Just a Little Honest (2)
Suddenly he covers my eyes and asks about the food laid out on the table. He says I don't look okay. What could this be about? I'm fine, though. Totally, completely, utterly fine. So why do both Hwaya and Sohwi keep insisting that I'm not?
But Sohwi doesn't respond to my plea to remove his hand. The only signs are the rustle of his clothes and his presence as he settles behind me.
"Husband. You're teasing too much. Cut it out now."
I feel a slight pressure from the hand covering my eyes. My body slowly tilts backward under that touch. Before long, I'm leaning against something solid and firm. But Sohwi still doesn't uncover my eyes. I can't see a thing.
"Husband? Please take your hand away. Yeah?"
"I'll do it once you look a bit better."
"I'm perfectly fine. Hehe... I have no idea why you think otherwise."
Not knowing what the problem is, I let out a forced, awkward laugh. I just wish he'd hurry up and remove his hand. It's so dark in here.
"I did exactly what you asked for, didn't I? So why the sudden rush?"
Sohwi says something baffling. Me, rushed? If anything, I've been calm. With amnesia as my excuse, there's no need to worry— that's probably what he thought. Maybe my sudden affection has rubbed him the wrong way?
"Rushed? I don't get it. Can't I be affectionate with my husband? Isn't that normal? A woman can feel drawn to a man who's good to her, right? Yeah? Of course."
I have no clue what's wrong. This is normal. Feeling attracted to the male lead after possessing the heroine and meeting him in person— that's standard. So my reaction was normal too. Why is this happening?
"Why are you doing this? Just tell me straight. Is it that weird I didn't notice what food came out for dinner today? That was... yeah. I was just so happy to see you, Husband, that I didn't look at the table..."
"Enough. It's worse than I thought."
Sohwi cuts off my desperate self-defense. He won't explain what's wrong or weird, but calls me out anyway— I can't stay quiet. I reach up to pry his hand away, but it doesn't budge. I try to sit up from my reclined position, but his other arm wraps around my shoulders, holding me down.
"Let go. I don't understand why you're doing this. Please, just let me go."
With my head and body pinned, all I can do is kick my legs and beg Sohwi to release me.
"How about we talk face-to-face? This isn't..."
"Does not seeing my face make you uneasy?"
Sohwi's words seal my lips shut. Like a child caught lying, my nonstop chatter cuts off abruptly. My flailing body goes rigid, and it feels like my blood has frozen solid in an instant.
"Here's the deal. Answer my questions right, and I'll remove my hand immediately."
I nod faintly. Answering questions is easy.
"Then tell me, where's the mole on my face?"
"That's a weird question. Under your eye?"
For stuff I don't know, just guess. Answer what you can, and that's it.
"What's the name of the maid who brought the meal today?"
After the first odd question about the mole, nothing too strange follows.
"Do you remember the color of the clothes I'm wearing today?"
Questions I can definitely answer, one or two at least.
"On the flip side, what color are your clothes today?"
Surely I can answer...
"Then... can you tell me Hwaya's hair color?"
"That's...!"
...I can't. I thought they were simple questions, but bizarrely, I can't answer a single one. Even Hwaya's hair color— something I should know without thinking— escapes me. She's been nursing me all day, always by my side wherever I go, yet I can't recall it.
I don't know. What color is Hwaya's hair? Did I ever even notice?
What if he thinks that's weird? No, he already thinks I'm weird, which is why we're in this mess. When did it start? Was it the outing? Or had he been watching closely before that? Maybe I was the only one who thought the amnesia excuse worked. The doctor must have given some diagnosis behind my back that I don't know about...
"My lady. Don't be so scared."
"Hic...!"
With my eyes covered, my ears grow hypersensitive. Sohwi whispers right by them. His warm breath tickles.
"You woke up in a strange place, so it's natural to feel scared and self-conscious. Especially since our first meeting wasn't great."
I feel his fingertips gently brushing my hair. Twirling the ends, rubbing them softly— it's not unpleasant.
"But if you're not even taking in your surroundings properly, that's too much. Even if I planned to watch you, seeing you suffer like this pains my heart."
"But..."
"You need to act a bit more human, my lady. If you're so hung up on who you were before losing your memory, how will you live going forward?"
Hwaya called me the lady of the house. She told me to know my place and act accordingly. How could I not worry?
But as I think that, lying in this man's arms, hearing his voice in my ear, feeling his gentle touch— none of it feels bad. Maybe some ingrained sensation from this body I don't know lingers. Strangely, it starts to feel genuinely good.
"You'll recover your memories naturally later. No need to suffer needlessly. Just relax."
"But... if I'm too different from before."
"That's to be expected."
Or maybe, after agonizing silently since day one, sharing even part of it with someone brings more comfort than I thought.
"No memories, no shared past with us— how could you be the same? But do you really need to fret? We're making new memories with you right now."
His comforting words continue: "Just be 'Ryu Sua who lost her memories' and live as you please. Throw a little tantrum, speak your mind more."
From my covered eyes, "If problems arise, solve them after you remember. You're allowed."
tears begin to flow.
"This is your home, after all."
His words, like those of a fox who knows my every secret, enchant me with their kindness. Don't strain to live as Ryu Sua, don't torment yourself for failing— just be yourself. Those words fill me with gratitude. Not answers to all my worries, but the knot in my chest loosens slightly with the tears, and finally, the hand over my eyes gently lifts.
"Hic... Is it really okay?"
"Of course."
Affirming words.
"What if I remember later and resent you for letting me act out?"
"I'll take the blame for you."
Defending words.
"My lady. Can you see your surroundings now? Even where my mole is?"
Teasing jest, full of playfulness.
"Pfft... What? You don't have a mole on your face."
It sounds so good.
After crying and laughing for a good while, I realize I'm still nestled in Sohwi's arms and scramble to sit up.
"Mm. I wanted to stay like this longer."
"Not me."
"I said it myself, but it stings a little."
Yet his arm around my shoulders shows no sign of letting go. Sohwi holds me firm, gazing down with a satisfied expression that belies his words of disappointment.
"Um... Should we eat first?"
For some reason, I can't meet his eyes directly and avert my gaze, changing the subject.
"Then let's eat like this. I'll personally feed my weary wife."
"Huh? No need. I can eat by myself!"
But he has no intention of releasing me. Sohwi reaches out, picks up his chopsticks, and deftly lifts a neatly folded mini jeon pancake toward my mouth... Deftly?
"Your chopsticks... Why are you so good with them? Were you faking it all this time?"
"Oops... Busted. Who'll feed me now?"
"Eat it yourself!"
The awkward chopstick skills from day one were an act? Shocking. I'd been carefully preparing meals, worried he wasn't enjoying them fully. Otherwise, would I have deboned fish for him so diligently? Suddenly, I feel wronged.
"So you're not eating? My arm's gonna fall off."
The perceptive fox who seemed to read my soul is gone, replaced by a dense man. He keeps tapping the jeon against my tightly shut lips, as if saying open up. Oil glistens from the pancake, its savory meaty aroma teasing my nose.
With no choice, I part my lips and take it. Juicy meat juices flood my mouth from the perfectly cooked filling.
"One more?"
I open my mouth slightly without a word. It was too tasty to keep refusing. No other reason.