Don't Interrupt My Chicken Time
Monsters, beasts, freaks—the media could never settle on one name for them.
However you managed to put them down, they always scattered into the sky in a swirl of glittering magical powder once the fight was over.
"Krrgh, just you wait till next time!"
The single biggest hallmark of any magical-girl cartoon aimed at kids: the enemies never actually die.
Even this black-furred beast that had been trembling and crawling on its belly moments earlier puffed its chest out the second it started fading, secure in the knowledge that it wasn't staying dead.
Of course, making that kind of threat while pinned under my butt as a living chair, too spent even to stand, wasn't exactly intimidating.
"Sure. Come at me whenever…"
My face was hidden under the mask, so the expression was probably unreadable, but I crossed my legs and answered in the most unimpressed tone I could manage. I let the trailing edge of that loaded line—packed with every possible shade of next time might be different—hang in the air, then lifted myself off the fur-chair before it completely vanished.
The instant the monster was gone for good, the shadows of civilians who hadn't been anywhere in sight began to reappear.
"Sun! Let's get out of here, quick!"
"Yeah, yeah."
Following Siyeon's voice, I tapped the toe of my shoe against the ground a couple of times and launched myself into a big leap.
Unwritten rule of magical-girl stories: bolt before the civilians surround you and bury you in questions.
Modern society was crawling with CCTV on every street. If someone really decided to dig, there was no way they wouldn't figure out exactly who lived where…
But that was just one of those inevitable loopholes this world had, yeah.
Thinking too hard about it was a waste of energy.
After muddling our way home, I trudged over to the bunk bed sitting in the dark corner of the room.
"Aigoo, I'm dead."
The complaint slipped out of me like a habit. Too lazy even to climb the ladder, I just flopped face-down onto Siyeon's bottom bunk.
I picked up the smartphone that had been left plugged into the charger and sank into the flood of information, feeling like my day was finally over.
Monster appearances ran anywhere from zero to two times a day. At least with that hard cap, if you'd already hunted at least one, you could usually kick back and relax for the rest of the day.
What I checked on my phone were a few fun webtoons that updated on certain days of the week. And, of course, the usual community browsing.
Magical Girl Gallery…
There were plenty of places, but the one I found myself visiting most was that gallery. The users were mostly just regular people. Conversation topics were almost all about magical girls. One way or another, it was simply a spot where people who shared the same interest gathered.
Just watching these people was like looking at animals on the other side of a zoo fence—entertaining as hell. I never wrote posts or left comments. They were an aggressive bunch by nature, so keeping my distance and observing from afar was the smartest play.
Huh?
I couldn't scroll past a title like that. My thumb tapped it almost on instinct. After a brief white loading spin, the result that came up was…
This post does not exist or has been deleted.
What the hell was written in there…
My fingers naturally drifted over to the gallery's moderation log. The post title had been "Be honest, a junior high schooler is fair game, right?" The ban reason listed was…
What a fucking idiot.
The reason alone told me everything I needed to know. I stared at the black text with thoroughly cooled eyes, then moved over to the Recommended tab on the right side of the worthless general feed.
These were the posts that had racked up enough upvotes—ones people found relatable or funny enough to push into this section.
The same post I'd just seen in the general feed. It had already racked up a ton of recommendations somehow. Curious whether any magical girl in this half-assed world had actually gotten her identity blown, I tapped it open…
…and found a giant photo of some guy in a bank-robber ski mask slapped right across the top. Judging by the look of it, the image had been lifted from some overseas source.
Why is this recommended?
Puzzled, I scrolled down with my thumb until I reached the text beneath the photo.
"This motherfucker."
A young, childish voice completely at odds with the filthy language slipped out of my throat. Siyeon, who had been over by the kitchen, must have caught the faint sound—she poked her head out so I could see her and asked,
"Hm? What did you say?"
"Nothing—"
"Pfft… heh…"
An unpleasant, stifled giggle. At some point the little bear bastard had sidled up beside me and started staring at the screen too. He clearly knew he wasn't supposed to laugh, but he was fighting for his life to hold it in.
That nasty little rumble instantly soured my mood.
"Hey. Is this funny to you?"
"Khh—"
"Then let me laugh too."
With a hand smaller than expected, I clamped onto the top of the bear's head, stood up from the bed, and pressed the back of his skull against the familiar height of wall where the wallpaper had peeled away. He was probably feeling a chill run down his spine right about now.
"P-please, anything but that!"
"Blame your own smart-ass mouth."
I ground the back of his head mercilessly into the gray cement exposed where the wallpaper was gone.
"KRAAAAAAH—!"
An agonized scream no cute magical-girl mascot should ever produce tore out of him as he thrashed his soft little limbs for all he was worth…
There's a saying in some game: the effect is pretty minimal. The grinding against the cement wall loosened up a bit. Looking at the limp, drooping bear, it seemed the stitches on the back of his head had split open.
I tossed him carelessly onto the living-room floor and lay back down on the bed.
"That's better. Nice and quiet."
"That was so mean…"
Siyeon looked pretty shaken by the whole scene. She stared blankly at the cotton stuffing poking out of the bear's head and muttered under her breath. He'd be back to normal soon enough, like nothing had ever happened. No need to worry about a creature like that—assuming you could even call it a creature.
"Ah."
A low growl rumbled out of Siyeon's stomach. At the sound of someone else's hunger that couldn't possibly be hidden, I opened the smartphone again even though I wasn't particularly hungry myself.
The delivery app I leeched off of nearly every single day. No matter how well-equipped the place was, we were two elementary-schoolers. Even with a kitchen, what the hell were we supposed to cook with these half-finished little hands?
"What do you want to eat?"
"Chicken…?"
"What flavor?"
"Soy sauce…"
"Then half-and-half: boneless fried and soy-garlic."
With practiced taps, the mouth-watering order landed in the cart. Taste was secondary—extra charge for boneless, extra charge for soy-garlic chicken, plus the delivery fee, and the total hit 26,000 won. Nearly thirty thousand just for one chicken?
A sigh and a curse slipped out on their own.
"Ugh, this fucking world…"
I grumbled but still hit Order Complete. While waiting for His Majesty the Chicken to arrive, I rummaged through the fridge.
"Ah."
A short sigh escaped me the moment I opened the door—I'd forgotten the important thing wasn't in there. Siyeon came over and asked,
"What's wrong?"
"We're out of cola…"
It wasn't a set-menu order, so we might get pickled radish, but the soda would only come in a can. Neither of us ate that much thanks to our small bodies, but still…
One can's a little…
"I'll run out and grab some. If the chicken comes, just take it in, okay?"
"Okay!"
Hearing Siyeon's bright answer, I shuffled out the door in my slippers.
The convenience store was about a five-minute walk from the apartment. Of course it was ridiculously expensive compared to a big-box mart, but with no proper supermarket nearby, this was the best option in a pinch.
Yeah, still expensive…
A measly 1.25-liter bottle of cola for 3,200 won. At that price, adding it as an extra on the delivery order would actually have been cheaper. The delivery scooter had probably already left by now, though. No other choice.
"That'll be 3,200 won."
"Three thousand… two hundred won…"
I dug the exact amount out of my crumpled bills and coin pocket and handed it to the part-timer. Clutching the bottle snugly against my chest so it wouldn't shake too much, I walked home with the utmost care.
Back in the room, still carefully cradling the cola. No intense smell of hot oil yet—looked like the chicken still hadn't arrived.
"Not here yet?"
"Yeah…"
Siyeon's face had gone a little more downcast, and it poked right at my chest. Chicken wasn't supposed to take this long. Had something gone wrong during delivery?
Thinking that, I unconsciously glanced at my phone screen and found it already lit. Some kind of notification? I gave the blunt button on the right a light press to wake the screen fully.
A few missed calls. Must have come in while I was carrying the cola back.
"Um…"
"Shh. Shut it, animal bastard."
I'd deal with the bear—who had somehow returned to normal at some point—later. Right now this was more urgent.
I called back the number behind the pile of missed calls. It was the chicken place.
"Hello?"
"Ah, yes. You're the one who ordered the chicken, right?"
The young voice on the other end of the line made the man sound a little flustered as he double-checked.
"Yes, that's me."
When I confirmed it firmly, the owner finally got around to explaining the reason for all those missed calls.
"Uh… there was a bit of a problem during delivery, so the rider says he can't get to your place right now."
"A monster showed up right near there, so…"
The voice coming through the phone overlapped with the bear's voice beside me, and I pressed my fingers to my forehead in pure rage. I'd just started feeling safe after hunting one, thinking I could finally rest.
Not only had another one shown up, it had the gall to interrupt this precious time of all things.
"Once it's handled, the delivery will still come, right?"
"Ah, yes… it should."
I hit the end-call button and clicked my tongue with a face like I'd just chewed shit.
"Tsk."
"W-what do we do?"
"Just get ready to take the chicken. You'll be fine on your own."
I said that to Siyeon as I pulled the mask out of the closet and yanked it over my head.
I swear on everything: the bastard who interrupted my quiet afternoon chicken time would not die an easy death.