in my room became a target for my rage.
“Kang Minjun, you crazy bastard… That’s your sister…”
I hurled the harmless pillow at the wall and screamed in silent agony. In case she heard. In case she misunderstood and thought I was angry at her. In case she believed I was like this because I couldn’t have her the way I wanted.
The heat that had filled my lungs. The desire for Sis. I really needed to distance myself from her. I really must be broken. If things continued like this, I was going to end up doing something unforgivable to her. I was scared. Scared of how big she was growing inside my heart. This feeling that had suddenly swelled up.
What must Sis think of me now? That I’m disgusting. That she’ll push me away. I was terrified that even the smallest bit of goodwill she once held for me had been completely erased.
What if Sis hates me? What if she says she never wants to see me again? What do I do then?
If I keep desiring Sis… what the hell am I supposed to do…?
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Sis.
Should I kneel and beg? Please don’t hate me. What can I do to make your heart feel better? If I disappeared from your life, would you be able to forget your anger?
Your lips. Your tongue. How sweet they were—if that memory fades like our old childhood recollections, becoming hazy like a mirage in the distance, could I stand in front of you again?
There was a time when we used to reminisce together as siblings.
I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. Covering my eyes with both hands, I lay completely flat on the bed. Just like when I had groped Sis’s body, the inside of my underwear was a filthy mess. Seeing myself like this, I must have been painfully hard in front of her too.
It wasn’t from some vague fantasy or kicking at nothing. You had truly, truly discovered my feelings. That it ended up like this because of you. And that all my desire was aimed straight at you.
“Ha… ha…”
I drew in deep, ragged breaths. I grabbed the pillow rolling on the floor and pressed it over my face.
“Hoo… hoo… hoo…”
Slowly. Taking slow, deep breaths, I longed for the silence of unconsciousness. I wanted to fall asleep just like this. There was nowhere to run in reality.
Just once more. When I open my eyes, I want to meet Sis like normal. Just once more. When I open the door, I want to bicker with her like we used to. Just. Just. Just… Just…
Staggering, my eyes finally closed. As I pushed Sis out of my mind, nothing remained inside my head. Realizing all over again how truly crazy I was, I frantically chased after the faint edge of unconsciousness approaching me.
The image of Sis’s tears, so vivid moments ago, gradually began to fade. I just wanted to sleep. If only everything had been a dream. Just… just…