One Spring Day
As March drew to a close, I suddenly realized something. The first thought that popped into my head when I woke up in the morning wasn't "Mom" anymore. Instead, little everyday curiosities like "What's the weather like today?" or "How's that new coffee bean at the cafe gonna taste?" were coming first.
I'd kept the photos of Mom out because I couldn't bear to put them away just because she wasn't here, but I'd been avoiding looking at them as much as possible. Before, every time I saw myself in one, my chest would ache with the emptiness of her absence, and I'd feel like crying. But now, it seemed like fond memories tinged with a gentle longing would surface first.
"Have a great day today!"
I gave a silent smile as I bid farewell to a regular customer leaving the cafe. The greeting felt completely natural on my tongue now.
"Jae-hyun, you wanna head out a bit early today?"
The Cafe Owner glanced at her watch and said. It was 2:30 p.m.—thirty minutes earlier than usual.
"Huh? Really?"
Early dismissal? No one turns that down. She chuckled at my brightening face.
"Yeah, yeah. Gotta have days like this once in a while. Think of it as your bonus~"
"This is way better than a bonus for me! I'll take you up on that and head out."
Thanks to her kindness, I was in an even bubblier mood than on my usual commute home. With the flower-thaw cold snap gone and true spring settling in, the late-March sunshine felt wonderfully warm and cozy. Tender new buds were sprouting on the bare winter branches, and flower buds were forming on the trees. It was nothing special, but the scene caught my eye and had its own quiet charm.
Seemed like the winter in my heart was ending bit by bit, too.
-2-
After getting home and washing up quick, it wasn't even 4 p.m. yet. Normally, I'd spend the lazy afternoon reading or on the computer, but today I felt like doing something more active. Was it the nice weather?
"Hmm. Maybe check out a gym?"
I'd thought about it before but kept putting it off with one excuse or another. A quick phone search turned up a new franchise gym called Fitness Planet right nearby. It was close, freshly opened with discounts going on—perfect excuse to at least go for a consultation.
"Hello! Here for a consultation, right? What's your goal with working out?"
"Uh, just general fitness? First time at a gym, so I don't really know where to start."
"Got it! How about we start with a body composition scan?"
The staff led me to an InBody machine.
"Sir? Your skeletal muscle mass is a bit above average. Did you work out before?"
"Jogging and walks up through high school. Oh, and some home workouts now and then."
As a kid, I'd been pretty consistent with jogs and strolls, and we'd giggle about "home dates" while doing workouts with Mom sometimes... A memory bubbled up, making me chuckle dryly—then I froze. Wait. Thinking of Mom didn't hurt or make me sad. It was the first time.
Heading out after signing up, I felt oddly proud. Like I was taking good care of myself so Mom wouldn't worry up there.
The cloudless blue sky I looked up at matched my mood perfectly. Even in this life, like the last, I'd gone through tough times—but I was handling them better now. What a relief... a blessing. At least Mom in heaven wouldn't be crying or fretting over me.
Mom, I'm doing okay.
-3-
I worked at the cafe Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays—four weekdays. Wednesdays were the cafe's regular day off, and weekends were just the Owner handling things solo.
Today, I slept in a little, whipped up a simple brunch, and tackled the backlog of chores. Nothing major since I chipped away at them steadily, so they wrapped up quicker than expected. With the weather nice, why not visit Mom's columbarium for the first time in a while?
Not long ago, going there took major resolve. It wrecked me mentally, and coming back made the empty house feel even lonelier—heavy stuff all around. But this? It hit me: I'm getting better. I'm pulling through.
I got ready, stopped at a nearby florist. While they made a small bouquet of purple lilacs and pink hydrangeas—Mom's favorites—I spotted a little potted plant good for indoors.
Come to think of it, Mom loved tending small pots in life... Herbs and succulents mostly. She'd water them saying, "Grow pretty and strong like our Jae-hyun~" as if I needed to hear it.
"Um... is this one tricky to care for?"
A half-forgotten memory hit; on impulse, I picked a small pot. Didn't know the name, but it looked like one Mom had. Or something similar?
"Oh, those are easy indoor herbs. Want some recommendations?"
After hearing her out, I went with lemon balm. The leaves had that fresh lemon scent, like one Mom grew.
One bouquet for Mom, one little pot sparked by memories—and I hopped in a cab to the columbarium. The familiar road felt a tad strange after so long. Before, the dread started the moment I decided to go. Now? It felt like heading to see Mom after ages—exciting, even. Proof I'd endured and accepted a lot.
"Mom, it's me."
I arranged the flowers nicely and chatted naturally. My reflection in the glass wasn't as shadowed as before.
"I always felt bad showing up with a gloomy face, but today I don't. Right?"
Grinning wide, I plopped down cross-legged and rambled about recent life. Fun cafe stories, awkward moments, yesterday's gym signup, the flower shop pot... Talking it out left me refreshed, lips curling up on their own.
"Oh, right—Mom, remember Yoon-ju? My high school bestie. When I first brought her home, you freaked thinking she was my girlfriend."
Yoon-ju's tough-girl vibe had Mom stammering like I'd hooked up with some delinquent. Heh.
"We caught up recently after ages, and she's bragging nonstop about her new girlfriend?"
Me, listening to her gush about romance? Damn. I spilled every detail, brushed off my knees feeling light, and stood.
"Mm~ Mom. Truth is, it's been rough. I'd think I was fine, then wanna cry; be okay, then tears out of nowhere... But now? I'm really good. A lot better. So don't worry too much."
I'll heal like this, bit by bit. Someday, missing you won't mean swallowing tears in empty gloom—it'll be smiling over our sweet memories. So Mom, rest easy up there. No worries. Much later, after living strong and happy for both of us... I'll come see you slow.
-4-
Heading down the slight slope to the bus stop, my heart felt as clear as the spotless blue sky. I found myself humming without realizing.
I can't see you anymore, and that aches—but that ache proves how much I loved you. How precious you were, worth this long grief. Better to cherish memories in happiness than rot in sorrow. That's what you'd want.
On the bus home, gazing at spring scenes whizzing by, I thought. New leaves on winter-bare branches, swelling buds. Bright forsythia blooming early in splendor. Winter's chill gone, the air soft and warm.
Me too—I could finally lay your death to rest, end my long winter. Like those branches greening with buds, my parched days could welcome spring slow.
Mom, your son is enduring. Overcoming. Stopped by your loss, but look—I'm moving forward now. Slowly, surely.
It was one perfect spring day in late March.