What Did You Just Say? (1)
Back in his Kim Isaac days.
Office worker Kim Isaac had once looked at his boss's dog and felt a stab of envy.
“Oh, Poppi! Did you make a poo-poo right here? Aigoo, good boy! Good boy!”
Ah, I'm jealous.
So dogs get praised for taking a dump, huh.
It's not something I should be jealous of, and yet — jealous. Jealous.
Yeah. That's right.
That definitely happened.
And yet.
“Aigoo! Isaac! You did a poo-poo! Well done, well done!”
“Our little one is so good at pooping too!”
“…….”
Son of a—
What is this.
“How can our Isaac be so remarkable? Even his poop is spectacular.”
So this is what it comes to. I finally become human, and I'm getting praised for this. Damn it all.
“That must feel refreshing, hm? Since you did such a good poop, let's have something delicious.”
They're even giving me a treat for shitting well.
Am I a damn puppy?
Clutching the Skeleton King's rattle in his tiny fist, Isaac's face betrayed nothing. Honestly, he couldn't decide whether he should laugh or scream.
[Puh-heh-heh-hekhekhek!]
So that's what my subordinate laughing looks like.
[Kkuak! Kkuhahek-hak! N-no, my apologies… kkuha-puha-gekhak!]
Stop laughing already. Before you expire.
Whisper was on the verge of actual tears, but the Eshua family could not have been more serious.
“Found it? Is it out?”
“No! Nothing's showing up at all…!”
The Eshua people, laboring away at their excavation, were plunging into despair. They had mobilized every tool imaginable, but instead of bone, all they kept pulling out was some bizarre toxic substance.
“What in the world has this child been eating out there?!”
“More than that, how is he even alive after swallowing this stuff?! What kind of body does he have?!”
Even amid the elders' screams of mingled horror and awe, Rillai pressed a hand to his forehead in anguish.
“The physician steeled himself and even prescribed medicine from the Faith of the Red, but nothing's coming out…”
“What?! It won't come out even with the drugs of those torture specialists?!”
Of course it won't come out, you blocksheads.
I have no idea what the Red Faith's medicine is supposed to be, but the bone's already fully digested!
“This is becoming dangerous. Nothing has happened so far, but this is the Skeleton King's body, after all. If mana were to leak from that bone into the child, there's no telling what it might do to him…!”
What it might do? It'd be top-grade nourishment, obviously!
Granted, I still have to absorb the mana I pull out — but either way, you're not getting it back, you hear me!
“Have you told Matriarch Melissa about this?”
At the elder's question, Rillai could only break out in a cold sweat.
“Not yet…”
The elders and senior retainers clutched their heads as they looked at Isaac.
“It's obvious what happens if that woman finds out about this!”
“Right — nobody breathes a word! We all die!”
As the grown men sagged in despair, Isaac grinned to himself.
Oh-ho. So even a hag like her softens up with infants once she becomes a grandmother, huh. Melissa actually dotes on little kids.
Well, as long as it keeps these lunatics away from me, it works out fine for me…
“She might really cut Isaac's belly open!”
Son of a— my death was included in that scenario?!
When he shot his uncle a resentful glare, Rillai had his hands clasped in prayer.
“It'll, it'll be fine. Even she wouldn't cut open a nursing baby's stomach.”
If it's fine, why are you praying?!
Wait. Hold on a second.
'Mother?!'
What the hell? No wonder Rillai looked like the Saintess — Melissa is his actual mother?
Isaac grabbed the back of his neck.
'Then that makes Melissa my real grandmother!'
No wonder my genes were so good.
Melissa was a genius who transcended common sense, and she seemed connected to the Divine Dragon somehow. If her blood was in him, this body was arguably the finest vessel on the continent.
“W-will she really not cut it open?”
“Yes… it'll, it'll be fine. Though she did cut open her own son's side once…”
Damn it! I'm going to die before the family headship even changes hands!
Rillai stroked Isaac's swollen cheeks as though drowning in regret.
“He never should have been sent to the Vault. To think my own greed caused an accident like this. The reason this child's face is all puffed up must be the Skeleton King's wicked miasma as well.”
No. He's just fat.
He's fat because absorbing mana put him in absurdly good nutritional condition, that's all.
Then it happened.
“If you have time to spout nonsense, go outside and do some work.”
“Brother!”
Goel had appeared in Isaac's room.
“What do you think you're doing, gathered in here even to the elders, pawing through filth? Are you unaware that every sanctum of House Eshua is paralyzed at this very moment?”
“Ah…”
“And Rillai. You're wanted by the Matriarch.”
“Pardon? Mother summons me?”
“A voice-letter arrived. She seems to have come nearby, and she says you haven't been answering her.”
Rillai covered his face. It was the face of a man watching the inevitable arrive at his door.
But the elders and senior retainers, hearing this, were greatly alarmed.
“Wait — the Matriarch is nearby?!”
“Yes. It appears the Head of House will be returning as well.”
“What?!”
This was no ordinary occurrence. The two absolute pillars leading House Eshua never returned to the family estate during their respective designated pilgrimage periods — not under any circumstances. And now both were coming back?
Why?
“It seems both of them are coming to see Isaac.”
Good heavens.
They're coming back — all because of one baby boy born in House Eshua?!
Don't tell me it's because of what I did in the Vault?
No — if that's the reason, it's an even bigger problem!
“…This whole family really might get their stomachs cut open!”
As the adults turned white and scrambled for purgatives, Goel caught them.
“The Kingdom has sent an envoy thanks to Isaac's exploits, so go receive them. I'll handle the excavation.”
“……”
Rillai and the elders regarded Goel with unconcealed distrust. Everyone knew the children of a second wife never looked kindly on the Saintess's bloodline of the legitimate line.
“What's the matter? I'm an Eshua too. I won't lay a hand on Isaac.”
…Really?
Isaac eyed him suspiciously and lifted his rattle, but Goel drove out Rillai and the elders anyway. Then he gave his attendant an order.
“Whatever it costs, whatever it takes — spare nothing for Isaac's sake.”
At those words, his attendant's face twisted in sheer incomprehension. Lavishing kindness on the little nuisance, of all people?
“Lord Goel! Do you truly not grasp what it means for the Head of House to return now?! If we're careless, Isaac could be stripped of every authority he holds!”
At that, Goel threw back his head and roared with laughter.
“Young master?”
“Ah, forgive me. It's fine. It's all fine now. All we need to do is cherish Isaac. We'll buy him plenty of nice things, too.”
“…I beg your pardon?”
Now not just the escort but Isaac himself went wide-eyed. Had the Doljabi results actually turned Goel's heart toward him?
“Isaac is going to die soon, you see.”
“What?!”
The escort was shocked; Isaac picked his nose.
Yeah, figures. This total garbage vessel of a body.
“That's what the physician said. That Isaac even being alive right now is a miracle. He'll die of poisoning from the Skeleton King's mana, apparently.”
Poisoning, my ass — I'm just overflowing with nutrients. Is this guy a quack or what?
“It's the same with the Saint's seat, for that matter. Isaac won big this time, but do you think the other candidates will simply accept defeat? They'll come for him. They'll try to beat him.”
“Well, they are all still young and low in tier. Once they're ordained as proper priests, the picture could change entirely.”
“Exactly. And above all, their father will never acknowledge the existence of a Saint in the first place.”
“!”
There was a reason Goel had whisked Shuri off to the Papal Court the instant his Stigmata appeared. That man would never, ever acknowledge a Saint's existence.
And it didn't stop there.
“To become Pope, one must first qualify as a Cardinal.”
Meaning the Saint — supposedly the next Pope — would naturally have to rise to the highest rank of the priesthood.
But what kind of position was the Cardinal's seat, exactly?
'The Cardinal seat is the headship of each family.'
“Do the other direct heirs look like pushovers to you?”
Even now, the other direct lines were eyeing the succession, biding their moment. Sure, there was the Vault incident — but who cared about that anymore!
“He's a child who'll die soon because of the Skeleton King's remains! A poor, tragic little thing, so be good to him until the very end. Oh, and I've already ordered Isaac's tonics.”
When Goel stroked Isaac's head as though he were precious, Isaac snorted.
Oh, you little rat. You're about to kick your own blanket off.
Isaac chuckled, kek-kek. The truth was, Isaac had been waiting for the Head of House all along.
For the Transcendental Tier.
'The Pope's grandson will probably grow into a monster capable of rewriting history.'
The other Saint candidates were nothing to sneer at either. If they were this strong at their age, they'd grow into absolute terrors down the line.
Of course, he himself was cut from an entirely different cloth than those brats.
'Reach the Transcendental Tier, and the Pope comes free — I'll be the strongest being in this world.'
The problem was the method.
Reaching the Transcendental Tier required a Holy Spirit.
Holy Spirits were spirits of the divine faction — entities absolutely indispensable for Transcendental Tier training. The problem was that they weren't something you could simply acquire because you wanted one.
Just as he was considering giving up on the idea and settling for a compromise, the grannies digging through his poop had said something very interesting.
“If it's the Head of House, surely he could help Isaac.”
“Yes, that's it! The Head's Holy Spirit! Wouldn't it be able to purify the Skeleton King's mana?!”
Yes! He's basically the head of the divine faction, so of course he has a Holy Spirit!
A magnificent slave to raise this body to the Transcendental Tier!
Naturally, if only the Head can wield it, he won't hand it over easily — but so what?
'Become the heir of this family, and I can get my hands on it.'
Well, the snag was that he'd need the Head's recognition — and the Vault feat alone might fall a bit short.
'That's Doljabi-level stuff, after all.'
Isn't there something truly decisive out there?
“Good heavens. What is all this?”
“This can't be right?”
The Eshua people were doubting their own eyes. The grounds in front of the estate were packed to bursting with servants dispatched from every noble house, along with tribute offerings.
“You're telling me all of this arrived at House Eshua in Isaac's name?”
“Has anything like this come in the last decade…?”
The knights and priests of House Eshua gaped at the sheer, unprecedented volume of tribute. Of course, there were also personal letters and gifts from countless nobles, but—
“The Papal House sent tribute?!”
“Impossible!”
Yes. The reason for their astonishment was nothing other than this: the Papal House had sent gifts. Mountains of silk, rare leathers, even raw ores. Isaac, held in a grown-up's arms, had gone just as wide-eyed as everyone else.
The contents of the tribute were staggering enough, but above all—
'One treasure chest, two, three… ten… Son of a—, ten?!'
I never even saw this much gold and first-rate goods back when I was the Demon King!
And it's pure gold, not counterfeit coin, on top of that!
The former Demon King, infamous forger of counterfeit currency, reeled from the shock.
Meanwhile, the errand-runner who appeared to have come from the Papal House smiled pleasantly.
“House Verith sends its apologies for the great trouble caused to Isaac in the Vault, and begs that you accept these. If anything falls short, they say you need only ask, and more will come.”
“!!”
The Eshua people stared at Isaac as though stunned. Isaac — of all people — had shaken down the Papal House for treasure! This was enormous. It meant the Papal House's spirit had been broken for the first time. Even Goel was secretly reeling.
But Isaac himself merely twitched an eyebrow at the staggering quantity of gold.
You bastards.
Flaunting your money at me now, are you?
A Demon King has his pride. You think I'd take this pocket change from the Papal House?! I wouldn't spare it a glance!
“Um… Sir Isaac is drooling all over himself.”
“Aack! My lord!”
The attendants hurriedly wiped Isaac's mouth. Isaac scrubbed at his lips and glared.
Yes, the sight of that unprecedented mountain of gold had briefly short-circuited his brain — but it had come from the Papal House.
Can't use it.
Bowing to that sort of thing would mean I have no pride at all.
[Precisely, my lord! Those bastards — what do they take the Demon King's pride for?!]
[So let's launder it first, THEN spend it!!]
[…….]
Questionable vocabulary for a Saint to produce, one might think — but Rillai, knowing nothing of it, was overjoyed.
“Aren't these fruits from the forests of the Kingdom of Julius!”
“Yes. The prince we kept in the Vault says he owes Isaac a great debt, and sent them over.”
“But aren't these the rare goods said to raise one's affinity with divine beasts? Things money can't buy.”
“They are! And what's more, if you eat too many, they give you diarrhea! Give them to Isaac! Feed him a hundred or so!”
Are you insane, you lunatic?!
At that quantity, ANY food gives you diarrhea!
Goel too looked at Rillai with disgust.
“You… are you truly intent on turning the Eshua estate into a latrine?”
“This is different! It's a sacred fruit — it purges every impurity from the body! They say it feels like your very innards are being pulled out!”
Damn it — past that point it's just poison, isn't it?!
This uncle is straight-up trying to kill his nephew!
“Elder!”
“Yes — feed it to him quickly, before the Matriarch and the Head of House arrive! The Skeleton King's remains might come out with it!”
Ugh, seriously, I'm running away from this house!
But just then, the errand-runner from the Papal House said there was something even better, and held out a small box.
“They said this is to be given to Sir Isaac. That it would be of great help to him.”
At those words, the Eshua people seemed thrown into even deeper shock.
“Cardinal Verith would never hand anything over to House Eshua…”
But when the errand-runner drew the object from the box, everyone went pale with astonishment.
“Impossible. Those people — with this?”