Pleasure Without Responsibility
Between Muriel's desperate, devoted persuasion and the sheer reality of my circumstances, a shift had undeniably taken root in my mind.
I didn't know how things worked back in my past life, but in the realm of Origin World, the flesh was the vessel of the soul, and the soul was the identity of the flesh. It was an immutable law and absolute truth, as certain as water flowing downhill or the sun rising in the east. In other words, even if my body had been swapped, the sovereign subject governing this vessel was still none other than Kang Han-gil. Everything I saw, heard, and felt stemmed entirely from my own will and choices; without even realizing it, I had already been enjoying a life of my own.
No matter how despairing it felt, no matter how many times I denied it, reality refused to budge. There was no choice left but to accept it. Besides, even if it were only a half-baked claim, being able to assert entitlement and ownership naturally stirred up affection, obsession, and a scrap of drive.
"......"
Still, wasn't this basically telling me to indulge in pleasure without responsibility? Even if the subject of this life was me, the physical fact that my flesh belonged to Stanasila Alzen hadn't changed. In the end, all that remained for me were emotional and sensory impressions—things like the pleasure and happiness derived from seeing, hearing, and touching.
Does that mean I should live solely to harvest pleasure and happiness...?
Prioritizing nothing but indulgence and euphoria sounded like the textbook definition of a delinquent's life. Exactly like the Stanasila Alzen who had inhabited this body before me.
"Haaah..."
The more I chewed on the thought, the more my head ached. While I wouldn't draw hard lines or push away the people around me like before, I still needed to mull over how exactly I ought to live. And frankly, it wasn't as if anything had drastically transformed overnight. Pain didn't magically stop hurting just because your mindset shifted. I still felt cheated, boiling over with resentment, shuddering at the utter absurdity of it all. So I would keep on drinking, keep puffing on hand-rolled cigarettes, and lose myself in my usual listless apathy while mocking my own miserable plight. There was no reason to hide those inner feelings now or force myself to act any differently, nor did I have the slightest desire to.
"Phew..."
Exhaling a long stream of smoke, I glanced at the profile of Muriel, who sat beside me pouring my liquor. Where on earth had that wildly passionate woman from earlier vanished to? She wore her usual deadpan, businesslike expression and posture, yet just as my mindset had evolved, she too had changed—becoming considerably more blatant and brazen.
"Lord Kang Han-gil. Shall I pour you another cup?"
Her hands slid over me smoothly.
"...Muriel."
"Yes. Speak freely."
"Stop fondling me. You're going to rub my skin raw."
I tried to brush away the hands stroking my stomach and thighs, but without batting an eye, she exerted quiet force to resist, pressing herself even closer against me. The velvety texture of her skin against my shoulder and flank, her radiant warmth, and that dizzying scent of hers... To be entirely honest, with my guard down, it was an agonizing temptation to resist.
Any child fathered by this body would technically be Stanasila Alzen's offspring. But if the feelings and ecstasy harvested along the way belonged entirely to me—and if that narrow slice was the only thing my constrained existence was allowed—was there really any need to hold back?
"I shall take great care not to wear you down."
"......"
Then again, I had zero intention of carrying on like a dog in heat. It wasn't as if I were actually Stanasila Alzen. Above all, Muriel knew full well how breathtakingly gorgeous she was, acting as though I had no choice but to succumb. Truth be told, it rankled me a little. Giving in to temptation would be easy enough, but doing so felt like dancing right into the palm of her hand, which rubbed me the wrong way.
"...Muriel." I narrowed my eyes into a squint, glaring at her, but she didn't bat a lash. "You know, this counts as sexual harassment. Where in the world do you find a maid who sexually harasses her master?"
"I imagine you would find quite a few if you searched. It seems rather common, actually."
"That's not the point... Good grief."
"I am merely supporting and assisting you so that Lord Kang Han-gil may live a life that is entirely your own. So that you may experience and feel far more. Therefore, please, direct all of your desires toward me."
"...Kang is my family name, and Han-gil is my given name. Just call me Han-gil."
"Heheh. Understood."
Her soft, blooming smile made my heart skip a beat, but I forced the fluttering down with deliberate irritation.
"Are you really fine with that, though? Treated like that, you're just letting yourself be used to satisfy my urges."
"I am content with it. So long as Lord Han-gil does not abandon me."
"You really are quite twisted yourself, aren't you? Well, I suppose that comes with the territory of being a Shadow Knight."
"Lord Han-gil. That sounds terribly prejudiced."
"Looking at you, it doesn't feel like prejudice at all. Haah..."
Letting out a weary sigh, I tipped the liquor down my throat and vigorously chewed the snack Muriel tactfully held out to me.
"Still, even if I've finally decided to live my own life, jumping straight into a steamy roll in the sheets feels a bit off, don't you think? I haven't even sorted out a proper direction for myself yet."
"Is there any reason to overcomplicate it? You fancy me, Lord Han-gil, and I am certainly not averse to you. It would be most natural to simply follow your desires."
"...Did I ever say a single word about fancying you?"
"Some things are understood without words. While playing hard to get and keeping me on edge isn't bad... if you keep turning me away like this, my feelings might get hurt, you know?"
Her eye curved alluringly as her fingers traced a sultry line across my chest. Yet the depths of her gaze burned with a thick, simmering heat.
"If my hurt feelings cause me to lose my senses and pounce on you, Lord Han-gil... that would be terribly inconvenient for you, wouldn't it?"
"Look at you. Now you're resorting to open threats. You really are something else."
All I could do was sigh. Pushing the conversation any further seemed like a guaranteed recipe for getting tackled onto the bed, so I decided to smoothly steer the topic elsewhere.
"Setting that aside, Muriel... do you think anyone besides you has figured out my identity?"
Her eyes narrowed slightly at the abrupt change of subject, but recognizing the gravity of the question, she nodded with a serious look.
"Yes."
"Is that so? Figures... Then Weller is a given."
"Most likely."
"Berga is a bit ambiguous... Vivian probably has no clue. It wouldn't really matter if Urtega found out, but... Pitra is the real headache."
"...I cannot say for certain how the Duchess views the current 'Stanasila Alzen,' but she likely hasn't reached absolute conviction. Even if she suspected as much, her disposition would compel her to desperately deny it."
"What do you think would happen if something gave Pitra absolute proof?"
"......"
Muriel clamped her mouth shut. Her expression alone gave me the answer. Staring up at the ceiling, I took a heavy swig of my drink.
"Phew... Kidnapping, confinement, human experimentation, and torture as standard amenities, huh? She probably wouldn't stop until Stanasila Alzen came back. That sounds bloody terrifying."
"It might not necessarily come to that. She might end up accepting Lord Han-gil as you are, however slim the chances."
"...Should I go butter her up right now?"
"It will not work. In fact, doing so might be the very trigger that confirms her suspicions."
"Man... What a pain in the neck. What an absolute mess."
Dying didn't scare me, but I hated pain, so I desperately wanted to avoid torture or experiments if at all possible.
"I'd better prepare some countermeasures."
"Can a countermeasure even exist for such a scenario?"
"Not against her, against the torture. A procedure to numb my pain receptors, or an artifact for quick suicide—stuff like that must exist, right?"
"......"
I chuckled at the indescribable look she gave me.
"Haah... You truly never change in that regard. I suppose I have no choice but to protect you myself."
"I'm counting on you, Muriel."
"Yes. I shall guard you with my life." Glancing at the time, she rose to her feet. "It is nearly time, Lord Alzen. I shall bring in the visitors."
"...Go ahead."
It was a massive bother, but if I considered this part of living my own life, perhaps it wasn't the worst thing in the world.
...Or was it? No, it's definitely still a pain.
As usual, the vast majority of visitors were commoners, though a few nobles and high-ranking adventurers were sprinkled into the mix. Frankly speaking, dealing with commoners was infinitely easier than handling aristocrats and sellswords. Commoners merely sought solutions for everyday disputes and troubles, whereas the others came with transparent intentions, sniffing after the information I held.
"Haah..."
"You worked hard, Lord Han-gil."
By the time late afternoon rolled around and the stream of visitors finally ended, I collapsed in exhaustion. Muriel slunk over, slipping straight into my embrace. Her fingers immediately went to work kneading my backside.
It was a truly bizarre sensation.
"Give me some space."
"I refuse."
"......"
Being subjected to blatant harassment without the power to resist suddenly made me feel utterly pathetic. Was this how a butterfly caught in a spider's web felt? How on earth had my life come to this?
"...Ah, right. Muriel, go fetch Rebecca."
"Rebecca?" A sudden chill swept through her eyes, and the arms wrapped around me tightened noticeably.
"What's with that look? Are you jealous?"
"Yes."
"...Couldn't you at least pretend you aren't? Honesty is supposed to be a virtue, but you seem to exercise it in all the wrong places."
"Why are you calling for Rebecca?"
"Do I really need to explain that to you? If I tell you to bring her, just bring her. If you keep overstepping, I'll have to take measures of my own."
"...Understood."
Pouting ever so slightly, she straightened her attire and stepped out of the room, returning shortly with Rebecca in tow.
"Lord Alzen. Did you call for me?"
"Oho. Indeed. My loyal knight has finally arrived. I summoned you to commend your distinguished service."
"Ack."
The instant the words left my mouth, Rebecca's face scrunched up, and she took a hesitant step backward. Unfortunately for her, Muriel had already neatly cut off her escape route.
"W-Wait just a moment. What is this about?"
"Your devotion and loyalty shall serve as a shining beacon to all others. To leave such merit unrewarded would tarnish my honor as your lord. Hence, I have prepared a fitting recompense for you."
"You're teasing me, aren't you?! You're making fun of me because of what happened back then!"
Her past embarrassment rushing back, Rebecca flushed a violent crimson and clenched her fists tight.
"Come forward, my knight Rebecca, and pay your proper respects."
Grinning wickedly, I beckoned her with a flick of my finger. She trembled with mortification before finally trudging forward in defeat.
"I... don't recall doing anything deserving of a reward."
"Tut-tut. Didn't I tell you to pay proper respects? Are you refusing? You ought to drop to one knee and bow your head like you did back then. Didn't you claim you'd be my knight?"
"Kgh...! P-Please, stop it. I beg of you...!"
"Heheheh. Careful now, you look like you're about to punch me. Is that how you treat your lord?"
"I was wrong! I'm sorry for everything, so please just stop!"
Unable to endure the teasing any longer, she practically pleaded with me. I burst into laughter and signaled Muriel.
"Ahahaha... Man, that never gets old. I'll be sure to enjoy this regularly from now on, Rebecca."
"Urrgh...!"
"Muriel. Bring out the appraised relic."
"Right away."
Drawing a pair of matched blades from the Subspace Pouch, Muriel handed them to me.
"Here, Rebecca. Take them."
"...Pardon?"
When I extended the twin swords toward her, she accepted them with a dazed expression.
"Uh... what are these? Ah, is this a second commission? Delivering these somewhere?"
"No. They're yours."
"For me? Why?"
"To bolster our combat strength. And because I felt both sorry and grateful for all the grief you went through on my account."
"...!?"
Rebecca's jaw dropped in absolute disbelief. Granted, even to my own ears, that didn't sound like something I would normally say.
"Y-You really are Lord Alzen, right? Did something happen to you?"
"You could say something did, or you could say nothing did."
Her gaze darted toward Muriel, who returned the look with a provocative glint and a deeply meaningful smile.
"......"
After a brief, silent battle of stares, Rebecca let out a soft sigh and looked down at the twin blades resting in her hands.
"These are the relics retrieved from the Bottom of Rancor, aren't they? Accepting something like this without a proper justification feels a bit..."
Watching her gauge my reaction with cautious eyes, I sighed. From her perspective as an adventurer and mercenary, her hesitation was only natural. In their world, kindness without a price tag simply didn't exist.
"Just take them. Be prepared to be worked to the bone in return, though."
"...Mmm. Well, if you put it like that... it still feels a bit uncomfortable, but I will accept them."
Despite her guarded words, an uncontrollable smile was already spreading across her lips as she gazed at the weapons. To a swordsman, a sharper, more formidable blade was practically a second lifeline, so her delight was obvious.
"Phew, now that business is settled, it's time to rest. You can head out too, Rebecca."
"Ah, um... yes. Understood."
She lingered with a hint of reluctance before bowing her head to take her leave. Watching her finely sculpted back turn away, a thought I had temporarily forgotten popped back into my head.
"Come to think of it, Rebecca."
"Yes?"
"Do you still get aroused just looking at me?"
"...!!"
She didn't utter a word, but she didn't need to. Her flushed cheeks glowing with a sultry heat distinct from her earlier embarrassment, her deeply hooded eyes, the restless fidgeting of her posture... Her entire body was broadcasting the answer loud and clear.
"Thought so... Come over here."
"Y-Yes? Ah, yes!"
She hurried over without hesitation, drawing a smirk from me as I lightly caressed the nape of her neck.
"Nngh, aaahn...!?"
The instant my skin made contact, a breathy, melted whimper escaped her lips. Startled by her own voice, she slapped a hand over her mouth.
"Does it feel good?"
"H-Hah, y-yes...!"
She shivered and twitched, writhing with an amusingly exaggerated reaction every time my fingers stroked her skin. It was undeniably entertaining.
"You seem to enjoy my touch even more than the swords I gave you... Aren't you being a little too lewd, Rebecca?"
"Haah, nnnh...!"
"Look at you, practically dying of pleasure."
"Hiiih...! A-Ahhn...!?"
Part of me wanted to push things further, but with Muriel glaring ice daggers from the side, taking liberties wasn't entirely simple.
...Should I tell her to wait outside for a moment?
No, doing that might prompt her to commit who-knew-what out of jealousy, so restraint was the wiser choice here.
"Haaah, nggh, haaah...! L-Lord Alzen... Muriel is watching..."
Evidently, Muriel's piercing gaze bothered Rebecca as well.
"Let her watch. Isn't this kind of thing more familiar to you anyway? You said you endured all sorts of humiliating and shameless things inside that hallucination, didn't you?"
"T-That's... well, true, but... mmph?!"
As she managed an awkward smile while still melting into the sensation, I brushed my thumb across her lips. Almost on pure conditioned reflex, she parted her mouth, drew my thumb inside, and began lapping at it with her tongue.
"......"
Even I hadn't expected her to go quite that far, leaving me momentarily stunned.
"...Ah?! F-Forgive me!"
Realizing a beat too late what she had just done, she hurriedly spat my finger out, flustered apologies tumbling from her mouth.
"Why stop? Keep going."
"R-Really...?"
"Not if you don't want to."
"I-I'll do it...!"
Whatever had happened to her usual valiant, upright bearing was anyone's guess. With a flushed face and an outstretched neck, she parted her plump lips once more. I slowly moved my fingers back toward her mouth.
Knock, knock, knock!
Right then, a heavy knock echoed through the room like a bucket of freezing water.
"Who is it?"
"Lord Stanasila Alzen. I have arrived with a message from Lord Stanasila Urtega."
"From the old man?"
Tilting my head in confusion, I helped Rebecca back to her feet. She clicked her tongue with genuine, palpable disappointment.
...Seriously, how on earth did you end up like this, Rebecca?
Suppressing a sigh, I gestured toward the door, and Muriel pulled it open immediately. Waiting on the other side was an impeccably dressed butler whose name I didn't know.
"Lord Alzen. Lord Urtega has requested your presence to observe the knight order's training."
"What? Say that again. He wants me to do what?"
"Lord Urtega has requested that you observe the knight order's training."
"He wants me to observe training? Did he really say those exact words?"
"He did."
"......"
My brow furrowed deeply.
What in the world was that old man scheming now?