A Piece of Cake (1)
Ha. Damn it all.
Yes, pain is great. Pain is wonderful!
Pain is proof that you're alive!
Sure, it makes me sound like a freak, but compared to when I was a skeleton and couldn't feel a thing, this is ten thousand times better! Ten thousand times better!
"Gwaaah! Kyaaak! Tyuahk! (Shit! Do I really have to feel it THIS much?!)"
Isaac, his backside thoroughly walloped by the Head of House, lay sprawled on the floor like a man at death's door.
Damn it, that blasted Head of House!
He smacks his own grandson over one tiny slip of the tongue?! Petty old fossil!
Ha! What! Even so—
Well... yeah.
He'd shown his hand a little too much there. Snnf. Isaac wiped his mouth with a swipe of his sleeve, grew briefly solemn — and then, no! Absolutely not!
"DAMN YOOOOU! No matter how you look at it, a 9th-Tier priest laying hands on an apprentice?! Can't you SEE the crater in my butt?! This is abuse of power! Tyranny! Swing that kind of power around and your back won't last! You'll never live to see your grandson wed! Damn you, old man, go out and di—!"
Slam.
"Go out and die? What did you just say?"
"...Hic."
The Head of House, who had pushed open the door and stepped inside, narrowed his eyes.
"So now you're telling your own grandfather to drop dead."
"...Hic, hic!"
"I thought you might have learned something at the Pentagons, but apparently not."
Damn bastard. Walks in with that lowlife timing again.
"Ha... how on earth did he grow up into such a good-for-nothing."
What on earth were you expecting him to grow up into, exactly?
"And why won't you ever act sweet for your old grandfather?"
"Hiccuup! (What do you want from me, you geezer?!)"
Well, it had hurt a little, but it was fine.
The Blue Faith goes incredibly soft on children, after all!
And that wasn't all.
"Have you finished preparing to return home?"
Right! The problem was this geezer trying to lock him up at home — not that he'd refused to hand over the Head seat!
'Honestly, I thought I'd be thrown out for good.'
Even the great Demon King himself had gone urk for a moment there.
And yet it had all ended with a spanking on the behind, and he'd even offered up the Head seat — apparently his abilities had impressed the old man quite a bit.
The only problem was that he'd declared household discipline insufficient and proposed Saintess lessons... Was he insane?!
Why would he turn into a lunatic like those people?!
Shut up, Whisper!
And at the Head's words, Rillai strode in with a heavy sigh.
"Father. The Blue Pentagon is almost upon us. If you suddenly carry him off home, people will talk. Thanks to the achievements Isaac has piled up, everyone is already anticipating a grand ceremony in his honor."
That's right, old man.
You can't just do as you please anymore, you know?
The retainers, the elders, even the other priests would cluck their tongues and hold him back.
Every last one of them is on MY side!
Do you have any idea how many fans I've gained since the Gold Pentagon?!
But as if he'd read every word of Isaac's thoughts, the Head of House let out a contemptuous snort.
"Hmph. The Blue Pentagon? You think that boy can actually pass it?"
This time it was Isaac who scoffed.
Ha, what's that supposed to mean? The Blue exam is a piece of cake.
Maybe not as easy as the White, but I heard Kings practically rain out of it?
Indeed, the Blue Pentagon was famous for its low difficulty.
Unlike the Red and the Gold, the Blue Faith held that as long as young priests had their fundamentals down, it wouldn't drive them mercilessly.
Besides, blood runs thicker than water — direct-line teams always enjoyed an advantage.
The tasks would be events Blue priests drilled constantly... the scoring would be generous... easy, in a word. That was the general idea.
'The exam questions are already all decided. You think I can't handle one little thing?'
That was precisely what everyone taking the Blue exam had assumed.
It had never been an event where Kings were hard to earn, and the examiners were all Blue knights besides — surely they would show leniency toward the guardians of Blue.
'Direct descendants like Isaac and Shuri? There's no way in hell they don't take King.'
Right. Naturally.
"Our Blue is a faith that prizes both body and mind. The training of breaking stone tempers them both. Break the stones assigned to you."
There'll be favoritism... there has to be favoritism.
"DAMN IT! The other kids get ONE stone, so why do I get HUNDREDS?!"
...This had blown past favoritism into outright discrimination.
The priests gathered at the Holy See's training grounds were sweating buckets.
Before each apprentice priest sat a blue stone the size of a small child. It was bluestone, found only on Eshua lands — a special rock that could only be shattered with holy power.
Of course, brute strength alone would never crack it.
It was a notoriously difficult stone, one that broke only when spirit and strength achieved perfect balance —
and for Isaac, there wasn't just one. One, two, three... ten... Ugh, damn it. No end in sight.
'How far does this row even go?'
'...Why is the difficulty higher for him alone?'
'Shouldn't it be the other way around...?'
No one could help but grumble.
And true to form, Isaac glared at the Blue knight serving as examiner and jabbed a finger at the stones.
"Hey, you over there. The count's a little off. Take some away."
"Th-that is, Youngest Young Master..."
The Blue senior knight floundered helplessly before the direct-line young master.
Yeah, that's right. Look at it — it's clearly wrong.
Clearly wrong...
"It is not wrong at all. That is your allotment."
"!"
The speaker was the Blue Head of House, flipping through the score sheets beside the examiners. Every single apprentice's pupils went haywire.
'Why is a Cardinal here?!'
Isaac blew up as well.
"Your Eminence! Something seems to be wrong with this! Explain the reasoning, I beg you!"
"There is no reasoning."
What the— you little—?!
And that wasn't the end of it.
"Demons are forever tempting priests. Those who fight closest to the demonic must overcome temptation anywhere, at any time. In that spirit, the task of Blue is a test of greed."
At the Head's gesture, the Blue knights moved with drill-ground precision. And what they presented, one to each apprentice, was an enormous treasure chest.
"The gems inside become yours the moment you take them — but take even one, and you fail."
Yes... up to this point, it's the same as every year.
With exactly one exception.
The apprentices stood slack-jawed before the mountain of gems, gold bullion, and gold coins stacked in front of Isaac.
'Blue! This is way too blatant!'
'Why is only Isaac's pile different in size!'
The other apprentices had perhaps ten gems before their eyes — only Isaac had an entire mountain.
"Let me say it once more: so much as touch it with a fingertip and you fail. Endure your greed, and prove your authenticity."
The priests were dumbfounded.
'Who on earth would fall for something like that!'
Every gaze carried the message that they were underestimating Isaac far too much — but Shuri and the rest of the Blue team wore faces of profound, utter understanding.
'Grandfather... you've truly made up your mind to drag Isaac home.'
'There's no way Isaac gets past that.'
To anyone with eyes, it was a task designed specifically to fail Isaac. Though the man himself, the target of it all, merely gave a hollow laugh, utterly at a loss.
Is this Head guy for real?
"Absurd. Underestimating me is one thing, but this..."
At those words, the Blue Cardinal delicately crowned the very top of the pile with a 304-carat diamond, as if placing a jewel upon a scepter.
The instant it was set down, Isaac's eyes began to spin.
And the moment Isaac, entranced, took a step toward the gems—
"ISAAC!!!"
The Blue team threw themselves at him, desperate to hold him back.
"Hey! Snap out of it! You'd seriously drop out of the Pentagon over that?!"
"The Cardinal showing up in person was surprise enough, but... FOCUS!! You have to protect the retainers!"
At that, the Blue Head of House blinked, as if to tell them there was nothing to worry about.
"Ah. For the record, the Blue Pentagon is an individual event, so you needn't concern yourselves with that."
"Oh. Really?"
"Individual, is it... Well then. Good luck."
The moment the retainers peeled away in a body, Isaac's eyes flew wide open, and his bloodshot glare blazed.
'Grrr — this whole thing IS rigged!!'
Whew. Infuriating.
'Seriously, Grandfather, there's favoritism and then there's THIS...!'
Still, that was going too far. How could he set out with the express purpose of failing his own grandson! So Isaac had marched over to lodge a protest — and what did the old man say?
That absolute bastard!
Then Grandfather had dumped an entire mountain of books on Isaac's head, calling them "special assignments."
Every last one was a holy scripture of the Blue Faith.
Aid them, his ass.
They were all difficult ancient tomes written in the language of the gods — 9th-Tier holy arts that, in ordinary times, only Cardinal-level priests ever read.
One look told the whole story: the plan was for Isaac to throw up his hands and run. What infuriated him even more, though, was the reaction of everyone around him.
"Ooooh, heir lessons indeed...!"
"So the rumors were true — Isaac really has been named the successor...!"
"So that's why the Blue Pentagon is being graded strictly for Young Master Isaac alone...!"
"The Head of House would never do such a thing idly. I hear the nobles have already begun moving because of it alone."
And there it is!
A strange rumor had begun to spread — that the Blue Head of House had designated Isaac as his successor!
Thanks to it, the atmosphere among the nobles, and the way they looked at Isaac, had changed completely. Even the number of people scrambling to curry favor with him had grown.
That fact alone was a good current running in Isaac's favor — but the reality behind it was pure agony, and that was the problem.
No, it's agony! And on top of that I have to copy it all out, a hundred pages at a time? When exactly am I supposed to finish?!
'Ha, no wonder they call it the dim-witted Faith of Perseverance, the Saintess's line. Fossil-brained geezers, the lot of them.'
Right! A person should above all use their head! Heads, people!
'A comfortable body is the supreme good! Who breaks their back in this day and age?!'
At that, Isaac let out a sly little puhut of a laugh, the sound of a scheme forming.
'There are ways around everything.'
Isaac sprang to his feet and darted off like an arrow. His destination: the spot where Rillai was preparing to enter the Imperial Palace.
"Unnnnccle!!"
Rillai froze in astonishment at the sight of his nephew — who never, ever did this — charging over and flinging himself into his arms.
"Isaac! What on earth is the matter! Who made you cry!"
Good, good. Love the dramatic reaction.
Isaac cackled to himself, kuk kuk kuk, deep inside.
True, he couldn't actually produce tears, so it was crying-adjacent at best — but who cared about details.
'The Blue Pentagon is, at the end of the day, run by Eshua direct descendants.'
Then he simply had to deploy his corrupt-privilege chance, tactfully and in moderation.
If no one else in this world, Rillai was his absolute, unshakeable... yes-man. Did they honestly think he'd slog through that bullshit assignment?
And sure enough. Isaac put on a magnificently sullen face.
"Uncle. It seems I may have to leave home after all."
Startled, Rillai crouched down to eye level and gripped Isaac by the shoulders.
"...What?! What are you saying — explain, carefully. You, leave home! Don't tell me Brother Goel said something to you again?"
Perfect! That expression! He's hooked!
"I think Grandfather hates me."
"...What?! What nonsense — Grandfather, I mean, the Head of House — why on earth would he hate our Isaac!"
"The thing is..."
By the time he'd heard the whole story, Rillai was seething.
"Honestly — a child is allowed to make mistakes!"
Yes! Nailed it!
"Should I just go back home as I am, then? I'll never become a senior priest like you, will I, Uncle?"
Isaac's eyes sparkled up at him, wide and guileless as a child's.
"Unnnccle."
Wanna die?
Shut it. One step back for a hundred steps forward.
And yet, at his nephew's pleading request, the eyes of that uncle — a hopeless, unrecoverable fool for his nephew — were already wavering.