Glorified Hoof
Following Tsarkhella's abrupt frenzy, we took a moment to let tempers cool.
"......"
"......"
"Haaah... haaah..."
Beneath the blanket of heavy silence, the only sound vibrating against my eardrums was Tsarkhella's ragged breathing, coming in short, excited pants like a cornered beast. Weller had buried her face in both hands, lost in utter despair, while I kept a wary eye on Tsarkhella, dragging deeply on my rolled cigarette.
"...So," I broke the silence, exhaling a plume of smoke and watching the haze drift toward the ceiling before speaking in a low, measured voice. "You're really refusing to give up on this marriage to the bitter end? Is that it, Tsarkhella?"
"...That's right."
At least she seemed capable of feeling some shame. Her face flushed crimson, yet she stubbornly nodded without backing down an inch. I honestly didn't know whether to call it pigheaded obstinacy or unshakeable conviction.
"Phew... Frankly, I can't wrap my head around how you barbarian warriors think."
"I haven't the slightest desire to be understood. I just do whatever I want."
"Figures. You uncivilized savage."
I muttered a quiet curse and glared at her, but she merely tipped her chin up with a proud grin.
"Good grief..."
Now that the dust had settled, I took the opportunity to inspect her thoroughly from head to toe. First, her face... It was the spitting image of Vivian's. Or rather, in this case, it was probably more accurate to say Vivian took after Tsarkhella.
She had large, bright eyes that shone with innocence, framed by features that looked soft and gentle at first glance, yet harbored a core of unmistakable grit. That didn't mean she looked childlike, though. While their facial structures were practically identical, Tsarkhella's features were distinctly mature, like catching a glimpse of Vivian several years down the line.
"......"
Looking at that face dragged up old memories. Back in the game, players who didn't know the deep lore used to constantly post on the community boards asking about the connection between Tsarkhella and Vivian. Those threads reeked of fresh newbie innocence, practically acting as litmus tests for first-timers, and it was always hilarious watching the veteran players dogpile the comments to roast them.
"...Kang Han-gil?"
"Ah, it's nothing."
Regardless, while her facial features mirrored Vivian's so closely, her physique was on an entirely different level. She was noticeably taller than Vivian with fantastic proportions, and her sturdy lower body radiated raw athletic vitality. Even without any skin care routines to speak of, her smooth, apricot-toned skin held a healthy, natural sheen.
A speed-type, slender, beautiful martial artist. That single phrase summed up her style to perfection.
"...Hey. What the hell are you doing?"
"Hm?"
Weller squinted at me with murderous intensity, cutting in with an icy demand. That woman's intuition was always unnervingly sharp.
"Nothing much. Just measuring whether it's doable or undoable."
"Y-You crazy bastard...! You wouldn't dare...!"
"Don't jump to conclusions. It's not what you think. And for the record, it's firmly in the undoable category."
No matter how attractive she was, looking so identical to Vivian made it impossible to see her as a woman. I could treat her like a younger sister, sure, but crossing beyond that boundary was entirely off the table.
"Why is it undoable?! You just called me a beautiful girl!" Tsarkhella raised her voice in furious indignation, but I merely offered an indifferent shrug.
"I mean, you look way too much like Vivian... I can dote on you as family, but anything beyond that is a bit..."
"Then you can just take Vivian as well! While you're at it, take both the older and younger sister as your wives!"
"Are you completely out of your goddamn mind?"
When I fired back in sheer dumbfounded disbelief, she huffed and puffed, wearing an expression of pure, unadulterated grievance.
"Think about how I feel getting rejected over an excuse like that! I'm completely serious here! But you won't even look into your own heart, you're just judging everything by appearances!"
"Your appearance is the whole problem, damn it... Sigh. Look, if you really can't give up on marriage, how about a compromise?"
"A compromise?"
"Yeah. We push the wedding back a bit. Specifically, until after we wipe out that tribe backed by the demons."
"...No way. You're just planning to run away."
She hit the nail right on the head. Naturally, running away was my exact plan, but I kept my poker face intact and hardened my gaze.
"If neither of us gives an inch, all that's left is war. Is that really what you want?"
"......"
For a long, agonizing moment, she wrestled with inner turmoil, her face contorting with distress. Finally, as if having no other choice, she gave a grudging nod.
"Whewww... Fine. I don't have much of a choice. I'll take a step back here. I don't want to wager the fate of my entire tribe on something pointless, either."
"......"
Wager the fate of her tribe? Did she seriously consider mobilizing her entire people just to jump my bones?
It was downright absurd. The chieftain who concocted such a scheme and the tribesmen who would blindly obey her orders were all cut from the same ridiculous cloth.
"In exchange, once everything is settled, you absolutely have to marry me. Understood?"
"...Isn't that a massive death flag? A really potent one, at that."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Never mind... Nothing. Fine, I get it. I'll do it. Happy now?"
"......"
At my easy capitulation, Tsarkhella narrowed her eyes, studying me with deep suspicion.
"Really?"
"Really."
It was a blatant lie, of course. The second this problem was resolved, I planned on bolting without looking back once.
"...Good. That's enough for now."
"Haaah..."
"Phew..."
Deep sighs of relief spilled simultaneously from both my lips and Weller's. And so, having managed to carve out a compromise, we brought the crisis to a close... or rather, put it on indefinite hold.
Once the wedding was postponed, the remaining matters progressed at lightning speed. War preparations wrapped up in a single day, after which we boarded our carriage and set off immediately. The troublesome tribe burdening Tsarkhella's mind went by a rather grand-sounding moniker: the Glorified Hoof.
"Glorified Hoof... Did they have some kind of illustrious ancestor or something?"
Tsarkhella answered my casual curiosity.
"Who knows? The members of that tribe would probably claim so, but I doubt anyone actually knows the truth anymore. Even their chieftain."
"I see... By the way, aren't you going to get off me now? My legs are going numb."
"No."
Snapping her refusal with complete finality, she blatantly wiggled her hips against my thighs.
"Haah..."
Sighing at the distinct sensation pressing into my lap, I knocked back another gulp of liquor and glanced discreetly around the carriage interior.
"Ugh..."
"......"
"Mmh..."
The carriage was steeped in a dark, suffocating tension, the primary sources being Vivian and Lira. Weller was there as well, though her melancholy was of a somewhat different flavor. Without going into unnecessary detail, let's just say she had spent the last hour dry-heaving every time she glanced at Tsarkhella clinging shamelessly to my lap.
"......"
Vivian, on the other hand, displayed vivid signs of anxiety, fidgeting restlessly in her seat. The occasional bewildered glance she cast my way made it painfully obvious that her mind remained an unsettled mess.
"Phew..."
It left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I had no intention of interfering. Whatever decision she ultimately came to, I would respect her choice.
"Vivian, it's all right. Everything will be fine."
"Little one, stop staring at those beasts. It will only agitate your thoughts further."
"Ponder it more deeply, and let your doubts run their course. Only then will you stand firmly behind your decision, and minimize any future regrets."
"Lady Vivian~ Would you like a snack? Sweet treats always help brighten the mood~"
Cecilia, Weller, Nemeth, and Lampon Pashtra were all crowded around Vivian, doing their utmost to care for her, which granted me a small measure of relief.
"......"
"......"
"......"
Lira's corner, by contrast, projected a far harsher hostility. Having evidently reached the conclusion that I was utterly untrustworthy, she kept her hand clenched tightly around her sword hilt, watching me like a wounded predator that refused to drop its guard.
I couldn't fathom why she looked so personally betrayed, but regardless, her attitude forced Muriel, Rebecca, Cacciola, Wendy, and Latipi to remain equally vigilant, maintaining a razor-thin standoff inside the vehicle.
"...The mood in here is terrible."
"You're telling me."
Nodding absentmindedly at Tsarkhella's observation, I tugged her waist closer to settle into a more comfortable sitting posture.
"Ah, ah...?!"
Tucked snugly into my embrace, her face instantly flushed bright red and her entire body locked up rigid as a board.
"...What are you getting so embarrassed about? It's creepy."
"H-Huh? Ugh...! I-I just didn't expect you to be so proactive, that's all...! Have you fallen for my charms already...?"
"No, the way you were sitting was just awkward... For someone who was chanting 'sex, sex' at the top of her lungs earlier, isn't your mental defense ridiculously weak?"
"Guh... O-Of course it is...! I'm a virgin, you know...!"
"Good for you."
Chuckling softly, I reached up and ruffled her hair. It hadn't really been my intention, but with her face resembling Vivian's so closely, my hand had moved on pure reflex.
"D-Don't treat me like a child...! Look at me properly, as a woman...!"
She shot me a venomous pout, yet made no move to swat my hand away.
"Seriously, this is just bizarre..."
"What did you say?!"
Skillfully ignoring her murderous glare, I took another sip of alcohol. By carriage, the journey to the Glorified Hoof Tribe was expected to take a little over a full day.
"Hyah! Hyah!"
"That carriage is unbelievable! We can barely keep up!"
"Did they say it was drawn by a golem horse? Man, I'd kill to have one of those!"
Looking out the carriage window, I saw hundreds of warriors from the Claw of Kubel Tribe riding hard on horseback, straining to match our pace.
"A war, huh..."
I doubted there would even be room for them to join the fray, but since unpredictable variables were always a risk, having extra hands around wasn't a bad thing. The real issue was that I had no idea how long this agonizingly awkward carriage ride would drag on.
"Haaah..."
With nothing better to do, I simply kept tipping liquor down my throat to kill the time.
Evidently, Tsarkhella had decided to change her strategy. She clung to me relentlessly, trying her hardest to flaunt her feminine allure and seduce me, but the problem was that through my eyes, the whole display looked like nothing more than a child acting cute. She would squeeze me tight, nudge my hip with hers, and bat her eyelashes in an agonizing attempt to appear sultry, yet the only reaction it produced was an amused realization of how adorable she was being.
"Husband. Are these truly those famous elven pastries?"
Perched on my lap, she stared with sparkling eyes at the sweets in front of her. I let out an amused snort.
"Yeah. Never tried them before?"
"Not once! Elves are rarely ever seen! And even if we do cross paths, all we do is fight!"
Crunch!
"Mmmh...?!"
Biting into the pastry in one eager snap, her eyes instantly went round as saucers.
"W-What is this fragrance...?! Incredible! This transcends the very definition of a pastry!"
"Right, right. Eat as much as you like."
Watching her chew with her cheeks stuffed full like a hamster, I reached out to pat her head. She shot me a sullen glare, then abruptly thrust the pastry toward my lips.
"Hm?"
"It feels wrong to eat it all by myself, so you have some too, Husband!"
"Oh, sharing are we? Thanks."
When I smiled and accepted the offered bite, her cheeks dusted with pink, and she broke into a beaming grin, swinging her legs back and forth in pure delight.
"......"
Every single gesture she made was that of a pampered kid. How on earth was I supposed to see her as a romantic prospect? It was a crying shame for her, but the chances of me actually marrying this girl were practically zero.
"...Hm?"
Suddenly sensing a peculiar gaze, I turned around just in time to see Vivian whip her head in the opposite direction.
"...?"
As I kept watching her in confusion, Vivian cautiously began to peek back toward me, only to startle violently upon realizing I was still staring right at her. What's gotten into her now?
While I tilted my head and chewed on the sweet, Weller's face slid into the corner of my vision, dark as a thundercloud. Looking like a vengeful demon freshly crawled from the underworld, she deliberately mouthed silent words in a terrifying warning:
'I. Will. Fucking. Kill. You.'
"......"
Her expression had been sour ever since I was forced to play along with Tsarkhella's clumsy seduction attempts, but now her glare was sharp enough to literally end a man's life. Meekly averting my eyes, I found myself unconsciously patting Tsarkhella's head again while letting out a quiet sigh.
The following day.
We finally arrived at the territory of the Glorified Hoof Tribe. Out on the flat, coverless wasteland, aided by the razor-sharp vision of barbarian scouts, our reception party had already formed long before we drew near.
"Groooaaar..."
"Grrrk..."
"Skreeeech! Skreech!"
"...Well, that settles it beyond any doubt."
I nodded faintly, watching the horde of shambling undead lurch slowly toward our path. Low-level cannon fodder though they were, there was no mistaking the handiwork. The demons were definitely pulling the strings here.