A Kiss for Research
“Or should I just strip her completely naked right here? Look at this scene.” Noona was excitedly rambling on. She must’ve been dying to talk about this the whole time. Who else could she possibly discuss something like this with? “Do whatever you want.”
Of course, I brushed her off. It would be weird if I got too enthusiastic. Noona, let’s touch her pussy more here. Let’s pinch her nipples more vividly. Goddamn it. This doesn’t feel real at all. Take your clothes off. I’ll do the same so you can write it exactly like that. ‘Just standing here is already fulfilling my role.’ My feet are cramping. Every time Kang Yunseo opens her mouth, I’m clenching every muscle just to keep my erection down.
“Come on, don’t just half-listen. You said you’d help.”
When I kept acting uncooperative, Noona got annoyed. “Hey.”
“What?”
“Are you seriously not bothered by this at all?”
“By what?”
“Reading this… together with me.”
She finally said it after holding back. “……”
Noona suddenly went quiet. “Honestly… I feel a bit weird about it, you know?”
Honestly, even just watching TV together feels awkward when a kiss scene comes on. This is on a completely different level. If she’d written about normal couples, I wouldn’t have hesitated to help. But this…
“Honestly, I already think it’s huge that I’m not saying anything about the novel you’re writing. Think about it from my perspective. How would you feel if I was writing erotica about a noona who looks exactly like you getting fucked by a guy who looks exactly like me?”
“Y-you said you’d help. So I just… thought I’d talk about it a little…”
Noona started stammering. I really couldn’t figure out what was going on in her head. Did she not see me as a man at all? That’s why she could talk about things even lovers would struggle to discuss. You kicked me with your foot, so you should know. How normal your little brother is. What kind of thoughts he has about you.
“It’s too much. Way too much. I’m not even your boyfriend, and we keep talking about sexual stuff like this.”
“What the hell are you talking about, you creep?”
“Exactly. And why is the main character even siblings in the first place? Let me hear your reason.”
“Because… it’s easier to empathize. Easier to write.”
“That’s it? You’re writing a story where a girl who looks exactly like you gets fucked by a guy who looks exactly like me, just because it’s easier? I don’t get it.”
Noona’s eyes darted around. It was her habit when she lied. Back when she accidentally broke my toys as a kid, or when she secretly ate my ice cream. She’d avoid eye contact no matter what.
“If you really want to write a novel with yourself as the protagonist, you could just make the guy someone else. Take one annoying trait from each of your exes or something. Say you were disappointed in their looks or personality.”
“I… I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“Really? Why?”
Now she was looking straight at me. Her ears and cheeks were bright red.
“You look fine. Honestly, plenty of guys would be into someone like you.”
I almost shouted. “I just… never had the chance. All-girls middle school, all-girls high school, and even in college I’m in the liberal arts department, so it’s all women.”
I was so happy that no one had ever touched my noona.
“What about introductions? Don’t you want any?”
“I don’t need them. It’s not like I’m desperate to date or anything. Seriously, why am I even telling you all this? It’s all because of you, you idiot noona.”
Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember Noona ever dressing up. She always wore baggy sweats and a pulled-down cap, face bare of makeup.
“The only guy I’ve ever seen is you. So I figured I could just use you. There’s plenty of material since I can just write about things that happened between us as siblings.”
“Haah. Fine. I thought—”
“You thought what?”
“I thought this was what you wanted. That’s why you wrote something like this.”
“Me? With you? Are you insane? No matter what, we’re still siblings, you fucking idiot.”
“R-right.”
“Honestly, it’d be weird if I felt that way. We’ve known each other for over twenty years.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve seen you piss the bed and get punished. I’ve seen you get dragged to our parents after fighting with friends.”
Back then, that guy had said weird shit about her first. Said my noona was fucking hot. When he asked me to steal her panties, I beat the shit out of him and told him to go fuck his own mom.
“Or what, don’t tell me you want me to see you as a man? No way.”
Noona lightly tapped my arm. “No, that can’t be it. You’re not that kind of person. What’s so good about a noona who only swears and teases you?”
“What if I said that was the case… what would you do?”
“Huh?”
“What if that’s true. You already know from earlier… when I kicked you with my foot. You know what happened when you touched me.”
“……”
“Th-that’s just… a normal physiological reaction, right? I looked it up while writing. Guys get hard all the time for no reason. Erections. Even when they wake up.”
“Haah. It happened because of you.”
“Then you should pray for a nice girl to show up. I don’t see you as a man.”
“Really?”
“I already told you. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst. How could I feel that way?”
Then why did your face turn red? When I touched your ass. When I ran my hands along your legs. Why did your breathing get faster and why did you try to hide your expression? And when I kissed your forehead, why didn’t you get angry right away? Why did your eyes waver as you looked at me…?
“Haah, this is kind of embarrassing. I didn’t know you were looking at me like that.”
“I guess I shouldn’t wear short pants around you anymore. Not because I think it’s gross or anything, but it must be hard for you too if I keep doing that.”
Noona kept rambling, unable to meet my eyes, glancing around her room instead.
“Sorry about the novel. If you hate it, I’ll stop serializing it. The readers will understand if I say my little brother found out.”
“Hey.”
“Y-yeah?”
“Then… just kiss me once.”
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
“Wh-what?”
“I’m asking if you’ll kiss me just once. Don’t kill the novel. Your writing… it’s actually really fucking hot.”
I let out my desire for Noona’s lips. “You always call me disgusting… but look at you, you fucking hypocrite.”
“I wasn’t like this before either! I was normal too! But then… when I came to my senses, you were already huge in my heart.”
“Hey. I told you, I don’t—”
“So just kiss me once. For research. To really check if you don’t feel anything for me.”
“N-no.”
“Just once. Like you always yell at me about—a little brother in heat begging his noona for a kiss. If you really can’t, then just think of it as charity.”
“Do you… really want to kiss me?”
“Yeah. Really. Fucking badly.”
“Haah, seriously… You know you’re being ridiculous right now.”
“It’s better than you writing a novel about me fucking you.”
“Why the fuck does that keep coming up? Fine, I get it. Then let’s brush our teeth first.”
“Brush our teeth?”
“Let’s clean our mouths. Just give me a second to mentally prepare.”
In the end, the siblings stood side by side in the bathroom. Standing together in front of the mirror, I squeezed toothpaste onto Noona’s toothbrush.
“Haah, seriously. I think I’ve gone crazy.”
“Why do you keep muttering to yourself?”
“Wouldn’t you be shaken up? I’m about to have my first kiss with my little brother.”
“Think of it positively. This is my first time too.”
“Fuck, seriously. This is actually insane.”
“Ptooey. Noona.”
She kept mumbling, so I shoved my toothbrush into her mouth. Upper teeth, lower teeth, tongue. She stood there trembling with her own toothbrush in hand before finally pushing me away.
“Hey! That’s fucking gross!”
“Stop talking and just brush. We have to kiss, and I don’t have time to wait around.”
“I’m not kissing you after you did that disgusting shit. You crazy bastard, my teeth are all going to rot because of you!”
“Says who?”
I spat again and approached Noona. She was leaning against the bathroom wall, and I looked down at her steadily.
“Ah, ah… Hey… Wait a second… Okay, I’m sorry.”
“You said it yourself. You’d kiss me after brushing. So hurry up. Don’t chicken out.”
Tap. Just like last time, I pressed my lips to Noona’s forehead. A round spot of toothpaste foam stuck there.
“Haah, fuck. I’m going to bite your tongue off.”
“If you keep spacing out, I’ll kiss somewhere other than your lips.”
“Crazy bastard. Horny bastard. Trash who needs his dick cut off.”
“Yeah, I’m horny for you, so hurry up. Stop making me wait.”
After rinsing my mouth and coming out, Noona followed. Did she wash her face in the meantime? Her forehead was clean. There were still water droplets on the back of her neck.
“Anyway, we’re ready, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Where do you want to do it? Living room? Your room?”
“……In the room. So I can write right after we kiss.”
“You’re really dedicated, Author Kang.”
“Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m only doing this because of the novel and because you kept begging me.”
“Thank you so much. Should I do three cheers or something?”
“Shut up. There’s a limit to how much bowing and scraping you can do. Stop messing around and go.”
This time, the siblings headed back to Noona’s room.
“How do you want to do the position?”
“P-position?”
“Lying down, sitting, or standing.”
“Ah, that. What do you want? You’re the one who said you wanted to do it, so you decide.”
“If I get to choose… lying together on the bed—”
“Cut the bullshit. Let’s just stand.”
“Why? Is it uncomfortable?”
“I’m scared you’ll do something weird. Hey, wait. Let me go grab a kitchen knife from the kitchen. If you try to rape me, I won’t have any way to resist.”
“If I was going to do that, I would’ve already jumped you instead of waiting for you to grab a knife and make a scene. Don’t worry. I’m not going to eat you.”
“Haah, fuck. Seriously. What the hell are we even doing right now? How are we supposed to face our parents?”
Why? They’d probably just think we have a really close sibling relationship. Noona kept fidgeting restlessly. She was shifting her weight from foot to foot, glancing around nervously.
“Noona.”
When I called her, she stopped. Our eyes met. I inhaled the breath she exhaled, and she inhaled the breath I exhaled. Her pupils began to tremble.
The siblings’ lips slowly drew closer.