Massive Assets
The Great Forest—the sacred territory of the World Tree and homeland of the elves—lay far to the east of the Divine Realm continent, beyond the squirming ridges of the Wyrm Mountains.
Strictly speaking, cutting straight across the mountains would have been the shortest and fastest route, but taking that path was suicidal. More importantly, it offered zero opportunity to farm the rare gear and relics we desperately needed to prepare for our upcoming clashes against high demons. So, instead of a direct trek, we charted a wide detour that would bring us into the Great Forest from the north.
Even with the detour, our progress was astonishingly fast. The golem horses never tired, thundering along all day at speeds no ordinary stallion could hope to match. Furthermore, the interior of our magic carriage was absurdly spacious, fully outfitted with plush furniture, a private washroom, and an onboard galley. The suspension magic neutralized nearly all sway and jolting, eliminating the brutal fatigue that usually accompanied long journeys. There was simply no need to stop and make camp.
"My turn! Rolling the dice!"
Having grown bored of watching the scenery roll past the windows, the younger girls had roped Wendy into a board game. I lounged across my seat, sipping cold liquor while lazily watching their game unfold, while the rest of the women drifted into rotating clusters of cheerful chatter. Well, with the exception of Cacciola, who was glued to my side with her arms wrapped tightly around mine, and Muriel and Nemeth, who were sharing the coachman's bench outside.
It would have been wonderful if golem horses possessed enough independent thought to navigate by themselves, but the current state of golem engineering hadn't reached that level of autonomy yet. A driver still needed to hold the reins to guide their heading and make split-second calls regarding road hazards.
"Hey. You mentioned that where we're heading right now is an undiscovered dungeon, didn't you? What kind of place is it?" Weller asked, leaning back from where she had also been watching the girls roll dice.
For Weller to strike up a conversation with me of her own accord, she had to be bored out of her mind.
"Oh, I'm quite curious about that as well," Lira piped up, perking up from a nearby seat. "May we listen?"
It seemed she found the topic irresistible. Lira and Rebecca drifted over, their eyes gleaming with interest.
"Hmm... Even if you ask what kind of place it is... it's just a normal dungeon," I replied casually. "A high-level dungeon with a bunch of monsters and some nasty traps."
"...High-level? Does that mean it's dangerous?"
"Pretty damn dangerous, yeah."
"You... haah. No, forget it." Weller shook her head with a weary sigh, her face the very picture of resignation. "So, what kind of monsters are inside?"
"Chimera Imps, Chimera Ogres, Chimera Giant Spiders, Chimera Werebeasts... stuff like that. And the boss waiting at the end is an Elder Lich."
"...What?"
Not only Weller, but Lira and Rebecca froze as well, staring at me in sheer disbelief.
"Hold on. Chimeras? Wait, before that—an Elder Lich?"
"Yep. In life, that Elder Lich was a dark magician, and that dungeon was his secret research laboratory."
"......"
Weller's mouth opened and closed like a landed fish, clearly at a loss as to which part of my statement she should dissect first. Finally, she pressed two fingers to her temples and groaned.
"No, wait... a dungeon like that actually exists? How has nobody found it until now? For that matter, why has an Elder Lich stayed docile in there all this time?"
"Because it's sealed right now."
"Sealed? An Elder Lich? The entire dungeon? Just who could possibly pull off something like that?"
"A church cardinal and a Platinum-rank adventurer, roughly seven hundred years ago. The Elder Lich had an innate immortality trait, so they couldn't destroy him permanently. Sealing him away was their only option."
"Wait... seven hundred years? Isn't that the Mythic Era? The chaotic age when countless deities contested the world alongside Tu-moa, the current Goddess of the Church?"
"Right on the money. The cardinal I mentioned wasn't a follower of Tu-moa, either. He worshipped a different divinity—a Beast God named Kubel. And for the record, the adventurer was a barbarian warrior."
"...What's the Elder Lich's name?"
"Hegellina Krenkel."
"Never heard of him."
"Of course you haven't. Back then, the world was in such turmoil that you practically tripped over Liches every few leagues."
"......"
While Weller sat struck dumb by the sheer absurdity of the revelation, Lira leaned in, her brown eyes sparkling with martial fervor.
"Lord Alzen! What kind of dark magic does this Lich wield? How powerful is he?"
"Hmm... Mostly curses that ravage the flesh directly. Flesh-eating poisons, biological decay, and dark force magic. In terms of modern circles, he'd be equivalent to roughly a 2nd Class magician."
"2nd Class...?! That's the realm of a Grand Magician! Can we truly defeat a Lich of that caliber?!"
"Obviously. Did you forget who's riding in this carriage? We have three Sword Masters in our vanguard."
I pointed lazily toward Muriel outside, Rebecca beside us, and Nazareth Nemeth resting nearby. Lira swallowed, her expression turning solemn and reverent.
"...It only just struck me, but I might very well be taking part in an expedition destined to go down in the history books."
"Heh. Maybe you are."
When I gave a noncommittal shrug, Lira's cheeks flushed crimson, and she clenched her fists tightly.
"Then, unlike the Lich we fought before, this one will put up a proper fight, won't it? A fierce, desperate, glorious battle!"
"Most likely."
"My second Lich... Ah, my hands are itching with anticipation. I feel like drawing my blade and cutting loose this very second!"
"Good grief, knights really are all the same... Just hold your horses. You'll get plenty of chances to run wild."
"Understood!"
Following her energetic salute, she barraged me with another dozen questions about the dungeon. I passed the time by casually tossing out answers while continuing to nurse my drink.
After rattling relentlessly toward the northeast to bypass the rugged terrain of the Wyrm Mountains, the carriage finally rolled into a small settlement.
Perched along the bank of a sluggish river in the middle of the open Wasteland, the village bore every hallmark of a destitute backwater. Low, ramshackle fences enclosed crude wooden shacks, and every inhabitant wore threadbare rags caked with dust.
"Wh-what is that...? Are they peddlers...?"
"Are you blind? What traveling merchant rides around in a carriage like that?"
"Could they be nobles?"
"Why would nobles ever come out to a godforsaken ditch like this? It's far more likely they're adventurers."
"Adventurers in a gilded carriage? That makes even less sense!"
"What if they're dangerous bandits?"
"Hurry, go get the village chief!"
To an isolated, xenophobic frontier hamlet, the sudden arrival of an opulent carriage was a source of sheer terror. The villagers flocked together, whispering among themselves while eyeing us with palpable hostility and dread.
Amusingly, mixed in among the ragged crowd were the livestock communally raised by the settlement. Mongrels, scrawny chickens, rabbits, geese... and though few in number, several pigs, oxen, and horses poked their snouts out from a communal barn to inspect the commotion.
...Along with a dairy cow.
"...Wait, what?"
Holy hell. That wasn't a dairy cow—it was a woman.
Very few people in this world possessed breasts of such staggering, cartoonish proportions. Ten to one, that ridiculous bust belonged to a prominent heroine candidate from the original game.
Trusting my instincts, I channeled mana into my vision to get a clearer look at the owner of those colossal assets.
"...I knew it."
I had expected her to be here, but seeing those physics-defying curves in the flesh was something else entirely.
"Lord Alzen. How shall we proceed?" Muriel asked, turning back from the coachman's seat with a placid expression.
"Head over there."
I pointed straight toward a narrow dirt path that could barely pass for a village road.
"Understood."
Muriel snapped the reins, and the golem horses pivoted with crisp, mechanical precision.
"Whoa!"
"Look at those horses! Their movements are unnatural!"
Panicked cries rippled through the gathering crowd, drawing a faint smirk from me.
"Right here. Stop."
"Yes, my lord."
Despite the rutted dirt path, the carriage glided forward effortlessly before halting before a relatively sturdy wooden house. Without waiting, I kicked the door open and stepped out into the dust.
"Gasp?!"
"Whoa..."
"Heavens above..."
Naturally, the rest of the party filed out behind me. The moment the villagers caught sight of the breathtaking women in my retinue, jaws dropped across the square—young and old, men and women alike.
"Sh-she's gorgeous..."
"Are they even human...?"
Being ogled like exotic creatures in a royal menagerie clearly irritated Weller and the others, while the younger girls shrank back in unease. But the rustic locals were far too spellbound to pick up on their discomfort, continuing to gawk with wide, unblinking eyes.
"W-Welcome! I am the chief of this humble village! To what do we owe the honor of your visit...?"
An old man came scurrying out of the house, his posture slouched into a servile, obsequious bow.
"Nothing major," I said smoothly. "I just dropped by to collect the family heirloom stashed in your house."
"An heirloom...?"
A flicker of confusion crossed his weathered face, but before he could even process my words, raw avarice flashed in his shifty eyes.
"Ahem! Hrmph... Well, certainly, such a treasure exists in my home. However, to hand over our precious heirloom for free would be a rather difficult proposition..."
"...Unbelievable."
I couldn't help but marvel at the man's sheer audacity. He had no idea what item I was even referring to, yet driven by pure, impulsive greed, he immediately threw down an extortion bid. Truly remarkable shamelessness.
Yes, the village chief in the original game was precisely this breed of scum.
I had skipped every prerequisite and come straight to the source, but in the original story, this village was the final destination at the end of a grueling quest chain. Wrenching the key artifact to unlock the dungeon from this old bastard was practically the ultimate objective of the entire arc.
The problem was that this chief was a petty, vile, thoroughly detestable parasite. Ignorant of what the protagonist even wanted, he would refuse to hand it over without endless compensation, forcing the player to run grueling village errands, hunt down absurdly rare monster materials under the guise of 'tests of character,' and finally shake them down for massive sums of gold and jewelry.
And after all that blood, sweat, and coin, the bastard would simply tell the player, "Well, feel free to rummage through my house and see if we have anything like that."
To top it off, the item in question wasn't even his; he had stolen it from another villager. He was a walking cure for low blood pressure, single-handedly inducing fatal aneurysms in every player who encountered him. In the game community, he was the primary reason players constantly begged the developers for an update that would let them murder friendly NPCs.
Fwwwh...
I took a long drag from my cigarette, mulling over my options as the smoke drifted into the crisp air. Part of me genuinely wanted to teach this decrepit leech the terror of the wider world... but there was no need to spill blood over something so trivial.
"Muriel."
"Yes, my lord."
I merely held out an open palm, but having long since mastered reading my mind, she reached into her Subspace Pouch and produced a weighty coin purse.
"Here. This should cover it, shouldn't it?"
"...!"
I casually tossed two heavy gold coins into his withered hands. The chief's eyes widened like saucers, and he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing with undisguised greed.
"W-Well... now that I think on it, this might be a bit too meager... don't you think?"
"Ha."
Look at this brazen bastard. Greedy to the marrow of his bones.
Fwwww...
I took another deep pull of tobacco to keep my temper from snapping, then dropped two more gold coins onto the palm of his trembling hand.
"Is this enough?"
"Ahem! I'm afraid this still falls short of our family treasure's true worth."
Because I had humored him twice, the fool genuinely believed he held the upper hand. The smug presumption plastered across his wrinkled face was sickening.
"Then how much is enough? Your life?"
"Why, of course...! Wait, what?"
Flushed red with giddy excitement as he prepared to milk me dry, the old man froze. The reality of my words belatedly registered, and his jaw dropped in sheer terror.
"Hey. Do I look like a pushover to you?"
"Uh, er...?"
"Take your scraps and get lost before I decide to bury you."
"Guh!"
I shoved him aside by the shoulder, sending him staggering, and stepped through the front door of his home.
"Wh-What insolence! What do you think you're doing?! V-Village militia! Where are you?! Stop this bandit at once!"
Militia, my ass. A backwater hovel this small didn't have an organized watch. He was just slapping a grand title on the local farm boys and using them as unpaid laborers.
"Y-Yes, Chief!"
"You bastards! You think you can barge into our village and push people around?!"
"Hold it right there!"
Even so, the young men dutifully rushed forward with crude pitchforks and clubs, completely oblivious to the fact that they were being exploited as disposable meat shields.
"Muriel, Rebecca, Cacciola. Keep them back."
"Yes."
"Understood!"
Muriel and Rebecca drew their weapons in unison, letting their sharp, suffocating aura flood the threshold. The farm boys turned paper-white, collapsing to their knees or freezing like stone statues where they stood.
"...Cacciola. Did you go deaf?"
"......"
Cacciola hadn't budged an inch. Instead, she tightened her grip around my arm, pressing herself against my side as if she had no intention of ever letting go.
"...Someone needs to stay by your side to protect you, don't they?"
"Ha. You've got an excuse for everything, don't you?"
What was I going to do with this girl? Shaking my head in defeat, I strode unhindered through the house and out toward the inner courtyard.
Sure enough, the item I sought was right there.
Draped in wet shirts, trousers, and bedsheets.
"Greedy bastard didn't even know what it was, using an ancient relic as a goddamn clothesline."
Tsking under my breath, I ripped the damp laundry away and grabbed the rod. Blunt on one end and tapering to a fine, sharp point on the other, the artifact looked like nothing more than a crude, elongated wooden club at first glance. In reality, it was a specialized barbarian staff designed to resonate with and locate the ancient Sealing Stones.
"You caused all this ruckus just for a piece of wood?" Cacciola asked, blinking up at me.
I nodded.
"Hmph. Well, whatever it is... let's get out of here before things get annoying."
"We should... but hold on. There's still one more thing I need to take care of."
"What's that?"
"A kidnapping."
"...Huh?"
Just as Cacciola looked up at me with an utterly bewildered expression, a frantic, high-pitched shout rang out from the front yard.
"W-Wait! That staff belongs to my family! That's my household's heirloom!"
Listening to that breathless, desperate voice, a wide grin spread across my lips.
Right on cue. Here comes the heavy artillery.
The thought of tearing through a quest that had caused me endless headaches in my past life sent a pleasant shiver down my spine.