Fox Without a Nest
-1-
After sending Mom off, the next few days were an endless battle with stacks of paperwork. Death registration, cancellations for all sorts of services, applications for survivor benefits—you name it.
"This is something I did once in my previous life, too."
Back then, when my parents passed away, it had been total chaos. I gave a wry smile as I scanned the checklist one last time, finally wrapping everything up.
Next came sorting through Mom's belongings. Honestly, this was the hardest part. Every single item brought back memories of her.
The furniture... I decided to keep it all for myself. It was all marked with her touch, and I couldn't bear to throw any of it away. As for clothes and jewelry, I planned to sell them off. The only exceptions were the family ring we'd had made together and the necklace she cherished so much in life.
"Customer, what about these photos and memory chips?"
"Keep them all. They're pictures I took with Mom."
Almost everything was videos or photos she'd recorded like a growth diary of me, from her childhood onward. Some had her in them, others just her voice, but they were all memories with her.
Once the professional service helped me finish sorting her things, the reality of her being gone hit me all over again, drawing out a hollow laugh. The cozy two-room apartment that had felt just right for the two of us now seemed strangely empty and vast.
Snap!
"Phew~ Get it together, Yoon Jae-hyun. You've got to live well."
Of course, I had no intention of scraping by alone like in my previous life, caught up in a frantic, hand-to-mouth existence. I'd already lived that way once, and I didn't want a repeat.
This life... yeah. Let's take it easy, live leisurely. In my past life, I'd been so buried in work that it felt like I'd missed out on life a bit.
-2-
Even after returning to school, things were tough for a while. I barely remember how I got through those days. I'd just pass the time somehow, and sometimes Mom would pop into my head out of nowhere, making tears well up.
Whenever I snapped out of it and checked the calendar, days had flown by. It was like auto-mode in a game had been turned on.
"Hmm. Jae-hyun, you're really not taking the CSAT? With your grades, you could pick any top university."
As first semester ended and second began, career counseling kicked into gear. With my scores in the top ranks of the school, my homeroom teacher was shocked at my decision to skip the college entrance exam and tried hard to dissuade me.
"I just... want to take it easy for a bit, catch my breath."
In my previous life, I'd gritted my teeth through brutal studying to get into a prestigious university, even on scholarship. I'd act like everything was fine at school, but tears would come out of nowhere at my part-time job, or I'd shiver with chills alone at home for no reason, or drown in utter helplessness. The wounds hadn't healed properly, festering inside.
Thanks to my friends, I'd realized how emotionally rotten I was before things got extreme, and gotten treatment late at the hospital.
This time, I wouldn't let it happen. I needed time to reflect on myself and gently lay Mom to rest in my heart.
"...Alright, Jae-hyun. You're a smart, level-headed kid. If anything tough comes up, call your teacher anytime, okay?"
She looked at me with pitying eyes and gripped my hand tight. At her kind concern, I managed a clumsy, half-baked smile and nodded.
-3-
On high school graduation day, plenty of kids wanted photos with me, and even more promised to stay in touch after. But it didn't really hit home.
Experience told me that those teary "forever" vows at graduation fade naturally once everyone starts university or retakes, adapting to new lives—light connections sorting themselves out.
Wait, no. In this reverse world, males are rare treasures. If I keep reaching out, maybe they'd stick around?
"Yoon Jae! What're you doing?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing. Just..."
Lost in pointless thoughts, someone slung an arm around my shoulder with a thwack. Lee Yoon-ju. My one platonic friend (or rather, read as same-sex friend).
Dyed blonde ponytail, hazel eyes, loosely tied necktie, shirt unbuttoned a couple notches— she had that bad-boy vibe that screamed "trouble," but surprisingly, she was a model student.
"Jae-hyun, long time no see. You doing okay?"
"Haha. Yeah, getting by."
Lee Yoon-ju's mom approached, acting like she knew me well. My mom had been the same— how did these women look like they had twenty-year-olds? Total beauties.
"Got plans? If not, wanna hit up that Chinese place?"
"Yoon-ju! Watch your mouth."
"Mom~ Why act prim around him? He likes me real. Right?"
"Yeah. If you talked all proper, I'd puke."
"See?"
"You're so good at that. Aigoo! Jae-hyun, stick around for food. Auntie'll treat ya."
Yoon-ju writhed, clutching her smacked back in pain. Yeah, a mom's touch hurts no matter your toughness.
I snickered and gently rubbed the spot.
"Sure, thanks. I'll eat well. Hey, Yoon-ju, quit whining and let's go. I'm starving."
"Not whining! Ow, rub more. It hurts like hell."
"Love tap. Take it sweet."
Of course, I kept rubbing. I could act this way because I knew she'd never see me as anything but a friend— which made her my closest, most unfiltered straight friend, ironically.
Because... she's a full-on lesbian.
-4-
After graduating, I lounged at home for a bit, dodging the particularly harsh winter chill. Come March, as the weather started thawing, I began job hunting.
A decent-looking guy like me? Every shop welcomes male part-timers, so finding work was a breeze.
"Hey, Jae-hyun~ Morning!"
"Good morning, ma'am!"
The place was Cafe Blue Mocha. Four days a week— Mon, Tue, Thu, Fri— 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., daytime shifts. A bus ride of about 30-40 minutes away.
Cafe work suited me surprisingly well. I picked up brewing coffee fast, and dealing with customers was no big deal. They say you can't spit on a smiling face— especially not in this reverse world where a handsome guy like me smiles and serves politely. Hardly any cranky ones.
Sure, some tried for my number, but that was routine by now. Persistent ones were annoying, but otherwise, no complaints.
"Breakfast? Want some toast?"
The owner was kind and considerate. Early to mid-50s, with faint laugh lines. "Gracefully aged" fit her better than "old."
"Yeah, one please."
"Sure~"
Munching her fluffy French toast, I flipped the CLOSED sign to OPEN at 9 sharp and set out the chalkboard signboard.
"Ah, Jae-hyun! Good morning!"
"Morning! Usual order?"
"Yep! You remember? Hehe."
"Of course. Regular like you."
Soon, customers trickled in steadily. Even at 9 a.m., when office workers and students were at work or school, this cafe had a solid morning crowd— mostly regulars I memorized faces quick.
Right after opening, it was mostly takeout. Late morning brought hall diners, picking up the pace. Hall folks meant more dishes, but I liked the gentle busyness.
Not frantic, just steadily occupied. I enjoyed the cafe's little daily scenes, the simple small talk with passing customers.
Mom would still flash in my mind out of context sometimes, leaving me choked with longing or hollow with loss. But it was bearable.
This quiet, simple routine let me release those dark, sad feelings bit by bit, ever so gently.
"Jae-hyun, good work!"
"Whew, yeah. Busier than usual today, huh?"
"All thanks to someone drawing crowds. No troubles at work?"
I just grinned wide, and she beamed a mom-smile, handing me a brown paper bread bag.
"Aigoo~ How's there such a pretty, sweet kid? Take this for a snack. Baked fresh~"
"Your baking's always delish. If I gain weight, it's on you... Thanks, I'll dig in."
"Go on, head home and rest. Good job today."
Inside: fresh egg tarts and buttery cookies. Mm, perfect with milk. Smacking my lips, I bowed and headed out.
A bit past 3 p.m., basking in lingering spring chill— the walk home felt nice. Being alone still ached, but it was okay.
Moment by moment, day by day, I was gently burying the Mom who'd left, bit by bit, slowly accepting and adapting to life without her.
My days were filling up anew, little by little, every day.