Clothes Are Better New, People Are Better Old (5)

Before bed, I was warning the Demon King all over again.

One thing worried me. When she took those girls to the bathroom, they might say something strange to the innocent Demon King while I wasn't around. She was sharp, but that was a different matter from how naive she was, how readily she trusted people. Most of the lies she believed from me were so absurd that anyone else would just snort at them.

"Alright. What did I tell you?"

"Uuuugh, this is already the fifth time."

"Just answer. This is important."

"Okay. When I go to the bathroom with them. First, I have to walk behind them. If I walk in front, they might ambush me. Second, I can't listen to anything they say. They're super, super mean. Third, I'm way prettier and way better than they are. That's right, isn't it?"

When did I ever say the third one.

"Good. Now I can sleep easy."

"Before that. You prepared the thing, right?"

The Demon King made a finger-gun with her index finger and did a cowboy impression.

"Of course."

"Heehee."

The paper doll I'd promised to pay the Demon King on account of my former party members, along with twenty-seven forehead flicks, had been postponed. I'd decided to repay the forehead flicks another way, and for the paper doll I pulled out the one I'd made in advance and hidden under the bed.

"Wow, an archaeopteryx. An archaeopteryx."

"...It's a peacock."

"...A peacock? What's that?"

"Well, a peacock is..."

I started to explain, then stopped. The next picture book I was about to put out was Zoo. Of course a peacock would be in it. Instead of telling her about peacocks, I read her Library, the one I'd written last time. The Demon King did the girl's lines, and I did the boy's.

"But are you okay today?"

"Huh? With what?"

"Last time when we read Peter Pan, you got really mad that you didn't sound like Captain Hook."

"Ah, it's fine. I'm reading it exactly the same now."

".....Hey. The guy in this book isn't me."

"...Yeah. I'm still gonna think whatever I want."

The Demon King cheerfully read her own dialogue. We laughed and went through the book over and over, until at some point we fell asleep.

The next day.

We hadn't slept until late into the dawn, so I didn't wake until the sun was high in the sky. When I got up, the Demon King was beside me, laying buffs on the Paper Crane.

...Those bitches are probably fine.

I couldn't stand the sight of their faces, but the Cabbage Patch belonged to me and the Demon King, so I went to check on it.

The door clunked and creaked open.

...What the hell was this.

"Have you lost your minds?"

The idiots had pulled up our precious cabbages one by one and were using them as pillows. On top of that, Dorothy had pulled up a whole extra head to hug while she slept. It was that habit of hers — she couldn't fall asleep without hugging something plush — a habit that had absolutely nothing in common with the way she actually behaved.

They really thought this was their own bedroom, didn't they?

"Hey. All of you, get up."

I yelled a few more times. Nobody moved. Fine. Time they learned what happens when you let your discipline slip and start dragging your feet.

"Roar of the Berserk Dragon. Let it rip."

"Okay."

I went out by myself and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠shut the door. Following the nuclear-attack protocol I'd learned in the military, I dropped to the ground on the far side and covered my ears.

A deeply satisfying rumble traveled through the floor. I stood up, opened the door, and went in to find all of them sitting primly with their eyes wide as saucers.

The four of them, who'd been cowering from the Demon King, looked at me with a hint of resentment. Fair enough. Until a few months ago I'd been a brat who was basically their slave, and now I was mouthing off. Dorothy, who'd had enough, narrowed her purple eyes and voiced her complaint.

"...Dongha. This really isn't okay. They were sleeping."

Did these girls not have a shred of conscience?

"Then what about when I was sleeping? Rebecca crushing me? Dorothy, you freezing my eyelids shut so I couldn't open my eyes? Nine trying to strip my clothes off? Yuria smearing seal ink on a sleeping person's hand to stamp a fingerprint?"

Nobody had an answer. They just sat there looking sour.

"Fine. Whatever. Water under the bridge. I don't want to think about that shit either. From now on, open your ears and listen. The Demon King said you could stay here, but that doesn't mean she's giving you a free room. Starting today, you're going to work until the barrier comes down."

The twenty-seven forehead flicks I'd agreed to take from the Demon King — I'd decided to pay those off with these girls' labor instead. Of course, I hadn't asked them for their consent.

"Wipe that look off your faces. Did we invite you here? You came charging in with swords, didn't you?"

"..."

"Not gonna answer?"

I made a V with my fingers and jammed them into Nine's still-sleepy eyes. Nine clutched both eyes and rolled around in the dirt. Dorothy, apparently remembering yesterday's pain, swallowed hard. Only then did a chorus of hearty replies ring out from all sides.

I turned the idiot girls' parrot-hands back into regular hands. I was a little worried, but the Demon King said it was fine — she'd stacked weakening curses and physical debilitation on them thick. On top of those curses, the swordswoman had no sword, the archer had no bow, and no mana was flowing through the mage. There shouldn't be any problems.

First, I put them on cleaning duty.

"Hey."

"H-huh? What? Dongha. I'm cleaning just like you told me. I put water on it and everything."

"You moron. I said put water on the rag. Who told you to put it on the broom?"

I'd known, but sure enough — these were girls who'd lived their whole lives on nothing but being strong, and their housework stats were abysmal. Be that as it may, among all of yesterday's invaders, these ones had smashed and dirtied things on a historic scale. Having the Demon King and me spend days cleaning it up ourselves would have violated every principle of fairness. Work them hard on the cleaning, then throw them back in the Cabbage Patch.

To Rebecca, whose intelligence was a hair's breadth from a pill bug's, I assigned the job of pulling out the arrows Yuria had shot into the floor. She yanked ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠them free one after another. Yuria had fired so many that the floor of the Demon King's Castle was riddled with holes.

"...Uuu. My carpet."

The Demon King touched the carpet, now a honeycomb of arrow holes, looking depressed.

"Let's check what they put in that wooden box yesterday later. There's probably something expensive in there. We'll buy a new carpet with that."

"...Okay."

I put Dorothy and Yuria on farm work.

"Ugh! The dirt keeps splattering!"

Dorothy was squawking like a pterodactyl. She was making a face like she'd swallowed something foul because dirt was splashing onto her fine silk robe while she hoed.

"Hey. Bring that over here."

"Oh my. Dongha? You're going to do it for me? Kyahaha. This is why I—"

"Do it with your hands now, you piece of shit."

"Excuse me?"

I snatched the hoe Dorothy had been barely holding by the tip of the handle, the way you'd hold a dirty rag.

"Even a hoe is too good for you. Hurry up. Want me to bury you in this field?"

"N-no! How is a person supposed to touch dirt with their hands?!"

This girl was going to drive me insane again. I grabbed fallen-noble Dorothy by the collar and made a V with my fingers. A mage with no mana was nothing more than a civilian woman.

"A-alright! I'll do it!"

Dorothy's face crumpled as she started digging in the dirt with her hands to pull out carrots.

"Dorothy. Can you not even do that one thing properly?"

"Shut up and pick the pumpkin shoots, you pointy-eared bitch."

"P-pointy-ears!!"

Yuria's eyes flew wide. It was a racial slur.

"You mad?"

"...I am not."

I worked the party members hard all day. Even a cat's paw was better than nothing — the cleaning had made decent progress. At this rate, we might finish today or tomorrow.

I set the cleaning and farming macros running and headed to the kitchen, where the Demon King was cooking.

What was all this.

"Hey, why is there so much?"

"Hm? Because there are more people."

"Hey. You don't need to look after them."

"Aah!? Why? Are they on a diet or something?"

"No... that's not it. What, you're feeding them because they're pretty? You said you hated them too."

"My, you're really mean. Even villains get hungry, you know. That won't do. My friend needs to be punished. That's two extra carrots for me."

The Demon King's heart was far too kind. We weren't even well-off, and she'd opened four extra cans of beans for their share. She ladled kimchi stew equally for everyone and mixed in the beans.

Food was food, but I had absolutely no desire to sit those girls at our table. The Demon King seemed to agree, and we settled on bringing the meal out to the Cabbage Patch. She had made three precious fried eggs — one for every two people — and given two of them to those girls, along with four bowls of kimchi stew.

The Cabbage Patch door clunked and creaked open. The four of them looked at us with exhausted faces, the look that said, what else are you going to dump on us.

"You mean girls. Eat up."

The Demon King set down the tray.

"...What is that food?"

"Mm, this is kimchi stew. And fried eggs. Hehe. We're all out of mayonnaise."

Not a single one of them came forward to the table. After this went on for a while, bewilderment crept onto the Demon King's face.

...These bastards. Don't tell me.

They weren't seriously being picky about the side dishes in this situation, were they?

".....Ah. Well, this kind of food doesn't really suit my palate..."

"Same here. How are we supposed to eat this...?"

"Ugh. The garlic smell is rather offensive. I would prefer if you took it away."

"There's really no mayonnaise?"

They had picky tastes, sure, but they hadn't eaten anything since yesterday. I never thought they'd pull this.

"...Uuugh. Okay."

The Demon King drooped, and weakly carried the tray back out the door.

Fuck this.

They'd never gone hungry, so they didn't know. They'd never had to save, so they didn't know.

I remembered how, a long time ago during the arm-wrestling, Blue the skeleton had scooped a spoonful of the canned beans he'd been carefully saving and held it out to me.

This was why you only showed kindness to people who deserved to receive it. All I'd done was hurt the Demon King's feelings for nothing.

"Hey."

The four of them looked at me.

"Just try asking me for food."

I spat a wad of phlegm befitting those highborn nobles and walked out.

I had the Demon King sew up a dinosaur plush for a bit. Normally I had to stay glued to her side, but I told her I had something to take care of and stepped out. I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠came back to the room to finish writing Zoo.

The pen scratched across the page. ...As many as I can...

The Demon King's animal encyclopedia was nonsense from cover to cover. A donkey in a kangaroo's pouch, or some such. She'd doodle on a face and then insist it was an Asian black bear, not a panda. She loved animals but didn't know them well, and I wanted to teach her. Even if we couldn't go to a zoo, I wanted to give her at least the feeling of walking through one together.

Fortunately, the pleasant daydream of going to the zoo with her unspooled without a hitch, and just like the last picture book, the words poured out.

It was a picture book about animals, so of course it had animal illustrations. With my limited skill, I drew the animals that appeared in the story as hard as I could.

The picture book was a huge success. She just didn't laugh. She cried.

"...Hic... Thank you... sniff."

The crybaby Demon King held the picture book in both hands as tears dripped down. It was proof this one was a success too, but watching her cry always left a sore little corner in my chest.

"Euhk... they're so cool... orcas... hic."

Sitting on the edge of the bed reading the picture book, the Demon King was so overwhelmed that her tears wouldn't stop.

"Euhk... sniff. Gorillas too... I love them so much. Thank you... thank you."

"...You okay? Blow your nose."

"Yeah... sniff. Snff!... I'll read this... this book... sniff, I'll read it for the rest of my life. Thank you so much."

...You don't have to go that far.

I'd given her a zoo she could walk into anytime, for free, for the rest of her life. Thinking of it that way, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I was glad I'd written it. Glad, too, that I'd stolen moments to draw the animals whenever she wasn't looking.

"Which one's your favorite?"

Probably the orcas that had made her cry, I figured.

"Sniff... this one."

The Demon King pointed at the back of the man in the picture book, holding a little girl's hand and guiding her through the zoo.

"...I meant the animals."

"...He's an animal too, though?"

If she was going to get biological about it, I didn't have a comeback.

"Sniff... heehee. Hey."

"...Yeah. What."

"..."

Me too.

Yeah. Me too.

Dawn.

"Demon Kiiiing! Bathroom!"

Rebecca's voice echoed down the dark hallway. Beside the sleeping Baek Dongha, the Demon King — who had already read Zoo sixteen times — closed the book and set it by the pillow. She climbed down from the bed and walked toward the Cabbage Patch.

Her footsteps padded softly down the corridor. When she arrived, mana flowed from her hand, and the mana bomb disarmed.

"You can come out now."

"Okay."

When Rebecca came out, the Demon King reset the bomb. While they were at the bathroom, the other three might sneak out and bully her friend.

They walked. Rebecca's heavier steps, the Demon King's lighter ones, one behind the other.

"Demon King. How old are you?"

The Demon King didn't answer. They kept walking.

"Demon King. Do we have to work tomorrow too?"

Silence. Their footsteps filled the hall.

"Demon King. Why aren't you answering?"

"I can't. Pinky. My friend said I'm not allowed to talk to you."

Rebecca went quiet. They walked on.

"Demon King. What's that around your neck? A bird?"