Chapter 142
Chapter 142
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 142
Chapter Title: The Lucky One IV
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Shin Noah
6
I've mentioned several times already that I'm the entrenched local boss of the Japanese archipelago, highly respected by the Magical Girl Council.
That was partly because I, the Undertaker, often helped out the magical girls.
But in East Asia, human-to-human relationships don't flow so transactionally.
True "交流" on this land only happens once you've transcended the constraints of time—that is, overcome the human limitation of only perceiving the "present."
Blood ties. Regional ties.
Who you are in the present is secondary.
Far more important is how long "we" have built up our bond since the past, and how far that has pushed the temporal limits of the human species.
The Japanese people have deeply internalized this truth in their bones.
Even if lovable characters burst out of rom-com stories vying for charm, the childhood friend who secured "regional ties" with the protagonist before the main story even starts ultimately wins—a fact that reveals the wisdom of the Japanese.
How could we not emulate them?
The moment I arrived on the archipelago to obtain the Hated Pill, I sought out my oldest connections.
"Ahh, Jang-san! Long time no see! How have you been?"
"Yeah. You too?"
"Yes, sir! Dokseo-chan, long time no see too!"
"Oh. Yeah. Sis. Hisashiburi."
As expected.
Upon meeting me, she didn't use the commonplace nickname "Undertaker" like everyone else but unleashed her exclusive "personal moniker," flaunting to those around us that our bond was no ordinary thing.
This, too, was a time-honored Japanese grammar, much like the childhood friend trope.
The other magical girls around us fell utterly silent in the face of the solemnity with which she toyed with my epithet "Undertaker" into "Jang-san."
"Uehara, you look way more lively than when you were in Busan. Nothing beats home, huh?"
"Hehe. Yes! Welcome to Fukuoka, Jang-san!"
Uehara Shino.
In my mind, her nickname was MacGuffin. Among Koreans, her epithet was Alchemist.
Those with good memories have probably already recalled.
Yes. Uehara Shino was one of the "399 losers" forcibly summoned to the Busan Station Tutorial Dungeon. To O Dok-seo or me, she was practically an original member.
In modern parlance, we shared the same "empty karma."
"I've really imposed on you back in Busan. This time, let me guide you all!"
The girl who was always cowed in Busan Station was now leading a group of apprentice magical girls under her wing in her homeland.
Originally, up through the early rounds, Uehara Shino stayed solely on the Korean Peninsula.
Getting a ship back to Japan was no easy feat, and local conditions were harsh.
After learning that on the archipelago, the term "awakener" was forbidden in favor of strictly "magical girl," Uehara Shino tearfully chose political asylum.
Even in the 90th round when I ran the convenience store, Uehara was still on the peninsula. And she even scribbled this on a bill:
[Thank you sincerely. But no matter how I think about it, the store name and clerk t-shirts are weird. Store manager, are you with the Red Army Faction? From Uehara Shino.]
But by around the 590th round, circumstances had improved in many ways.
The biggest turning point was, of course, the Inunaki Tunnel.
Once that thing vanished—the one that severed traffic between regions and regressed the Japanese archipelago to the 60-plus feudal kuni of old—the magical girls could finally breathe easy.
With some leeway now, the Magical Girl Council turned its eyes to high-level talent leaked overseas.
Uehara Shino—'that Undertaker's' acquaintance, from the 'same empty karma,' and with 'outstanding abilities'—was naturally a top recruitment target.
-But magical girl is a bit...
-Ah, I'll promote you fast instead!
The position offered to the alchemist was head of the apothecary.
A rank granting priority claim on all "herbs" produced or discovered across the Japanese archipelago.
Her old friend, who had returned home and secured her spot, smiled bashfully at me.
"How can I assist you, Jang-san?"
I declare: In various creations, protagonists who personally dash around hunting items are third-rate as regressors.
True first-rate makes their network deliver the desired item on a platter.
Uehara didn't just personally scour for the "Hated Pill"—she also lodged a strong cooperation request with the council.
With the implication that rejection might send her back under the Undertaker's wing.
"Nya! If it's Undertaker's request, I'll pitch in too, nya!"
[Time to repay the debts we owe. Leave it to us.]
Man-yeop-myo and Heo-su Sword joined in. Both were top-ten powerhouses in the Magical Girl Council.
"Here it is, Jang-san!"
In the end, not even a month after landing in Japan, the "Hated Pill" was presented before my eyes.
Behold. This was the greatness of connections.
I truly can't fathom why some novels have protagonists play lone wolf. Why not build ties with allies when it's this convenient? Weird protagonists.
I'll have to help them later as much as they've helped me now—but isn't that what friendship is?
"No, Uncle, you were like that up to the 6th round too."
"Tch. You judging someone based on their green youth?"
"That green youth was older than me. Uncle..."
O Dok-seo grumbled as she stared down at the item on the table.
"So this is the Hated Pill."
"Mm."
The Hated Pill was a bright red pill.
Made by the Demonic Cult? The red was blood-deep. It looked ominous enough that any mishap after swallowing it would pass as natural death.
But to me, with the Luck Total Amount System's Judgment Day ticking ever closer, it was the world's greatest elixir!
"What're you gonna do? Eat it right now? Honestly, I'm kinda curious what happens if you take it. I really like hate-watching."
"No. Elixirs aren't something you gulp down recklessly or you'll be in big trouble. To properly brew the pill's power, you need the proper procedures and methods."
"Uh... Does the Hated Pill have procedures like that?"
It did.
More precisely, I was about to create them now.
7
From that day, I cut off all "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" talk.
No matter how much Three Kingdoms bait circulated on SG Net, I didn't chime in. Not a peep from my mouth.
This shocking change stunned those around me first.
"T-Teacher didn't bring up Three Kingdoms even once today?"
Cheon Yo-hwa.
"Bro! Are you okay?! I scraped up every last bit of leftover silence here!"
Seo-gyu.
[Are you truly alright?]
[This is an emergency.]
[Undertaker. Could the signs of corruption finally be appearing for you too?]
Saintess.
"G-Guild master... is broken... How, no healing works... I'm powerless..."
Sim A-ryeon.
"Your Excellency. Truth be told, I've never much liked Three Kingdoms since way back. Same for Rise of the Chu-Han Contention and Water Margin. Isn't it all overly dated content?"
Yoo Sai Psycho One-Path.
"Oppa, lately I've started liking Liu Bei. So it's okay to chat Three Kingdoms with me."
Lee Ha-yul, you wicked Liu Bei stan.
"Undertaker, sorry. I haven't paid you enough attention lately, have I? Eating something tasty will cheer you up a bit."
Dang Seo-rin.
And.
"......"
No Do-ha.
While all other comrades fretted over me (God knows what they thought I was this whole time.), only No Do-ha eyed me suspiciously.
"You..."
"Yes?"
"Confess honestly. What bullshit scheme are you cooking up now...?"
Classic workaholic paranoid. Unnecessarily sharp.
"You're the weird one. Who was nagging me to quit the Three Kingdoms bait every day?"
"Because lately your eyes have this creepy sleazy glint, that's why I'm worried..."
"Tch. Spare the slander, Corps Leader."
"......"
To brew the Hated Pill to peak potency, simply rooting out Three Kingdoms bait wasn't enough.
I went all-in: blatantly, brazenly, helping my comrades left and right.
"Yo-hwa. One of the Baekhwa Girls' High students was hiding a pistol. Looked dangerous, so I confiscated it."
"Eek? Really? Hwaa. Thank you, Teacher! We'd have been in trouble without you!"
"It was close, Saintess. Even if you can stop time, you're helpless against dangers that strike before you perceive them."
"Ah... Yes. Right. Thank you for saving me, Undertaker."
"Dang Seo-rin. I know you burn lifespan to cast grand magic. And I don't want you dying even a little sooner than me."
"...Undertaker. You."
"Sword Marquis, senior. Shall we tour Hua Mountain?"
"Oho! As expected, only Undertaker understands this seat's heart!"
"No Do-ha Workshop Master. Must be tough working alone? I'll assist as your aide sometimes."
"Fuck, you're definitely plotting something, you bastard."
One year since cutting Three Kingdoms bait and plastering my face with thick brass to flirt everywhere.
As expected.
That aberration descended.
"Teacher! I can't imagine a world without you anymore!"
"Undertaker. Thinking about it, Inunaki Tunnel's great for security as a hideout, but the surroundings aren't ideal, right? How about moving to my train?"
"Bro! Changed the free board name to Three Kingdoms Board! Thinking of the graces you've bestowed makes me too embarrassed to boast, but please accept even a sliver of my gratitude."
I clenched my fist inwardly.
'It's here!'
Yes.
The "Savior Aberration" reappeared.
Just as fish multiply when river water clears, the moment "Undertaker doesn't prattle Three Kingdoms" was met, the Savior Aberration swiftly returned.
"Hey, you, fucking, bastard."
No Do-ha throttled my neck.
"You said you exterminated that thing. Huh? Said you knew exactly how. So why the fuck did you deliberately let it show up again, you shit? ...? Wanna die? Has getting strangled by me really become your new hobby?"
"Facts: I've died strangled by Corps Leader only three times. And with Protective Aura around my neck now, even a Corps Leader with pathetically low aura mastery can't kill me."
"Three times? Fuck, wasn't it once? The second was how...? No, that's not important now. Pull out that damn Three Kingdoms bait right—"
"Tch. Mind your manners when asking."
"No, seriously. This fucking—"
Bang bang bang!
Savior zombies pounded No Do-ha's private bunker door ferociously. Since I described this scene before, I'll skip details.
Of course, things had changed since then.
Like O Dok-seo peeking from inside the bunker, or the Sword Marquis's heavy inner force knock among the pounding.
But setting aside such minor differences, a crucial gap remained.
"No Do-ha Corps Leader."
Step.
I stepped forward.
"Remember what I said before?"
"What? That working with you sucks dick...?"
"No. That when the backlash from wishing on the Monkey's Paw hits me hard, you'd love VIP seats, so reserve now."
"Hah...?"
"You've waited long."
Boom! The iron door buckled.
Savior zombies breached the final barricade, swarming in.
-Teacher... -Undertaker. -Bro! -Great One! -Guild master... -Oppa. -Undertaker.
And right on cue.
I drew the red pill from my bosom.
My hands formed seals passed down from my Naruto days.
In this aberration-ruled apocalyptic end-times, formal elegance must be upheld.
"Watch closely, No Do-ha Corps Leader. I'm about to get a bit—rough."
"......"
"Chant Forward: 'Savior'. Chant Reverse: 'Hated Pill'."
"......"
"Breath: 'Favorability Inversion'."
Crunch.
I chewed and swallowed the red elixir.
"Uncle!"
O Dok-seo shouted from behind.
The voice of hardcore otaku O Dok-seo trembled with inexpressible emotion.
In human terms: 'I'm the one who got that guy into it—me!'
"Uncle, you're... losing to a parasitic aberration like the Luck Total Amount System rice-waster?"
I smiled.
O Dok-seo. This kid knew how crucial form was to slaying aberrations.
"Win."
Regressor, victory declaration!
Amid the frenzy of ecstasy, only No Do-ha muttered coldly and softly.
"You absolute fucking bastard..."