Just Be a Little Honest (1)
The first outing ended in less than two hours by my reckoning, utterly mocking Hwaya's reminder not to be late and to return before sunset.
On the way back, fiddling aimlessly with the tassel on my clothes amid the heavy silence between the two of us who said nothing at all.
The suffocating quiet dragged on until we reached the mansion gates.
“Jeongi, you head back. I'll call for you later.”
The moment we arrived, Hwaya turned around and told Jeongi to leave. He bowed without a word and departed.
With Jeongi gone, the already awkward atmosphere grew even more strained.
Just yesterday, I'd spent most of my time with Hwaya, yet now she was harder to face than on the first day of my possession.
Did her eyes still see me as her pitiful, amnesiac mistress? Or as something utterly alien?
“Madam. Shall we go to your room?”
Unlike my tangled thoughts, Hwaya extended her hand just as she always had—as if I were the only one feeling awkward.
That caring touch, always steadying me to keep from stumbling, matching my pace with gentle adjustments. I'd taken it for granted since possessing this body, but now it suddenly gnawed at me.
How had I held that hand before? Had I been gripping it all wrong without realizing?
Such worries began flooding my mind. My hand, which I'd offered so casually just this morning, now refused to move.
I carefully extended my right hand—doing my utmost to get it right—and placed it in hers.
Was that weird? Awkward? Different?
Tension gripped me so hard it felt like my heartbeat was thundering through my entire body for the first time in ages. What had been a whiny complaint about drowsiness this morning now felt ridiculous as sweat beaded in my palm where our hands clasped.
I'd lounged around eating fruit fed to me, basked in bath service, lived like a queen—yet here I was fretting over this. Pathetic.
But once I'd decided to abandon my choices and mimic Ryu Sua's behavior, even the tiniest details started to matter. I couldn't stop it.
Like how natural breathing turns awkward the moment you notice it, every step toward the room felt off-kilter, my stride all wrong.
“Madam. Rest well, then. I'll come right away if you call.”
She helped me remove my hairpins, ornaments, and the last outer layer, then I gave her a simple nod as she left.
Only after the door clicked shut and Hwaya was truly gone could I finally exhale the breath I'd been holding. That long sigh carried relief—and an undercurrent of nameless anxiety.
I collapsed soundlessly to the floor, barely holding my wobbly body upright. I'd been so tense my clothes clung damply to my sweat-soaked skin, an unpleasant stickiness everywhere.
The faint chill from the floor slowly eased it away, so I let my body tilt sideways until I was sprawled flat, savoring the coolness.
But solitude wouldn't last. Dinner time approached—Hwaya would return for a quick primp, then it was supper with Sohwi.
“Haha…”
Thinking of dinner with Sohwi made the worry I'd felt toward Hwaya spread like wildfire to his gaze as well. We'd shared plenty of meals, after all. What if I'd unknowingly given off strange vibes?
In a world where mystical beings who could take human form existed alongside these jaeng—heterogeneous disasters called by that name—superpowers like magic or spells weren't a stretch.
…Methods to detect and deal with someone like me, hijacking another's body, probably existed too. Damn.
What if the growing suspicions solidified into certainty, leading to cold stares and them deciding to dispose of me?
“Eek…”
Why did that thought alone make my breath catch?
After just a few days of seeing their faces, imagining their cold stares choked me up.
Had I grown attached already? Or was I addicted to their kindness and this comfortable life?
Why this anxiety? On day one, I'd plotted to run at the sight of them—yet now losing their deceptive goodwill terrified me.
Was I deluding myself into thinking I was the real 'Ryu Sua'? Snap out of it. I'm not Ryu Sua.
I'm just an unwelcome intruder squatting in her body. Sooner or later, a way back to my world would open, or I'd be exposed for not being her—and out I'd go, one way or another.
And yet I'd been far too complacent. Forgotten the resolve I'd made staring in the mirror that first day? What gall to take his kindness for granted.
I should've made at least some effort. Mirrored their care, even if just pretending. Not hidden behind the amnesia excuse, but actually tried to earn their goodwill.
Now that I realized it, I could start trying. Deceiving them wouldn't change either way.
Not choices true to me—but ones true to Ryu Sua. At least until the convenient amnesia excuse lost its power.
Still, could I shake this selfishness refusing to fully abandon my old self? Just marry Sohwi, bask in love, live simply. But memories of my old life as a guy made that easy path impossible.
Honestly, even I didn't know what I wanted anymore.
My head was a mess, clashing sensations leading to bizarre conclusions.
For now, I just wanted to rest easy until Hwaya returned. That much was certain.
Lying there staring blankly at the ceiling wasted away the time until the sun dipped low, long shadows stretching around the windows.
Days without a clock, yet I knew Hwaya would arrive soon for dinner prep—her punctuality was clockwork.
I hauled myself up, stretched languidly, and plastered on the biggest smile I could muster toward the door. It creaked open moments later as Hwaya entered.
“Madam. Are you feeling a bit better?”
“Yes. I'm fine. Thanks for worrying.”
As warmly and brightly as possible.
From what I'd gleaned of Ryu Sua through their words and my senses, she was kind and sunny to everyone.
I grinned with all my might in reply.
“…Are you really okay?”
Was it not enough? Why did Hwaya look even more concerned?
I had no idea. I thought I looked fine.
“Yes. Really fine. Gotta see my husband soon. Shall we get ready?”
“…”
Hwaya seemed like she wanted to say something again.
But once more, her lips just parted silently.
“Yes. I'll prepare you.”
“Thanks.”
A quiet response came back.
She must've bought it, then. With how hard I was smiling.
My best shot at a pure girl eagerly awaiting her man, Sohwi.
The simple primping finished quickly as usual, and Hwaya withdrew. Moments later, Sohwi opened the door and stepped in.
“Feeling better, wife? I worried when I heard your eagerly awaited outing ended so soon.”
He asked after my health the instant he saw me. He'd surely heard everything by now.
Hwaya would've reported the day's events—and Jeongi's punishment—right after arriving.
“Yes. My body must've been shocked by the outing after so long. I'm good now after resting. Husband. Hehe.”
I added a coquettish lilt, a touch of playfulness.
No matter what I did, his smile never faded during our time together. Approaching him like this would surely delight him.
“Hmm… I see.”
But Sohwi's expression was subtly stiff. He muttered to himself like something troubled him, then sat across from me as usual.
A maid brought the tray, set it between us, and left.
I glanced over the spread, then turned back to him.
“Looks delicious today too. Husband, your chopsticks still unwieldy…”
“Before that.”
Sohwi cut me off and stood. Wondering what was happening, I started to rise too—but he raised a hand to stop me.
He approached slowly, then extended his hand and covered my eyes with it.
“H-Huh… husband? I can't see. What's this about?”
Flustered by the sudden move, I asked—but Sohwi just held his hand there silently.
After a long pause, he finally spoke softly.
“You. Tell me what's on the table.”
“Huh? That's… um…”
I stammered, at a loss for words.
Sohwi spoke again, quietly.
“Wife. You don't look okay at all. I think we need a little honest talk.”
His voice calm, devoid of its usual playfulness.
“What are you talking about all of a sudden? Husband? I can't eat like this—please move your hand.”