Death Is Coming
My daily routine always began in front of the full-length mirror.
"Kishishishishishishit!!"
I swept my bangs back, threw my head, and let the laughter rip.
Tsk... something's missing. Not enough madness in it. One more time.
"Kihehehehehehehehet!!"
Not bad. But if I keep this up, I'll shred my throat in no time. This time, cover the mouth. Quiet.
"Ksssss...."
Oh! That's nicely sinister!
Train as you fight. If I turned the act into a habit, I could fool the Main anytime, anywhere.
Today's me is perfect! I look like a complete lunatic!
Fuck... the secondhand cringe is ringing through my frontal lobe so hard my brain's going numb.
Haaah....
"Kihehehehe... het?!"
Huh?!
For a second I thought my heart had stopped. Tucked into a corner of the mirror was a little girl in a dress, clutching a stuffed rabbit to her chest.
Augh... seriously!! How the hell am I supposed to live in this insane dungeon? You never know where the ghosts are going to pop out from!
...But humans are creatures of adaptation. Give us six months and we'll get used to anything, with time to spare. Heh!
All right. Stay calm....
I spun around, white lab coat flaring behind me.
"Kishit! It's been far too long! Elise! How fares the Mausoleum Temple? Still overflowing with chaos, as usual?"
I should have just kept looking at the mirror. Near the bed there was no presence at all—not even a shadow.
That's even worse.
I eased myself back around toward the glass.
And then—at some point, Elise had pressed herself right up against the mirror.
Eek!
Ah, fuck!
I was going to need heart medication. At this rate a heart attack would take me out before anything else did.
Dammit.
Elise set a finger against the glass.
Screeeeeech—
Something was being written across the mirror, accompanied by a sound that crawled straight up my spine.
Why are you doing that? It's making me nervous. What the hell.
Wait. These letters....
Death is coming.
I froze.
Death...? Death is coming?
"Elise. What do you mean by—"
I never got to ask. The instant I blinked, Elise vanished from in front of my eyes.
What the...?
She just had to leave me with that nasty feeling. Tch....
I stepped out of the bedroom. Hongryeon was waiting in the corridor, standing with perfect composure.
"Did you rest in comfort through the night, Master Mesarth?"
I clutched my crotch and the back of my skull and popped my hips like Michael Jackson.
"Hoo! Ha! A precise curvature grounded in ergonomic design!"
I spun in a full circle, locked into the World Star pose, and thrust my index finger toward the ceiling.
"The lumbar support angle is set at four degrees—a magnificent structure that naturally distributes spinal pressure throughout the night!"
Still holding the pose, I lifted my chin and pointed straight at Hongryeon.
"This is the perfect fusion of science and sleep! I, Mesarth, designed this supreme invention myself—how could it possibly be uncomfortable! Hiyohohohohot!"
Hongryeon blinked at me, blank as a doll, and only then found her reply.
"...This one shall report today's schedule."
I'd been ignored. She just steamrolled right past it.
"An inspection of the sky fortress Orbis is scheduled for the morning, followed by modifications to the Mecha Legion. In the afternoon, a meeting with the Super-science Dungeon's command staff to analyze the invasion has been arranged. Might there be... any adjustments you wish to make?"
I never had any thoughts to begin with, so of course there weren't. If I had to name one, I wanted to go home.
Not that that was ever going to happen.
I snapped my fingers.
Tak!
"Perfect!! As expected of Hongryeon! A flawless daily itinerary!"
I'd just have to pretend to follow the schedule she'd laid out. I really hoped I'd survive another day without incident.
"You know, we rather resemble a married couple. Seeing straight through my heart like that! I believe they call this a meeting of minds. Kishit!"
"......"
I'd tossed out a simple joke, and got nothing back. Worse—I couldn't even hear footsteps following me.
"Hm? Hongryeon?"
I looked back. She had come to a dead stop. A moment later she blinked, then hurried to catch up.
"...This one is most sorry."
"Hmph."
Did she hit a bug? The lag's been pretty bad lately.
"If your body needs any adjustments, don't hesitate to request them. I'd be in quite a bind without you, Hongryeon! Hiyohohohohot!"
Hongryeon pinched the collar of her maid uniform between her fingers and turned her gaze away.
"This maiden does not believe any adjustments are necessary just yet."
That's a shame. I was going to slip in a self-destruct system while I was at it. A nuclear blast ought to wipe out even a soul, right? Well... I've never actually tested it, so who knows.
We were walking down the corridor when I spotted a pumpkin-headed boy barreling toward us in a panic.
"Mesarth!!"
"Hiyohohot! Pumpchi! Good morning! On your way back from feeding the thermal power plant on the surface, are we?"
I'd assigned him a new duty specifically to bleed off that boundless energy of his. Every morning, stoke the fires at the thermal plant!! It generated electricity and reduced the risk of a coup—two birds, one glorious stone.
Of course, we had a nuclear plant, so the thermal one was almost entirely pointless.
Heh heh heh.
But Pumpchi skidded up close, panting out gusts of hot wind as he fought for breath.
"Mesarth! Right now... hahh... hahh... we're in huge trouble!"
"A disaster? Oho! Did you blow up the thermal power plant? Kishit! That's quite all right! The surface is just a live-fire testing ground for the Main anyway! Feel free to run wild and play all you like—it's OK! Kihihihit!!"
That way I could relax, too.
But Pumpchi shook his head so hard it nearly came off.
"No! That's not it! She... she came to visit!"
That's the first time I've ever heard Pumpchi use honorifics.
"She...?"
Wait. Someone Pumpchi would show that kind of respect to....
No. It couldn't be.
The corridor lights began to flicker with a nasty, ominous stutter. A moment later the entire hallway plunged into a blackout, swallowed by darkness.
Tung—
Jiyooooong—
The Super-science Dungeon seized up as if it had taken an EMP. Our countermeasures against electromagnetic pulses were supposed to be perfect. And yet the systems had gone down, which meant....
"Lady Articetia......"
Pale blue ghost-fires flared to life along the corridor walls, one after another.
Fwoosh!
A woman with her mouth stitched shut. She came walking toward us, a funeral-black dress trailing behind her, heels clicking against the floor. Platinum-blonde hair rolled in waves down her back, crowned with a circlet of thorns—the mark of a queen. The rosary at her throat swayed with every step.
The Lord of the Underworld of the Mausoleum Temple... Articetia.
But why now...? The Lord of the Underworld had come to a subordinate dungeon in person?
So why? Why?!
Headless knights stood ranked behind her. The helmeted head in Durakh Han's grip turned and fixed me with a stare.
The atmosphere was all wrong.
Noir adjusted his monocle with one finger.
"Lady Articetia has arrived. Mesarth... show your respects."
I glanced back. Hongryeon was already on her knees.
How cheap! Trying to save only yourself, is that it?!
I dropped to one knee a beat too late, white coat billowing around me.
"Oooooooh! Lady Articetia!"
No matter how I turned it over, I had no idea why she'd come. But as the old saying goes, you can't spit on a smiling face. So I stretched my mouth into the sunniest grin I could manage, wide enough to split it.
"For a sacred wave to descend upon this imperfect world in person...! Photons, neurons—even this Mesarth's very heartbeat—all resonate in unison!"
I flung both arms wide, making every gesture as huge and unhinged as I could.
"Kihihihihit!! Welcome! To the Altar of Super-Science, where madness and glory coexist, prepared by this humble creator!!"
Fuck... what's so super-scientific about any of this.
The Mausoleum Temple was practically my natural predator. They could turn any electronic device into a brick in a single instant. Just like that, my grand dream of a coup came crashing down around my ears.
Dammit. At this rate I'll be a slave even in death, for eternity. I have to get rescued by the heroes as soon as possible!
And yet....
An uneasy silence was all that answered me.
What...? There should have been some kind of reaction by now.
That was when Hongryeon whispered, so low only I could hear.
"Master Mesarth. The atmosphere is most unusual."
"Ksss. So it would appear."
"Could it be that she has come to hold us accountable for the Super-science Dungeon's large-scale invasion...?"
Huh? Wait. What did she just say?
I turned to her, baffled, and she forced the next words out with difficulty.
"There is a high likelihood that Lady Articetia has come in person to pass judgment for the crime of treason."
The instant I heard that, my brain shut down.
I'm fucked. I'm fucked! I'm fucked!!
Judgment? That was code for getting my head chopped off like Durakh Han, wasn't it?!
Fuck!
When we'd launched that invasion, I should have stormed the Hero Association Headquarters instead, grabbed them by the pant legs, and begged them to save me!!
I was only thirty—still in the flower of my youth! I couldn't die at this beautiful age!
What do I do? Get down on my knees and grovel? Tell her I'll sign a slave contract if she'll just let me live?
That was when Hongryeon surged to her feet and planted herself in front of me.
"Hongryeon...?"
She flicked a glance down at me, then lifted her eyes to Articetia.
"This maiden, as Master Mesarth's personal maid... dares to swear it. Mesarth is not one who would ever plot rebellion. I beg of you, stay your blade, Lady Articetia."
Noir's eyes narrowed. He tugged his white gloves taut.
"As head butler, I cannot condone what you have just done. Judgment belongs to Lady Articetia alone. For a mere servant to... presume to instruct her own master. Punishment is in order, Hongryeon."
But then Noir saw Articetia walking forward, and his composure cracked.
"Lady Articetia?"
Articetia reached toward Hongryeon, slow and unhurried. She flicked her fingers and tapped her lightly on the forehead.
"Auk!"
In that instant, Hongryeon's soul went flying backward. The body it left behind crumpled to the floor.
And then Articetia walked right up to me.
Fuck...!
Her soul had been ripped out. This wouldn't end with just dying. I wouldn't even get to die—hell would start while I was still alive!
What do I do! I'm actually fucked!!
"Um, Lady Articetia!!"
In the end I looked up, ready to grovel for my life. But my mind went blank at the sight of blue letters being drawn across the empty air.
Bring parfait when you come.
"Huh...?"