Easy Pickings (3)
Skeletons.
How should I put this… in a single word, they were a pitiable bunch.
Strong enough to make you cry, you ask?
No. They were f***ing weak.
Of course, a horde of things that never die and never tire swarming at you would be terrifying. But does anyone think the world is full of idiots? If raw strength were all it took to rank beings, humanity would have gone extinct ages ago.
And what were they? Bones?
Can't say a bad word about them since they're just bones, and their low intelligence means they never step out of line. On top of that, they never die, never sleep, never need food—perpetual motion machines—and they're weak enough to be pushy-able? Ha! God, they're *amazing* to use! The best deal you could ever screw out of the labor market! No wonder they aren't the untouchable caste of demon society!
And so, demons employed skeletons as summon beasts and laborers.
As for the priests… yeah, honestly, those bastards were the WORST of all!!!!
Those lowlife priests used skeletons as their training dummies!
From cleric exams to noble tutoring sessions to festivals for little brats—there wasn't a single place Isaac hadn't been summoned to, dammit!!
And what did they do once they summoned him?
Killed him!
Being yanked out of nowhere was bad enough, but those snot-nosed chicks would gang up on him like he was a stray dog and beat him to death!
The nasty paladins would even disassemble him and play with the parts like a ball toy. And?
Dying like that was humiliating enough—but did they know what happened after death?
He revived at Level 1!
Well, it was less dying and more having his body completely wrecked and reassembled, but whatever! Level 1!!!!
No matter how high a level he'd climbed, death meant starting over from scratch!
Just as he finally ground his way up a level, evolution within arm's reach, he'd get summoned again! And when he got summoned, he'd be purified by the holy art Turn Undead and fall into Hell!
-…You again. That makes it your 43,721,376th visit.
-A new record…
-Clack-dara-dal-dal-kak. (DAMMIT!!! I'm seriously going to rip every last priest's head off!!!)
After evolving, he started beating down his summoners instead of dying, so his trips to Hell decreased—but so what? These bastards never even cleaned up after their summons!
-Gwaaagh! A mad skeleton! Run!
Did they have any idea how far it was from the Holy Empire to demon lands?
Nowadays he could ride a divine beast there, laughing ha-ha-hee-hee all the way, but back then? He'd dragged himself on human legs month after month, groaning the entire way.
The moment he finally staggered home—summoned again!
'Son of a—!'
Anyway… what it meant was: pitiable creatures.
Worse, skeletons were such simple-minded things that they died without ever understanding why they'd been brought there. Every death reset them, so they could never grow.
In a word: eternal… summoned-slave servitude.
And those wretched creatures…
Those dog-ugly priests had the audacity to…
“Clack-clack-clack. (Wow, where is this? Where am I?)”
“Clack-duga-dal-guk. (Dunno! Dunno! But our King is here!)”
“Clackaak. (Waaah! The King!)”
How dare they summon skeletons right in front of me?!!
But whether or not anyone knew that pain—
“Isaac! It's Turn Undead! One cast of that and you'll smoke 'em in a single hit!”
“That's right! For undead, that one holy art turns 'em into chewing gum!”
Turn… what?!
These dog-faced bastards just said Turn. Turn. TURN. WHAT?!!!
Foaming at the mouth, Isaac clutched the back of his neck.
These filthy cleric scum just told him—!
To cast Turn Undead!
On him?!
Huh?!
Just hearing the name made the trauma come flooding back; Isaac felt like he might collapse on the spot.
[Well, is a total beginner's spell, no? Surely you can manage that much?]
Shut your mouth before I shut it for you?!
“Isaac! This is Academy-level stuff! You know skeletons are the easiest thing to catch, right?”
“Yeah! Ridiculously easy!”
I'd say wringing your necks would be even easier?!
Sparks flew in Isaac's eyes.
“Rillai, you little bas… Puhak!”
The skeletons swarmed Isaac. No lie—dozens of freshly summoned skeletons came charging at him all at once.
“Clack-clack-dal-kak. (Wow, it's the King!)”
“Clack-dal-kak. (You came to see us! You came!)”
“Dal-dal-dal-kak. (Waaah, so happy! So happy!)”
“Phup…! PUHAHA—!!!”
“Isaac!!”
“Young Master!!”
THUD!
Buried under a mountain of bones, Isaac nearly died.
They might be the lowest of the low demons, but they were still kin. Long companions, the kind who recognized the soul's aura on sight.
“Clack-dal-kak. (Where have you been all this time? All this time?)”
“Dal-guk-dak-dal-guk-dak. (You finally called for us.)”
Guys, I'm happy to see you too, but you're HEAVY!
At that spectacle, the apprentices and Blue knights who'd been readying Turn Undead looked thoroughly flustered.
“What's going on! Skeletons only targeting one person?!”
That was absolutely impossible.
“Wait, are they even targeting him? Looks more like they're charging at him out of pure joy…?”
“What? Skeletons?!”
“…No matter how I look at it, he's being cuddled?”
“No… being crushed, more like.”
As the gazes around him grew stranger, Isaac sensed danger. The clergy might be morons, but this was undeniably an aberration.
Act strangely, and people got suspicious. Suspicion festering long enough meant the Heresy Inquisitors would come knocking.
'One wrong move and my identity is blown!'
Snapping back to his senses, Isaac decided to do his sworn duty first.
Of course, without casting Turn Undead.
He knew how, but that undead-slaughter art would never leave his hands!
'I'll just pop out their magic cores. That's enough to make them combat-incapacitated.'
The lower the demon, the more exposed its magic core. And skeletons? The thing glinting inside the ribcage was the magic core.
'I'll pull out the cores and put them back later so they can move aga—'
“Just so you know—removing magic cores is forbidden! You must cast Turn Undead and grind them to powder!”
“?!”
These goddamn, hellbound priest bastards!!!
Isaac hurled curses inward, but Shuri and the Blue team actually looked convinced.
“That's Rillai for you… Passing with nothing but Turn Undead? The easiest trial in history.”
“True. Usually they make you extract a magic core instead, since Turn Undead is way too broken against undead…”
“A newborn could pass this…!”
“That's Blue for you…! So shamelessly devoted to their own kin…!”
IT'S NOT DEVOTION, YOU BASTARDS!!!
Isaac, who had begged for the easiest trial possible, rolled around on the floor in despair.
But whether they knew his heart or not, the teams of other faiths began to raise hell instead.
“Hey, isn't this too much! Turn Undead, the anti-magic holy art, is Blue's bread and butter as the faith of demon-subjugation!”
“Aren't you just handing Blue the win outright?!”
“I heard the little brat asked for the easy version himself!”
AAAAH! NO! That's not what I asked for!
Rillai, you lunatic!
Isaac glared at the Blue knights, but the men under Rillai, as if they'd caught on to something, boomed out loud and proud:
“We award the title of King to whoever destroys the most with Turn Undead!”
Then they flashed innocent thumbs-up, like children asking did we do good?
'This is what you wanted, right, Young Master?'
'Now! Go pass the Blue Pentagon with a perfect score!'
'Something like this is nothing for the Young Master!'
At those praise-me grins, Isaac nearly blacked out.
…Fine. I'm using you paladins as meat shields FOREVER!
[You dug your own grave, sir.]
Shut it!
In the end, Isaac raised his hand to cast the holy art.
[Oh! So it's kin-slaying at last!]
Will you NOT shut it?!
Turn Undead. The holy art that sends undead to their rest.
Other faiths struggled terribly with it, but in the scripture of Blue—a faith devoted to eradicating demons—it was such a basic exorcism that it appeared on the very first page.
In other words, Rillai had slashed the difficulty dramatically for Isaac's sake. But did anyone think Isaac would cast some Turn Undead?
This was a matter of pride!
He'd just refuse and beat them down with an offensive spell instead!
'Sorry, guys. Being undead, even ordinary holy power will hit you for critical damage—but it's better than Hell, right?'
And at the very moment Isaac moved to strike the skeletons—
“Clack-clack-clack. (Waaah, the King is looking at us! He's looking!)”
“Dal-guk-dak-dal-guk. (Master! What should we do now? Just give the word!)”
“Clak-ttal-ga-ga-dal-kak. (Waaah, just seeing Master again is enough! Enough!)”
The hand Isaac had raised to slam down holy power began to tremble.
The young skeletons' empty sockets somehow seemed to sparkle with expectation.
They had no eyes. No eyes—but still!!
DAMMIT!!!!!!!!
Using the filthy clergy's technique… to slay his own kin… his own kin…!
In the end, Isaac crumpled to the ground in a heap.
Shuri and the Blue team jolted in alarm at the sight of him hunched over on the floor.
“Isaac?!”
“…I can't do it. Can't do it.”
“WHAT?!!”
He couldn't manage a mere skeleton?
Now even the Blue knights went deathly pale. These were the men who'd sworn not to sit idle if Isaac failed the Blue Pentagon.
“But, Young Master…! Skeletons are the thing even a newborn can catch in Blue! Why—?!”
“…No. Don' wanna.”
At the sight of him refusing to even lift his head, the Blue knights realized with a start:
“D-don't tell me… he's frightened?!”
Come to think of it, hadn't Isaac never once faced an undead in his life?
At those words, the Blue team's pupils shook like earthquakes.
'…No way. Really? He's scared?'
'He beats up people just fine, though?!'
'Well… I mean, they're moving skeletons. For a child, scary is scary.'
Everyone's eyes wavered.
To think Isaac had such a childlike side after all.
When Isaac didn't stir, the skeletons whined anxiously around him.
“Dal-kak-dal-kak-kak. (Master, why aren't you moving?)”
“Dal-kak-dal-kak. (Master, out of mana? Out of mana? Want us to breathe dragon fire on you?)”
Isaac flinched violently.
Hey, you idiots! NO! Do that now and I DIE!
“I'm not a skeleton, I'm a person, and it HURTS!”
The Blue contingent flinched at that.
…A person, who hurts?
Particularly the knights who caught something in those words looked at Isaac with visible bewilderment.
'Could it be he sees the undead… as people?!'
'Well, skeletal corruption aside, skeletons were once human, after all. Or could have been.'
'He doesn't wish to strike down his fellow humans…!'
And the Blue Faith was, above all else, a faith that protected even the smallest thing from the demons.
“He wishes to redeem the humans lost to demonic corruption…!”
Truly. Was that not the very countenance of a Saint?
The eyes of the Blue knights—who had come merely on orders—changed.
Honestly, even as the Young Master, they'd half suspected he was simply doted on for the color of his hair.
They had to tell everyone. This had to be reported to the head of House Eshua and every knight under him.
'We were shortsighted.'
'Truly the son of the Saintess. For his heart to reach so far…'
It was a statement that shamed them—men who, at the mere sight of a demon, thought only of beating it to the ground. Was he not the one among them who truly held Blue's doctrine in his heart?
But while the Blue team gazed at Isaac with trembling eyes, Shuri alone remained skeptical.
'…There's no way this guy is thinking anything that pretty.'
Soon Shuri sighed and raised a finger.
“Move. If you can't do it, I will. Turn…”
“AAAAACK!!”
Sprawled on the ground, Isaac shot upright in sheer horror.
No! If anyone else casts Turn Undead, they're guaranteed to be destroyed!
Granted, it would be apprentice-grade Turn Undead—nothing like the version the Pope or a Cardinal wielded, which erased even a high-tier lich from existence on the spot.
But even so, these were the very lowest of skeletons. For weak ones, a tour of Hell would be a luxury—the holy power might overwhelm them so completely that they'd genuinely dissolve right there!
“…I'll! I'LL do it!”
Isaac sniffled, and the Blue team patted his back.
“It's okay, Isaac. Don't push yourself if it's too hard.”
“That's right. You've had us helping you all this time, so this is nothing. Turn…”
“AAAAAAAACK!!!”
YOU DOG-BASTARDS! That's NOT it!
In the end, Isaac leapt to his feet and thrust out his hand first.
“Turn Undead.”
Along with Isaac's holy power, a dazzling light surged up from the ground. Everyone gasped at the brilliant pillar of radiance.
“Oh…! What is that light! I can barely keep my eyes open!”
“I've never seen one that big!”
“That's our Isaac!”
“Clack-clack-clack. (What's that shiny thing?)”
“Dal-da-guk-dak-dal-kak-kak. (Dunno, dunno, but it's pretty! Pretty!)”
Between gritted tears, Isaac cast the holy art he despised most in the world—and dragged power up from his very core to make the output as strong as possible.
Of course, it was not aimed at the skeletons.
'I'll pretend to cast Turn Undead—and send out the Shadow Lich!'
While everyone gawked at the blanketing flash of the misfired Turn Undead, the Shadow Lich slipped out of Isaac's shadow. It moved fast, diving into the shadows of the skeletons.
And in the same instant, the Shadow Lich swallowed the skeletons into the darkness.
Shwuuuk!
It was, in effect, sealing them into a subspace.
But to any onlooker, entwined with the light of the holy art, it looked exactly like a flawless exorcism.
The light faded. Knights and apprentices alike hung their jaws open.
“What—they're all gone!”
“Don't tell me he wiped out that entire horde in one blow?!”
“Incredible…! That's not apprentice-level. That's Bishop-tier or beyond!”
“That brat…! Truly Saint material after all!”
Isaac swallowed tears no one could see.
These godforsaken priests.
I'm going to wipe every last one of them out for real.