Massive Tits (2)
The Sealed Laboratory of Elder Lich Hegellina Krenkel was, taken as a whole, a thoroughly unremarkable chain quest.
What did that mean? It meant it was dull and tedious to the extreme.
Naturally so. What could possibly be entertaining about wandering around shoveling dirt and running mundane errands? If the reward hadn't been unlocking a high-level dungeon alongside boosting the favorability of a heroine tailored with pinpoint accuracy to cater to a very specific kink, nobody would have touched it with a ten-foot pole out of sheer disgust.
On top of all that, dropping an extra-large dose of pure, suffocating frustration right at the tail end of the quest made it only natural for all that pent-up fury to erupt. The inevitable result had been the official game forums going up in roaring flames.
Ah, what nostalgic memories. I, too, was once a rabid wild stallion galloping frantically across that burning field...
At any rate, while the root of all evil was ultimately the greedy village chief of this nameless backwater settlement, Lampon Pashtra was quite a piece of work herself. No, in some respects, she was even worse. She possessed the uncanny ability to make male players erupt with righteous fury up top while driving them to tears of agony down below.
A dizzying rollercoaster where white-hot rage intersected with pure dopamine—that was both Lampon Pashtra's identity and her entire character appeal.
"Th-That staff! It's my family heirloom! Give it back!"
Lampon Pashtra possessed the exact kind of personality that any man was doomed to despise. She was an absolute moron who possessed incredible power yet let herself be used and exploited at every single turn.
In the first place, the only reason this remote village had survived free from the threats of bandits and monsters was entirely thanks to her efforts—a self-taught Aura User gifted with rare, specialized skills. An upright soul striving relentlessly to uphold her personal convictions and sense of justice while wiping out every threat to the village all on her own... or so the lore description claimed, but dissecting it piece by piece was enough to make your blood boil from sheer aggravation.
Naive to a fault and utterly incapable of suspecting others, she had racked up a staggering debt to the village despite slaughtering countless bandits and monsters on their behalf. Even when forced into grueling, murderous labor under the pretext of paying down that debt, she never let out a single word of complaint.
Worse still, when the lecherous chief schemed to claim her body and stripped away her possessions and family heirloom, she did nothing more than stamp her feet in anger, lacking even the basic intellect to realize just how wrong the whole situation was. Well, at least she wasn't quite stupid enough to actually surrender her virgin flesh to that old geezer, keeping her from falling completely into the abyss, but even that was more than enough to drive players up the wall with irritation.
What was more, escorting her through the dungeon was the grand finale of the chain quest, so players naturally felt an even deeper sense of fury and rage... or rather, they didn't.
Miraculously, they didn't.
Bounce, jiggle! Swell, jiggle!
"......"
Amazingly enough, despite possessing an intellect and temperament practically engineered to provoke raw player fury, the character named Lampon Pashtra was decisively, undeniably beloved.
To make one thing clear beforehand, her face wasn't breathtakingly gorgeous or anything. I mean, she was reasonably pretty, of course, but she lagged far behind the main heroines and prime heroine candidates. If anything, she was on the plainer, slightly understated side—dangling precariously right on the cut line for elimination from the harem race.
"Hey! Can't you hear me?! I was planning to buy that heirloom back with the money I saved! Put it down this instant!"
Sway, bounce! Jiggle, bounce, bounce!
"...Holy shit."
An exclamation slipped out of my mouth completely unbidden, my gaze hopelessly held hostage by that violent, kinetic spectacle. Seriously, how could tits be that ridiculously huge? Even her pelvis was as wide as the Pacific Ocean, and her ass was as round and ripe as a harvest moon.
I'd known about it beforehand, but seeing game illustrations versus witnessing the real deal right before my eyes was the difference between heaven and earth.
Exactly.
The sole reason players never turned their backs on the gullible, airheaded, trusting-to-a-fault Lampon Pashtra—who was so pointlessly kind that she existed solely to be taken advantage of—was entirely because of that.
She possessed an insanely gargantuan rack and an enormous ass. To make matters worse, her waist was as thin as an ant's, throwing the sheer mass of those twin behemoths above and below into devastating relief.
...If she had been a male character, he would've been mocked mercilessly, drawn and quartered, and had his severed head hoisted upon the pikes of gaming forums everywhere. Yet somehow, that sheer mountain of flesh served as an absolute, unconditional indulgence. No matter how much a man's primal wiring was built that way... it was hard not to feel a mixture of existential sorrow and sheer absurdity at the reality of it all.
"Hey! Say something!"
"......"
Well, not that I was in any position to judge.
"Lampon Pashtra."
"H-Huh? Yes? How do you know my name? Did somebody tell you?"
"I have my ways."
With completely ordinary brown hair and brown eyes, her face really did look like that of an unassuming country girl. In that regard, she was somewhat similar to Lira... but damn it, lower your gaze just an inch and your mind went completely blank. It was almost embarrassing.
"...Anyway. You. Want. This. Back. Don't. You."
"Of course I do... But why are you stammering like that? Are you sick or something?"
"Feels like my brain and my eyeballs are staging an open mutiny against my willpower, yeah."
How should I put this?
It felt a little embarrassing to admit, but my pride was honestly taking a hit here. Even when stunning, mesmerizing beauties like Muriel, Wendy, and Cacciola stripped naked right in front of me, I didn't think I'd ever lost my composure to this degree. Yet here I was, shaken to my very core by nothing more than crude, overwhelming mass.
It felt as though I was being forced to confront the latent primal masculinity, savagery, and raw lust lurking deep within my psyche. It was almost humiliating.
"Whew... Regardless. If you want this back, follow me."
"...Follow you? Why on earth should I?"
"Ah, for the record, you don't have veto power."
In the game, the system would've forced me along for the ride, making me watch every single agonizing, frustrating, stroke-inducing beat of her ordeal. But now that this was reality, there was zero reason to subject myself to that bullshit.
When I smirked slyly and blatantly raked my gaze up and down her frame, her expression turned harsh.
"Do you want my body too? Just like every other filthy man?"
"Strictly speaking, you might not be entirely wrong."
"Kugh...! You think I'll go down that easily?!"
Drawing a sword from her hip, she flared her aura in a dazzling display of defiance.
...To be completely honest, her chest and hips were so massive that I hadn't even noticed she was wearing a sword. Wow. The more I looked, the more jaw-dropping it got. I really didn't want to make a fuss, but the sheer absurdity of it forced a reaction out of me anyway.
Seriously, just how big were they?
"...Muriel. Subdue her."
"Understood."
Crack!
"Kah... ack...?!"
Well, appreciation was appreciation, and business was business.
Folded into a crisp right angle by a flying knee straight to the solar plexus, Lampon Pashtra passed out cold on the spot. As her limp form collapsed, Muriel hoisted her over one shoulder.
"E-Excuse me...?! What on earth are you doing? Why are you taking her with us?"
Arpe, who had been watching my antics with an anxious grimace, finally couldn't hold back any longer and stepped forward.
"Huh? Hmm... Because her tits are massive?"
"Sir Aljen?!"
"Haha. Sorry, I'm only half-joking."
"Does that mean the other half is completely serious?!"
"It might not be an absolute necessity, but it's something I want to do. So cut me some slack, will you?"
"How can I cut you slack when you haven't explained a single thing?!"
"I'll explain later."
"Ah! Wait! Sir Aljen!"
Waving dismissively at her frantic calls, I strolled back toward the carriage. Scattered along the pathway were the village youths, sprawled out haphazardly after catching a fist each and getting knocked out cold.
"I'm taking Lampon Pashtra with me. If anyone's got a problem with that, swallow it down. Unless you want to die... Actually, hold on."
I fixed a steady stare on the village chief.
Should I just kill this bastard? Leaving him alive would only let him continue exerting a toxic influence and bleeding the villagers dry...
"H-Hiiik...?! P-Please spare me! Greed blinded my senses, that was all...! If you only spare my life, I'll do anything!"
Fast on the uptake, this little rat.
"Oho, really? Anything, you say..."
A splendid idea occurred to me. Wearing a wicked grin, I cast my eyes around the crowd.
"Ah, there you are. Hans. Get over here."
"M-Me, my lord?"
The man I pointed out was a solidly built, handsome middle-aged fellow whose dignified air looked completely out of place in a dirtwater hamlet like this. According to the game's setting, he was an upright, incorruptible man whose sterling reputation earned him the goodwill of every villager.
"Starting today, you're the new chief of this village."
"...Pardon my presumption, my lord, but do you possess the authority to make such an appointment?"
"I do. Muriel."
When I held out my hand, Muriel placed the ducal seal firmly into my palm.
"Recognize this now?"
"...My apologies. My education is lacking and my perspective is narrow..."
"It's the seal of the ducal house."
"A duke...?! C-Could it be? That Stanasila...?!"
"The very same. I am none other than the third son of House Stanasila. Stanasila Aljen."
"Aljen, you said...?!"
At the revelation of my name, Hans froze in sheer disbelief, and the surrounding villagers burst into frantic whispers.
"Is he talking about that prophet?"
"No, from what I heard, he's an avatar! Chosen by the Goddess herself!"
"The one who slew a High Demon...?!"
"Never mind that, a member of the ducal house...!"
Looks like my rumors have spread even to an isolated backwater like this. Well, this technically still fell within the ducal territory, so I suppose it wasn't completely out of the question. Given how colossal the territory was, there were plenty of fringe villages beyond the ducal house's direct reach.
"In short, being of direct ducal blood, appointing a measly village chief is entirely within my prerogative."
"Pfft, listen to him talk..."
I heard Weller let out a quiet snort from behind, but I studiously ignored her.
"So, Hans. As of today, you are the chief of this village."
"Uh, th-that... I shall obey your command...?"
Wearing a dazed, overwhelmed expression, he awkwardly dropped to one knee.
"Furthermore, the former chief's entire estate is hereby confiscated for the crime of insulting nobility. By all rights, I ought to sever your head and mount it on a spike, but I shall grant you special mercy."
"N-No! Lord Aljen! Anything but that! I have a wife and children! If all my wealth is confiscated...!"
"Then would you rather die? Personally, that's far tidier and suits my tastes much better."
"......"
Watching him shut his mouth like a mute who swallowed honey, the corners of my lips curled up.
"No need to worry so much. Every coin of your seized assets will be used as communal village funds. If the villagers have any compassion in their hearts, I'm sure they'll look after you. Wouldn't you say?"
"Th-That is..."
Looking down at him as cold sweat poured down his face, I raised my voice to full volume for all to hear.
"You see, I am a generous man! Therefore, for the matters of you forcibly defiling married women of this village—such as Udeline, Nissen, Lovell, and Genevie—driving the maiden Liv to suicide after raping her, embezzling village funds, and falsely framing John and Cleo before having them banished, I shall graciously refrain from pressing charges!"
"Gah... ack...?!"
Gasping for air, the former chief's face turned deathly pale.
"...What? What did his lordship just say?"
"Forcibly took whom? Defiled?!"
"Darling! Is that true?!"
"I-It was...! He blackmailed me...!"
"The chief was the reason Liv suddenly took her own life...?!"
"Embezzlement...?!"
"Wait! John and Cleo were framed?! Lord Aljen! Is that really true?!"
"I declare what I have just spoken to be absolute truth upon the name of the continent's strongest warrior and current patriarch of House Stanasila, Stanasila Urtega."
"...!!"
The moment I invoked Urtega's name, the villagers' faces instantly twisted with murderous, savage fury.
Oho, the power of a name really is something else. Is this why nobles are so obsessed with reputation and prestige?
"U-Ugh... Who on earth are you..."
"Hm? Weren't you knocked out?"
Just then, my eyes met Lampon Pashtra's as she stirred back to consciousness.
Currently draped limp over Muriel's shoulder, her chest was so absurdly enormous that it hung all the way down to Muriel's rear. Even in that posture, the sheer bounce, elasticity, and firmness prevented them from losing their perfect shape—a marvel I could confirm with my very own eyes... Honestly, the more I looked, the more awe-inspiring it became.
"Let's get moving."
As I climbed into the carriage, the rest of the party boarded behind me. Looking out through the window as the carriage began to roll forward a moment later, I saw the former chief completely surrounded by villagers, enduring a terrifying inquisition.
Oof. Judging by the mood out there, that old bastard won't be living very long.
"Reaping what one sows, poetic justice... As long as I'm not on the receiving end, it really is quite refreshing."
Savoring the sensation of all my stress washing away, I took a long swig of liquor. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but the alcohol tasted distinctly sweeter.