Honest Impressions
…Come to think of it, maybe what I said had come out a little weird?
While reviewing yesterday's fight with Radiant White and Su-hyeok, I found myself turning over the last thing I'd said, and that thought struck me.
I'd meant that she was forcing herself to use a fighting style that didn't suit her — but White might have taken it as me saying she was a girl who didn't even belong as a magical girl, forcing herself into the role.
Even if she lived half in a dream, she still had a pretty firm grip on reality. I worried she might store that up and decide to retire later.
In the original story she had her doubts about herself too, but she could always get back up by looking at Su-hyeok and her comrades.
Right now, though, she hadn't even gotten properly involved with Su-hyeok yet, and the one person who could pass for a comrade was treating her like that…
She might be under a fair bit of mental pressure.
Maybe I ought to deliberately lose to her once. But then she might dig her heels in even harder, insisting she'd won with a style that didn't suit her — so I hesitated to throw a fight either.
In the end, all I could hope was that White would give up trying to be a copycat of her sister and walk her own path.
The one who was supposed to recommend a fighting style that suited White was Su-hyeok, so it wasn't like I could just snatch that role for myself.
I had no intention of getting particularly close with Radiant White anyway.
…Honestly, if I'd still been in a man's body it might have been different, but with things the way they were now…
"Ugh…"
My fretting had reached the point of spilling out of my mouth, and Na-rae finally seemed to take notice. She asked what I was moaning about this time.
"It's… not about me, exactly…"
"I already know you don't have friends, so just spit it out. You think I don't know that all Miss Min-a does all day is sit around watching TV and scrolling on her phone?"
"Na-rae. You do realize I hold your life in my hands when you talk like that, right?"
I shot that at her as her remarks grew sharper by the day.
And her reply was something else.
"Oh, I know. Of course I know. But would you actually cut me loose? Without me, who handles the money, the lease, all those 'annoying' little errands? You dump the dishes and everything else on me as it is. Are you confident you can find someone else who knows Miss Min-a's secret and still won't run?"
…Every single point was correct, which only made me more irritated. Nothing but airtight logic with no comeback left me even more pissed off.
In the end I heaved a deep sigh and asked her how the thing I'd said to my "little sister" — no, to Radiant White — would have sounded.
"There's nothing to discuss. It only sounds like you're telling her to quit being a magical girl."
"…You think so too? I, uh, want to fix it somehow… Any ideas?"
"Figure that much out yourself, honestly. You said she's your little sister, even if you don't remember. You'd know better than I would."
In the end, all I got from Na-rae was a "handle it yourself."
…I'd think about that a little later.
Right now I needed to figure out how to react when I met Su-hyeok.
He was coming out as a monster, so giving him some bland "Oh, okay" felt wrong.
I wanted something like faking surprise and then pushing through with a "but you're still family" angle…
I didn't even know if it was possible to turn a monster into a vampire, so I wasn't sure things would go that smoothly.
If he already trusted me enough to spill this, he'd probably believe whatever I said. Still, I ought to come up with a somewhat plausible lie.
I racked my brain, but I couldn't invent a satisfying lie either way.
…Fine. I'd just honestly say I didn't know. Take the whole being-a-monster thing as a "wow, that's cool" and move on.
My already mediocre brain was tired from all the spinning, so I was half in a "whatever happens, happens" mood. It'd probably work out somehow.
Without even saying I was heading out, I just told her to get the laundry done properly by the time I got back, and set off for the place where Su-hyeok would be waiting.
"…You came."
Su-hyeok greeted me with a strangely tense air.
Not that his expression or tone changed much — they almost never did — but after spending enough time around him, I could tell the difference.
I shoved my worries into a corner of my mind and offered him a cheerful greeting as "Vampire Min-a."
"Feels like forever since we've seen each other face-to-face! But… you don't look so good? Same as last time on the phone. Aren't you pushing yourself too hard?"
It occurred to me for a second that I was being pretty shameless, given I was the reason he was overworking himself — but I was doing it because I wanted him to be okay, so it was fine.
"When you're hunting a special-class monster, looking perfectly fine would be even stranger, wouldn't it? Don't worry. I know my own limits better than anyone."
"If you put it that way, I can't say much more… but you don't need to work so hard you wreck your body. If a student dies in the middle of an exam, it's not even something you can joke about."
"…I'll be careful."
He wasn't the type to listen just because someone told him to, but hearing him say he'd take it into consideration still felt nice.
That line was originally meant for Radiant White… but taking it first wouldn't hurt much.
"So… about you saying you're a monster. Is that for real? No matter how I look at you, you don't seem like one. Your pulse, your strength…"
I wanted to keep chatting, but Su-hyeok seemed a little restless, so I decided to get this out of the way first.
Whether Su-hyeok was really a monster.
I already knew, of course, but "Min-a" wouldn't, so I asked him while pretending not to.
"…Is that so. Even vampire eyes can't detect it. That's a relief — at least I won't get exposed if I end up on camera or something."
After listening to me, Su-hyeok sounded oddly reassured, then told me to step back for a moment and closed his eyes.
"I want to see it up close."
"I don't want you to get hurt."
"Says the guy who once pressed a shotgun to my head~"
At that, Su-hyeok flinched a little, then sighed and begged me to please drop it — he'd said that before he knew.
"Haha, of course I was joking. You don't think I'm so petty I'd hold a grudge over something like that, do you?"
"Of course not."
…I was starting to understand why even pure-hearted White had learned to mess with Su-hyeok.
How many fun little buttons did this guy have?
I wanted to tease him more, but I'd come for a serious conversation today, so I obediently stepped back.
Then black mist swallowed him, and in an instant he transformed into the form I'd thoroughly beaten when I was Hemoregia.
No restraints coming undone like other special-class monsters, no bloody, gory transformation process like mine.
It was almost peaceful — like black mist coating his body.
"…This is me."
I'd heard it plenty of times already, but in monster form his voice was completely different from his human one.
As a human… well, he'd sounded human. Now it was an incredibly deep resonance.
No matter how I listened, it didn't sound like something made with a human throat.
As I stared at him wide-eyed, Su-hyeok made a very him-like gesture and launched into a self-deprecating speech.
"You must find it repulsive. It should make you sick. The one you were going to take in as family looks like this! A deceiver, a traitor! What do you think? Is it beyond words?"
I'd expected a fairly intense attitude. He loathed his monster form — he never liked it.
He hadn't even predicted he'd end up like this in the first place.
"No… it's not that. How do I put this."
But I didn't despise his appearance. If anything, I was closer to having no particular thoughts about it.
Hey, someone could go back and forth between monster and human. I was doing exactly that myself.
But I couldn't say that.
It would be better to offer a different reaction.
A different reaction…
…
…If I was being completely honest, even looking at him myself, he looked fucking cool.
As a monster I hadn't felt much about it, but seeing him like this from this body, the impression was totally different.
Some guy made of black whatever — black flame or black mist — sitting there in a long coat. How could that not look cool?
But I didn't say it because I couldn't even imagine how he'd react.
"Can I be completely honest?"
"…I'd be grateful if you would."
Hm.
You gave me permission?
"You're completely awesome?"
"I thought as mu— what?"
"I figured you'd turn into something ugly like a cockroach! I never imagined you'd look like that……! Can I touch you?!"
Su-hyeok seemed totally unprepared for my reaction, frozen in an awkward posture, asking what on earth I was talking about like he couldn't process the situation.
Of course. That was half the point.
"You can touch me, but wait. When a person is talking, listen to the end! Don't start touching me mid-sentence! What if there's a precaution I haven't mentioned yet?!"
When I tried to shove my arm straight into his head, Su-hyeok recoiled in horror and scolded me.
Ah, right. Vampire Min-a didn't know that nothing special happened if she touched that guy's head.
My bad, my bad.
"Haa… what even is this…"
I watched with amusement as Su-hyeok dry-washed his face in exhaustion, deciding that the atmosphere was finally good for lying.
Alright. Time to work him over.